Fragments of your Soul (The Mirror Worlds Book 1)

  “You know,” Nod said eventually, “at the moment I would be completely satisfied to be able to stay here.” A fleeting smile played on his lips. “I wouldn’t mind being your and Loke’s servant.”

  “You’re my friend, not my servant,” Arvid said firmly. “Besides, that would imply that I keep living under a roof with Loke, and… I don’t think any of us want that.”

  Nod turned away from the mountains and looked at her. “Really?” he asked.

  Arvid looked back at him and felt her heart began to beat faster. “Well, I… I don’t know,” she admitted hesitantly, staring at her feet.

  “I understand. I really do. Nothing that has to do with Loke is simple.”

  For a while they were silent, then Nod suddenly asked, “Do you know the story about Loke’s second wife Sigvin?”

  Arvid shook her head.

  “There are a few old books, where you can read it,” Nod said. “They say she was a beautiful goddess, who loved Loke deeply. She accepted his torn nature and all his flaws. No matter what he was doing and how deep he fell, she always stayed at his side. Together they had two sons, Loke’s pride, and they lived in a castle and were very happy.”

  Arvid looked at him doubtfully. “That sounds… I don’t know…”

  “Too good to be true?” suggested Nod.

  “Yes, something like that.”

  “It’s nothing more than a lie,” Nod said with a sigh. “One of many tall tales that Loke has thought up. But hardly anyone knows why.”

  “How do you know?” said Arvid.

  “It’s one of the things Loke had entrusted my father with on one of their long evenings. I chanced to hear it, but… I have never forgotten it. Apparently… there was someone, this woman named Sigvin. She was very fond of Loke, but she didn’t know who he was. Loke made a serious mistake, at least he said so… He admitted that he developed affection for her. She meant so much to him that he eventually began to open up to her. But when Sigvin learned who he really was, she was shocked. For her he had only been a handsome man, but she couldn’t cope with the truth. She had fallen in love with the most insignificant thing that defines Loke as a being—one of his fleeting appearances.”

  “Isn’t… the appearance of their body important for shapeshifters at all?” Arvid asked uncertainly.

  “That’s not what I mean,” Nod said. “Just because we can change our bodies doesn’t mean we don’t care about our appearance. But it’s a choice and not an integral part of ourselves. It’s as if someone fell in love with your dress. You think the person really loves you. But when they see you naked for the first time, they are disgusted and so shocked, they no longer want you. After such an experience, how easy would it be for you to trust someone?”

  “Very difficult,” admitted Arvid.

  “For a being like Loke, who was accustomed to being virtually untouchable, the shock must have been even greater. In this point, he has to contend with the same as any shapeshifter. It’s hard, almost impossible, to find someone who loves you in spite of the variability of your body. And someone like Loke… Well, he drives it to the extreme. His innermost being is dark, his soul pure chaos. It’s almost as fickle as his appearance; there is nothing to hold on to… Who could ever love something like that?”

  Arvid felt Nod’s gaze resting on her.

  “Maybe I… could,” she said haltingly.

  “I know. That’s why I’m telling you all this. You once said Loke was beautiful, and I thought it was just about appearances. However, over the past months, I realized that Loke made no effort to maintain the same shape in your presence. When you said he was beautiful… you didn’t mean his body.”

  Arvid wanted to object, but then she stopped. Deep down, she knew that Nod was right. She longed for Loke, not for an attractive human body, but for him as a whole, as an entity, to which the variability of his body belonged like light to a fire. But she was afraid. This wasn’t a kind of affection she knew and understood. It was illogical and irrational. Arvid didn’t know what would happen if she gave up her resistance to it.

  “What you feel for him is real,” said Nod. “Loke may have many flaws, and, yes, I fear him. But if he can make you happy, I’ll do what I can to help you.”

  Arvid gently shook her head. “Loke can’t make me happy,” she said. “My heart is trying to tell me that he could, but… my eyes, my ears and my head show me an entirely different picture.”

  “Because you’re constantly arguing?” asked Nod. “It might get better.”

  “There’s so much more, Nod. The way he treats you and others, his changeable character, his irreverence and… everything. If only a tiny part of the stories I’ve read are true, then I would break from it.” She sighed deeply. “Besides, he doesn’t like me much. I’m getting on his nerves.”

  “That’s because he doesn’t know your true feelings. If you really want to get through to him, you have to show him that you know his true nature and accept it. Otherwise he will never admit that he likes you.”

  Again Arvid shook her head. “Impossible. I can hardly talk to him without starting a fight. He’s hurtful, repellent, cold. And when he’s not, he’s playing with me.” She reached for Nod’s hand and squeezed it gently. “I thank you for your support, Nod,” she said. “I wish it were that simple, but… Even if Loke should reciprocate my feelings one day… it would not work. My home and my happiness are in the Light World.”

  Nod smiled wistfully.

  Loke returned earlier than expected, after six days, and before Arvid knew it, the moment of their departure was there.

  Loke was in a particularly bad mood. From the early morning, he shooed Nod around to gather the last things, and when they finally headed out, he went a few steps ahead in dogged silence. The evening before, Arvid had made a last tour through the caves that had been her home for the past few months. As they left the small group of rocks behind and crossed the plateau north, her heart felt heavy. She would never return to this place.

  Their luggage was light, because a difficult climb was ahead, as Loke had explained. They merely carried victuals, weapons and blankets, but Arvid knew that several villages and two cities were on their way, where they could equip themselves for the last part of their trip.

  Loke had not exaggerated. At the northern end of the plateau ran something that hardly could be described as a path, and for a while they climbed more than they walked. Nod, who was carrying most of their things, soon fell back. As Arvid finally reached the ledge above them and sat down next to Loke, she was exhausted and completely drenched in sweat.

  It was just getting bright. The plateau was far below them, no longer brown and gray, but green and lush, interspersed with yellow and red patches where flowers grew. At one point Arvid could see the rocks between which the entrance to Loke’s caves was hidden. Behind them, in the distance, Jördendheim’s hills dimly spread. The sky was clear and cloudless. The warm light of the sun devoured the stars to the horizon, but still made for a glowing sea of colors. It was a swirling play of blue, purple and pink, punctuated by traces of deep black, from which the white light of the stars pierced out.

  “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

  As Arvid turned her head, she met Loke’s attentive eyes. They were of an intense, almost unnaturally green color. Although she had to agree with him that the country looked truly enchanting from here, the sight of Loke still outshone it.

  Soon they set out again and now followed a better fortified path.

  “At this height you rarely come across demons,” Loke said. “The mountain villages have no circles of protection. A few guards are enough, in case a single demon or wild animals should find their way here.”

  “Then I’m surprised that not more people live up here,” Arvid said.

  “Now, in summer, it may seem acceptabl
e. But in winter it’s no bed of roses to live up here. Even I prefer to spend the winter months in the lowlands. It’s difficult to persuade the villagers to sell their stocks.”

  Toward the evening they reached the ridge. As soon as they had crossed it, a vast, gently sloping meadow spread out before them. Not far away a group of small houses could be seen, whose star lamps glowed blue and green in the dark.

  “Uldurtarn, about forty inhabitants,” said Loke. “I often stay here, but there is no hostel.”

  He led them to a tiny house that stood a bit away. A fat man in shabby clothes opened the door. When he recognized Loke, he threw himself on the floor in front of him and in one breath offered him so many favors and services, Arvid wondered how he could still breathe.

  “Calm down, Mogil,” Loke said, annoyed, and shook the man energetically off his leg. “My companions and I need a place to sleep.”

  “My wife and I will sleep in the barn,” the man said excitedly, and bowed again. “Unfortunately, we have only two beds—I’m inconsolable! I’ll immediately prepare another den.”

  “That would be the least you could do,” Loke said coolly.

  Arvid stared at him in disbelief. “Loke!” she exclaimed. “This is his home! We can sleep in the barn.”

  “They’re only humans!” Loke retorted and glared at her angrily. “A night in the barn will hardly do them any harm.”

  “Nor us,” Arvid hissed at him. Mogil looked back and forth between them, aghast, and seemed unsure what he should do.

  “We are gods!” Loke said indignantly. “We don’t sleep in the barns of some stinking peasants.”

  “We are gods?” said Arvid, dumbfounded. “I think your megalomania is slowly fogging your thoughts. I’ll sleep in the barn! And I expect that you pay this man in return.”

  “Please,” Mogil pleaded in a submissive tone, “a payment is not necessary.”

  “Quiet!”Arvid snapped at him.

  Scared, Mogil took a step back. She almost felt sorry for him, for her anger wasn’t directed at him, but at Loke. In all the time she had stayed in the isolation of the mountains, she had almost forgotten how disrespectfully Loke treated ordinary people. For him, they were not worth more than bugs.

  “All right then!” Loke finally exploded and abruptly turned to Mogil. “We’ll take your damn barn! But at the very least I expect you’ll bring this lady,” he made a gesture in the direction of Arvid, “a few furs.”

  “Of course!” Mogil croaked almost panicked and again bowed almost to his toes. He gradually retreated, then stormed off into the house and excitedly started to shout after his wife. Loke looked at Arvid with undisguised contempt. She coldly stared back at him.

  The next day they went a little up toward the valley, but then turned to the east and went up another ridge. Around noon they reached the tree line and soon wandered through a bleak landscape of boulders, grass and lean herbs. In the shadow of the larger rocks was still snow, and the wind had become more icy. Clouds appeared, but they were spared from the rain. It was only when they had found shelter in a small cave late at night that the first drops began to fall.

  It was a freezing and restless night. The next day they moved on very early; still Loke constantly complained about the fact that Arvid and Nod were too slow and needed too many breaks. Drizzle fell off and on throughout the day. It looked as if they were completely surrounded by clouds that devoured everything that was more than a few steps away.

  Around noon they reached the mountain saddle. There, a large rock had been erected, on which the names of the surrounding villages and towns were carved.

  “We will soon reach Erendal, a small town,” Loke said to Arvid as they passed the place, “although it’s relatively secluded, the messengers from Asgard come there. There will be people who know that you’re wanted.”

  “Is it known that you’re with me?”

  “No. They are only looking for you. Nod was kidnapped by you. He is a poor but free man as long as he adheres to my story.”

  Arvid gasped audibly. “What do you mean, he was kidnapped by me?” she asked sharply. “Your story makes me a criminal.”

  Loke laughed. “You’re one anyway.”

  “No I’m not!”

  Loke paused abruptly. “Let’s see… you have poisoned two farmers with rustnettle, you’ve resisted Asgard’s wishes, you have robbed a man of the City Guard of his eyesight and you have refused to turn yourself in to the gods for months.” He raised his hands in a clueless gesture. “I think a kidnapping is only a detail.”

  Loke’s words were like a slap in the face. For a while he looked at her in amusement, gloating over her reaction, then he simply turned around and walked off. Arvid remained on the spot until Nod arrived, put an arm around her shoulders and pushed her on. She had never thought about what had happened to the guard they had hurt on their flight. Now she knew, and the thought was appalling.

  “Oh god… He is… blind?” she stammered.

  “Don’t blame yourself,” Nod said in a hushed voice. “It was an accident. We both knew that the guards had the authority to use force. You were just defending yourself.”

  Arvid wished Nod was right. But the man had merely held and shaken her, not threatened her. He had not pulled a weapon and had made no move to do her harm. Arvid had only wanted to break away to help Nod, but for an unknown reason the darkness inside her had driven her to attack the man.

  On their way down, they passed two small clusters of houses that hardly deserved to be called a village. However, Loke made no effort to stay in one of these places. Now and then they wandered through small groups of pines. Toward the evening they reached a dense, dark forest. The clouds had cleared in some places, again, and so here and there the bright starry sky shone through the black treetops.

  At one point they left the path next to a creek crossing and penetrated deeper into the forest, where they reached a low waterfall. The stream went over to a wide, flat lake with almost no current. Next to it were some large boulders that formed a natural niche, which protected them from the wind.

  Tired and depressed, Arvid sat down and leaned against a rock. Nod began to collect half-dry wood for a fire. Loke had wordlessly disappeared toward the water. Arvid did not care where he was going. Still her thoughts circled around what he had said. She knew he was right. She really was a criminal. She had broken laws, killed two men and injured another so badly that he could never see again. On their way Nod had tried to talk to her several times. He had tried to convince her that she had only done what she thought was right, but his words did not help.

  “Can you help me with the fire?” Nod asked eventually.

  Arvid looked up slowly. The fireplace was ready, but Loke not back yet. Of course, Nod wasn’t even able to light a fire without the right tools. When had she last attempted something like that? Several months ago? At that time, a candle had been a challenge, so Arvid doubted that she’d be able to set fire to this pile of wet wood.

  “I think we’ll have to wait for Loke,” she said weakly, but still stood up. “But I can try.”

  She fixed her attention on he bottom kindling and focused. It wasn’t an easy task, because the heat would have to expel the moisture first. A bright, white spark smoldered on, then a strange, whistling sound could be heard and quickly became louder. Arvid tried to raise as much energy as she could.

  Suddenly there was a loud bang and the pile of wood burst into roaring flames. A wave of black smoke and scorching heat hit her and made her stumble backwards with a shocked gasp. Nod had also retreated, frightened. Even when the smoke cleared, the flames flickered almost two meters high. Arvid stared in bewilderment at the wildly blazing fire and coughed as a gust of wind blew more smoke in her direction.

  “I think that was a little excessive,” Nod shouted over the roar.

>   At that moment, Loke came back. “Glad you decided to spare the forest,” he said mockingly. “I would suggest you hold back a little next time. Farther down you could attract demons.”

  “That wasn’t my intention,” said Arvid and was shaken by another fit of coughing. “I thought just about nothing would happen.”

  “Your powers evolve,” Loke said. “You have to learn to better control them.” He had brought several small fish and handed them to Nod, who took them and placed them on a flat stone near the fire.

  Arvid took a deep breath to calm her racing heart. “There’s not much more that I’d have to keep under control,” she said. “I’ve been trying to generate as much heat as possible.”

  Loke had withdrawn from the fire and sat cross-legged on the soft forest floor. The flames covered his body with a flickering pattern. “In a few weeks your powers will have grown again,” he said. “I think we both know what really makes you dangerous.”

  “Dangerous? I’m not dangerous.”

  Loke threw his head back and laughed. Nod’s gaze silently wandered back and forth between them. He looked worried, but Arvid couldn’t blame him. Sometimes Loke behaved as if he were crazy. Probably he was.

  The Month of the Sun

  The next day they set out late, because they would spend the night in Erendal anyway. Loke considered it better if they avoided people during the day. In fact, it was evening before they finally left a densely wooded area and the city lay before them.

  Arvid marveled. Erendal was surprisingly large and did not correspond to what she had expected. The houses were built of almost black wood, tall and narrow, and looked like edged towers, which grew out of the steep rock. On the roofs flew long, pennant-like flags in yellow and red, and directly above the town towered three gigantic, almost vertical crags. Between two of them a waterfall sprang. From the distance it looked almost ridiculously narrow, and seemed to fall right between the houses of the city. The entire city was surrounded by palisades. Outside there seemed to be nothing but a gigantic scree, only interrupted by some verdant spots here and there.