Fragments of your Soul (The Mirror Worlds Book 1)

  Loke had discovered her now, but his face remained impassive. As their eyes met, Arvid felt such an overwhelming sense of affection that she instinctively pressed her hand against her chest, as if it could give her quivering heart relief.

  What was going on inside Loke? He showed no emotion which could have betrayed his feelings. Arvid’s legs began to tremble. Suddenly she was overcome by such a suffocating fear that he would reject her that she felt tears welling up in her eyes. Arvid tried to pull herself together with all her might, but she didn’t succeed.

  Suddenly Loke pulled away from the group and came toward Arvid, who still stood there as if she was frozen to the ground. When he reached her, he knelt down in front of her and looked at her from his dark, gray giant eyes.

  “May I talk to you?” he asked.

  Arvid couldn’t speak, but nodded.

  “Why are you crying?” asked Loke.

  It took forever until Arvid managed to control herself so she could answer. “I… I’m… so scared that you… don’t want anything to do with me,” she blurted out.

  “It was you that sent me away,” said Loke.

  “I’m sorry, Loke,” Arvid said. “Everything… I said… I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you. Please forgive me.”

  “You don’t need to apologize,” he said softly. “I was cruel to you. I must ask your forgiveness, Arvid.”

  “I’ve already forgiven you,” Arvid said in a trembling voice. Loke’s words filled her with such relief that tears started running down her face again.

  “May I touch you?” whispered Loke. Again Arvid could only nod. He raised his hand and gently wiped the salty wetness off Arvid’s cheeks. The touch was cold and yet so beautiful and comforting, she instinctively closed her eyes. When she opened them again and looked at Loke, she had only one wish.

  She stepped up to him and Loke put his arms around her and pulled her close. Their lips met in a deep kiss, and even though it wasn’t their first one, this kiss was so full of devotion and sincere affection, like no other before. Piece by piece Arvid’s anxiety and tension disappeared and left a warm feeling of happiness.

  When they had parted again, Arvid smiled at Loke. “You should greet your mother,” she said. “I think… it would mean a lot to her.”

  When they turned to the gate, Naal and Byleist were waiting on them. Naal looked tense while Byleist grinned broadly.

  “Good day, Mother,” Loke said stiffly. Naal, on the other hand, stepped right up to him and embraced him, and after a moment he closed his arms around her, too.

  “Why were you out here?” said Loke, after he had released her again.

  “For me it was just a fluke,” Naal said. “Your wife, however, had been sitting here since the day before yesterday. This here,” she handed him the embroidered picture Arvid had worked on the last few days, “she has also done for you.”

  When Loke held up the fabric, Arvid saw that the ornament was now complete. Naal must have added the last two stitches for her.

  It took quite a while before Arvid had the opportunity to speak to Loke. First he wanted to take a bath and eat something, then Katta and Ghelm appeared, and shortly after Helblindi and a dwarf, who all wanted to see him. When finally a messenger turned up, too, Loke became angry and shooed him to Byleist. A little later, however, Byleist himself turned up, claiming to need to speak to Loke urgently—about precisely this letter.

  Arvid had hoped that Loke would find some time for her. There was so much she wanted to talk to him about, so much she wanted to ask him, and her newly-awakened desire for him almost seemed to eat her up. With the kiss outside the gate they had for the very first time confessed that there was more between them than a purposive sham marriage. Nevertheless Arvid knew that they had to talk to each other and finally clarify things, or they’d soon be afflicted by lurking doubts again.

  Loke tried to convince her that it was better for her to withdraw, until he was done with everything, but Arvid refused to leave his side. Shortly thereafter, she was sitting in an overstuffed chair in a corner of Byleist’s study and half-heartedly followed to the conversation between him and Loke, who was in a very bad mood by now.

  They talked about nothing that interested her much. Many of the dwarven houses had sent messengers and announced visits. This was a very good sign, but made everything very complicated because not all the houses got along. In Loke’s opinion he shouldn’t interfere in such matters, but since many visits were a direct response to their wedding, Byleist was determined to insist on his presence and participation, as long as he was still here. After that, he said, Arvid would have to step in. She heard it with a bad feeling in her stomach.

  Eventually her thoughts drifted off more and more. She suddenly realized how exhausted she was after the past few days. An oppressive heaviness began spreading in her limbs. Although the two giants in front of her were engaged in a heated discussion, Arvid only heard their voices as a calming, monotonous noise. Soon she could feel her eyelids drop.

  Arvid was startled when she felt something cold. Loke had taken her hand and looked at her intently.

  “Go to bed,” he said softly. “I come to you as soon as I’m done here.”

  Arvid sat up and nodded sleepily. “When are you done?”

  “I don’t know yet. You know my brother is quite a pain.”

  Arvid could hear Byleist snort in the background.

  “Unlike you, I have a sense of duty,” he said.

  Loke smiled, then gently took Arvid’s face in his big hands and kissed her on the forehead.

  As Arvid awoke, she was shivering with cold, and a moment later she realized why. The covers had half slipped off her because she had apparently moved in her sleep. Her legs and shoulders felt numb. She quickly covered herself again, but when she turned to the other side, she jumped in fright. She was no longer alone.

  Loke was sleeping next to her. He looked clearly female, but appeared to be neither human nor giant, but a mixture of both. Nevertheless, he was as beautiful as ever. He was wearing nothing but loose-fitting trousers, and his skin gleamed silvery in the dim light of the room. Felted black hair lay in wild strands on the skins of the bed. Arvid saw the green and blue beads still stuck in it, which identified Loke as her husband. Well, right now, perhaps more as her wife. Wasn’t that a strange thought?

  Arvid moved a bit closer to him and looked at him attentively. His sleep was not quite calm. His hands opened and closed in small, twitching movements. Arvid’s eyes fell on a thin chain around Loke’s neck. There was the soul shard they had brought back from the Black Waters. Naal must have given it to Loke.

  The large wall clock told her that it was still night. She had slept for a rather long time, but was still tired. Yet for the moment she was happy to just lie here and watch Loke sleep.

  Eventually, as Arvid was just about to fall into a light doze, Loke began to move and turned around. Shortly after, he opened his eyes a crack.

  “Good morning,” he muttered under his breath when he saw Arvid.

  Arvid smiled. “It’s the seventh hour,” she whispered. “It’s in the middle of the night.”

  Loke moved a little closer and felt for Arvid’s hand. Arvid held it out from under the blankets, took Loke’s cold fingers and squeezed them gently.

  “Did you come to an agreement with Byleist?” she asked.

  “Yes,” Loke replied sleepily. “I will be present for the visits, until my father’s back. Then I’ll probably have three or four days left.”

  “Until you leave for Asgard?”

  Loke nodded. “I don’t want to leave a day earlier than necessary.” He gently rubbed his thumb over Arvid’s hand. “It will be a while until we meet again.”

  “I know,” said Arvid. The thought of not being able to see Loke for two or three months
hurt. “Will you write to me?”

  “If you like.”

  “It will probably be the only consolation that remains,” Arvid said softly. Suddenly she had to fight back tears.

  Loke lovingly stroked Arvid’s cheek. “Don’t,” he whispered. “We still have almost a week left.”

  “Just… how much of this time will I actually be able to spend with you?”

  “Every minute, if you want,” promised Loke and squeezed Arvid’s hand, which slowly began to turn cold. “When Byleist came to me, I knew I had to make a decision. I could turn away from you forever and go on as before… or I could turn to you and try to find out what exactly it is you have awakened in me. I opted for the latter.”

  “Have you… found an answer?” said Arvid.

  Loke hesitated. “No,” he said then.

  “Take all the time you need,” whispered Arvid, then she moved close to him and kissed him gently on the lips. For a brief moment Loke seemed surprised, but then he kissed her back. For a while they were doing nothing more than exploring each other’s lips in soft, caressing movements. Then Loke cautiously pulled back from her and looked at her intently. “I’m female,” he said, almost as if he had only just noticed this fact. “Doesn’t that bother you at all?”

  “No,” Arvid said sincerely. “All I see is you, Loke. I’ve always known that you’re not a man. Just…”

  “Yes?”

  “My hand is really cold,” Arvid said sheepishly.

  “Oh.” Loke chuckled. In an instant his features softened, his eyes became clear and human, and his skin took on a rosy hue. Shortly after Arvid could feel his hand giving off a soothing warmth.

  She smiled, grabbed her blanket, moved up close to Loke and covered them both. She could feel Loke’s body, his legs, the soft breasts and his warm breath on her skin as he gently rested his forehead against hers.

  “Does… our trade still count?” he whispered then.

  “Of course,” Arvid said. “Nothing in the world could make me break it, Loke.”

  “Then I want to enjoy every moment with you… as long as you’re still here.” His words made Arvid stop short, but then she could feel Loke’s soft lips to hers and she forgot everything around her. The moment for talking would come, but that moment was not now. The only thing that counted right now was that she could finally give in to her feelings.

  It was an unfamiliar feeling for Arvid, to let her hands wander over the soft curves of a female body. She had never touched a woman like this before and yet it filled her with a warm feeling of desire. She longed for Loke so much, for intimate contact and closeness, for all she had ignored and suppressed for so long.

  “Have you ever done it with a woman?” whispered Arvid. “As a woman?”

  “Yes,” Loke said softly as he slid his hands under Arvid’s clothes and stroked her bare skin, “but at the moment I want to be much closer to you… as close as no woman ever could be. Will you give yourself to me?”

  Arvid nodded. For a moment she watched with a mixture of admiration and fascination how Loke’s body changed beneath her hands, but finally she could no longer resist her desire. She pressed her body tightly against his and kissed him passionately, and he avidly kissed her back.

  Part of Arvid would have liked to take the time to make up for some of the things they had not dared to live out the past few weeks, but in the end they were all over each other within moments. Breathlessly they freed themselves from their scanty clothing, and Arvid could hardly wait to feel Loke deep inside her and to become one with him.

  When they had made love after their wedding, Arvid had been terribly nervous. Everything had been marked by sharp contrasts and pleasurable pain, but tonight they seemed to merge into a harmonious whole.

  Loke’s soft lips trailed over the skin on her neck and chin and let her feel the warmth of his heavy, gasping breaths. Arvid dug her fingers into his hair and hugged him tightly as he kept thrusting deep into her. She enjoyed hearing his moans slowly growing louder, could feel her own excitement and pleasure increase more and more, until they finally reached climax, only moments apart.

  “I love you, Loke,” Arvid gasped. Then Loke’s lips closed her mouth, while she could still feel his cock gently twitching inside her body.

  For a while they stayed like this to catch their breath, then Loke let himself sink onto the bed beside her and pulled her into his arms. Arvid snuggled her head against his chest and cherished the feeling of happiness and security that filled her at this moment.

  It was only when she felt a familiar feeling of wetness between her legs that she lifted her head and looked at Loke. He already looked different again, with straight, auburn hair and freckled cheeks. Arvid pushed herself up a little and kissed Loke’s chin, then the corner of his mouth. His lips curled into a smile.

  “Loke, are we… compatible?” she asked.

  He opened his eyes and looked at her. “In what way?”

  “Could I… have a child with you?”

  “Would you like a child?”

  “No,” Arvid said. At least she had never really thought about it. “But what if… if I conceived?”

  Loke raised his hand and gently stroked her cheek. “Our child would want for nothing.”

  Arvid swallowed. “So it’s possible.”

  “Why shouldn’t it be possible?”

  “Well… You’re a giant.”

  “Sometimes,” Loke said. “Right now I’m almost entirely human. But not human enough for you to conceive.”

  Arvid sighed with relief. Loke, who had been watching her reaction, grinned broadly. “Remarkable,” he said.

  “What?”

  “That you only ask about this now, although it quite obviously would displease you to carry my child.”

  Arvid didn’t know what to say to that. Her strong desire for Loke had let her forget everything else. Deep within her there had been a small, whispering voice that had tried to ask her this question. But it had been too easy to dismiss this on the grounds that Loke and she couldn’t possibly be compatible. Her mistake filled her with a certain terror. She didn’t know if she was ready to be a mother. The mere idea of raising a child in the Shadow World was unsettling, even if this child’s father wasn’t the god of chaos.

  At some point she must have fallen asleep, because she didn’t wake up until much later. Loke had disappeared, as she realized with disappointment, but basically that was not that surprising. Desrei had told her that giants only slept eight to twelve hours—a mere two to three hours in her own world. She couldn’t expect Loke to stay in bed for thirty hours for her sake.

  When Arvid was washed and dressed, she saw that Loke had left her a message on the table in the main cave. It said that he was with Byleist. But when she came to his quarters, the servants told her that the two princes were no longer here.

  “Many of the guards were called down to the city,” a servant told her. “Something has happened, but I don’t know exactly what.”

  In the corridor Arvid discovered Naal. To her great surprise, she was accompanied by Hel.

  “A new earthquake,” Naal told her. “Not very strong, but some of the warding spells have been damaged. More deep-dwellers have entered the residential areas. But don’t worry, the fortress is safe.”

  “And Loke’s down there?” said Arvid. “I want to see him at once.”

  “Nonsense!” Naal replied angrily. “You stay here where it’s safe. I’m sure the situation down there is completely under control.”

  “Then I suppose there is no reason why I shouldn’t go see him,” Arvid said defiantly.

  Naal was about to give another reply, but Hel beat her to it.

  “I’ll come with you,” she said firmly. “It’s not far, and there should be no more danger.”

 
It was obvious that Naal was anything but enthusiastic. She pressed her lips into a thin line, then made an angry sound and left.

  “I haven’t greeted my father yet,” said Hel, as Arvid thanked her. “So this is a good opportunity to do so.”

  “What are you doing here in Sölunnir?” said Arvid.

  “King Farbaute will return soon, maybe tomorrow. He was long gone, nearly three months, but it seems to have paid off.”

  Arvid nodded. “I was told that some very old disputes could finally be settled.”

  “Yes,” said Hel. “We can finally call Borkh an ally again.”

  The way was actually not very far. From the large stone bridge they followed a wide path through a gigantic, semi-circular arch, but after a short time they turned into a sloping side corridor. It led farther down in a gentle turn, only sparsely lit by occasional star lamps.

  They came to a fork. Here the walls were no longer raw, but cleanly trimmed and decorated with patterns. After they had followed the left corridor for a while, they reached a huge stone gate. Directly behind it the city began.

  What Arvid saw of it was a slightly tortuous, certainly ten meter-wide corridor, whose ceiling was so high above her that it was barely visible in the darkness. To the sides were closed rows of house facades with narrow, high windows, all made of stone, and hung with colorful crests. The floor was not quite even, though in the center and in front of the doorways smooth and shiny like a mirror, over the years polished by countless feet and cartwheels.

  Everywhere armed guards in green-black tabards were standing, but other giants or even humans were not to be seen. It was so quiet that the sound of their steps seemed almost disturbing.

  The guards bowed their heads as they passed. One explained that Loke and Byleist were at the passage to the western fields and had instructed the residents to stay in their houses. Arvid had not the faintest idea where those fields were, but Hel set out without even hesitating.