The doctor's meant-to-be marriage

by Janice Lynn

  “Chelsea?” He said her name in a low voice. She barely heard it above the crashing of the waves.

  But she knew what he wanted, what he was asking.

  Her breath heavy in her chest, she slipped her fingers into his outstretched palm.

  She’d take this chance, trust in what she felt for Jared.

  Because deep inside she trusted him not to hurt her. Trusted that he really would protect her from the dragons haunting her.

  With his free hand he undid the buttons on the casual sundress she’d slipped on after they’d made love. She’d felt oddly exposed in her shorts and T-shirt with him fully dressed in his work clothes.

  He slid the strap from her shoulder. His fingers lingered, teasing the suddenly chilled skin. “You’re an amazingly beautiful woman.”

  She gulped back that she wasn’t, that when he saw the rest of her he might think differently. Instead, she waited for him to discover the truth on his own.

  “I didn’t think it was possible for me to feel good today, Chelsea. Not after everything that happened with Connie and my guilt, but I do.” He bent, kissed one shoulder, then the other. “Thank you.”

  The fabric slid from her body and pooled at her ankles, leaving her wearing only her panties and her bra.

  The moon was bright enough that she felt exposed, but she didn’t turn away from his exploring eyes. The way he looked at her left her feeling cherished, beautiful.

  And that scared her, made her feel set up for a fall. A hard one.

  She had to know. Had to know how Jared would react to her back.

  “I have to show you something.”

  His gaze lifted to hers, and he grinned. “Is this where you show me something, and then I have to show you something?”

  She shook her head, fighting the panic rising in her throat. Silly, she’d come to term with her scars, had opted not to go back for more cosmetic surgery because her scars were badges of honor at what she’d endured and overcome. Yet she kept them hidden away from the world. Even before Kevin’s reaction. Because no matter how much she told herself her scars weren’t anything to be ashamed of, she didn’t believe it. Neither did her parents.

  “I had scoliosis as a child,” she blurted out, needing to spill her secret.

  “Lots of children have scoliosis.” Jared regarded her, clearly not understanding the gravity of her confession.

  “Not like mine,” she denied. “I wore a brace for most of my childhood, and I’m not talking a Velcro number worn under my clothes.”

  “The braces must have done the trick, Chelsea, because you have wonderful posture. I’ve always been impressed with the grace with which you carry yourself.” He ran his hands along her spine.

  “Not just braces,” she pointed out when his fingers paused at the tell-tale ridge of one of her scars.

  She waited for his nose to curl, his eyes to go cold, for him to push her away as if he’d touched something vile, all things Kevin had done when he’d discovered her imperfections.

  Jared did none of those things. His fingers continued their path along her spine, but she didn’t see revulsion reflected in his eyes. Not even when he continued to explore her back and found the scarred areas beneath her shoulder blade.

  “Say something,” she whispered, not sure he would even hear her above the sounds of the Gulf around them but needing him to verbalize his thoughts.

  “Like I said, you’re an amazingly beautiful woman.” The way he said the words, the way he looked at her, made her almost believe him.

  “You don’t care?”

  “I care, Chelsea.”

  She lowered her eyes. There for a second she’d believed…No matter, she’d known. Deep in her heart she’d known no one would ever truly love her. Her own parents couldn’t get past her flaws. How could she expect someone else to? Particularly someone as gorgeous as Jared?

  “I care that you went through so much all alone.”

  “I had Will,” she quickly corrected him, swallowing the lump of emotion in her throat. Her brother had always tried to lighten her load.

  “He’s all you had, though, wasn’t he?” His arms tightened around her and she’d have sworn anger coursed through him.

  She didn’t know how to answer, wasn’t even sure Jared expected an answer. He just held her to him, stroking his fingers along her spine with tenderness and comfort.

  “So much makes sense now,” he murmured into her hair.

  Still not knowing what to say, Chelsea remained quiet, her cheek pressed against his chest, her ear to his heart, listening to the steady beat mingle with the sea sounds around them.

  “Never doubt your beauty, because looking at you takes my breath away. Always has.”

  Dear Lord, he meant it. He’d felt her scars, seen them, and he still found her attractive. Emotion swelled inside her, threatening to burst free of her chest.

  And then the perfect words came into her heart.

  “I love you, Jared.”

  “Don’t say that.” The warm fuzzy protective feeling Jared had been experiencing crashed and was replaced with good old-fashioned fear. Fear the likes of which he’d never known.

  Chelsea thought she loved him.

  She couldn’t. Not really. The only woman who’d ever loved him had been Laura, and look where that had gotten her.

  “But it’s true,” she said, lifting her head from his chest to stare up at him. “I fell in love with you when I was seventeen.”

  “That was a teenage crush. You said so yourself.”

  “Then I never got over that crush. Because despite the fact I’ve tried to care for other men, even let myself get close to one, they never measured up to my memory of you.” Her gaze sliced into him. “After tonight, no man ever can.”

  Sure, what they’d shared tonight had been amazing, but what they shared was chemistry. A strong attraction, he wouldn’t deny that, but sexual magnetism wasn’t love.

  When that magnetism fizzled out, they’d be left with a mess. A bigger mess than they already had. If he hurt Chelsea, he’d have nothing but a bigger hole in his chest than the one already where his heart was supposed to be. The hole that Laura’s death left him with.

  Because a part of him had died in that car crash with her and their unborn baby.

  “I don’t love you, Chelsea.” Honestly, he didn’t think he could love. If he could, surely he would have been able to give Laura what she’d needed from him. And he hadn’t.

  Tonight, while making love, holding Chelsea close, feeling her heart beat next to him, he could almost have believed.

  In reality, guilt and grief over Connie’s death had left him vulnerable, left him wanting Chelsea to love him, left him wanting to believe he could love her like she deserved to be loved.

  But he couldn’t and wouldn’t lead her on. Not any more than tonight already had.

  If he and Chelsea were lucky, they’d be able to go back to their friendship. If they weren’t, he’d be looking to relocate somewhere far away from Madison, Alabama.

  “Is it because of my back?”

  “Your back?” he asked, momentarily confused by her question.

  “My scars,” she said, not quite meeting his gaze. “You made me think you didn’t care, but truth is you wouldn’t be the first person to not be able to love me because of my flaws.”

  Lord help him, he might wrap his hands around her parents’ necks if he ever got the opportunity.

  “You’re not flawed, Chelsea. I am.”

  She made a scoffing noise and pulled away from him, turning so that the moonlight hit her back, illuminating the lines down her spine. Although they weren’t the neatest scars he’d seen, they weren’t nearly as bad as Chelsea thought. Still, to a young woman the foot-long scar and its two mates must seem horrendous.

  “Perhaps you didn’t get a good enough look.”

  “Chelsea, turn around.”

  With her arms crossed over her chest, she did so. Moisture glistened on her cheeks.
r />   Damn it. He didn’t want to hurt her.

  “I’m sorry, Chelsea. I never should have come here tonight, because from the beginning I’ve known we could never be. I take full blame for what happened, for putting you in this position.”

  “What position would that be?” she interrupted him.

  “The position of thinking you’re in love with me.”

  “How can you be so blind?” Adjusting her dress, she shook her head. “But you’re right about one thing, Jared.”

  “What’s that?” he asked with dread, knowing he wasn’t going to like her answer.

  “I do deserve better.” With that she spun and headed back to the beach house.

  Chelsea hadn’t seen more than a glimpse of Jared all week. He hadn’t shown up for their morning coffee and stuck to his office when not with a patient.

  But, then, so did she.

  After their walk on the beach, he’d gone home. She’d hoped he’d bang on the door, demanding she let him in, demanding that she give him a chance to explain why his eyes had said one thing and his mouth something else entirely.

  She’d gone to bed that night full of mixed emotions. Joy that she’d made love with Jared, that he’d looked at her with love, kissed her with love, that her scars hadn’t mattered to him. He cared for her just the way she was. Wherein came the problem. Jared cared, but not enough to take a risk on loving her.

  Was he afraid of being hurt again? That if he loved, something might happen to her the way he’d lost Laura? Surely he had to see the folly of that thought process.

  She’d hoped the morning would bring him to his senses, but he had gone back to avoiding her, and after a few abrupt attempts to talk with him that first morning, she’d opted to give him time, to let him digest what had happened between them. Maybe if she was patient just a little while longer he’d realize how special what they shared was.

  What choice did she have?

  Fortunately, she’d been busy planning Will’s birthday party for the following Friday night. But would it have hurt Jared to at least say hi and that he was considering what had happened between them?

  He’d done nothing. Done nothing but avoid her.

  She’d given him her heart, told him how she felt, and he’d run. Run from her arms, her home, her life. She suspected that if he could run from the clinic, he would.

  Her eyes closed and images entered her mind of him kissing her, holding her, connecting deeply on a level that went far beyond physical, and she couldn’t buy it. Couldn’t believe he didn’t care.

  “Chelsea?”

  Think of the devil…

  Finally, he’d come to her. She turned, smiled at Jared, her heart soaring. Only he didn’t meet her gaze, and she cursed her stupidity for getting her hopes up at his slightest attention.

  “Georgia Donaldson is here and has asked to speak with you after I finish seeing her.” He said the words so matter-of-factly that his tone left no room for soaring hearts or hope of any kind.

  She gave a tight smile. “Did she say why she’d like to speak with me?”

  “I assume it has to do with Lacey and Caden, but I didn’t ask.”

  “Because you don’t want anything to do with me?” She hadn’t meant to say anything. Hadn’t meant to confront him. Now that she had, she realized just how hurt she was that he was ignoring what had happened. She wanted a reaction. Even if his reaction wasn’t the one she longed for. Anything was an improvement over his avoidance.

  Although it hadn’t been easy, she’d faced her demons, willingly shared her secret affliction, her heart. And despite the fact he cared for her, he didn’t care enough to fight for her.

  Which put her right back to where she’d been her whole life. Craving the love of someone who wasn’t willing to give it.

  “Chelsea,” he began, still not meeting her eyes.

  The coward.

  “Don’t bother.” She held up her hand to stop his excuses. “Just don’t bother because I’m not in the mood for more excuses on why you can’t care for me. Not right now.”

  “Hello, Mrs Donaldson.” Checking her frustration at the doorway, Chelsea greeted the tired woman waiting in Jared’s exam room. “Dr Jared mentioned that you’d like to speak with me.”

  Dr Jared who’d looked guilty in those seconds before she’d spun and walked away.

  “Yes.” The woman nodded. “And do call me Georgia, please. You were so kind to Lacey when she came in a while back, I wanted to thank you.”

  “You’re welcome, Georgia. How is Lacey?”

  “Much better than when she was here.” A huge smile split the woman’s face. “Caden recovered consciousness last week.”

  Although she’d have thought it impossible moments before, joy filled Chelsea’s heart. “Oh, Georgia, that’s wonderful news.”

  “Yes, Dr Westland advised us not to get our hopes up, but he’s changed his tune in the last couple of days. Caden’s responding to questions by blinking his eyes. They’re weaning him off the ventilator and his oxygen saturations are holding.”

  Chelsea’s eyes watered. “A miracle.”

  “Yes, we think so.” Georgia glanced around the exam room. “I think you made a real difference for my daughter.”

  “Thank you, but I was just doing my job.”

  “Lacey knows you were the one to arrange for the social worker to come and see her.”

  “I hope she was helpful.”

  “Extremely. She helped sort through a lot of paperwork we didn’t understand and to fill out forms so Lacey wouldn’t lose her jobs. We’ll forever be grateful for all you’ve done.”

  They spoke for a few more minutes.

  “Well,” Georgia said, “I don’t mean to keep you from your patients, but I wanted to thank you for what you did for my daughter. Dr Jared, too. His visits to Caden at the hospital really meant a lot to Lacey and I.”

  “Jared came to the hospital?”

  Georgia nodded. “He’s come by every day to check on Caden. Such a good man.”

  Chelsea bit back a sigh. “Yes, he is.” She hugged the woman and asked her to pass along her good wishes to Lacey. “I’m so happy for your family.”

  Smiling, she walked out of the exam room with Georgia, watching her head toward the checkout desk. She turned, and her gaze collided with Jared’s.

  “You knew,” she accused, realizing there was no way Georgia hadn’t told Jared about Caden’s progress. But, then, he’d have known from his daily visits even before Georgia had come into the office today.

  Jared shrugged as if not telling her was no big deal. “Georgia wanted to be the one to tell you.”

  “I’m very happy for Georgia and Lacey. Caden, too.”

  His eyes searched hers. “We all are.”

  Why did he just keep staring at her and making small talk? Why didn’t he admit he cared? She could see it in his eyes. That he hated the awkwardness between them as much as she did.

  “How about you?” she asked. “Are you doing OK, Jared?”

  “Fine. If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a patient waiting.”

  But he didn’t walk away, just stared at her with longing.

  Longing like he’d missed her this week and didn’t want to let her out of his sight.

  How could he just stand there when her heart practically was bursting with emotion?

  She stepped forward, planning to push him into his office and have it out once and for all.

  That’s when it hit her.

  She’d told Jared how she felt and believed he felt the same, despite him not being willing to take a chance on them.

  Knowing wasn’t enough.

  She needed Jared to be willing to take those risks.

  To love her and be willing to fight for her, to put her above all else.

  She’d spent her whole life craving her parents’ love, doing all she could to try to earn their love, and the reality was that nothing she’d ever done had been good enough because they weren’t willing to let
themselves love her.

  Did she really want to spend her life with a man who did the same?

  She spun on her heel and walked away, taking a trip to the bathroom to collect herself before going into the next exam room.

  For the first time in her life she looked in the mirror and saw someone lovable staring back.

  Someone who deserved more than a man who wasn’t willing to give her his heart.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  CHELSEA glanced around the hotel ballroom she and Leslie had transformed with streamers and balloons. Will might know about his party, but he didn’t know all she’d planned. For instance, he had no clue she’d invited several of his med school buddies and quite a few were flying in for the event.

  Planning her brother’s party had provided the perfect distraction from Jared’s continued avoidance. Not that she attempted to see him or spend time with him. She avoided him just as determinedly and threw herself into the party preparations.

  Not so surprisingly Leslie joined in the arrangements with just as much gusto. Leslie would return to work the following Monday and swore that planning Will’s party was the only thing keeping her sane.

  Although Will and Leslie were still working out the details of their relationship, Will had practically moved into Leslie’s apartment.

  For the first time in her life Chelsea welcomed being alone and had decided to forge a personal life for herself in Madison with or without Jared.

  She deserved a man who wasn’t afraid to love her with all his heart, and the only way she’d ever meet one was to look. She planned to start…she just couldn’t bring herself to start yet, but it would be soon.

  What if she never met someone else she could love with all her heart, the way she loved Jared?

  No, she wouldn’t consider that because the thought was too depressing.

  But after carrying Jared in her heart for ten years, she didn’t have much hope of falling for someone else.

  “What time are you supposed to meet your brother?” Leslie asked, tying off a black balloon. Although most of the room boasted brightly colored decorations, they’d opted to adorn a table just for Will with black crêpe paper, streamers, and balloons. As a gag, Chelsea had bought a silver crown and pasted a Birthday Boy sign across the front.