by Janice Lynn
Scars and all, she was lovable.
Only Jared wasn’t capable of loving. Not when his heart belonged to a dead woman. She wouldn’t spend the rest of her life trying to live up to a beloved memory.
“That’s too bad because I no longer want you.” Not when she’d only have to give him up when he’d gotten whatever he’d come for, not when she’d be left begging for his love and have to face seeing him at the clinic knowing she loved him and would never really have him.
Surprise came into his eyes, and his throat worked. “I’ve lost you.”
Had he thought she’d just fall into his arms and welcome him into her bed after he’d ignored her since the last time he’d shown up at her doorstep?
Of course he had. For weeks she’d allowed him to walk all over her heart. Why would he expect any thing different now?
“You never had me to lose, Jared,” she pointed out. “You pushed me away each and every time I tried to give myself to you.”
“I was a fool.”
“Yes.” She wanted to look away from him but was trapped by his eyes. She could almost believe him, could almost think he believed what he was saying.
“I never deserved you,” he admitted.
“You didn’t,” she agreed, having a harder and harder time maintaining her resolve. How could she resist him when he looked at her with such sincerity in his eyes? When she imagined she saw love in his blue gaze?
But hadn’t he been wonderful the night they’d made love? Hadn’t he made her feel special, loved? She’d gone to sleep that night believing deep in her heart that Jared loved her as much as she loved him and he’d eventually realize that.
She’d been a fool, but no more.
“Forgive me, Chelsea. Give me a chance to prove things can work between us.”
If he hadn’t been holding her arms, Chelsea knew she’d be pinching herself because she had to be dreaming. Had to be. Then again, knowing he wouldn’t feel the same come light of day made his words a cruel joke, a nightmare.
“What if things don’t work, Jared?” She was playing devil’s advocate. “What if we try and things get really nasty and it spills over to the clinic? What then?”
“Then we’ll know for certain we gave it our best try and that I can live with. What I’ve discovered I can’t live with is not having tried at all.”
Chelsea felt her heart melting, felt her resolve cracking. Dear Lord, she needed a pinch to convince herself this was real, that Jared was saying all the things she wanted to hear.
Well, almost all the things she wanted to hear.
He hadn’t said he loved her.
She wouldn’t settle for less. Not about something this important.
Neither was she willing to let him keep hurting her, rejecting her just when hope entered her heart.
She hardened her heart and stared into his eyes. “Then go away knowing you tried and failed, because I’m no longer willing to have a relationship with you. We’re coworkers, nothing more.”
Jared deserved every barb she threw his way. Deserved the pain and more. But despite what spewed from her mouth, her eyes told a different story.
She wanted to believe him, but was afraid of being hurt yet again.
He couldn’t bear her pain, to think he’d caused her so much already and held the power to cause her more. Was she right? Were they fated to be never more than coworkers?
Not even that because he couldn’t bear to see her every day, to be reminded of what a fool he’d been when she’d offered her heart on a platter.
“I’ll go, Chelsea. If you’re sure that’s what you want, but not until you know what happened all those years ago.”
She didn’t speak, just turned to stare out at the sea.
Jared bent, kissed her cheek, and let her go. “I loved Laura and I always will. If she hadn’t died, I would have married her and found a way to be happy. But I’ve never felt the way I feel about you. Not about Laura or anyone else.” He took a deep breath. “I knew something special had happened between us that week, that you were special. The night you kissed me, I made the decision that I was going to break things off with Laura and as soon as you turned eighteen I’d call, ask to visit you over the summer.” He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, then continued. “But when I got back to med school, Laura had an announcement of her own. She was pregnant.”
Chelsea’s sharply indrawn breath told him what he already knew. Will had never told his sister the dirty secret behind his engagement. Only a handful of people had known.
“I never knew.”
“Only a few people did. She’d discovered her condition while she was in Europe and her parents guessed the truth. The moment she told me we were going to be parents, everything changed. I asked her to marry me and pushed any feelings I had for you out of my heart. At least, I tried to. Instead, Laura realized I’d changed and it caused a rift between us. We’d argued the night she crashed.” He sighed. “Foolishly, I made a vow at her funeral that I’d never let anyone else have my heart. The craziest part is that someone else already had my heart. You.”
Chelsea shivered and although the warm wind whipped at them, he knew his revelation had caused her alarmed reaction. Regardless, he wasn’t going to leave until he told her everything.
“I thought caring for you was dishonoring Laura. Instead, I’ve dishonored her by locking my heart away. For so long I thought I couldn’t be with you because of how you made me feel. The way you make me feel is why I should have been by your side all along.” He brushed his fingers along her cheek. “I love you, Chelsea. With all my heart and all I am. I’ve made so many mistakes that I don’t blame you for no longer wanting me, but you’ve always had my heart.”
He turned and walked down the steps, but instead of going to his car he headed onto the beach toward where she’d exposed her back and her heart. He’d walk until his head cleared, or until he didn’t have the strength to take another step.
He took off his socks and shoes, rolled up the legs of his pants, and squished sand still warm from the day’s hot sun between his toes.
That’s what he’d do. Win Chelsea’s trust. Win her love.
Because he could make things right and wouldn’t turn his back without a fight.
Even if it took him the rest of his life, he’d spend every day proving to her that she was what mattered most to him.
“Jared!”
At first he thought the wind and waves were playing tricks on him because he was near where they’d stood just a couple of weeks ago. But when he heard her cry out his name again, he realized Chelsea had followed him onto the beach.
He turned, saw her racing toward him with her gown plastered to her.
“Wait,” she called. Breathless when she caught up, she stared up at him, her face illuminated in the moonlight. “Did you mean what you said?”
“That I love you?”
Her hand pressed to her heaving chest, she nodded.
“With all my heart.”
“You’re sure you won’t feel differently in the morning? That you’re not going to take one look at me and realize you made a mistake? That you don’t love me after all?”
“I love you and want you in my life. Always. My mistake has been in not telling you every moment since we met how much you mean to me.”
“Then…” she placed her hands on his cheeks “…yes.”
“Yes?” What was she agreeing to?
“Yes, I love you. You know I do. I always have.”
Jared’s chest swelled with relief and so much emotion he thought he might burst. He placed his hands on hers. He couldn’t not touch her, to prove to himself she really stood before him, looking like a sea sprite and saying she loved him.
“You’re willing to forgive me for all my mistakes? To marry me and spend your life with me?” he asked.
Chelsea’s eyes widened, glinting in the moonlight. “You want to marry me?”
Did she think he’d settle for less than everythin
g? He wanted the world to know she was his.
“I’ll make mistakes, probably ones every bit as colossal as the ones I’ve made up to this point, but I love you, Chelsea. I want to spend the rest of my life showing you how much you mean to me, showing you how much I want your love, and making up for all the hurt in the past. That is, if you’re willing to take a chance on me.”
She leaned into him, her breath hot against his lips. “A thousand chances, if that’s what it takes for us to get it right.”
ISBN: 978-1-4268-3305-2
THE DOCTOR’S MEANT-TO-BE MARRIAGE
First North American Publication 2009
Copyright © 2008 by Janice Lynn
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