Remembering how I had shut my eyes for what was apparently too long, I realized that the possibility was all too likely. For a moment, I started to panic, but innocence and beauty soon calmed me.
It appeared to be a benevolent world, so why should I ruin it by needless fear? That was a sure-fire way to turn it into a nightmare.
A broad grin spread across my face, and I began to laugh in pure joy. I clutched my hands to my heart and began to spin round and round, laughing harder and harder.
Derek would say that I was being insane at that moment, but I wasn't. The dreamworld I found myself in was a place of joy, and once I let it overcome my anger and distrust, I couldn't help but overflow with that joy.
When I tired of spinning, I allowed myself to fall over and just lie on my back, breathing in deep draughts of that sweet perfume. I stared up at that blue, blue sky.
At that moment, everything was perfect. It didn't matter that my imaginary friends had tried to steal the lives of two real people, denying them the family that they were looking forward to gaining. It didn't matter that there was a Polystoikhedron eating everything.
For now, things were perfect, and no clouds could mar my sky.
So there I lay, a peaceful smile on my face, my eyes half-closed. How long I was in that position, I have no idea. I would have been content to stay there forever.
But it was not to be. Even as I watched through my half-lidded eyes, clouds did gather in the sky. At first they were soft, friendly, but slowly they grew and darkened. Confused, and slightly alarmed, I sat up. The air was no longer as sweet, nor the flowers so pretty.
“I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT!!!” A young girl's voice shattered the silence.
I winced as I scrambled to my feet. Those words hit me harder than they should have, deeper than a simple shout by an unknown girl normally would have done.
“But Jenny! I –.”
I froze at the sound of the second voice. A boy's voice.
Chris's voice.
“Don't Jenny me,” the girl's voice returned. “How dare, how DARE you – you – I can't believe you did that!”
I winced again. That voice wasn't unknown – it was my own.
I didn't want to seek out the speakers, didn't want to see the scene I suspected play out before my eyes. My feet, however, had other ideas. They carried me to the side of a river that I hadn't noticed earlier. On the other side stood Chris – and Jenny. Me.
In my imagination, Chris cowers before no one and nothing. His bravery is unparalleled by any knight. I admit that I never was able to see it in person, but I know for a fact that he was always the last to retreat even from the Polystoikhedron.
Chris cowered before me. Before Jenny.
As I watched the ire of my seven-year-old self, I almost felt like cowering myself. I wince as I recall the words I flung at him, and hesitate to record them here.
I shan't, no more than is necessary.
As I watched, I could feel the girl's pain and resentment bubble up with me. It was my pain and resentment, after all. Chris's plight was his own fault. He knew better than to break one of my precious rules – especially this rule, an Ankulen law.
And yet, since I was merely watching, and not blinded by the wrath that consumed my younger self, I was able to see Chris's side of the story. His pain, his fear, his dashed hopes. Even as I felt her anger towards him, I felt sorry for him as well.
“Lady Jenifer, I truly thought that you wanted –.”
“That is beside the point. Sure, I would love to have you and Tisha for siblings, BUT BECOMING A REAL PERSON IS NOT ALLOWED!!”
They stared at each other in silence for several seconds before Jenny continued, her voice lower, more accusing. “You tricked me, Chris. You tricked me. You made me think that I had gotten something new – a real brother – when in fact, all you were was what I already had – an imaginary friend.”
“I didn't mean to –,” Chris protested.
Jenny's eyes narrowed. “Then why didn't you mention sooner that you were the boy my parents were going to adopt? Why didn't you tell me who you were the moment you arrived!”
“We wanted to surprise you,” Chris insisted. “We were going to tell you who we were – honest we were! I was only waiting for Tisha to arrive.”
“So Tisha's the girl my parents adopted?” Jenny questioned. “You drug her into this?”
Chris seemed about to protest, but instead hung his head in shame and whispered, “Yes, Lady Jenifer.”
“And she arrives in just a few days, doesn't she?” Jenny continued. The anger was gone, leaving a cold-hearted malice. “Wonderful.” I recognized this as an all too typical trait of mine, causing me to wince. I can never sustain a hot rage for long. “One more question, Sir Christofer.”
“Yes?”
“How did you do it?” Jenny demanded. “How did you get out? I thought it was impossible!”
“Well, I – I mean we –.”
“Stop. You know what? I don't want to know.” Jenny tapped the gems on the Ankulen, causing it to glow faintly. “What's more, I don't want you to know either.” As she spoke these words, she strode over to Chris and, after putting a hand on his shoulder, effortlessly forced him into a kneeling position. Then she cocked her head to the side. “This may be a bit painful, Chris, but not as painful as your betrayal is to me.”
Without hesitation, she struck Chris on the forehead with the Ankulen's gems. He winced, and I could see the pain in his eyes before he collapsed, unconscious. He hadn't even let out a whimper.
Jenny shrank back. Even from across the river, I could see that she was trembling. What I couldn't tell, however, was why. At first I thought that it was simply anger building up again, but then I saw a few tears slipping out of her eyes. Jenny was crying.
I wanted to run across the river and put my arms around my younger self and wipe away her tears – but I couldn't. Some invisible force held me on my side of the river, my past on the other. I couldn't change the past. It was over and done.
All I could do was watch.
For some minutes, Jenny just stood there, her back to Chris, shoulders trembling, knuckles pressed to her mouth, tears forcing their way down her cheeks. He had hurt her – had hurt me. No wonder I resented him and hated Tisha.
And yet, as I remembered the look on Chris's face, and saw him lying on the ground, my heart softened. He hadn't meant to deceive or hurt me, he thought he was doing something that would please me. When he discovered his error, he took the punishment without complaint.
With a dramatic sweep, Jenny dashed away the tears and whirled back around to face Chris. For some seconds, she just stood there, staring at him. Slowly, the pain in her eyes was again suppressed by anger. Again she tapped the Ankulen, and then she knelt and placed the glowing gems against Chris's forehead.
“I'm leaving, Chris,” she said, in a voice that was barely held level. “I'm leaving, and you will never see me again. Ever. The Fair Maiden Letitia won't be coming back either. I'm going to keep her where I can keep an eye on her. She'll be well taken care of, I promise. But, Sir Christofer, I don't want you to ever forget that you were my first and finest knight. Don't give up the title just become of this mistake.”
Her speech concluded, she stood up and tapped the gems. “Take me out, and seal any possible way anything could possibly get through again.” Purplish-pink light surrounded her, and she disappeared.
I felt sick. There were tears creeping down my own face, but I took no notice of them, didn't even bother to wipe them away. I didn't want to see any more. I wanted to run across that river and tell Jenny to come back, to help Chris regain her favor.
But I couldn't cross the river, and the scene, horrid though it was, continued to play. Only a few seconds after Jenny made her dramatic exit, Chris opened his eyes and let out a low moan. For a few minutes, he just lay there, staring at nothing in despair.
“She's gone,” he muttered. “She's really gone.” Slowly, heavily, he
forced himself to his feet. “I'm sorry, Jenny. I'm so sorry. I –” He broke off with a pain-filled, “Oh!” Sorrowfully, he bent down and picked up the sword that had been cast to the side during my explosion. He slid it back into its sheath and did his best to square his shoulders. With trudging footsteps, he began to walk away from that fateful site. The entire weight of my wrath was on his head.
I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my hands against them, shoving my glasses onto my forehead while I attempted to block out the sight of Chris. When I opened my eyes and allowed my glasses to fall back into place, the scene had changed. I now stood in the middle of the woods beside the stream, the very place where I had been seeking the Ankulen that morning. The trees were smaller, and the undergrowth thinner, but the trees were the same. Standing on the opposite bank was my younger self.
Jenny stood resolute, a finger on the dimly glowing Ankulen, her eyes closed. A look of disgust spread across her face, and she opened her eyes to reveal a furious glare. She yanked her hand away from her Ankulen and fixed her glare upon it.
“Why, Chris?” she muttered. “Why did you do it?”
With a violent yank, she pulled the Ankulen off of her arm. She stared at it for several seconds, arm trembling, jaw fixed. Tearing her eyes away, she spun around towards the woods, her arm raised to fling it deep into the woods.
“NO!” I screamed, forgetting, in my panic, that more than water flowed between Jenny and I. She was supposed to fling it into the stream, not the woods – wasn't she? It had certainly been found in the stream.
Whether or not Jenny heard me, I couldn't say, for at that moment, she froze, then spun around, her eyes darting in my direction. She definitely didn't see me, for her gaze immediately fell to the Ankulen, which she still held tightly in her fist.
Had she heard me? I decided to believe that she had. “Hide it in the stream!” I called, though not nearly as loud. “Among the rocks. Out of sight, out of mind!” I bit my lip, hoping that, somehow, my younger self would get the idea. The Ankulen had to end up where I found it!
Slowly, Jenny looked up and fixed her gaze on the stream, the corners of her mouth curling up in a malicious grin. I shivered, but said and did nothing.
“I don't want Tisha to remember either, now do I?” She muttered. “I think I'll hold onto this just a little longer. Not on my wrist, though. That would be too much of a temptation. I know!”
To my satisfaction and chagrin, she hid it exactly where I wanted her to. Once it was well-concealed among the rocks, she took a step back and nodded approvingly. She stared at its hiding place for a moment, then turned and fled.
I wanted to call after her, tell her that she would only make herself – me – miserable by her actions. I wanted to tell her that she should go back to her imagination and forgive Chris and Tisha. I wanted to tell her that, if she would only look in the castle suspended by chains, she would find the siblings she was supposed to have.
But I kept my mouth shut. The past was the past. Nudging it in the direction it had gone was one thing. Changing it was quite another.
I turned away, wiping more tears from my eyes. My glasses were getting foggy, so I took them off to dry them. I didn't want to see any more, but I had a feeling that the show wasn't over.
The feeling was right, for, as soon as my glasses were back on, I heard voices – girls' voices. With a heavy heart, I turned back around just in time to see Jenny and a seven-year-old Tisha emerge from the woods. It was a new day, for Jenny was dressed differently than she had while hiding the Ankulen in the stream.
“Well, Tisha,” said Jenny, “this is the stream.”
“It's very … lovely.” Tisha stared fearfully at Jenny. She knew that she had been discovered, but neither had said anything about it – yet.
“Oh,” said Jenny, her voice devious. “Does it not suit you? Was the hike too long?”
“Oh, no, Jenny, the walk was fine,” Tisha quickly replied, her gaze falling. It landed on my bare wrist and stayed there. “And it's a perfectly lovely stream – never saw a better one.”
“But, Tisha, you haven't even looked at the stream,” Jenny pointed. “Why, I do declare, you've hardly looked away from my wrist since we started. Is there something wrong with it? Did I get into poison ivy or something?”
“Well … I …” Tisha mumbled, forcing her eyes onto her feet.
“Oh don't, Jenny, don't” I whispered, though I knew it would do no good.
“Or perhaps you're looking for this?” She knelt by the stream, and, without hesitation, plucked the Ankulen from its depths.
As she held it up so that it sparkled in the sunlight, Tisha tried hard to not react, but failed miserably. She drew back, her face twisting into an expression of horror. “I … well, that's a very pretty bracelet. Why do you keep it out here in the stream?”
Jenny slipped the Ankulen back onto its natural place – her wrist – and stood up. “Oh, Tisha, I didn't always keep this bracelet – this special bracelet – out here in this stream. In fact, until just two days ago, it never left my wrist. Would you like to guess why I took it off?”
Tisha fought down panic. “I really haven't the faintest clue.”
“You don't? I was sure you might know at least something about it.” Jenny was now circling Tisha like a cat would a mouse. “I saw you glance around in search of someone when you first entered the house. I heard you ask about a brother. How did you know about Chris?”
“Well …”
“Fair Maiden Letitia, why don't we stop this game now and cut to the chase. You're out of my imagination and I didn't bring you. I don't like that.”
Tisha fell to her knees and started crying. “Oh! Jenny!”
“However, I'll let it go this time,” Jenny continued, her face relaxing into a reassuring smile. “I'm a very forgiving person, you know.”
Pulling her hands away from her face, Tisha looked up at Jenny. A hopeful smile tugged at the corners of her mouth, and she blinked away the tears. “Really?”
“Really,” said Jenny, sitting down in front of her. “Not only that, but I've decided to let you continue pretending to be my sister.”
“Really?
“Oh, yes!” Jenny continued. “You know I've always wanted a real sister – that's part of the reason I made you up.” Tisha nodded eagerly. “Now you can be my real sister.”
“Oh!” Tisha cried, springing forward and throwing her arms around Jenny's neck. Jenny returned the hug, and they held the position for several seconds.
I only cried harder. The moment looked perfect, but it was false. I knew that Jenny – that I – had merely been giving Tisha false hope before I shattered her world.
“Of course,” Jenny said at last, “it will mean that you will never see your beloved Sir Christofer again.”
“What?” Tisha recoiled as if I had slapped her. “Not see … what happened to him?”
“Oh, nothing terrible, but you see, I've decided that, with you here, there's no need to go in my imagination anymore, and that's where I left Chris.”
“Not go to – but Jenny!” Her fear returned, full force.
“It will be like old times, Tisha, won't it? Just the two of us exploring these old woods. The only difference is now you don't have to hide from the sight of real people.”
“But – he's …”
“Oh, that's right, you're in love with him. Well, I suppose that will keep you out of trouble once you get old enough for the real boys to start liking you.” Jenny had regained her feet and was once more circling Tisha. “Too bad that you'll have to break so many hearts when you tell the boys that you've already loved and lost, and that you can never love another.”
“But –.”
“No messing up your beauty either, Fair Maiden Letitia,” Jenny continued. “In fact,” she tapped the Ankulen's gems, “I've made it impossible for you to be anything but amazingly beautiful. I want you to never forget Chris's heartbreak in losing you – and mine because of your betr
ayal.”
“No!”
“Yes! And one more thing. I don't want you trying to sneak back in the way you got out.” Jenny tapped the Ankulen and put a hand on Tisha's shoulder. “Too bad you never took pain very well.” Then she struck her friend on the forehead, just as she had Chris.
Tisha cried out in pain, then fell forward, unconscious. Jenny placed the gems against Tisha's forehead and continued, “I ought to take your memories of ever being imaginary, but that would be too nice. You've hurt me, Tisha, and I want you to feel my pain.”
She put the Ankulen back into its hiding place, then fled the clearing, barely holding tears at bay.
I stood there stunned. All those years I had been jealous of her beauty, miffed at the boys who would fall at her feet if she would let them … but it was her punishment. I was jealous of her punishment. I turned away, unwilling to see how Tisha awakened.
It was the sound of my own tears that caused me to turn back. There sat Jenny at the base of a tree, crying. It was yet another new day, for the trees had begun to change to their autumn colors.
I just stood there, watching myself cry, a mixed feeling of pity and disgust warring within me. “Why can't you just forgive them?” I muttered. “My life would have been so much happier. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and just forgive them.”
But my younger self, of course, couldn't hear me. Simple words could not undo the past.
“Anka Jenifer.”
I gasped when I saw the speaker, and, from what little attention I could spare her, I could tell that his appearance startled Jenny, too.
How do I describe him? I cannot. Even my memories hardly do him justice. Goodness and light, those are two words. Fierceness and gentleness, those are two more. And now English fails me.
“Anka Jenifer, why do you cry? To return to your world, all you need do is ask your Ankulen, which lies nearby.”
“But I can't! Sir Christofer and Fair Maiden Letitia – I have promised never to return.”
“I know what they did and what you promised,” he said, his voice soft and caring. “I know also that such a promise will only serve to make you miserable. You are miserable already, are you not?”
The Ankulen Page 10