Bereft

by Jennifer Foor

  Once she left the room I leaned forward and placed my lips on the side of Grayson’s head. “I’m here for our date. Sorry I was late.”

  He managed to smile, even with an oxygen line sticking in his nostrils. “You look beautiful.”

  I couldn’t say the same. I’d never seen him look so drained. “Try to stay calm. You need your rest.”

  “Please don’t leave, Rachel. Don’t go yet.”

  I squeezed his hand. “I’m not leaving. I’m staying right here until you can go home, and then I’ll be there with you. I’m not letting you out of my sight until I know you’re going to be okay.”

  “You don’t have to stay with me. I know I’m not your responsibility.”

  It wasn’t even an option for me. Being with Grayson was where I belonged. We’d no longer have an awkward transition. I had a reason to be close to him, to nurse him back to health. We could take it slow, and when the time came, we could have that second chance at happiness. “The next time I leave your side, it will be to move out of my apartment. I think it’s time I come home. It’s where I need to be.” Then I added. “It’s the only place I want to be.”

  We were both a mess. “I love you, Rachel.”

  “I love you too, Grayson. This time we’ll get it right. I promise.”

  While he dozed off to sleep, I silently wept in the chair next to him. I’d almost lost him. Maybe God had intervened. I’d always believed everything happens for a reason. Whatever helped us find our way back to each other I was grateful. I vowed to never take our marriage from granted again. This time we’d do it right. We’d take care of each other. We’d communicate. We’d go to therapy. As long as I had him by my side, I knew we could make it.

  It took me a while to get over the past, but once I did, there was no looking back.

  Epilogue

  I was sitting up in bed nervous about a meeting I’d have to attend with Chad. It had been close to a year since we were in the same room, and longer for when we called off our relationship. Sure, I’d had several video chats during monthly meetings, but other people were included. This however, would be completely different. At some point we’d be alone. I wasn’t a fool. I knew I’d feel something, even though Grayson and I had been happily back together for months. I was content and satisfied. This wasn’t the problem for me. The biggest hurdle was knowing Chad left with unresolved feelings. I suppose when we ended things so abruptly, I threw myself into my job and new lifestyle. I mourned the loss of him, and now he’d be close enough to touch.

  I always told Grayson I’d never cheat; that if the roles were reversed I wouldn’t have acted on impulse. Now, with the time spent trying to forget, I was afraid I couldn’t control myself.

  What if he wanted to hug me? Would I be able to let go?

  We still chatted every once in a while, whether it be on the phone or email. He’d always be friendly, but never really mentioning what we shared together. Even though I was where I knew I belonged, I missed him. I missed his spunky sense of humor, and how he knew when I needed extra attention to get me out of a sour mood.

  Grayson stirred and lifted his head, noticing me sitting up next to him. “Hey, babe. You doing alright?”

  My worries weren’t a secret. I’d discussed my feelings with Grayson, because in all honesty, if I did something irrational, I needed him to be prepared. “Maybe I shouldn’t go to the office tomorrow. I’m sure they can video me in.”

  He rubbed his face and leaned on my leg. “Rachel, you’re going to be fine. It’s natural to feel nervous.”

  I faced him, determined to make a serious point. “Grayson, I’m scared. You know he was there for me when things were terrible between us. I’m grateful for his friendship.”

  “You’re worried you might do something aren’t you?”

  I felt a knot in the pit of my stomach just bringing it up. Grayson had recovered from his heart attack, but not a day had gone by where I wasn’t worried about his health. I knew I couldn’t live without him, not comfortably. Since getting back together our relationship was stronger than ever. That’s why I couldn’t understand why one visit was making me question my sanity. “I know I don’t love him, Grayson. You have to believe me. It wasn’t anything like we have.”

  “I get it. It still hurts, but I get it. So, do you feel like you want to be with him?”

  I knew his question was torture, albeit wasn’t as hard as my answer would be. “I’m afraid I won’t be in control of my own actions. Does that even make sense?”

  “Yeah. I’ve got to be honest though, it doesn’t make me feel comfortable either. Rachel, I know you. You’re a good person, and sometimes because of that, you make decisions to appease others. This time you need to rethink the way you handle tough scenarios. If you have unresolved feelings there’s nothing I can do. It hurts, but it’s just another hurdle we’ll cross together, as a couple. We can get through anything as long as we’re open, remember what the therapist said?”

  He was right. Our marriage counselor had explained this was necessary. No matter how hard the topic, it needed to be addressed.

  I kissed the top of my husband’s head. “I need to do this. I need to face him and let go of whatever unresolved feelings I have. Just know, I’ll come home to you Grayson. I always will. I know you’re worried, but please don’t fret. Don’t think the worst while I’m gone. It’s one meeting. It’s not like I’m going out of town. I’m be home for dinner, and I’ll tell you all about how awkward the day was.”

  “I trust you, babe. I’m worried, but I know you’ll make the right decision.”

  I cuddled my body up against his, feeling the need to provide comfort to his precious heart. “I love you.”

  “And I love you. It’s always been you, Rachel.”

  It made me smile. I leaned up and kissed his lips. One chaste expression turned into a longer embrace. Before I knew what was happening he’d adjusted us to where I was on top of him in bed. Our tongues mingled together, while my nightgown was being lifted over my head. Grayson move his ass to let me know he wasn’t ready to go back to bed, not yet at least. I ran my hands up his bare chest, stopping when one of my palms was over his heart. I could feel it beating, reminding me how close I’d come to losing him before.

  I leaned down and kissed him again, scooting off my husband so he was able to remove his boxer shorts. He shoved them down, rolling on top of me immediately. His hands began caressing my sensitive skin, while he kissed his way around my neck and then down to one of my breasts. His tongue traced a nipple in a circular pattern, his hand coming up and pinching the other. My body arched as his lips found mine again.

  My legs came up and wrapped around his bare ass. He began setting a course for motion overtop of me, teasing me with his rock hard shaft. My legs were spread, ready to accept all of him like I’d done so many times before. It had taken us a while to be able to be intimate again, but once it happened I remembered he belonged to me. Nothing a little tramp could have done would change the fact that I’d always held his heart. I wasn’t going to let six months ruin a lifetime of love we would share together.

  Grayson breathed heavily against my ear. I knew he was about to enter me, to fill me with everything he had to offer. I tightened my grip around his back and prepared to be swept away with ecstasy.

  Right as I was about to feel it, he lowered his body, kissing his way down my abdomen and then to my sweet spot below. I felt his mouth there, first tickling my clit, but them devouring my pussy. I gasped and let out a tiny cry as he lapped his way inside my opening, groaning when his tongue made contact with my juices. Grayson did a trick with his tongue, applying pressure to my clit he knew got me off. I dug my fingers into his hair, holding on while falling prisoner to his hot tantric persuasion.

  While my body bucked, trying to recuperate, my husband came up and pressed his lips against mine. I could taste my release as our tongues meshed together.

  Then, all of a sudden, I felt pressure below. He was sl
iding inside of me, giving me no time to catch my breath. I raised my hands above my head and let him take control, gliding his body over mine so practiced, like we’d done a million times before. He was slow, taking his time, because we had forever. His kisses were seductive, his movements graceful, as if he was handling precious cargo. I closed my eyes as chills ran from my lips to my toes, tingling in parts of me only lovers got to see.

  He rolled us over, sitting me up so my body was straddling his. We held hands as I began my pace, riding him in a slow trot. I arched my back, feeling both his hands coming up and massaging my tender sensitive breasts. I reached between my legs, stroking my clit as my movements became more rapid. The easy pace was changing into a faster canter. I could feel my next orgasm coming to the surface. I tightened my ass and rocked over his as fast as possible, screaming out as pleasure overwhelmed me. At the same time, he grabbed my hips and kept me from moving. I watched his face scrunch up as he lost himself in euphoria.

  Afterwards we remained connected. I rested my head on his chest while he brought his arms up and held me. “I know you’ll come home to me, Rachel.”

  He was right. I would. I just hoped it was because I was able to handle myself properly, instead of getting lost in passion with another man for the second time in my life. “I promise I will.”

  I’d been at the office for fifteen minutes before I heard his familiar voice. My stomach was in knots, and I swore I’d looked at myself in the mirror six times while on the train. This wasn’t like me to be so worried about self-control. I’d priding myself in being in control of every situation, yet here I was struggling to comprehend how one man could make me feel so unsure.

  I watched the second hand on the clock move, slowly making it’s way to the time I needed to report to the conference room. I’d received a memo on my email regarding the meeting. There would be two. The first would include upper management. The second would be a closed meeting to both CEO’s – me and Chad.

  My hands were shaking, and I half expected him to come in and say hello before we got started.

  Finally it was time for the big reveal. I adjusted my skirt, remembering the way Grayson looked at me with worry when he saw what I’d chose to wear. I tried to reassure him, but there was no getting around the elephant in the room.

  Once I entered, I took a seat furthest from where I thought he’d sit. I pulled out my cell phone and played around, searching for recipes or anything to keep my mind off of Chad.

  Then I heard his voice, getting closer, and finally out of the corner of my eyes noticed he’d sat right next to me. He was approaching my face. I prepared for his welcome, not really sure what to expect. “You look great, Rach,” he whispered in my ear. I still hadn’t had the nerve to glance in his direction. I was too afraid. I couldn’t handle the way I knew he’d be staring at me. I wasn’t able to see his hazel eyes gazing into mine. It would make me lose my self-control.

  I clenched my knees under the table, waiting for someone to start talking about work, instead of it being brutally quiet.

  A few minutes later the meeting began. I was able to breathe easier with the subject on both companies instead of Chad. He’d hired an assistant for the marketing side of the company. Officially, it was our annual meeting. We went over numbers for both entities, breaking down gains and losses. We talked about revenues and goals for the upcoming quarter.

  When it was my turn, I did the same, keeping my focus on my spreadsheets instead of my neighbor.

  An hour later the room cleared out, leaving me and Chad alone again. Before I could speak, he slid a folder in my direction. “I won’t keep you long, Rach. There’s just a few legal documents we need to take care of.”

  “Legal documents? You didn’t ask the attorney to be present?”

  “I had them draw everything up last week. Before you argue with me, why don’t you take a look at my proposal?”

  I glanced down at the paperwork, allowing my eyes to adjust for a second time when I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. “This can’t be right.”

  The legal document in front of me was stating the company was being transferred to my name. I would be the sole owner and CEO of Leviathan Agency, while Chad would have one-hundred percent ownership of the marketing company. “It’s right, Rach. You’ve busted your ass on a company I wanted nothing to do with. It’s your baby, and you deserve it.”

  I slid the papers back in his direction. “I can’t accept this, Chad. It’s very generous, but uncalled for. I’m perfectly happy with my position.”

  “Fine,” he began tucking the papers away. “I’ll sell it to someone else then.”

  “What?” I quickly pulled the documents back in front of me. “No. I don’t want you to sell it.”

  “After speaking with my grandfather, we’ve decided it would be best. He wants you to have it, Rach, and so do I. You know he cares about you. According to the revised will, you were getting it regardless.” He tapped on the paperwork. “Sign the papers and make it official. I know you don’t want to be in here with me.”

  I still hadn’t looked in his direction yet. “I never said that.”

  “You don’t have to. I know you. Our situation may have changed, but a man doesn’t forget a woman as special as you are.”

  “Stop.” I covered my face and prayed I could keep my composure.

  “Sorry if I overstepped. Just sign the damn papers and I’ll get out of your hair.”

  Suddenly I realized we had little time to spend together and I was acting like an immature kid. I turned and finally let my eyes coast over that body I knew so well. “You really want me to have the company?”

  “It’s been yours all along. I’m just finally getting around to making it official. Sign the papers. Take control of the company. Make it your own. Change the name if you want.”

  “No. I wouldn’t. Leviathan is a huge part of my life.”

  He kept staring at me, then nodded. “I know what you mean.”

  For a few seconds I felt like he was looking into my soul. My hands were shaking, and my palms were sweaty. I was uncomfortable, but didn’t want to move an inch away from him. “I’m happy, Chad. I want you to know that.”

  “I can tell. It’s obvious. You look stunning.”

  I managed to smile, feeling the heat rush to my cheeks.

  “How’s Grayson?”

  “He’s doing well, thanks for asking.”

  “Is he treating you right, because you know, you always have another option. As far as I’m concerned, there’s never going to be another like you.”

  “Don’t say stuff like that,” I whispered. “I’m committed to my marriage.”

  “I know you are.” He reached over and brushed my cheek with the back of his hand. I closed my eyes and attempted to keep from reacting. “Walking away from you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I regret it, but I know it was for the right reasons. I was never the man you needed, Rach. Your heart already belonged to someone else.”

  I wanted to argue with him, but what good would it do? He was right. I was with the man I loved. Chad represented a time in my life where I was at my lowest. He saved me, and for that I owed him a lifetime of respect and appreciation. “Thank you.”

  He kept his fingers on my chin. “Don’t mention it. Just know, if that man ever treats you wrong, I’ll be in California, with plenty of room to share.”

  I snickered. “We did have fun, didn’t we?”

  “It hasn’t been the same.”

  I looked down at the papers and signed them. “I’ll never be able to repay you for this.”

  “Look at it this way. If I ever need furniture, you can write it off on your account.”

  We both laughed. “Is there anything else you need from me?”

  His brows furrowed. “No. If the attorney requests something I’ll let you know. It’s not really a huge change. People won’t even notice. The marketing firm hasn’t been here in a year. If you ask me, your employees will b
e thrilled. They never liked me.”

  “Yeah, I remember when I felt that way too.”

  He brought his face closer, almost to where he was touching me. “And how do you feel about me now?”

  I couldn’t close my eyes. We weren’t touching, but it felt like we were. I licked my lips and replied. “I think you’re the only man on the planet to make me feel like I could break my marriage vows. It makes me uncomfortable, because I know how easy it would be to fall into your arms again, but I know what that kind of pain feels like, and I refused to put myself and my husband through it again.” I slid my chair back. “Thank you again for the company. I’ll be paying Charles a visit very soon.” I reached out my hand to shake his. “I guess this is it then?”

  Chad stood, displaying his height. He glared into my eyes, as if pleading with me to reconsider. He leaned forward and let his lips linger on my cheek, then toward my ear. “I will always love you, Rach. Never forget it.”

  I watched him leave the room, then collapsed back down into the chair. By the time I managed to calm down, Chad had left the building.

  I didn’t stick around to make an official announcement. I needed to get out of there. While riding on the train, I focused on Grayson and how I’d kept control over my actions. A part of me wondered what would have happened if I gave in, but I knew I would have regretted it.

  When I pulled up out front I saw Grayson mowing the lawn. He’d only been working three days a week after his heart attack, and relieved stress by doing light yard work from time to time. He stopped the riding mower and climbed off to greet me. “Hey, babe. Is everything okay? Did it go alright?”

  “It’s better than okay. You can retire. We’re now the official owners of the Leviathan Agency. Charles and Chad gave me the company.”

  He hugged me and then pulled away. “Holy shit. That’s amazing news. You’ve worked your ass off for it. Wow.”

  “It’s all mine. I can’t believe it.”

  “How did everything else go?” Of course he’d ask immediately.