Risking Fate

by Jennifer Foor

  “My babies.”

  “Try not to talk. You need to save your energy.”

  “Please, tell me. Are they okay?”

  I faded out again.

  When I came to this time, my head was tilted to the side. For just a brief moment, I could have sworn I saw Ty looking at me through some kind of window. A doctor moved in front of my view and when he moved away again, Ty was gone.

  Was he really here? How could he have gotten here so fast? How long had I been out of it? Does he know about our boys?

  The more I started to worry, the more the monitor beeped. The faster it got, the harder it was for me to keep my eyes opened. I struggled to stay awake, hoping to get one more glimpse of Ty. I had to know if it was really him. I needed him to know that I didn’t hate him. He needed to know if something happened to me, I wanted him to move on. He had a big heart and I knew he would want more children. Bella deserved to live a happy life. She didn’t ever have to know what we’d done to keep her safe.

  I let myself fade one last time, even though I was determined to stay awake, I had lost the battle.

  The atmosphere was different when I opened my eyes. All of the previous voices had disappeared. A mellow beeping was coming from behind me just as I remembered being strapped to the bed, my arm raised higher than I expected it to. The ceiling was brighter with fluorescent lights instead of the ones in the last room I was in.

  Before I could turn my head to look around, I heard someone sniffle to my right. I didn’t have to see his face to know who it was. Ty’s wedding ring, along with both of his hands covered my view of his face. He was obviously crying and just hearing it brought back everything that had happened.

  I reached for him, even though he wasn’t close enough to touch. When I went to speak, my voice was nothing but air. “Ty….” He didn’t hear me through his own crying. “Ty,” I repeated.

  Slowly, his hands moved away from his face. I was shocked to see how red the eyes were that looked back at me. “Miranda…Baby, I can’t believe you’re awake. My God, I thought I lost you forever.” He reached his arms around me and pressed his lips to mine.

  My mouth was so dry; it hurt to even try to talk. “Water. Please.”

  Ty moved his face away from mine and looked around the room. “Nurse…she’s awake and she needs a drink.”

  A female, who looked about our age, came walking up to my bedside. She was wearing scrubs with little teddy bears all over them. I don’t know what made me notice it, but I did. They reminded me of the Grateful Dead bears I’d seen on bumper stickers.

  “Because of the medication, I can’t give her a drink yet, but I can offer her some ice chips to chew on. I’ll be right back.”

  I watched her walk away and then turned my attention to Ty. My voice was an air-filled whisper, so he got up close to my face when I spoke. “I’m sorry.”

  “Baby, try not to talk.” He wiped the hair from my face and kissed my cheek. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

  It wasn’t okay. It was never going to be okay. Our boys were gone because of my accident. I’d taken his sons from him. No matter what happened between us, we could never get past this. Even if I forgave him for Heather, he would never forgive me.

  “Please don’t hate me.” I was too weak to cry, but inside I was being torn apart. He had to know the truth by now. How could he be sitting here with me knowing what had happened.

  He stroked my cheek and ran his fingers over my lips. “Shhh, I could never hate you. Even if you hate me.”

  I reached for his face and stroked my hand over his stubble-filled cheeks. “I don’t hate you.” It hurt my throat to talk. I could feel it sticking together inside.

  “I don’t blame you if you do. I deserve it.” He shook his head and looked down at the floor. “If I could take it back I would. Nothing means anything without you in my life, Miranda.”

  “You don’t have to be nice to me after what happened, Ty. It’s okay if you can’t forgive me. I can’t forgive myself.” I started to really cry, even without the tears. My throat continued to stick together, pinching me from the insides.

  “Miranda, you got into an accident. It wasn’t your fault. Everything is going to be okay. I thought I’d lost you forever. You have no idea how bad it was. They had to bring you back once. It was the worst thing I have ever experienced.” I could tell from his voice that he was truthfully scared.

  “But the babies. It’s all my fault. How can you even look at me? How could you ever love me?”

  Ty froze and I truly believed he didn’t know what happened to our boys. Had nobody told him? “Baby, what are you talking about? The boys are small, but they are both fine. Iz and I held them several times.”

  They’re alive? “But, I saw them, Ty. I saw them covered in my blood. They weren’t breathing.” I hadn’t noticed until Ty shushed me, that I was starting to hyperventilate. The nurse, who was already heading in my direction with my promised cup of ice chips, rushed to my side.

  “Calm down, Mrs. Mitchell. You can’t get yourself upset. We need to keep you as comfortable as possible.”

  I ignored the stupid nurse and looked at my husband. He pulled out his cell phone and scrolled to his pictures. “The one on the right is Jax and Jake is on the left. Izzy made the decision about who was who. She’s pretty concerned we are going to get them mixed up on account of them looking so much alike, even though Jake has a couple more ounces on his brother.”

  I heard everything he said, but for some reason, I needed him to tell me again. “I don’t understand.”

  “Miranda, Baby, you had a placental abruption. You were bleeding internally. I don’t know how much you saw, but they were able to get the blood out of our boy’s lungs in time to save them. I promise you that they are fine, in fact, your mother is with them right now.”

  “My mother? How long have I been out of it?” It wasn’t like the room had windows.

  “About twenty-four hours. I’m not really sure exactly. You’ve been in this place for almost twenty hours. Nobody has been able to see you except me and your mother. Everyone else has to wait until you go into a stable condition.”

  “Stable? My God, Ty, how bad is it?”

  He shrugged his shoulders and leaned in close to me. I felt his fingers touching my face and I closed my eyes, appreciating his touch so much. “For a while, we were just playing it by ear. They never did figure out exactly where the bleeding was coming from. You’ve had seven separate units of blood transfused. We just didn’t know what would happen. They were concerned about kidney failure for a while. They come and prick you every hour and check your vitals. Your breathing has gotten better throughout the day, but until you said my name, I didn’t know if I’d ever see those pretty eyes again. You scared the shit out of us.”

  I intertwined my hand with Ty’s. “I need to see our boys.”

  “I know you do. You have to get better first, Baby. Right now you have sixty staples from hip to hip.”

  Holy shit is that why I feel so tight?

  An itch that I hadn’t noticed before overwhelmed me. I began taking my nails and digging them into my arms. The nurse looked at what I was doing and handed Ty the cup of ice. “The itching is from the morphine. It’s one of the side effects. I know it is unbearable, but try as best as you can to avoid scratching. I will find some lotion your husband can put on you where it is itching.”

  As soon as she walked away, I turned to Ty. He was looking in the cup and pulling out a small piece of ice to stick in my mouth. The way he was being so attentive to me was the Ty I knew and loved. The way he cared about me radiated through him. No matter what happened to bring us to this particular moment, I couldn’t imagine him not being there.

  I couldn’t think about that situation, because my only focus needed to be on getting better so that I could see my babies. Bella must have been so frightened, even with my mother and Ty to keep her calm. How he kept a straight face around her was beyond my reach. That little g
irl was his kryptonite and I couldn’t see him holding it together for very long.

  My mother must have been freaking out by now. I can’t imagine her getting that call. As Ty fed me another chip, it all hit me. “Oh my God, did you have to call and tell them?”

  “You mean your mother? Well, of course I did. Actually, I called Colt, because calling your mother would have been too hard. None of this was very easy for me. In fact, at first, I didn’t know you made it. They wouldn’t tell me anything. They just kept taking me to the boys instead. I begged and pleaded and finally they let me see you while you were in surgery.”

  I cut him off. “In the window?”

  “You saw me? When I looked at you, you were so lifeless. You looked so horrible and they wouldn’t let me in there with you. I swear I tried, Miranda. I would have done anything to get in that room with you. I was so afraid. I can’t live without you, Baby, not even for a second. You mean everything to me.”

  I wanted to argue with him; to ask him why he would sleep with Heather, but I was just too weak to confront him about it. My life had just flashed in front of my eyes and I needed to focus on what was best for my family and our future. Maybe Ty and I would never work, but I needed to at least try.

  I was so hurt and even after just waking up; I could still see those pictures flashing through my mind. On the other side of my angst, there was an overwhelming feeling of need. Maybe it was selfish, but I didn’t want to give up my family. Just moments ago, I’d thought that my twins were stillborn. What kind of mother would I be to take away their father that adored them? I had to find a way to make things work with Ty. I had to hope that in some way this terrible circumstance would make him want to be with only me.

  It was so important for me to be optimistic, because without that, all I had left was doubt.

  “I need you.”

  He looked me straight in the eyes and I could see the understanding radiate through him. “I’m here. I’ll be here as long as you let me be.”

  I couldn’t answer that, because up until my accident, I had been sure I wanted to get far away from him.

  Everything had changed.

  “Okay.”

  Knowing how hard it was to talk, Ty kept our conversations to a minimum. He laid his head next to me on the bed and held onto me as I fell back asleep. I woke up to someone pricking me for another blood test. Ty stirred and winked at me as he sat up. He was so handsome, especially after not being able to shave for a whole day. His brown eyes looked exhausted.

  “You should go somewhere and sleep.”

  He pulled my hand up to his mouth. “I’m not leaving here unless you’re with me.”

  “Well, I’m going to need my driver to be well rested. You will be traveling with a lot of precious cargo.”

  Ty rolled his eyes at me. “Trust me; I know how precious that cargo is. I’d die myself before I’d let anything happen to the four of you.”

  I let out an air-filled laugh and shook my head. “Let’s not talk about death anymore.”

  “Fine by me. I’m kind of glad that I don’t have to start wearing black every day. I mean, for me its fine, but I didn’t want Iz going all Goth on us yet. She needs to at least turn ten before that happens.” His white teeth were displayed for the first time. I loved that he had given me something to smile about. “There’s that smile I love.”

  “It hurts to laugh.”

  He looked down at my body and pulled the covers away. “Yeah, I bet it does. It looks good though. The doctor says your scars should be minimal. They’ll be hidden anyway. I mean, only I’ll be able to see them when you’re naked.” His reply was loaded and I knew what he wanted out of it. He wanted me to agree with him; to accept his apology in some way and be able to move forward.

  “Ty, I’m not ready to talk about this.”

  “Being naked or being naked with me?” He was very serious.

  “Both.”

  I could tell it hurt him. He closed his eyes and looked away from me. His hand that was holding mine pulled away. I watched him run his hands through his hair with his back turned to me. “I get it, I really do. I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but one day when you’re ready, I want you to hear my side of the story. Maybe it won’t change your mind, but you need to hear it.”

  He turned around and sat back down beside me, but instead of touching me, he put his hands into his face again. I reached for him. “Ty.” He looked up and gave me his hand. His eyes were full of tears, but none fell. I wondered how many times he’d cried for me in the past day. I couldn’t imagine what he went through. “I’m not going to leave you. I want to raise our children together. You need to know that I love you. I just can’t get over what happened right now.”

  He shook his head. “I know.”

  “When I’m strong enough to hear it, I’ll let you know.” He put his head down again. “I should have never expected you to be able to change for me. It wasn’t right for me to assume that.”

  Ty looked up at me with the most hateful look on his face. “You had every right, Miranda. I wouldn’t have married you if I didn’t want this life. There’s never been anyone else, I swe….”

  I held up my hand. “Save it, Ty. Please, I just can’t hash this out right now. I’m still mad as hell and I don’t have the energy to do this. I need your support, so that we can take our kids home together. Just give me that, because I know you want the same.”

  He shook his head, but just sat there sniffling for the longest time.

  To avoid getting myself upset again, I turned my head away from him and closed my eyes, trying to only focus on being alive and the picture of my living, breathing twins.

  Chapter 23

  Ty

  The first twenty-four hours had been the hardest for me to handle. They got a little easier when our family arrived. Colt was his normal, strong self, while Van and my mother in law seemed as upset as I was. Of course, my mother in law expected an explanation of why Miranda was driving to Kentucky without me. Thank God, Van was there to cover for me. It was bad enough that Miranda hated me for what happened, but I couldn’t have every single person I loved feeling that way too.

  Van was great to have there. She’d been the one by my side when they didn’t know if I was going to pull through years ago. She kept her arm tucked into mine whenever she was near and always said something positive even when the doctor gave us bad news.

  After they had resuscitated my wife, she still had issues. At one point, the doctor came out and talked to me about them being worried of her having kidney failure, and other complications from surgery. Thankfully, by the next set of tests her levels started going back to normal.

  Once they got her moved into the ICU, also known as the intensive care unit, only one person was allowed in at a time. Colt managed to find a hotel nearby where they could all stay and get some rest. Of course, he offered it to me as well, but nothing could keep me from my wife.

  Her mother and I took turns sitting at her bedside, just listening to the beeping of the monitors and praying to God that she would come back to us.

  Conner and my mother were due to be there in the morning and with my mother in law being so tired, I told her to go get some rest at the hotel for a few hours. I think she took one look at me and knew I wasn’t giving her an option. I wanted to be with my wife and not even sleep could keep me from that.

  I’d dosed off a couple times in between my emotional moments where I couldn’t hold in the tears any longer. Since the family had come, they had Izzy and were visiting the twins more so that I could be with Miranda. It was hard to choose between my kids and their mother, but I knew they were okay and Miranda wasn’t.

  I was praying to God when I heard Miranda say my name. I wanted him to take me instead of her. The kids needed their mother. I couldn’t lose her and be strong enough to be good to them. The pain would overwhelm me, I just knew it.

  As soon as I heard Miranda’s beautiful voice, I felt like I could breathe again. I k
new she had been through Hell, but the idea of losing her was the worst pain I’d ever experienced. Her voice was like a beautiful song filling my ears. It was raspy and I could tell she was in pain, but she was awake.

  I don’t even remember getting up and rushing to her side, but suddenly I was there, kissing her and looking into those beautiful crystal blue eyes. She looked so bad. Her hands and feet were swollen and her normal skin color had a white hue. It wasn’t just that she was pale; she was so white that she looked like a ghost. Giant circles set under her eyes and her lips were hard and cracked. Aside from all of that she had a tube in her nose, giving her oxygen and IV’s attached to one of her hands feeding her more blood.

  I’d been so excited about her coming back to me that I’d almost forgot about what got her there in the first place. Of course, it only took us a short while to bring it up. I hated myself and blamed my own actions for putting her in the hospital. She needed to hear my side of the story. I had to tell her that I would never do those things with Heather voluntarily. I hated that bitch so much, for what she’d done to my family.

  When Miranda asked me to wait to talk about it, I had to respect her request. It killed me sitting there in front of her having her think the worst of me. I don’t know why I’d assumed she would ever be able to trust me, but hearing Van say she did, gave me hope. At any rate, Miranda said she was coming home to me. She wanted to raise our kids together. It might not have been the perfect result I was hoping for, but I would take it. She would be with me, in our home, where she belonged.

  My heart had never strayed from my wife, not for one single second.

  After a short nap, Miranda finally woke up again. I was afraid to talk to her, on account of what we talked about before she stopped talking to me. “Hey.”