Up Until Now

by Petrea King

  Finding our own personal truth and living from the authenticity of that, regardless of other people’s opinions, is the path to fulfilment and peace. I have always liked the saying, ‘Other people’s opinion of us is none of our business,’ but recognise there have been many times in my life when I lived as though the opposite was true.

  When I reflect on the pain and anguish I see in both the micro world of our relationships or the larger world of nations, it seems to me that we have lost our spiritual compass. We look for personal, political, military or economic solutions to what are really spiritual matters. It is no longer appropriate to do what we have always done because it simply doesn’t work.

  Until we recognise the power of love and the interconnectedness of all life, we will flounder in the world of ‘us’ and ‘them’. As the great Indian sage Mahatma Gandhi said, ‘An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.’ Until we can see the other as ourselves, we are destined to judge one another according to colour, creed and difference.

  We do not need to be well or free of pain to find ‘the peace that passes all understanding’. No matter whether we live with pain, sickness or disability, or are in great health, we can all learn to live passionately, to live a life of purpose.

  Good health is wonderful, but I have known many people in exceedingly good physical health who are miserable. Sometimes people grasp at life or believe they will only be happy if they have life unfold in the way they believe it ‘should’.

  I have entered many a mansion where heartache lies behind the magnificent door and many a hut without a door in the Indian desert. I have been blessed to be at bedsides, welcomed into homes and country towns where grief or potential loss are similarly experienced. Beyond the trappings, assets and accumulations of our lives, we all face our inevitable suffering, whether with our health, wealth or lack of it, with our loved ones and their challenges or life’s proclivities when the unexpected or unimagined darkens our doorway.

  Happiness is found when our sense of self is anchored not in our physical bodies, with all their idiosyncrasies and challenges, not in the fluctuations of our busy brains with their thoughts and feelings, and not in the prescriptions and judgements we project onto life, ourselves or each other.

  Real joy and wisdom are found in moments of gratitude or kindness, in moments of connection, in moments of wonder and awe. When we take the risk to let go of what we have outgrown instead of clinging to it, we find the freedom to embrace the dream of who we are yet to become. Deepening wisdom and personal growth are possible for everyone, even though a cure for what ails the body may not be.

  What small suffering I have had has made me a better companion to other people who likewise suffer; not because I know what it is like for them but because I am willing to hear their suffering without trying to fix it, change it or make it better. Providing a safe environment in which people can utter the unutterable enables the emergence of their courage. Once we can name it, we are already more than it.

  If ever we can be of service to you or those you love, please be in touch.

  My parents, Rae and Geoff.

  Me as a toddler.

  With my brothers Ross and Brenden and our pet dachshund, Brynner.

  Our family holiday in Europe.

  Brenden feeding a lamb at my godmother’s property near Kilmarnock in New South Wales.

  Me nursing a koala.

  Celebrating my thirteenth birthday with Rae and Geoff.

  Fellow trainee nurse Zibby Kellett and I enjoying toffee apples in a break.

  My older brother Brenden, 20, and me, 18.

  Brenden, 31, at Wentworth, New South Wales, 1982.

  With my children Simon and Kate at my brother Ross’s wedding.

  With Ross and his wife Dianne, Rae and Geoff, 1986. Simon can be seen peering out from behind the sofa.

  Being interviewed on television during a lecture tour of the United States for my first book, Quest for Life, in 1996.

  Wendie and me.

  With Padre Ilarino, who loved and cared for me at Eremo delle Carceri monastery near Assisi.

  My corner of the Grotto of St Francis where I meditated.

  Padre Ilarino’s last blessing.

  With Wendie on the set of This Is Your Life, being presented with the album by Mike Munro.

  Family portrait on the set of This Is Your Life: Kate, Ross, Simon and Geoff standing behind Wendie, me and Rae.

  The launch of my book, Your Life Matters, The Briars, 2004.

  Gong Blessing Ceremony, Quest for Life Centre, 2007.

  The Quest for Life Centre, Bundanoon. ROBYN FAGAN

  The Ruth Cracknell Garden at the Centre. ROBYN FAGAN

  Receiving a ‘For Purpose and Social Enterprise Award’, Telstra Business Women’s Awards, 2016.

  With Marcus Blackmore and Wendie at the Blackmores Sydney Running Festival, 2013.

  Walking Kate down the aisle, 2013.

  With Simon, Edinburgh, 2008.

  Happy times with Geoff and Rae.

  Besotted with my granddaughters, Olivia and baby Izabella.

  With Wendie, Bled, Slovenia, 2015.

  Fundraising tour to Italy and Slovenia, 2015.

  With Richard Glover in the 702 ABC studio, Sydney.

  With Wendie, Assisi, 2015.

  Quest for Life Centre

  Well over 110,000 people have benefited from workshops, counselling, groups and programs that Petrea and the Quest for Life Foundation have provided. For the past few years, Quest has used a well-recognised evaluation tool called the Kessler 10 (K10), which comprises ten questions that participants answer before attending a Quest program; and four weeks after the program, they answer the same ten questions. In our program for people suffering with symptoms of post-traumatic stress (PTSD), our evaluations include an additional and more targeted evaluation tool, and the evaluation process continues beyond the month to three, six and twelve months later.

  Across our residential programs, participants experience an average of a 27 per cent increase in quantified mental wellbeing four weeks after attending a program. That figure continues to increase substantially at the three, six and twelve month evaluation interviews. These results demonstrate that the framework we use, based on the latest research into neuroplasticity and epigenetics, plus the skills, practical strategies and tools that participants learn about on Quest programs are not only highly beneficial, but benefits increase as participants continue to utilise what they’ve learned on the program.

  Quest’s current intensive, educational and support residential programs include:

  Healing Your Life—for people living with depression, anxiety, loss, the consequences of abuse, relationship breakdown, grief and other unexpected difficulties.

  Quest for Life—for people living with cancer, life-threatening illness, chronic pain/illness.

  Moving Beyond Trauma—for people suffering the consequences of post-trauma symptoms or PTSD (DVA and Worker’s Comp cover costs for eligible people).

  The Quest for Life Foundation is a National Disability Insurance Scheme (NDIS) Provider.

  If Quest can be of service to you or your loved ones, please be in touch.

  URL: www.questforlife.com.au

  Facebook: facebook.com/QuestforLifeAus

  Ph: 1300-941-488

  Ph: 61-2-4883-6599

  Quest for Life Foundation

  The Quest for Life Foundation is a DG1 registered charity which relies on donations, bequests and fundraising to continue and further its vision. All donations over $2 are tax deductible.

  Our programs and community workshops enable people to feel empowered and capable of embracing their challenges. All programs are tailored to the specific needs of people living with grief, loss, trauma, tragedy or physical and mental illnesses. People leave our programs with a lighter heart and an abundance of practical tools and strategies for healing, resilience, forgiveness and creating peace of mind.

  Donations and bequests

 
Your donation or bequest ensures:

  •Quest services are made available to as many people as possible

  •helps train more people in Quest’s skills, tools and strategies; and

  •enables the vision of Quest to grow and expand.

  Rainbow Club

  Your regular financial contribution—whether large or small—through our Rainbow Club, ensures that we can accommodate everyone in need of our services. Please consider donating to the Quest for Life Foundation.

  Acknowledgements

  So many people have been a part of both my personal journey and the formation of the Quest for Life Centre and Foundation that it would take another book to list them. The collective efforts of our staff, volunteers, board members, supporters, donors and past participants have together enabled a vision to be enlivened and brought into being.

  One such volunteer is Robyn Fagan, who attended a program for people with cancer in 1996. She returned for a second program, when Quest had just purchased Killarney House, and was so inspired by the dream of what we were creating that she moved to Bundanoon to volunteer her time. Since the opening of Quest, Robyn has—on a voluntary basis—picked and arranged flowers throughout the buildings for every program. Such gestures of kindness and generosity are treasures beyond measure and demonstrate the good-heartedness of people. When the heart is touched, it is natural for us to want to pay it forward in some way.

  There are many such stories of people like Robyn who, having suffered some illness or calamity, have made meaning of their experience by doing something to benefit others who likewise are hurting.

  Angela Belgiorno-Zegna, Liz Lynch, Annie Robinson and Mili Legge were four extraordinary women who wanted to see Quest succeed with its vision. They served as board members and were active fundraisers for several events that enabled Quest to continue. To this day, Mili continues her support of the Foundation; in 2015, she organised and led a wonderful fundraising tour to Italy where we revisited the monastery and cave in Assisi, and then travelled on to the country of her birth, Slovenia and Croatia.

  Our staff and volunteers create the ideal environment for our participants to learn valuable life-skills, tools and strategies for living well in challenging circumstances. Everyone plays a valuable role, whether it’s in the way they clean a room or make a bed, prepare a meal, greet our participants on arrival, help with administrative tasks, speak on the phone, do our accounts, tend the grounds or something else that enables people to feel loved and cared for when they visit us. People are so relieved when they feel the warmth and care on their arrival. They find it easy to relax into being nurtured, encouraged and inspired. Without our wonderful staff and volunteers, we simply couldn’t accomplish as much as we do at Quest. My thanks to everyone who has made Quest into the amazing healing place it has become. I count it as a privilege to work with such special people who all give so generously of their time and hearts.

  ***

  Marcus Blackmore has continued to be a friend and supporter of me personally and the work we do at the Quest for Life Centre.

  Some years ago, I sought Marcus’s advice when we were reviewing Quest’s business model and the issues around our financial sustainability. Remembering back to when the Loudons had made it possible for us to purchase and refurbish the Centre, we knew then that this work would completely absorb our time, finances and energy—and indeed it had. Perhaps after thirty years, we had done what we could to make a difference and it was time to let the Centre go. It is not (financially) easy to keep such an enterprise going given that many of the people most in need of our services are those who are least able to afford the cost of a program.

  Marcus heard me out. At first, he suggested that Blackmores do with Quest what they had done with the Macular Degeneration Foundation (MDF), which receives 5 per cent of net retail sales from their product Macuvision. Marcus suggested that if I, as a naturopath, developed some formulas for the benefit of people attending our programs, then Blackmores would donate 5 per cent of net retail sales from this range to Quest. This would enable a passive income stream into Quest, and for that I was very grateful.

  I met with the Blackmores formulations team and the marketing people, and we progressed the conversation over several months. Then Marcus unexpectedly declared, ‘Petrea, I don’t want to go down this pathway with you at all. We (Blackmores Ltd) should be supporting Quest just because it does great work in the community. I don’t want you associated with a product.’

  I hugged him. This is testament to the great man he is. Many, many years ago, Marcus had said to me, ‘The reason you’re so trusted by people in Australia is because you’re not associated with a product. Never become associated with a product, not even with Blackmores.’ I was touched that Marcus was so keen to support Quest without wanting anything in return, other than to know their support makes a profound and positive difference in thousands of people’s lives. Blackmores Ltd have been Quest’s major corporate sponsor since 2012.

  In addition to Blackmores’ wonderful support, given so freely, Marcus and his wife Caroline recently donated sufficient funds to completely refurbish the Quest for Life Centre. So, with new beds and furniture, paint, carpet and artwork, as well as upgrading our infrastructure, including computers, phone system, a therapy building and caretaker’s cottage, the Centre has never looked so beautiful.

  The leadership team from Blackmores completely renovated the main program room with new paint and carpet, furniture and artwork. Each of them knew someone suffering with cancer, grief, depression or loss within their own family or community. Preparing a beautiful and comfortable place for such people made their work a joy.

  I am deeply grateful for the tremendous support that Marcus and Caroline have provided for Quest, along with their staff. Marcus is passionate about Quest’s work, particularly our work with post-traumatic stress sufferers as many of his mates from his Vietnam days have struggled with its effects over the years. I hold Marcus in the highest respect and with an unshakeable fondness.

  ***

  The writing of this memoir required revisiting many events and difficulties, and I am grateful to my mother, Rae, for providing dates and details that helped clarify my memory. It’s wonderful that at ninety-five, she remembers things I don’t! Thank you, Rae, for your willingness to revisit challenges from our shared past and for your unending love and support. As you know, you have fished me out of even more pickles than are detailed in this memoir and have always stood beside me, lifted me up, settled me down and held the vision of a future when I couldn’t see one myself. I will forever be grateful that you are my mother and friend.

  I’m grateful too for Ross’s willingness to bring some of our past to the page. Exposing my past automatically exposes his, so thank you for your consent to have our story shared, Ross—and for being the best brother a sister could have. Thanks too to my sister-in-law Dianne King, an avid reader, whose encouragement of my writing at an early stage meant so much to me.

  My heartfelt thanks to Kate and Simon, whose father, Leo, was a complex and difficult man who nonetheless loved his children dearly. Their commitment to loving him is testament to their good hearts. Thank you for letting me share some of our life together with a wider audience. I couldn’t be prouder of you both and the beautiful families you have each created.

  My thanks too to the thousands of people who have shared their stories with me and those who have been included in my memoir. Through your permission to share them with a larger audience, I know you will have touched the hearts of many more people than you can imagine. Thank you for your courage. I know we are all ordinary people living through extraordinary circumstances. Together, and by shedding light on one another’s paths, we can all find our way home.

  Keri Ahmet, my assistant at Quest, was a great support too in giving input and feedback as she patiently read and re-read the manuscript. Thank you, Keri, for your patience, suggestions and good humour.

  Kate Goldsworthy brought amaz
ing skills to forming my brain dump into coherency and structure. Thank you, Kate, for your support, encouragement and suggestions, which brought my memoir to life. You teased out the details of my story and then skilfully pruned and shaped its form. And you did it all with such care and good grace!

  The staff at Allen & Unwin have been a pleasure to work with. Thank you especially to Louise Thurtell for your encouragement from the beginning and for overseeing the memoir into existence. And my thanks too to Sarah Baker, who shepherded my book through each stage.

  And last but never least, my thanks to Wendie who fed, watered and encouraged me while I wrote this memoir in three solid weeks of work plus evenings, weekends and any other moments I created among the busyness of our lives. I can only be the best version of me because you are by my side. My eternal thanks for your love, wit and precious companionship—all of which are major blessings in my life. Twenty-four years ago, we thought we would be mad not to give our love a chance to grow and blossom. I’m so grateful that we jumped right in as together—and with love—all things have proved possible.