Divided

by Rae Brooks

  “Oh, if he gave you them—then he obviously deemed your having them more worthy than his own. Don’t be so troublesome, Kilik,” she said gently. He hardly thought that returning the coin that someone had earned to them was troublesome!

  “Still, he knew, there were those in the lands that fought only because they thought they must, and that was what he must end.”

  -A Hero’s Peace v.i

  Chapter xi

  Aela Lassau

  Nervousness swelled through Aela’s system like a ton of stone. She glared into the mirror before her. She could see her own hesitancy reflected in her brown eyes. Her black hair, down to her shoulders, flowed unknowingly around her. She chewed on her lips, trying the image one last time in her head.

  She would look foolish without her hair! As far back as she could remember, she had always had her hair. However, her father would certainly be suspicious if an abnormally small boy with flowing, black hair accompanied the convoy to Telandus. He would be far less suspicious of a small male without much hair. She had to cut off her black hair, and she had to do it soon. The next sun was when Leif and the others would be leaving, and Aela had long since decided that she could not continue to stay.

  Leif had agreed to help care for her if, and only if, she was able to sneak out of the castle and onto the journey without incurring her father’s attention. She had already gotten out of wishing the wagon farewell by feigning sick to the others in the castle. The changing room was quiet, and for the first time in a very long time, she had locked the door. Even Ryo couldn’t know what she was planning this time.

  Aela wondered if Taeru had felt this nervous. Father had known that he was leaving, and he had no intention of coming back—so perhaps the feeling had been different. Still, she couldn’t help but feel the ghost of her brother with her now, as she prepared to leave—like he had those five years ago.

  Fortunately for her very handsome brother, though, he had no reason to cut off his hair. Even if he had, he would not have understood—as his hair had always been rather short. Taeru looked lovely without much hair, but Aela was sure that she would look foolish. The idea of Leif seeing her without her hair flushed through her again, and she saw her cheeks turn pink in the mirror.

  Oh, who cares what Leif thinks? You don’t like him! And even if you did, you’ve been too mean to him for so long for him to consider you anything but someone to tease. So just do it! Before Ryo comes looking for you!

  Ryo had been in to check on her a few times, which meant that she had to pretend to be sick. But once she’d cut her hair off, she would have to find a way to hide that, as well. The scissors that she’d stolen from one of the stylists sat on the desk before her. A strange metal contraption, with which Aela had no experience, but she’d already attempted to use a hunting knife to cut her hair—and that had not gone well.

  She could not spend any more time thinking of it, lest she back out entirely. There was no other way, as all the methods she’d attempted of pinning up her hair would have been too easily discovered. Squeezing her eyes shut, she moved the metal shears over her hair. The sharp edges cut quickly, and after a few movements, her head felt considerably lighter.

  When she opened her eyes, she could see that she had cut most of her hair off, but if she were going to try to look truly boyish, she would have to do better.

  “Magisters help me…”

  After much fretting and snipping, she finally stared at herself in the mirror and saw an image reflected that—while not looking overly boyish—had a decent hairstyle. She’d cut the hair up to her neck, and left it very short in the back, though she’d kept a few bangs hanging just over her eyes. If she had styled and spiked her hair a little, she would have looked remarkably like Taeru Lassau.

  The thought made her smile so that she didn’t miss her hair too badly. With a quick sweep over, she disposed of her curly hair that had fallen to the floor and slipped back into her room. There were only a few more shifts until they were supposed to be departing, and she was sure that she would need all the comfortable sleep she could get.

  Though, her mind certainly didn’t want her getting any sleep. She kept going over her plan. She had already gotten a pair of the leather garments the rest of the team would be wearing. Still, she couldn’t help wondering what would happen if someone stopped her and told her that she couldn’t go. She knew she wouldn’t stay here. At this point, she would leave by herself the following sun if she were thwarted.

  Clearing her throat, Aela tried to speak in the deepest voice that she could muster. She was fairly certain she sounded like a handicapped child more than a boy, but she couldn’t risk sounding like herself! She decided to focus on what she would do if she were asked about her being there. She would simply say that she was a last moment addition. Soldiers were always saying that about their watches.

  She knew she wouldn’t be able to count on Leif for any support until they were safely out of the city gates. She wouldn’t want his support either, as she could quite certainly get him in a very large amount of trouble. It would be best for everyone involved to think Leif was as innocent as the other soldiers were in the matter.

  Every single shift of the moon, she spent going over bits of her plan. She was fairly certain she would be able to react to any given situation when she rose early the next sun. Ryo checked in briefly, and she was able to bury herself far enough under the covers to ensure that he did not see her hair. As soon as he left, confident that she was well enough, she leapt from the bed.

  She yanked off her sleep-dress and took one last glance in the mirror. She could see the white linen wrap that she’d put around her breasts to make the boy disguise more convincing. She certainly didn’t have much to hide, but she had enough to raise suspicion certainly.

  Now, though, Aela was fairly certain they were flat enough to pass for the chest of a man, albeit a small man. After one last glance, Aela pulled the leather armor over her body, easing into the black leggings that she’d padded for extra convincing. The leather armor was small enough, after she pulled on the boots, so that she could even throw a cloak around herself as she slipped out of her window and down into the courtyard.

  The process was easy, but the realization that she wouldn’t be returning here for a very long time struck her. She thought of simply returning to her room, and though she wasn’t sure how she’d explain her haircut, she was sure that she could find a reason. Perhaps she would say that she’d cut it off in a fit of delirium in her illness.

  No, though, she didn’t want that. She didn’t want to remain here anymore with no Taeru, and no Leif. There was nothing here for her, and no matter what preconceived notions of safety that she had, they were only that—notions. She would be in as much danger here as anywhere else. A war was coming, and she should be doing her part to stop it or at least prepare for it. While everyone else was still rousing from their slumber, she tiptoed into the armory.

  After some debate, she decided on a bow and a relatively small sword. She had gotten permission from her father—or rather, they had fought so much that he had finally told her alright—to learn the bow. Therefore, despite Arthal’s training with the sword, she was much better with a bow. Grabbing a quiver and a few arrows, ones that she knew she could wield with precision, she exited the armory with a wooden bow on her back.

  Now, all she had to do was wait for the wagon to arrive and ensure that she was one of the first people to get in. If she was already inside, there would be less chance that a noble would ask what she was doing there. Soldiers tended to go about their own business, so none of the men would be inclined to ask about her presence. They would be glad for the additional help, most likely.

  Waiting in the bushes took longer than expected, and the sun was nearly up by the time she saw the wagon at the castle yard gate. Her heart began beating too fast in her chest, and she breathed steadily to calm it. This was it—this was where she knew she might fail.

  She could see a few men millin
g about in preparation. She could easily pick out who was going and who wasn’t by what they wore. The soldiers that had come to see their friends off were in simple uniform, whereas the others were in the same leather armor that Aela wore. Leif was nowhere in sight yet, but she knew that he had stayed the moon at the castle. Apparently, they had a large dinner and celebration, all of which she elected to skip under the pretense of illness.

  Once the wagon came to a stop, the men began exchanging words. Veyron wasn’t there, nor was Leif. In fact, very few of the soldiers that would be leaving in the wagon were there. She didn’t want to appear overeager, and if she tried to get into the wagon prematurely, she would surely be questioned.

  So instead of heading out towards the wagon, she remained where she was and waited as people continue their idle conversations. The people were in good spirits, laughing and gesturing towards the wagon in amusement. She was just out of range, and so she couldn’t hear them, but she was certain it had little to do with the journey ahead of the soldiers.

  At last, after what felt like shifts—Leif walked out. He wore black armor, rather than the brown that the other soldiers wore. Aela was certain that his dark brown hair had been cut as well, as it looked considerably shorter. His dark eyes darted around warily, searching for Aela, and she smirked when she saw the relief on his face.

  Just wait, Leif. You really think I would back out now?

  He probably did. Leif had surely convinced himself that Aela hadn’t been serious—that she would never have left the comfort of the castle. Imagine how worried he must have been when she hadn’t shown up for the festivities. She could only imagine his thoughts. Is this true? Is she sick? Or is she preparing something?

  Likely now that the time to leave was nearly upon them and he didn’t see her, he thought the former. Perhaps he would regret not having gone to make sure she was alright, but he had stayed away. Leif had more faith in her than he cared to admit, and so he most likely felt that she was doing it all as a ploy. The more he knew about the ploy, the more likely he would be to be implicated later, though. She was glad, in retrospect, that he hadn’t come to see her.

  She was relieved to see that she wouldn’t be the only soldier wearing a cloak. Though Leif himself didn’t have one on, a few of the others did. Apparently, there were more purposes for a cloak than simply disguise. Aela might even be glad she had the cloak later in colder weather. The journey to Telandus would take a good three cycles, she was sure. They would have to sleep outside plenty of times.

  When she felt that the area was crowded enough so that she could ease into it without being detected, she left her hidden position behind the few bushes. She moved into the area without drawing a single eye, and she recognized this fact with a swell of pride. She moved the way her brother had taught her. Taeru had always moved with consideration, and made little noise when he did. Taeru had always hated being noticed by nobles, and so he’d ensured that his gait attracted very little attention.

  She was glad for how much she’d watched him as a child. She was able to implement his walk nearly precisely, and it worked just as well for her. Finally, though, as she neared the wagon, an older gentlemen in a formal uniform glanced at her. “Are you the last soldier?” he asked calmly, “we should be departing soon.”

  With a quick nod, she answered him without speaking. Glancing to the rest of the soldiers, she could see that they were bringing twelve—including her. That didn’t seem too odd of a number, she assured herself. No one would be paying attention, anyway. Leif’s mother stood before him with tears in her eyes. “Please try to be careful, darling. Telandus is a hard land,” she said.

  His father was there as well, looking uncertain, but confident in his son’s abilities. Neither of them seemed to really accept that they might never see their son again. Leif had surely considered the idea that he would be caught, though, and Aela had thought on it as well. She had decided also that she'd rather be there, with Leif, than to hear of it second hand. That thought brought redness to her face, and she frowned.

  Veyron moved to Leif, and Aela felt a well of panic growing in her stomach. Her father was not far from her, and if he looked into her eyes, he would surely recognize her without much difficulty. She found that Ryo had other matters to attend to, and for that, she was infinitely grateful. She did wish she had said goodbye to her brother, but Ryo would never have allowed her to go, and so she hadn’t mentioned it to him.

  Silently, she wished him goodbye and stared up at the castle one last time. Without another thought, she hopped into the wagon after one of the other soldiers. She was the third one inside, and one of them nodded at her as she sat down. They weren’t any more interested in conversing than she was. The wagon was simple, brown, and all marks that symbolized Cathalar had been removed from it.

  It was a trade wagon, with a blue cover wrapped around the back of it where most of the soldiers would be. Then, there was a small perch for the driver of the wagon to sit. The wagon was pulled by two fine looking horses, the first was black, silky looking with eyes that seemed to blaze as they observed the world around them. The second was pinto, with brown splotches covering its body, and though it would normally be considered in bad taste not to have matching horses—Ryo had noted that it would be more believable.

  After all, once they got far enough away from the walls, they were to have no association with Cathalar. That was why none of them wore the usual Cathalar colors, and none of them wore any emblems that spoke of Cathalar. The wagon was even bought from a foreigner so that the style would be different. The two horses sat at the front of it now, and though they both looked far too well-groomed to be simple trader horses, the mismatched manner of them was enough to steer from that fact.

  They were complacent, well-trained to wait on their riders. Though, Aela could see that they were not used to pulling a wagon by the way their weight shifted from time to time. Aela let out a slow breath and watched as a few more men got into the wagon. Through the curtains of the wagon, she heard her father’s voice. “Try to be careful, Firenz. Lavus is not known for his mercy.”

  “I will do my best,” Leif answered promptly. There were no more goodbyes, as the time for them had come and gone. At last, Leif was the only soldier who hadn’t gotten into the wagon, and Aela could hear the driver of the wagon pull himself up onto the perch. The man beside Aela, she realized, was incredibly smelly. She wanted to inform him that it wouldn’t kill him to have taken a bath before they embarked, but then she realized that might be the mannerism of a princess.

  For, at this juncture, she was no longer a princess. She was a soldier that would fight beside these men and die with them if that was what it took. She was willing to accept that, and had gone through all of it in her head. In another moment, Leif climbed into the wagon and sat directly across from Aela. She could see that his eyes were relieved, as he hadn’t seen her yet.

  She blended in so well that he didn’t even bother to look at her to see if she wasn’t a legitimate soldier. Leif had obviously expected there to have been a fuss if Aela had tried to get into the wagon. With a few more goodbyes, the wagon was off. She could hear Veyron’s goodbye in her ear, and she had a faint longing for the father she may never see again.

  But then she ignored it, for if everything went well, she would see him again—and he would probably be angry with her. She had to believe that the mission would be a success because if she didn’t then she might well be the reason it failed. Still, Telandus was a place that she had lay awake in her bed many moons and feared. Lavus Tsrali was a crazy man, and he was known for destroying even his own men without thought.

  No, she worked her mind away from him. She wouldn’t be seeing Lavus for a while yet, and when she did see him, she had to ensure that she was ready. If she panicked like a child, then they would have no chance. She had to prove that she was worthy of this mission, and that meant that she had to be prepared to face whatever came their way.

  None of the soldiers s
poke for a little while, and for that, she was glad. She had not had to use her fake voice in front of anyone yet, and she didn’t want to do so until they were safely out of the city. The front of the city would take a while to reach yet, and to be outside the city’s lands would take even longer. She swallowed as she tried to calculate just how long before she had actually succeeded.

  Still, though, she had gotten into the wagon without detection, which meant that she had nearly made it. All she had to do now was find a way to keep the soldiers quiet if they found out who she was. The wagon moved over its rocky path and she felt the only possession that she’d brought slam against her side. The book that she’d gotten from Graan. She knew that she might be able to acquire plenty of them in Telandus, but for some reason, the book had insisted upon coming with her.

  She wasn’t sure why, but the idea of leaving the book seemed foolish. After all, she had yet to finish her last read of it. Leif had interrupted that rather fantastically, and her preparations for leaving had made sure that she couldn’t read it at all. She had been able to fit the book easily into her cloak, and she had decided that if she were caught—it would be the least of her worries.

  Before they reached the city walls, though, one of the men broke the silence. “So, how many of you have ever been outside the city before?” he asked.

  Aela figured that if she said nothing, that would simply look as though she hadn’t left before. A few of the other soldiers remained silent as well, which she assumed meant that the course of action was alright. “I have,” one of the other men responded.

  Two more also responded, and then, of course Leif did. Leif had lived elsewhere for some time, and he was better traveled than most of the army. “There is little difference. For all their differences, the lands are actually very similar to one another—I doubt Telandus will be any different.” Leif was poised and relaxed.