Divided

by Rae Brooks

  Calis, though, forced his mouth away from the one that he wanted so badly. Their eyes locked for several seconds before Calis could force words from his trembling lips. “What are you—you shouldn’t be here! They’ll kill you! You stupid… stupid little creature. Why?”

  Kilik just shook his head. He seemed to be trying to figure out the answer to Calis’s question himself. He was concerned, but mostly, he seemed to be quivering with some sort of carnal need—as though he needed Calis as badly as Calis needed him. “I wanted to see you,” he said weakly.

  A click sounded, and Calis glanced across the room to see that Lee had locked the door. Calis let out a breath—now at least no one could come in uninvited. But Kilik’s presence here meant that the young man had come through the Shining District—into the castle! If he’d been caught, he would be dead! Calis shivered at the idea. “You shouldn’t be here,” Calis hissed again. “They’ll have you killed! Do you have any idea how dangerous this is? No, no…” Calis whimpered, working to keep his voice down.

  “I don’t think anyone saw him,” Lee offered weakly. Calis glanced across to his advisor, and then he nodded his head appreciatively. Lee may not have known anyone saw Kilik—but if someone was tailing Calis… No, if they were tailing Calis, then Kilik would have been off their mind while Calis wasn’t with him.

  The small form before Calis fidgeted warily. He clearly thought that Calis was angrier than he was. “I—I…apologies,” he whispered. “I just had this feeling, and I wanted to see you. I couldn’t wait… I’ll go, I just…”

  Why was he always in a hurry to leave? Even though he ought to be this time, Calis reached forward and grabbed him by the hand. “Don’t misunderstand. I needed to see you too, but just… something has hap—”

  “He hit you again!” Kilik risked raising his voice just a little to cry out. His hand moved up to Calis’s aching jaw. Calis put his hand on Kilik’s, but then shushed him. “What happened, Calis? Tell me.”

  “Someone knows about us. Someone saw me with you. I should have expected this.”

  Kilik stiffened, and he tried to pull his hand back, but Calis kept it firmly in his grasp. Finally, the smaller male managed to speak. “Are you—are you in trouble? Is everything alright? Calis, are you going to be alright?” His words were so touching. Kilik, and only Kilik, would be worried about Calis in this situation.

  “Yes,” Calis said slowly. “But you shouldn’t be here. I convinced my father not to pursue you, I think, but I can’t be sure.” His words were careful, and he made sure to keep a firm grasp on the hand that had begun to shake in his. Kilik didn’t seem to be comprehending his words, though. His blue eyes were flickering with agonized emotion.

  A few heavy breaths later, Kilik shook his head. “I ought to go,” he said finally. “Apologies—I’m not sure why I felt so compelled to come here. But I’ll go.”

  “No, you’re here. No one is going to come into my room without my knowledge,” Calis soothed. He brought Kilik’s small body against his chest. To his surprise, Kilik readily fell against him this time.

  Lee spoke next. “I’m going to watch the hallway. Lock the door behind me, Calis,” he said sharply. Calis glanced across to his advisor, who seemed as though he might be about to come unglued. All of this had been sudden for all of them, and Calis couldn’t help but admire how thick-skinned Lee had been about the entire ordeal. “I’ll knock once if someone relevant is coming.” Calis nodded shortly.

  When Lee left, Calis obeyed his order without fail. Then, he turned back to Kilik, who seemed torn between leaving and collapsing onto the floor of Calis’s bedroom. Kilik in his bedroom had always seemed like an impossible dream. Now that he was here, Calis contended with thousands of images flashing through his head—about Kilik, on his bed. “I shouldn’t have let this go on so long,” Kilik whispered hollowly.

  “You didn’t have a choice,” Calis said curtly. He wasn’t going to listen to Kilik tear apart their relationship again. This had happened far too many times for Calis to listen without argument. He walked forward, snaking his arms around Kilik’s waist without pause. The small body squirmed a little in protest, though not much.

  Calis brought a thumb to stroke across Kilik’s cheek—that soft cheek that he’d become so addicted to touching. Then, pulling Kilik’s head forward just a bit, he claimed the soft lips as his own again. Their mouths pressed against one another, lips moistening as they fought one another for control of the kiss.

  After another few moments, Kilik’s arms moved up to Calis’s head, and his fingers tangled in Calis’s hair. The pull of them was forceful enough to bring Calis to the brink of pain, though it stopped short, creating a need, a thirst, and a hunger that demanded attention. Moving away from the door, Calis pushed Kilik towards the bed. In reaction, Kilik’s back arched against his fingers.

  Wanting to wrest control from his lover, Calis put his lips to the crook of the small neck. Using just the slightest bit of teeth, he pulled against the skin, biting and sucking in equal measures. As expected, Kilik’s head tilted back, and he let out the slightest of breaths—a moan that hadn’t quite formed yet.

  Once again, the body in Calis’s hands was his entirely. Cautiously, Calis eased Kilik onto the bed, pulling his knees up after Kilik, straddling the form possessively. Lowering his lips, he caught Kilik’s in his own again, sliding his tongue into the mouth opposite of his. The taste was salty and sweet, and the scent of Kilik surrounding him was heady, throwing Calis off balance. He needed this right now. He needed Kilik right now.

  Immediately, and without warning, Calis reached for Kilik’s brown shirt. He yanked it upwards, pulling against Kilik’s body, already damp with sweat. The shirt clung, and Kilik let out a startled gasp. “Here?” he whispered. “But… your father.”

  “Father be hanged,” Calis growled. The shirt came away with another strong movement of his arms. Calis’s lips found Kilik’s neck again, pressing along the side of it, moving to the center of it. His tongue traced along the notch in Kilik’s throat, and the body beneath him trembled obediently. Their lips found one another again, and Kilik kissed him fervently.

  Using his fingers as though he were playing a harp, Calis trailed down Kilik’s torso. His fingers lingered over the tighter areas, easing down, gently.

  Then, he lowered his mouth to trace the same route that his fingers had taken. He used his tongue like a sort of feather, barely touching the skin at all, and leaving Kilik’s body panting for more. “Calis,” his lover groaned. Kilik was probably still trying to protest that this wasn’t the best time, but they both deserved this—and they both needed it.

  Bringing his fingers down another time, Calis moved along Kilik’s sides. Then, they played curiously at the waist of Kilik’s pants, and the smaller man’s breathing quickened. Rather than following up on his taunting, though, Calis moved his head upwards until he found the left nipple on Kilik’s chest. He seized the tip of it with his teeth, having to force his body to be gentle, despite the erection that was threatening to take control of him entirely.

  He pulled against the sensitive skin, sucking gently before he ran his tongue over the area softly. Kilik’s body fell into a fit of trembling convulsions, and when Calis moved to the other one, the young vigilante let out a shocked breath and collapsed against the bed. At last, when Calis was finished teasing Kilik’s body, their lips pressed together again. Kilik was breathing hard, clinging to Calis—entirely enslaved to Calis’s body. Kilik bit at his ear when Calis pulled their bodies together so that he could feel Kilik’s own erection against his own. “I thought you didn’t like me like this,” Kilik whimpered.

  “I said I liked you like this, but only when it’s me. I rather enjoy possessing you, love,” he said cheerfully. When he pulled backwards to look into the blue eyes, they flickered with challenge. Kilik’s lips quirked into a half smile.

  After another quick kiss, Kilik spoke again. “You aren’t possessing me,” he said, and he looked a littl
e like he might be pouting.

  Calis grinning, kissing along his jawline affectionately. “Don’t make me tie you to the bed, darling,” he threatened. His eyes sparked with a dare that he hoped very much that Kilik would take.

  A flush came over Kilik’s cheeks, and he glanced away. Calis used a finger to bring the small face to look at him again, and he took the lips gently. They stared at one another, and Calis could finally feel guilt pressing on him. He needed to tell Kilik, before he took this any further. “I can’t stay in Telandus,” he started weakly.

  The blue eyes widened, and Kilik jerked upright. The position was strange, and Calis was still on top of Kilik’s body. He ought to have had this conversation before he was so aroused that he could hardly see the room around him. “Why not? Your father exiled you?” Kilik asked, alarm ringing in his voice. He was eclectic—how had he managed to switch from being so aroused, to looking so entirely worried, so quickly?

  “No,” Calis answered shortly. “He did not.”

  This seemed to bring even more confusion into Kilik’s eyes. He looked a little distrusting, as though he expected to Calis to relay something horrible. Their silence was deafening, and Calis’s heartbeat raced as he realized that he had to say this. Kilik would never approve of his plan, but Calis would have to make him. “My father… thinks I have insulted the lady to which I am engaged. He… wants to move the wedding forward.”

  Once again, Kilik’s eyes were widening further. He had somehow pulled himself away from Calis as they were now staring into one another’s faces without touching. Calis desperately wanted that touch—needed it. “Forward? When?” Kilik hissed sharply. Calis could almost hear the erratic beat of Kilik’s heart as he tried to process the information.

  “Next sun,” Calis answered honestly.

  Gritting his teeth, Kilik yanked himself out of Calis’s bed. He tripped a little as he pulled himself off it, and Calis reached forward to make sure that he didn’t fall. “Kilik,” Calis whispered softly. The boy hadn’t spoken, and he was stumbling around the room as though he had consumed too much liquor.

  With trembling hands, Kilik found his shirt and pulled it off the floor. After a failed attempt to get it on, he just staggered backwards, towards the door. “No, no,” he said hoarsely. “Too much, Calis. This isn’t happening. I can’t do this. I can’t… you aren’t leaving Telandus. You aren’t doing this…”

  Calis pulled himself off the bed, and he started towards Kilik. Despite the fact that his body was still pulsing with disorientation from the almost sexual encounter, he was able to walk with much more certainty than Kilik. He had nearly closed the gap between the two of them when Kilik shook his head with so much vigor that even Calis found himself hesitating. “No,” Kilik growled. “Stay away from me.”

  “No,” Calis answered simply. The request was not one that he could abide by. He could not stay away from Kilik, and no matter how badly Kilik willed him to—Calis would never be able to do so. Even if he had to spend his life chasing, he would pursue Kilik. He was entirely bewitched, and he knew it.

  The blue eyes flickered with hurt, and Kilik staggered backwards again. Kilik had said that he loved Calis, and Calis could see it now. It was there, burning in those blue eyes, even as Kilik did everything in his power to remove it. “Yes,” Kilik countered. “You’re a fool, Calis Tsrali. You know not what you deal with. You will be happier with that woman—here. You will be safe. I cannot stay with you. I’m sorry.”

  “I will be nothing if you don’t stay with me,” Calis answered, more harshly than he’d intended. He took another angry step. All their conversations seemed to be building to a climax that they could never seem to reach. What was Kilik so afraid of? Why did he insist on hiding things from Calis? “I love you, Kilik. Surely you understand that if I stay here—without you—that I may as well be dead.”

  This seemed to floor the young man before Calis. Kilik let out a shocked cry that he forced back into his throat. The sound was almost a growl, and yet there was no anger within it. “Don’t say that. You don’t. You don’t know me,” he said sharply. “Stay here, Calis. Stay safe. Let me work out all my problems on my own. You can still be happy.”

  “I can be, if you don’t go,” Calis said immediately.

  This only seemed to push Kilik further into his tension-filled sadness. He turned his body furiously and started towards the door. Calis’s hand snaked forward and caught Kilik’s wrist easily. Kilik’s body immediately reacted, twisting and trying to break the grip. Calis held on, though, as Kilik writhed as though in agony. “Let go of me!” Kilik hissed. He wanted to scream, but he knew he couldn’t. “Let go of me or I will scream and when they come in here I will pretend I was trying to kill you!” he whispered harshly, as tears sprang in his eyes.

  With a sharp inhalation of breath, Calis released the boy’s hand obediently. The thought was terrifying. The problem was, he wasn’t sure that Kilik wouldn’t do it. Would he give up his own life because he hated himself so much for this secret? “You know how badly that would kill me—that’s why you use it as a threat. Think, Kilik. Please understand that I love you—I will, no matter what.”

  The blue eyes welled with tears, and Calis could feel the need to hold the young man in his arms becoming too strong to resist. Tears were burning in his own eyes, and he shook his head furiously. “Don’t leave me, Kilik, please. I don’t care about this kingdom. You are all I care about. Please, don’t do this—don’t do this on some crazed desire to hurt yourself—because you think whatever you’ve done is too terrible to merit forgiveness.”

  Kilik lowered his head, though he said nothing for a long moment. Relief spilled into Calis, though, at the fact that he was no longer heading for the door. “It isn’t what I’ve done,” Kilik said decisively, “it’s who I am.”

  “Who you are?” Calis scoffed. “That matters even less!”

  “It matters more!” Kilik cried, though he cut the volume of his voice at the last possible moment. He sounded a little like a child, and he looked like one too. Calis tried to keep his mouth from turning upwards into a smile.

  Kilik shook his head, and his lips quivered with emotions that he didn’t know how to express. “No,” he said finally. He whirled around, and he glared at the door for a moment before he headed towards it. “I don’t want to be with you anymore. I want to be left alone. This could never work between us. I don’t say this as someone out to hurt myself—I am speaking the truth. Believe me, Calis. Try to be happy. I know you can. You don’t need me, and I don’t need you.”

  Calis could let him go—he could let him go and never see Kilik again. Perhaps that would keep the boy that he’d fallen in love with safe, but then he would be thrown into a world without color, without light, and without love. Still, Calis could have done it, for Kilik—if Kilik needed it—if he had not been so sure in that moment that Kilik did need him. Knowing that, he stepped forward with narrowed eyes and grabbed Kilik by the wrist again.

  Kilik let out a shocked gasp, as though he hadn’t expected to be pursued this time. With another brief fight, of Kilik writhing away from his grip, Calis held on tightly. Another hand would have brought Kilik to him entirely, but instead, he let Kilik twist and flail for another few moments. Then, with one strong wrench, he pulled the boy to his chest. His arms enclosed around the small form, protectively. Pressing his lips into Kilik’s black hair, he whispered gently. “I love you. I can’t let you go. I’m sorry.”

  Then, Kilik’s body slackened against Calis, and he began to cry. For a few moments, he remained like that, and his arms hung limply by his sides. Then, abruptly, Kilik glanced up. He looked as though he wanted to speak. Instead, though, Calis lowered his head. Their lips touched again, gentle at first—a soft, glowing ember. The kiss deepened, with just a slight hunger encircling them. Then, the ember exploded miraculously, into a ravenous, unstoppable fire. Calis brought Kilik to him tightly, and their mouths clashed against one another a moment before their tongu
es did.

  Passion and fire the likes of which Calis had never felt, never seen, and never knew existed raged within him, around him. He held the lips longer than necessary, claiming and possessing. “Tell me,” he whispered softly against them. All he wanted was to relieve Kilik of this burden. He hadn’t the slightest idea of what it was, but he knew that it would not matter.

  “Not here,” Kilik whimpered. “This moon. Where can you meet me?”

  Calis frowned. He wasn’t sure that he wanted to risk going out of his room. Then again, Kilik had risked coming here—but Calis could have been being followed. He had Lee, though, perhaps Lee could monitor, could make sure. Lee would have to. “I… I was followed before, Kilik. My father thinks I…”

  Those blue eyes. Bloody Light—how had anyone ever managed to say no to him as a child? How did anyone manage to say no to him now? He had to be the most attractive thing in Elyst, and now he was looking at Calis with eyes big and blue enough to drown someone, particularly Calis. This was about Kilik’s safety, though, and Calis was sure that he could manage. Lee and he both knew Father’s trusted servants. Father had said it hadn’t gotten out, which meant the spy was a servant. A servant that his father trusted. “I have to tell you. Meet me, please. You can decide then if you want to leave or not,” Kilik whimpered.

  “I can’t say no to you, you lovely creature. It really isn’t fair.” Kilik actually smiled, and the dimples only made Calis even less able to fight this. “We’ll have to meet in the city, though, as I suspect my father will be guarding the walls more strictly. I just hope he isn’t guarding Dark District walls. I doubt he will, though, and the guards at that wall are far less… capable. Most of them get drunk even under the strictest of orders.” Calis supposed that was due to the fact that Father expected Dark District dwellers’ fears would keep them out better than guards.