Divided

by Rae Brooks

  He blinked, as he was sure that they had already had this moment. The gesture, kissing her on the forehead, was one that was so natural to him—that he hadn’t imagined that she would have spent time missing it. “Oh, Aela,” he said gently. And now he was about to leave her again… He closed his eyes against his own tears. “I promised Calis, but please don’t cry. You know I love you, Aela.”

  “I’ll see you soon.” She said the words with an odd sense of purpose, as though she knew what he was about to do and precisely what he’d been thinking. He blinked, and then he nodded his head as if this was an obvious fact. “I love you, Taeru. I love you so much.” She hugged him again.

  So much for not saying goodbye. Though, Aela was trying to ensure that this wasn’t a goodbye. She was more perceptive than he’d given her credit for. Leif smiled at him when their eyes met again, and Taeru mouthed the words, “Take care of her.” Leif just nodded another agreement.

  As he left, Taeru forced the pain from his mind. He had to remind himself that he might see them again soon. But after all this, he felt like the possibility had somehow managed to shrink. He had to do this, though. He had to tell Calis. The war—all of it—it felt connected to this, and he wasn’t going to let himself be dissuaded by fear.

  The streets were emptying as he moved to the deserted house—the same place Calis and he had first met. There were no lights, and there were no people this time. The place was deserted, empty, and he felt a little perturbed just being in the place by himself. Regardless, he entered the small doorway. There was a small torch towards the back for people who kept storage here, burning softly, and he moved towards it. He wondered idly who kept it lit.

  The dirty, dust-covered room unfolded before him. He was amazed that this had been such a lively place back when he’d met Calis. A strange sense of nostalgia slammed into him—as if this was anything about which he ought to be nostalgic.

  He found a small crate and sat down on it. His heart immediately sped up as he sat down. He was waiting now, for the crown prince of Telandus—to tell him the one secret that Taeru had been working to keep for five years. His throat felt knotted, and he wasn’t sure that he would be able to speak when Calis did show up.

  As he sat there, a thousand scenarios played in his mind. Calis showing up with forty men, preparing to kill Taeru. Calis never showing up, and having been killed for Taeru’s intrusion to the castle. That had been stupidly risky, and he’d known it.

  He hoped that the Magister would stay out of his head, though she couldn’t seem to reach him now. And he hoped that this wouldn’t ruin his objective to stop the war. No—he didn’t think this would. He felt like this was necessary. He was sure it was. His instincts had never failed him before, he didn’t think. Coming to Telandus seemed to have been a good idea, and he had followed instinct on that idea. He hoped it was.

  Still, though, scenarios continued to play as he sat there in the dim glow of the flame on the torch. He pulled the amulet out of his pocket, and then he placed the ring warily onto his finger. Wow. The rush of memories it caused was overwhelming. He ran his fingers over the amulet, turning it over in his hand, over and over. His jaw clenched and unclenched. Time continued to pass, and with it, came a new level of anxiety. Calis might not even show up. All this panic would have been for nothing. Perhaps Calis made the decision to go to the wedding without having to hear Taeru’s secret. That would be lovely.

  Though, there was still a pain in his chest when Taeru tried to imagine Calis getting married. Calis kissing someone else, holding them, whispering to them that everything would be alright. His body twitched at the thoughts. He didn’t like them, in fact, he hated them—though he knew that they had to happen. And in fact, if Calis didn’t show up, his life would be infinitely easier.

  So long as the crown prince didn’t send someone else to try and murder Taeru, then they would be alright. Taeru trusted Calis, though, his panic seemed to know no bounds as he sat in this small building, waiting for someone that might never show up. There was something terribly painful about waiting, he realized. He thought of the tears in Aela’s eyes. He thought of the pain on Leif’s face. Aela would be devastated if anything happened to Taeru, and he was not so stupid that he didn’t know that. Even Leif…

  Taeru pushed the thoughts from his head. He couldn’t let remorse control him. He had to do this, even if he didn’t know why. He knew that he owed the truth to Calis, for everything the prince had done for him. Beyond that, Taeru wasn’t sure why he was doing this. He just knew that he had to do it. There was nothing else to think about. If he thought too long about it, then his doubts would set in and everything would be ruined.

  As the shift neared its end, Taeru began to feel strangely disturbed by the silence. Everything seemed to be making sounds, and he felt as if eyes were watching him from every corner in the hollowed building. He swallowed, and he tightened his grip around his sapphire. In a moment of irrationality, he brought the sapphire to his lips and kissed it lightly. For the first time in a while, he thought of Ryo and his father. The two people that he had not seen in ages, and that he may never see again. Oh, he missed them.

  Ryo had never been a typical older brother, but he had never been anything but there for Taeru. He had tried to be what Taeru needed, and he had listened when Taeru had explained that the war was a bad idea—even when Taeru hadn’t made sense. And Veyron, Veyron was a hard man—but he was a good father. He had respected Taeru enough to let him make his own decisions, and he had loved Taeru. Just as Taeru loved him.

  Oh, if he could have only stayed in Cathalar. He had always been surrounded by people who loved him. Even if he didn’t exactly see eye-to-eye or fit in with them. But no, then he wouldn’t have met Calis. Calis had changed his life in ways that he hadn’t imagined possible. He had fallen in love, in a brilliant, all-encompassing love, and Taeru couldn’t bring himself to regret that.

  Still, it appeared that Calis wasn’t going to show up. That wasn’t a bad thing, though Taeru did feel a twinge of pain at the rejection. No, this is good. This saves me the trouble of being hanged in front of lots of people. He tucked the amulet back into his pocket, standing, trying to ignore the pain that had formed in his chest.

  Then, though, there was a rustling that Taeru had to recognize as an actual sound, and not just his imagination. He flinched, all of his fears coalesced before him, and he inhaled sharply. Who was it? Had Calis actually sent someone? His body began to tremble as all the thoughts came rushing back to him. What if Aela and Alyx were right?

  Then, though, the shadow at the door stepped into the light. Tall, blond hair, and gentle blue-green eyes, that were mostly blue currently, were staring into Taeru’s face. Calis. Calis had shown up, after all. There was relief and a sense of panic coming into Taeru’s body as a whole new sensation. He felt nauseous. “Hey,” Calis whispered. “I don’t think anyone followed me. I was trying to make sure. I… sorry I took so long. Are you alright?” Calis immediately sounded filled with concern.

  Taeru shifted on his feet. Now he had to work up the nerve to say the words. He had to work himself to damn himself. He bit down on his lip. “Yes, I am,” he said warily. “Thank you for meeting me.”

  “I wish you hadn’t asked,” Calis said. “I’m worried.”

  “I need to tell you this,” Taeru explained weakly. He wished he hadn’t asked either, at this point. Despite the strength of his instinct, he wanted to run from the room. He wanted to jump into Calis’s arms and pretend to be Kilik for the rest of his life.

  For some strange reason, Calis smiled and tilted his head as he observed Taeru with quiet contemplation. “What?” Taeru could feel nervousness taking control of his entire form. He wasn’t sure how he was going to get the words out. How could he make the one person that he’d ever been in love with hate him? “What is it?” he asked anxiously.

  “You,” Calis said amusedly. “You’re unbelievably attractive,” he said, as though this was that most obvious of
statements. Despite the entire circumstance, Taeru felt a flush come over his cheeks. How was Calis thinking about that in this situation? Oh right, because Taeru hadn’t told him the problem yet.

  Taeru just shook his head, trying to remove the feelings from his mind. “No, not now.” He held up his hand. “I have to tell you this.”

  Calis took a few steps forward, and he placed a very chaste kiss on Taeru’s lips. Yet, even that simple kiss had Taeru’s head spinning with desire and longing. He had no idea how Calis managed to do that with a single touch. He wished he wouldn’t, though. “I said not now,” Taeru repeated warily. Anything to keep from saying the words.

  “Apologies,” Calis whispered, though he didn’t look particularly sorry. “Tell me, tell me so you can stop worrying.” Calis grabbed Taeru’s hands, not seeming to understand that touching should be off limits, at the moment.

  The way the light flickered off of Calis’s pale skin was strangely mesmerizing. Taeru realized, again, how very attractive Calis was. Odd, that Calis should mention Taeru’s looks, when he probably looked into a mirror every sun. Perhaps one just got used to their own looks, which would account for why no one seemed to think they were overly attractive. “Okay… I will. Before I do, I really do love you, Calis… above everything, I love you. I do. I don’t care how your opinion of me changes. That isn’t going to change, no matter what. I am very sorry for not telling you sooner. I just couldn’t… well…”

  “I love you too,” Calis whispered, almost too soft to hear.

  Taeru removed his hands from Calis’s, and he heard the prince let out a frustrated sigh. “We’ll see,” Taeru mumbled. “I won’t blame you if you don’t.” Calis didn’t grab Taeru’s hands again, though, waiting obediently. Taeru, rather than worrying with speaking, reached into his pocket. Calis was too caught up in staring at Taeru’s face to notice the ring that was already giving him away. “I just ask that you be civil about it. I am not trying to hurt anyone. Please, don’t call the guards… just…”

  The silver amulet felt hot against his fingers. The thing that had provided such comfort a moment ago felt like it would destroy him. Putting his fingers around it felt like an impossible task, though he forced his hand to grasp it. Slowly, he grabbed one of Calis’s hands, turning it so that the prince’s palm was up. With a quick movement, he placed the amulet into Calis’s hands and closed his eyes. “What is this?” Calis asked. He pulled the amulet upwards, inspecting it with interest.

  Then, in a moment of clarity, Calis’s blue-green eyes widened in shock. He let out a startled gasp, and then he regained his ability to speak. “This is—the Lassau crest! Why do you have this?” His head snapped towards Taeru. The eyes weren’t necessarily accusing, though they were worried. Then, they dropped to the ring, and they widened further.

  Taeru could feel his heart beating against his chest again. The tempo was odd, off beat, as though the rhythm had been obscured—forever ruined by the pain of losing the one person he loved. Maybe it had been. He just closed his eyes, and he tried to will away what was about to happen.

  Calis took an angry step toward him, and suddenly the hands were on his shoulders. Taeru cringed away from the prince. He was sure that Calis was going to hit him, scream at him, do anything that might cause Taeru harm. Still, he couldn’t bring himself to fight back—not yet, not ever. “I’m sorry,” he whimpered.

  “You’re sorry?” Calis asked, and his voice sounded confused. This was the first time Taeru had ever seen Calis entirely at a loss. This was painful. “What? What are you talking about? Why do you have this? That? Both of these?”

  Warily, Taeru brought his own eyes up to meet the flickering blue-green ones. Calis was experiencing all sorts of emotions, and so his eyes seemed to be fluctuating. A swirl of colors that Taeru could admire, even given the absurdity of it all. They gave Taeru something pleasant to think about. “Answer me, Kilik! Why do you have them?” Calis snapped.

  “My name… isn’t Kilik,” Taeru said. Somehow, the words came out much more fluidly than how he’d anticipated. The pain that he’d expected came with them, though, and he cringed backwards once again.

  The silence was deafening. Taeru thought that if Calis didn’t speak up, that if Calis didn’t strike him, that he might just die right where he stood. He needed Calis’s hand to be on him, whether in violence or in reassurance, because he needed the contact. Calis wouldn’t reassure him, though, Taeru knew, not this time. This was it.

  “You’re… the middle Lassau? Taeru,” Calis choked. “Taeru Lassau?”

  Hearing Calis say his name, even given the present circumstance, sent chills down Taeru’s spine. He wasn’t sure how many times he’d wished that Calis would speak it, that Calis would be in love with Taeru Lassau—and not Kilik. Meeting Calis’s eyes, Taeru nodded his head. “Yes, I am. I’m… so sorry.”

  Calis’s mouth was open. His eyes weren’t angry, per say. They were shocked, and they were searching Taeru’s face. He kept maneuvering his jaw, trying feverishly to manage some sort of words. What was he thinking? Taeru felt panicked.

  “Taeru.” Calis spoke it again. His mouth moved a little more, eyes dancing with uncertainty for another moment. Then, before he had a chance to say anything else, there was a loud collision.

  There was someone else at the door. The torch illuminated only part of the figure, but Taeru knew the build. Tareth Tsrali. He could feel his heart beginning to race. No, Tareth couldn’t be here—no, no, no. Had Calis brought him here? “Well, well, brother… this is more than I could have hoped for. Much obliged for the effort.”

  A strangled sound removed itself from Taeru’s throat. This couldn’t be happening. His head jerked about frantically, desperately seeking an exit that didn’t seem to exist. Calis moved towards him, and Taeru flinched, sure that Calis was intending to grab him. To his surprise, though, Calis moved defensively in front of him. “What are you doing here, Tareth?” he snarled.

  “I’m helping you, brother,” Tareth purred. “Let me have the traitor, and I will try and see if Father will not show you mercy.”

  There was a flash as Calis drew his sword, narrowing his eyes. “You will not touch him,” Calis growled. The sound was so visceral, protective, and not anything that Taeru had expected after his revelation. What was Calis doing? “Stay away from him!”

  Tareth drew his own blade, and his eyes became slits. He seemed pleased and concerned at the same time. “I have guards, Calis.”

  “I will not let you do this. Not to him.”

  “Taeru Lassau? Are you protecting a Lassau, brother? That is treason.”

  “You’ll have to beat me before you can arrest me,” Calis snapped back. This was unexpected. Taeru could still feel panic rising in his stomach, though.

  His body felt as though it had been seized by unseen hands, they were currently squeezing him—and he was sure that they would eventually crush him. Trembling, he let his eyes scan the room again. He had to get out of here—after all, this would definitely hinder any decision to stop the war. This would actually... this could cause one. A spasm ran through him as he backed towards the wall. What had he done?

  The two brothers stood facing one another. Despite the situation, Calis didn’t seem very willing to turn Taeru over. On top of everything else, it would appear that Taeru had done more than put Cathalar and Telandus on a slippery slope to war—he had also put Calis in more danger than he ever could have imagined. His fists clenched.

  Suddenly, Calis’s body was a blur of motion. With a quick thrust of his sword, Tareth was staggering backwards. A solid fist to his jaw threw the younger Tsrali to the ground with little resistance. Taeru’s eyes widened, though Calis turned to him with a burning expression. “Run!” he hissed.

  For a moment, Taeru remained where he was, or his mind did—his body started moving on instinct. “What about you?” he asked weakly. His heart would not let him leave knowing that he may have caused harm to Calis. Despite trying to reassure himself t
hat Lavus would not kill his own son, he could still make out the faint bruise of Lavus’s hand on Calis’s cheek, and he knew the Telandan prince was in danger.

  “Just go!” Calis’s voice was hoarse. “I can defend myself!” With a movement of his sword, Calis alerted Taeru to the fact that if Taeru remained—and Calis kept up with his persistence at defending Taeru—then their presence together would only make things harder for Calis.

  Without another question, Taeru’s body pushed forward, springing out the door and away from Tareth. His feet moved more quickly than usual, even faster than they did when he’d run from the public as the Phantom Blade. “Let him get away, and I will have all of you hanged!” Tareth’s voice pierced the air with terrifying force.

  Taeru could hear the sounds of fighting, but he didn’t pause to look back. The last thing he needed was his curiosity getting him killed. Soon, he heard footsteps behind him—running toward him. He hoisted himself up onto a rooftop as soon as he could, and his body reacted with fluidity. Once he reached the top, he kept moving, running along the rooftops for quicker access through Dark District. “The roof!” one of the men shouted below.

  These men were not what he usually dealt with in Dark District—these were soldiers, trained to fight and to track. Taeru kept running, though, not having time to worry about what was going to become of him. His feet moved rhythmically against the surfaces, and the jumps were quick and simple. Finally, though, there was a whoosh of air, and he stopped, just as an arrow sailed through the air before him. A whimper escaped his lips before he began running again. Don’t stay still.

  The arrows came more frequently, then, as though the archers had only just managed to notch their arrows. They didn’t have perfect aim, and Taeru was far too quick for them to hit by any sheer luck. Inevitably, though, his stamina began to deplete, and he was running out of rooftops. He’d have to circle back, though there would surely be people waiting for him if he did. There was no way he could reach the wall of the city from any of Dark District roofs. Maybe the Shining District wall.