by Dyan Chick
I took my hand off the ladder. I didn't want to do this. This is crazy. What made them think I'd go through with it?
As I stood there contemplating my death, the tent had been filling with people. Partygoers who were here to have a good time. The music started pounding. I wasn't going to be able to put this off for much longer.
Then, a spotlight flickered on, nearly blinding me with light. My blood ran cold. The spotlight was on me.
The crowd started cheering. They were expecting a show - and I was the performer. There was no way I could leave now without everybody knowing. I was sure to be a target tonight if I bailed now.
I took a deep breath in through my nose and let it go through my mouth. It was a coping technique I'd learned in therapy. After two more rounds of breathing, I put both hands on ladder and climbed.
The light followed me as I made my way to the tiny platform at the top. Once I reached it, I grabbed the bar on the back of the platform, terrified to step to the front. The trapeze was hung on a hook in front of me, waiting for me.
A second spotlight joined the first and then both lights swiveled away from me to the other platform where a figure stood waiting to - in theory - catch me. I was so focused on not looking down that I didn't pay attention to the details of the person on the other platform. Then, a booming voice I recognized all to well, began to speak.
"Friends, fairies, and creatures of the night!"
My heart leaped. Brenon was the person who was going to catch me. Despite his hot and cold attitude toward me, he seemed to want to keep me alive. At least I know he wouldn't drop me on purpose.
"Welcome to an extraordinary performance of the Rose Circus!" he called out.
The crowd responded with cheers.
"Tonight is the first night of the Fire Festival, the biggest party of the year! So naturally, we must kick off this party with a bang!"
Below me, the ground lit up as a layer of fire spread under us. The entire length of the floor between the two trapeze swings had turned into a wall of fire. If I fell, I wouldn't hit the ground and break into a hundred pieces, I'd be burned alive.
My fears seemed to go unnoticed as the crowd offered their approval of the added element of danger. They probably didn't know that one of the performers wasn't immortal. Though, I wondered what fire would do to the immortal creatures I'd been traveling with. Would they heal quickly? Did they feel pain?
One of the spotlights returned to me and my heart raced. How was I supposed to do this? I stared at Brenon across the flaming ground. We were two stories up and the world seemed to be spinning. Why was he making me do this? He knew I didn't like heights. Wasn't there another way to prove to the members of the circus that I didn't care about their damn curse?
Brenon took hold of his trapeze swing and lifted his chin toward my swing. He wasn't wearing his token black top hat tonight. His dark hair was slicked back out of his eyes but the white makeup and green eyes were the same. He was still Brenon.
My stomach twisted into knots. Standing up here, about to jump, was almost like a sick metaphor for how I felt about the Ringmaster. I couldn't seem to stay away from him or completely shut off the odd attraction I felt, no matter how bad for me he was. It was like jumping off of a two story height and hoping he'd catch me.
I'd done a lot of stupid things in my life, but as I took the trapeze swing off of its hook, I guessed that this was the stupidest. Gripping the swing as tight as I could I moved to the edge of the platform. You better catch me.
Brenon moved to the edge of his platform and nodded.
I jumped.
27
Everything seemed to move in slow motion as I swung away from the platform. I could feel the heat from the fire and the breeze from the movement of the swing.
Brenon jumped from his platform and came toward me. I was going to have to let go. I didn't want to let myself think about what I was doing, it was too much to comprehend, but at the same time, there was something liberating about it. For a moment, panic rose inside me. I never asked about timing. I didn't know when I was supposed to let go. I squeezed my hands tighter on the swing. Then, from somewhere inside me, something pushed the panic away, and I let out a breath. Whatever it was, it startled me, and I let go.
Just as I was processing the fact that I was in free-fall, a pair of strong hands grasped mine, and my body was whipped in the opposite direction, back to the platform I had just left.
I swayed when my feet hit the platform. Brenon had an arm wrapped around me and steadied me. He turned me to face the crowd. "Smile, wave."
In a state of strange numbness, I smiled and waved to the crowd below. They cheered. Then the music picked up and the spotlights moved away from us, to another part of the tent where several long silks dropped from the ceiling. Performers came sliding down the silks, drawing all attention away from us.
The realization of what I'd just done flooded in. I was pressed into Brenon's chest, too afraid to move on the tiny platform. He still had his arm around me, and at the moment, I didn't want him to let go. Then, I remembered he was the one who put me up here in the first place. I turned so I was facing him. "What was that for? Why did you make me do that?"
He brushed a loose strand of hair away from my eyes and smiled at me. "You know I'd never let anything bad happen to you."
I frowned. "You can't promise that. I could have fallen to my death."
"I have more magic than I let on. I assure you, you were perfectly safe."
I wanted to be angry with him, but I wanted off this platform more than anything. I stepped away from his grasp and slowly climbed down to the ladder. Once I was down a few steps, I looked up at him. "I'm not done with you."
"I'm pleased to hear that," he said.
Fuming, I climbed the rest of the way down the ladder. It was all a game to him. Had he forgotten how easy it was for humans to die? I'd lost so many people that the thought was never far from my mind. I stood at the bottom of the ladder, waiting for him to come down. He wasn't on the ladder. I looked up at the platform and found it empty. He'd disappeared on me again. Damn you, Brenon. Why was he so complicated? And why did I care so much?
The fire on the ground was extinguished, but the whole tent still had the faint smell of smoke, mostly masked by roses. How his roses managed to overpower most of it was a mystery to me. He did have strong magic. I brushed my fingers over the flowers near the ladder. They were perfect. No wilting from the heat of the fire.
The crowd reacted to something with a collective gasp, and I followed the spotlights to see somebody walking a tightrope. I watched as the performer did a series of acrobatics before finishing her walk. Now that I completed my own death-defying stunt, maybe I could find a way to enjoy myself. Would that be the worst thing in the world? Maybe I could find Goldie.
Just as I neared the crowd, the spotlights moved to the stage and Brenon, complete with top hat, walked across. The crowd was silent as he took his place at the center of the stage. They were ready to hang on his every word.
"It is time for the party to get started! Are you ready?" he yelled out to the crowd.
Evangeline joined him on stage with a lit torch. She passed it off to him.
"The first night of the Fire Festival has always been our wildest party of the year. This one will be the wildest party in a hundred years!" He touched the torch to the sign behind him and the words Rose Circus lit up.
My breath caught in my chest. He'd asked me to leave once he lit the sign. I hesitated for a moment, feeling the energy of the crowd grow as they cheered and jumped and pushed their way toward the stage. Something was happening. Whatever it was, he didn't want me here.
Just a moment ago, I was wondering if he remembered how fragile humans really could be. He said he'd never put me in danger. For some reason, leaping from a trapeze two stories above a flaming ground was perfectly safe. Whatever was going to happen now, was not.
Part of me wanted to stay and see what he was trying to pro
tect me from, but I didn't have a death wish. Turning, I walked away from the stage toward the entrance to the tent. I'd wait outside. Whatever was going on, it wasn't something I was allowed to see.
I felt a bit silly standing outside the tent. Like a child who was too young to see the scary parts of a movie. At least it was peaceful out here. No guards tonight. Middle of nowhere, it wasn't like somebody would accidentally find this place. I didn't even know what state we were in, but it felt abandoned here. For a moment, I wondered if we were safe from Terra, but they all seemed so confident that she couldn't find us. It didn't make any sense to me, but I was getting tired of being scared of her.
I walked through the tall grass away from the noise and light of the tent. The moon was nearly full, but the stars still managed to shine brightly. The whole sky sparkled with them. I'd spent most of my life viewing the stars from the city. I never realized how many of them you could see away from the constant light.
I could have stayed out here for the rest of the night happily, but my lack of clothing was taking a toll on me. Goosebumps rose on my arms and legs. I rubbed my hands on my arms to try to warm them up. How long was I supposed to wait out here? Was someone going to get me when it was safe to come back inside?
Not sure I could handle much more without a blanket, I walked back to the tent. As if on queue, Goldie came out right as I approached the front door.
My teeth were chattering now. It was incredible how quickly it had gone from a warm summer night to cold. "Can I come back in?"
She held the tent flap open for me. "They sent me to find you. Work is all done!"
"Work?" What kind of work had they needed to do that didn't allow me to be present?
"Don't worry about it," she smiled. "It's party time. Ready to let loose?"
What else was I going to do? I figured I had two choices. I could stand against the wall and wait for the night to end, or I could find a way to enjoy myself. "Let's party."
As we entered the tent, we found Bella waiting for us. She grabbed hold of Goldie's hand, and Goldie grabbed mine. We cut through the undulating masses as the throbbing bass pounded out a rhythm on the dance floor.
Bella grabbed my other hand and started to dance. The three of us moved together, jumping and bobbing to the beat. The smiles were contagious, the music filled me with life. It was like something that had been missing from me was finding its way back. I could have fun without the drugs, maybe spending a year with the Rose Circus wouldn't be so bad after all.
A tap on my shoulder broke the momentary trance of the music and I turned to see Jasper smiling at me. He had to yell for me to hear him over the beats. "Mind if I cut in?"
Bella and Goldie dropped my hands and grabbed hold of each other, instantly lost in their own world. I felt a little bad for keeping them from having dances together.
Still riding on the endorphins the dancing and music were providing, I agreed to dance with Jasper. For somebody who spent half his time as a wolf, he was an excellent dancer. Soon, we were lost in the music and I was having the most fun I'd had in years.
Jasper paused to wipe sweat from his brow and I realized how tired I was feeling. We'd been at this for hours. "We should find some water."
He nodded. Hand in hand, we cut our way through the crowd to the back of the tent. A bar was set up near the stage that I hadn't noticed before. The man who usually stood guard at the door was standing behind the bar. His too-small black tee-shirt seemed to be as dressed up as he got. "Having fun?"
"Yes, thank you," I yelled over the music. "You have any water back there?"
He set a bottle of water on the bar top for me. "Nice job on the trapeze, didn't think you had it in you."
I took a long drink from the bottle then wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. "Thank you. It was scary as hell."
He laughed.
Jasper took a drink from his own bottle and leaned nearer to me so he didn't have to shout. "I've got to find a friend. Catch up with you later?"
I nodded and watched him weave his way through the crowd. Now that I had stopped dancing, the adrenaline was wearing off and I was feeling tired. I had no idea what time it was but it had to be late - or really early.
There wasn't anybody here except for the bartender and me. I leaned against the bar and smiled as I watched the crowd. They might have strange costumes, but they weren't all that different from the parties I used to go to. In a weird way, it was sort of comforting. I'd fought it when I first came to the Rose Circus. I was afraid I couldn't resist going down the path of the bad behaviors I associated with these parties, but I hadn't even missed that part of it tonight.
A guy I didn't know came over to the bar. He was wearing a white button down shirt and a pair of black pants. He didn't look like he belonged at a Rose Circus party. He asked for a drink then carried the cup over to where I was standing, and leaned against the bar next to me. He stood so close to me, he was almost touching me.
I smiled at him, then turned my attention back to the party. There was a lot of places this guy could stand and being right next to me made me uncomfortable. I'd seen this type of move before and I wasn't in the mood to be hit on by random strangers. Especially knowing that this guy wasn't human. Who knew what he was capable of? The members of the Rose Circus might be cursed and unable to use magic, but what could the guests do?
"Great party," the man said.
"Yeah." I focused on my water, not wanting to engage in a conversation with him.
"Your first Fire Festival?" he asked.
"Yep, yours?" I said.
He smiled. "First one with the Rose Circus."
The silence was awkward. It felt like he was waiting for me to say something but I didn't know what to say. His clothing made me uncomfortable. Why wasn't he in a shiny outfit or wearing glitter or something? He seemed so average. Since leaving home a few days ago, I hadn't seen anybody in such dull, formal clothing since Terra's place. My hand tightened around the water bottle and I felt the color drain from my face. It couldn't be. The people who worked for Terra couldn't find this place. It had to be a coincidence. Still, he made my skin crawl.
I drank the last of my water and set the empty bottle on the bar. "Well, have a great night."
Trying not to walk too fast, I set out to find somebody that I recognized. My instincts were telling me that Brenon would want to know about this guy.
28
I pushed my way through the dancers, who didn't seem to care that they were being moved aside. Everybody was having too much fun to notice anything that might throw off their rhythm.
Unsure of how I was going to find Brenon in the throngs of people, I realized that usually when I needed him, he seemed to find me. I shook the thought away as it was a bit more than I wanted to consider at the moment.
There wasn't a backstage or a back anything inside the giant tent, so I figured the stage itself was as good a place as any to begin my hunt. If I didn't find him, at least I was away from the man at the bar.
A red silk dropped from the sky in front of me and I jumped back so I wasn't in the way of the person making their descent downward. My face lit up when I realized it was Goldie. So that's her job here.
For a few moments, I watched her, transfixed by her graceful movements as she wrapped and unwrapped herself in the flowing fabric. Her movements were beautiful, it looked like ballet while suspended in by a long strip of fabric.
She dropped down again, hanging upside-down, and spotted me. Quickly, she untangled herself and landed with soft feet on the ground. "Everything okay, Ara?"
"Have you seen Brenon?" I asked.
She lifted her chin toward the trapeze platform. "Not since he was up there with you."
My shoulders dropped.
Her eyebrows pressed together in concern. "What's going on?"
"Probably nothing," I said. "There was just a guy that didn't seem right over at the bar. I thought I should tell Brenon."
Goldie looked relieved. "I'm
sure it's nothing, love. You're just feeling a little overwhelmed. We only have about an hour left." Her whole face lit up and she bounced up to her toes. "Why don't I show you how to use the aerial silks?"
My first reaction was to tell her no, in very firm tones. But before the words came out, I wondered why I shouldn't try it? It couldn't be any worse than trapeze. I stepped toward the long, flowing red fabric. "Alright. Where do we start?"
The next hour of the party passed in a blur as Goldie worked on getting me to make any progress as an aerial performer. Just as I was starting to get a feel for the move she taught me, the music stopped and silence spread through the room.
I let go of the pose and looked up toward the stage. Brenon was standing at the center, his top hat centered on his head, a black cane in his hand. His very presence alone was enough to keep all attention on him.
The tent seemed to be holding a collective breath as they waited for his words. "The sun is rising, O friends, fairies, and fiends of the night. Tonight we danced as we kicked off the festival. Tomorrow, we leave the tent behind to return to our roots. The festivities begin at sunset!"
With a sizzle, the Rose Circus sign went dark. The partygoers filed out in silence. Just like that, the party was over.
I stood stunned for a few moments. I'd never stayed to the end of a warehouse party before. I wondered if they ended like this too.
Soon, all that was left in the now darkened tent were the members of the Rose Circus. They milled around, seeming to be waiting for instruction.
"That's enough for tonight, friends. See you all in the morning." Brenon was back on the stage, addressing the group. I looked up at him and caught his eye. He winked at me, then walked off the stage.
Aside from our brief conversation on the trapeze platform and his warning to leave at the lighting of the sign, he'd said nothing to me.