A Daughter's Choice

by Cathy Sharp

  One of them had become engaged to a nurse who had looked after him from the beginning. It was against the rules for nurses to marry, of course, but Julia Lane would be leaving when her fiancé was well enough to go home, and then they planned to marry. Their romance had pleased everyone, because in the midst of all the pain and suffering in the hospital it proved that life went on and sometimes people found happiness again.

  We were certainly a merry group that evening, chattering and laughing all the way to the dance. Held in the village hall, it had been put on especially for the hospital crowd and the local people had taken trouble to decorate the place with flowers and streamers, making a rather dreary room look bright. A refreshment bar providing soft drinks, tea and beer had been set up at one end.

  The dancing started as soon as we arrived, all the girls from the hospital finding themselves in great demand. Several men in uniform were present, having come from an Army base some ten miles away.

  One young corporal introduced himself to me as Terry Cooke.

  ‘I haven’t seen you here before. Are you at the hospital?’

  ‘Yes, a very new recruit,’ I replied, responding instinctively to the admiring gleam in his eyes. ‘This is my first time at the dance.’

  ‘I’ve been several times. I’ve been stuck here for ages. I was out at the beginning but they shipped me back with a leg wound and I spend most of my time behind a desk now.’

  ‘Oh, poor you,’ I sympathized. ‘Have you asked for active service?’

  ‘Yes, but they say I’m useful where I am.’

  I danced several times with Terry but he wasn’t my only partner. Eleanor’s dress seemed to have worked a little magic and I didn’t have to sit out one dance.

  ‘This is fun, isn’t it?’ Ally said, her cheeks pink with a flush of excitement. ‘I’m enjoying myself.’

  She hadn’t sat down all the evening either, and I noticed she also danced with Terry Cooke several times.

  It was such fun that I didn’t notice Tom O’Rourke arrive. I didn’t even know he was there until I heard his voice speaking my name.

  ‘You look wonderful this evening, Kathy.’ I turned to face him, my heart racing. He was so attractive and he made me feel so odd – alive and excited. His eyes went over me with obvious approval. ‘That dress really suits you – makes you look grown up.’

  My pleasure faded as swiftly as it had flared. How dare he be so patronizing? If the dress was all that he found attractive then it wasn’t me he was complimenting.

  ‘Eleanor Ross lent it to me for the evening. I could never afford anything like this. I’m just Kathy Cole from the lanes – the scruffy kid your sister took pity on sometimes. If I look different tonight it’s just an illusion.’

  The tone of my voice was harsh and he looked startled, as if wondering what he’d done to annoy me. I was about to apologize, then something made me draw back.

  ‘Excuse me. I promised this dance to someone.’

  My head held high, I walked away from him. I wasn’t sure why I felt so angry with him but his attitude had touched a raw spot. I didn’t want to be treated as if I were still that kid from the lanes. I was training to be a nurse and people had to accept me for what I was now. No one else thought of me as a child – so why should Tom O’Rourke?

  For the rest of the evening I studiously avoided looking in his direction. It was easy enough to ignore him because I never lacked for a partner and I was having a lovely time. I didn’t even mind when Ally told me about the gorgeous girl he’d brought to the dance.

  ‘She was really lovely. Not from the hospital, though. I’ve never seen her before anyway.’

  No – nor have I,’ I admitted, acknowledging that I had noticed them dancing despite my efforts not to.

  ‘She’s not from your way then?’

  ‘No. At least I don’t know her.’

  She looked much too sophisticated and well dressed to be from our way, and was obviously far more Tom O’Rourke’s type than I could ever be.

  It shouldn’t have bothered me one way or the other, but as I lay in bed that night I couldn’t help wondering about the very attractive young woman Dr O’Rourke had brought with him. With someone like that as a partner it was hardly likely that he would be impressed by me, even in my borrowed dress.

  Over the next days and weeks I struggled to dismiss Tom O’Rourke from my mind. It had been foolish of me to feel humiliated by a remark that was probably meant well, and there had never been a chance for me anyway. Gossip was rife in the hospital and most people said the romance between Dr O’Rourke and Barbara Retford was serious.

  ‘Eleanor was disappointed,’ Ally told me over supper one evening. ‘Apparently she fancied him herself.’

  ‘Well, she stood more of a chance than I did,’ I said. ‘He liked her taste in clothes better than mine.’

  ‘Apparently Babs Retford is the daughter of a consultant he trained under. They’ve known each other for ages. The word is that they plan to get married in the summer.’

  Ally was a mine of information. She went out most evenings when she wasn’t on duty and seemed to have settled for friendship rather than romance. Mike’s letters had begun to arrive regularly now and she had stopped worrying over him – at least she didn’t say much these days.

  Billy Ryan’s mother forwarded a postcard to me from him. I’d sent him a couple of long, newsy letters but his card didn’t mention them, merely saying he was all right and hoped I was. Gran had replied to my letter to her but hadn’t written again, but then, I knew she wasn’t good at things like that. She would probably need a little help to read the letters I sent her, and I thought she might take them to Bridget O’Rourke – which was why I always told her about all the fun I was having. Not that Bridget would tell her brother, of course.

  It was silly of me to feel jealous of his lovely girlfriend, but I couldn’t help it and I was relieved when he didn’t bring her to the dance in the village a month later. He didn’t come at all, and I heard that he had been transferred to another hospital; there was a rumour that he might have gone to France, but no one seemed to know for sure. He certainly hadn’t bothered to say goodbye to me – but then, why should he? I hadn’t exactly encouraged a friendship between us.

  So that was the end of any hopes I might have had concerning the good-looking Dr O’Rourke. After a few weeks I discovered that I could laugh at myself. It was silly of me to have fancied him in the first place. The best thing I could do was to put him out of my mind and get on with the job I was paid for!

  I had my choice of young men willing to take me out if I wanted, though more often than not I chose to stay in and read a book or talk to my friends. Quite often I lingered in the canteen in the evenings, where Eleanor Ross joined me. I had come to like her a lot, and to discover that she wasn’t at all the spoiled darling of a rich father Ally thought her.

  Ally still didn’t like her, and I noticed that sparks flew each time they met. They didn’t actually have a flaming row, but Ally was always picking at her, seeming as if she couldn’t leave her alone.

  Eleanor and I sat cross-legged on my bed, sharing a bottle of wine, one evening. Ally was on the night shift, and Sally had gone out for the evening. We had both agreed that we were too tired to go anywhere, and Eleanor had suggested she bring a bottle of wine up so that we could spend some time together.

  ‘This was a good idea of yours,’ I said. ‘And this wine is delicious, better than anything I’ve had before.’

  Eleanor smiled. ‘I thought you would like it – it’s a good medium French white, not too sweet and not too dry.’

  ‘Well, I definitely approve.’ I held my glass out for more. ‘It’s always port and lemon for the ladies where I come from, but from now on I’m a wine drinker.’

  ‘And just the weeniest bit tipsy,’ Eleanor said gurgling with affectionate laughter. ‘Oh, it is good to unwind sometimes, isn’t it, Kathy?’

  ‘Yes. I’m enjoying myself.’

&nb
sp; ‘Do you ever think what you’ll do when this dreadful war is over?’

  ‘I’m not sure. I might get married – or I might stay on in nursing. What are you going to do, Eleanor?’

  ‘I don’t think I want to marry, not for years and years anyway. I’ve never met a man I wanted to go to bed with for the rest of my life – although I’ve seen a few I wouldn’t mind having the occasional romp with in the hayloft.’

  I giggled. The wine was doing its work and I didn’t feel in the least shocked by her revelations. ‘You’re wicked, do you know that?’

  ‘Yes, of course,’ she agreed, her eyes bright with mischief. ‘My father was afraid I was going to disgrace the family, that’s why he packed me off here, of course.’

  ‘I’m sure it wasn’t.’

  ‘There isn’t much love lost between us, Kathy.’ For a moment sadness flickered in her eyes. ‘I respect him, but he isn’t a love-able man.’

  ‘My father isn’t easy to love either, but Gran is wonderful. She’s been like a mother to me.’ I looked at Eleanor as she fondled her wineglass. ‘Is there anyone you really love, Eleanor?’

  ‘Yes, there is one person,’ she said and her face took on a new softness. ‘My cousin Mary. If I love anyone, I love Mary. She’s sweet and good and … well, best not to say too much. I just love her.’

  ‘It’s good to love someone.’

  ‘And to have good friends like you, Kathy.’ She touched her glass to mine. ‘To love and friendship, may they continue forever …’

  I echoed her toast and sipped my wine. Eleanor had seemed to have everything with her expensive clothes and money of her own, but I sensed that deep down she wasn’t any more confident about the future than either Ally or me.

  ‘I’ve been waiting for this for ages!’ Ally cried, a note of excitement in her voice. ‘My mother is dying to meet you, Kathy. I’ve told her all about you in my letters.’

  ‘I’ve been looking forward to this too,’ I said, smiling at her as she grabbed her case and jumped down from the bus. ‘I can’t believe it’s more than eight months since we met.’

  ‘That’s because we don’t have time to breathe let alone think,’ she said and laughed. ‘But now we’ve got four whole days to do exactly as we like.’

  It was the first leave we’d been able to take together, though both of us had had a weekend in between. I’d stayed at the hospital, taking walks to the village and spending time lazing by the river, but Ally had gone home on the train.

  Her mother saw us from the window and was waiting to greet us. She hugged her daughter and then turned to me. We started to shake hands politely, and then she grabbed me and hugged me to her ample bosom.

  ‘I feel I know you, Kathy. Ally has written so much about her friend.’

  ‘I hope it was good,’ I quipped and she smiled.

  ‘I think you’ve been good for her, Kathy. She says you’re much better than she is at all kinds of things.’

  ‘I’m no better than Ally, she just thinks I am, because I got good marks in the exam we took last month. We’re both trying very hard to learn all they have to teach us, but it’s hard to take it all in.’

  ‘Yes, I am sure it is,’ she said. ‘Ally’s father and I are very proud of her and I’m sure your family must be proud of you, Kathy.’

  ‘I haven’t heard from Gran in a while,’ I said. ‘I think perhaps I ought to pop over one day on the Tube and see how she is …’

  ‘That’s a good idea,’ she replied. ‘But come in, my dear, sit down and have a good rest. I’ve got the kettle on and your dinner will be ready in a minute. From what Ally tells me you must both be starving.’

  It was warm and welcoming in Ally’s house. Her parents were kind, generous people and I settled in straight away.

  Ally and I went shopping together, and Ally helped me choose two new dresses – one for afternoons and the other for dances and parties. The evening dress wasn’t as impressive as Eleanor’s, of course, but it suited me and I felt comfortable in it.

  ‘I’ve never had so many new things,’ I said as we went back to Ally’s home our arms full of parcels. ‘I feel terribly extravagant for spending all that money.’

  I had bought a couple of small presents for Gran, and I intended to give her some money when I visited the next day, but I had spent most of the wages I’d been saving on my new clothes, and I was really pleased with my purchases.

  I was wearing a new skirt and blouse under my jacket when I walked up the lane the following morning. It was nearly spring again – the spring of 1918 – and the weather was mild, the sun making the lanes seem less dreary than usual. I’d asked Ally to come with me but she said it might be better if I went alone, and in my heart I was relieved. I wasn’t sure what kind of a reception I might get at home if my father happened to be around.

  As I approached the house, I saw Bridget O’Rourke coming out of the front door. She looked surprised, then smiled and waited for me to reach her, giving me a quick kiss of greeting on the cheek.

  ‘Your Gran will be so pleased you’ve come,’ she said. ‘She’s had a bit of a chill. I wanted to write to you, but she wouldn’t let me – she’s all right now, though, so don’t worry.’

  ‘Was she very ill?’

  ‘Not at all,’ Gran said coming to the open door. She had heard our voices and was beaming with pleasure. ‘Bridget fusses too much, lass. I’m fine and there was no need to trouble you – with you being so busy and having such a good time with all your friends.’

  ‘Tom said they work the girls hard,’ Bridget said. ‘I doubt Kathy has much time to go out with friends.’

  ‘Oh, we get out now and then,’ I replied, a faint flush in my cheeks. ‘I had a drink with your brother once, Bridget. How is he?’

  ‘In high fettle. He has been in France working in a field hospital for a few months. It was what he wanted all the time, you know, but they wouldn’t give him the chance, and then they happened to need a doctor with his specialist knowledge in burns and they flew him out. He’s managed to stay on there until now, but he says they are sending him back soon.’

  ‘Oh, I expect he will be disappointed.’ I avoided looking at her. ‘Is he coming back to our hospital?’

  ‘Oh yes, I think so,’ Bridget said. ‘They’ve asked for him so I expect you will be seeing him soon.’ She smiled at me and then Gran. ‘Well, I must go or Joe will be shouting for his dinner. And my sister Lainie is coming this evening. We don’t often see her so I’m looking forward to having a nice chat.’

  ‘You don’t need to worry about Joe,’ Gran said. ‘That husband of yours never raises his voice to you, Bridget.’

  ‘No, he doesn’t,’ she admitted. ‘I’m very lucky.’

  ‘Lucky with ’er ’usband,’ Gran remarked as Bridget went up the street. ‘I don’t know about that sister of ’ers though …’

  ‘What do you mean?’ I looked at her curiously. ‘I thought Lainie was doing well, working as manageress at a posh dress shop in the West End?’

  ‘Aye, she is. It were different in the old days, but never mind that now. Lainie O’Rourke were a bit of a dark ’orse if yer ask me. Not that it matters. Water under the bridge, as they say. Come in, Kathy love,’ Gran said, her eyes going over me as she closed the front door behind her visitor. ‘That’s a smart skirt you’re wearing. You’re quite the young lady now.’

  ‘I expect it’s the new clothes.’

  ‘No, it’s more than that.’ She studied my face. ‘You’ve seen and done things that have changed you, lass. You’ve grown up since I saw you last.’

  ‘You do see a lot of things at the hospital,’ I admitted. ‘It’s hard work and sometimes it’s very sad.’

  ‘Yes, of course, love,’ she said and reached up to pat my face. ‘But I can see it has been good for you.’

  ‘How have you been really – and Father?’

  I laid a package on the table. I had managed to buy a packet of her favourite biscuits and a bar of Fry’s dark
chocolate, which my elderly admirer at the village shop near the hospital had saved under the counter especially for me. Gran looked inside, shaking her head at me, but I could tell she was pleased with the small gift.

  ‘Your da’s the same as ever,’ she said with a wry grimace. ‘I manage well enough, Kathy. Don’t you go worrying about me. I’m proud of you and you’re doing something you enjoy, and that’s all that matters.’

  ‘Oh Gran, I do love you!’ I put my arms about her and hugged her. ‘If you are ever really ill you must let Bridget send for me, promise me you will.’

  ‘I promise you, lass,’ she said. ‘If I need you I’ll send for you, but not before. Now, tell me all about yourself and what it’s like at that hospital of yours …’

  The subject was changed and we spent the next hour or so talking happily. I was a bit apprehensive at first in case my father should come in and make a scene, but Gran said he was working at the brewery again and wouldn’t be home until late.

  When I left her waving at the door I felt a tug at my heartstrings. There was no doubt that she was getting more frail and I felt a little guilty at leaving her alone, and yet I was already anxious to return to the hospital and my work.

  Four

  I had found a warm spot in the hospital gardens to sit and read my paper, which one of the patients had given me as I came off duty. It was June now and the sun was shining as I glanced at the headlines. After months of terrible news, when it seemed that everything was going wrong for the allies, the papers were talking of a counter attack.

  ‘Hello. May I share your bench – or shall I be intruding?’

  My head shot up as I heard the voice and I felt my cheeks warm to a blush. It was months since I’d last seen Tom O’Rourke and I’d almost forgotten him. At least, if I was truthful, I had succeeded in preventing him from dominating my thoughts.