Imagined

by Cheri Crystal

  I frowned. What’s wrong? Why didn’t she move? Her features held no clue to her present state. Her skin was paler than I had remembered, but her close set, almond-shaped eyes were the same clear cerulean blue. Gone, but not forgotten, were the angry scars about her face. I would never forget the helpless feeling of not being able to protect my love from harm. Thankfully, despite a slightly off-centered nose, it seemed that the jagged scar, inches away from my love’s jugular, and the pink mark parallel to her hairline, were barely visible to the naked eye and she had retained an unspoiled beauty inside and out. I don’t know how she had kept her spirits up after her ordeal, but I admired her fortitude. The injustice of marring perfection made me cringe even now, but I let the feeling go and was drawn to her lips, as soft, full, and captivating as ever, and her wide smile showed perfectly capped teeth. I leaned in for a kiss. She indulged me for a split second. I groaned in protest when she pulled away as energy flooded my nervous system preparing my body for fight or flight, but I relaxed when she agreed to come home with me. I was all set to keep my girl this time. I’d do anything, give anything, and be anyone she wanted me to be, if only she’d stay forever.

  “What have you been up to?” she asked, finally rising so that I could lead her out of the laundromat and towards home.

  “Funny you should ask,” I fumed.

  “Calm yourself, Joanie. You know how your pressure goes up when—”

  “Excuse me, but you really can’t blame me considering you left.” Shaking all over, I couldn’t get a grip.

  “I see you’re not ready for me yet,” she whispered.

  Only slugging me in the gut with a wrought iron rod could have hurt worse. “What do you mean?” I pleaded, this time resorting to a remorseful, sniveling wretch. “Please, Lily, what can I do to make it up to you?”

  “You haven’t stopped hiding behind your work and shutting everyone out, particularly Barbara, your nearest and dearest friend. I’m worried about you.”

  “I’ll change.”

  “I stopped praying for miracles long ago.”

  “Me too, but you’re here.” I wanted so much to weld our bodies together. I’d gladly follow her no matter where she went.

  “You never saw the pain your absence caused because it was always one more mountain you had to climb, one more battle you had to win, and to what end, Joanie? To what end?” Her lips lacked the usual luster, and downturned, they forcibly reminded me of lost opportunities. If only I had been there to answer the door that night…

  “No more tears, baby. You’ve cried enough.” She pressed me to her breast, always coddling me, calming me, soothing away my fears and tears.

  “I can’t help it.”

  “You must, my sweet. I won’t rest until you do.”

  “You’ve rested enough,” I argued. Her bittersweet smile smothered my palpable anger surrounding that fateful day. I couldn’t suppress this reaction as long as she was gone. “Why wasn’t I home that night?”

  “It’s done. Let’s not waste what little time we have left.”

  “You promised never to leave again.”

  “And I won’t. Take me home.”

  “You won’t like it,” I warned.

  “I like wherever you are.”

  We walked the rest of the way to my apartment in silence. My heart should have been beating to a cheerful tune, but something seemed amiss. I had too many questions, yet I couldn’t badger her for more answers. Should I fill her in and tell her about all the angst she’d put me through that I hardly thought I’d ever recover from? Why not enjoy her instead?

  “I’ve started school.” I feigned enthusiasm, but she saw right through me.

  “Another of your diversionary tactics.”

  “No, really, you’ll love this. I signed up for a lit course. Historical Romance.”

  “It sounds intriguing.” She wasn’t amused.

  Where was her excitement? We arrived at the tenement and I held the door for her. With Lily gracing the lobby, the dingy area brightened significantly more than the low-watt light bulb allowed. We walked up the six flights of stairs. At the threshold, I couldn’t locate my house key. I patted every pocket twice and sighed. Finally, I had Lily back, and I couldn’t get inside the apartment. Damn!

  Exasperated, I spun around ready to catapult myself to the landlady for a spare key. Lily stood there, spinning the key ring around her finger. “Where did you get that?” I asked.

  She just smiled. My heart melted. I was happier than ever that I’d kept our bed. Just wait until skeptical Barb got wind of Lily’s return. I intended to keep the secret for as long as possible. I stepped aside to allow Lily to do the honors of unlocking the door. She had other ideas. In that moment, I relived every heated rush where we feverishly groped and fondled, oblivious to all except our coupled souls, a force to be reckoned with, but obviously not unbreakable.

  As I drew her in, our matching white-gold necklaces, the ones we’d bought because it symbolized our two-hearts-beating-as-one, clinked. That was when I knew with certainty that no matter what life brought our way, our combined spirits would never die. I realized nothing or nobody could take my Lily away from me again. I kissed her with passion and conviction. She matched my every move. Our tongues, hands, and the entire length of our bodies melted until there was no way to tell where Lily ended and I began.

  We hadn’t budged from the doorway. My hands, of their own free will, enveloped her breasts, rendering me oblivious to all but her. I fondled every sweet memory so close to my heart. Her nipples pointed straight towards my lips, and I encircled the hardened tips. Closing my eyes, I was at once lost in her nurturing bosom thus restored to health. It was miraculous that just the scent of her skin and the feel of her embrace while she caressed my neck, my shoulders, my back and placed loving kisses wherever her lips could reach, healed me. She knew what I wanted, what I needed, nothing forgotten like where to touch, how much or how little pressure to apply, when to wander from the tender spot and how long I’d last being teased before I pleaded for release.

  Those were cherished moments, especially when love was new, and on those long, luxurious nights spent pleasing and torturing each other as we made love until dawn. As love grew, most concerns, those rare heated arguments, could be washed away with a kiss and our desires were repeatedly sated courtesy of practiced hands, fingers, tongues, and sometimes, toys. Lily had me reaching new heights of passion each time better than the last.

  I had not allowed an ounce of joy to fill my life since she’d been gone. I couldn’t even pleasure myself because it defiled her memory. I vowed to punish myself for all eternity. How sick was that? I didn’t care. I would not come without her, but here she was. My center thrummed with overwhelming intensity, longing, and need, until I couldn’t take much more neglect. I missed her body and wanted desperately to satisfy her first. I begged, God, please let me love her like this forever. I would give up anything. Even orgasms, if I had to, if only…she must have heard my internal plea, because she took me with her for a slow glide down the wall until we were flat on the floor and comfortably wrapped in each other’s arms.

  I seized the opportunity to love every inch of her body. I would never die famished as long as I had her flesh upon which to feast. A cynical laughter bubbled up in my throat. Did I think one lit course could render me Shakespeare, Austen, or Bronte?

  She soothed me with sweet murmurs, forgiving me, willing me to believe her. I kissed away her words until she quieted, except for the uneven breath of a woman ready to be taken. I seized the opportunity to worship her, nipping at her breasts, licking at her belly, and finally, burying my nose in her depths so that I could part her fragrant folds. I couldn’t get enough of her clit between my lips, and I greedily drank in her divine goodness, sucking it between the flat of my tongue and the roof of my mouth to expose the tender jewel until she had an out-of-this-universe-sized orgasm. Her climax was so powerful, so satisfying, and so immense, I thought I had come too, onl
y I was still hard, and fully clothed. But not for long. Lily regained her strength and lifted up just enough to coax me onto my back.

  I allowed her free reign. She playfully pinched my nipples and worked her way down my prickled, waiting skin to my overheated core. My legs spread of their own accord as her delicate fingers palpated the slick area. I cried out for her to make me come. She complied with my every request. Her mouth was as hot and moist as my crotch. She worked her magic, and in an explosive rush I came to commemorate our love. I had to make up for two years of loss, denial, blame, bargaining, anger, and here it was, to accept what I could not change. But I couldn’t do that just yet.

  “That’s it, Joanie, let it all go,” she whispered, her breath enough to make me come again and again. “Let it go,” she repeated, and I came again, until one more and I’d surely die, only now I wanted to live.

  Laughter filled the hallway as she joined me in my glee until we were both too spent to utter another sound, let alone lift our heads. I held her close, cradled in the crook of my arm, and gently ran my fingers through her hair. She tickled up and down my arm.

  “I love you, Lily. You’re right here where you belong.”

  She tapped at the place between my breasts, now radiant with contentment. “I love you, too, Joanie. I never left.”

  I enveloped her hand with mine. “I guess we should probably go in before the neighbors return,” I said.

  She stood first, and we helped each other dress. She handed over the key and I unlocked the door. The hairs on the back of my neck rose. The apartment glowed like a shining light bulb without a shade. Everything sparkled in a surreal display of festive metallic, Mylar balloons, ribbons and bows. My living room was filled with women.

  “Surprise!”

  What?

  I thought I’d had enough surprises for one day, heck, for one year. Barb and a bunch of our friends descended on me with hugs, songs, and Champagne in honor of one shocked beyond belief birthday girl. Oh God, I hope they didn’t hear us out there. So much for keeping Lily a secret.

  “Happy Birthday, Joanie!” Barb squeezed me tight, and I gathered rather quickly there were no hard feelings between us. No wonder she hadn’t met me at the laundromat.

  “You sly fox,” I said, patting her back.

  “It’s so great to see you smile for a change.” The love and joy in Barb’s eyes mirrored mine.

  One after another well-wisher came to greet me, and after the last one, it occurred to me that nobody offered so much as a glance at Lily. I didn’t mean to shout, really, it was nice of everyone to remember my birthday, but still, I protected my girl’s feelings first and foremost. I always had and always will.

  “What is wrong with you people?” Apparently my outburst was out of context because I noticed more than a few awkward glares and gasps.

  “What’s the matter?” Barb asked, bewilderment as clear as the hurt I had a habit of incurring.

  “Why are you all ignoring Lily?”

  “Don’t you think it’s time you moved on?”

  I glared at Barb, “Why on earth would I do that when she’s right here?”

  “Oh, honey.” Barb shook her head sadly.

  I reached behind me for Lily’s hand. Had my friends lost their sight? Had they lost their minds? I turned to Lily, pleading for her to say something, anything, but she remained silent.

  “Lily,” I demanded, “Tell them you’re back. Show them they’re wrong. You’re right here. Damn it, Lily, say something.” I choked back a sob as my chest threatened to break apart separating my ribcage in two. Barb reached out, but I thwarted her advances. She was stark raving mad not to see my girl standing right here beside me.

  “She’s finally come home and you people are blind,” I wailed. “Get out! Get out now!”

  One by one, they left, except for Barb. Good, let them take their pity with them. “Why haven’t you gone, too?”

  “I won’t leave you alone.”

  I turned towards Lily, only to find she’d vanished. I started to run after her, but Barb’s hold strengthened. Had I lost all the fight in me?

  “You’ve chased away my girl. I finally got her back and you’ve wrecked my last chance at happiness. She’s gone…”

  “Oh, honey, Lily’s dead. I’m so sorry, but she’s been gone for two years. You know that. Everyone knows that.”

  “Noooooooo! Stop saying it.” I covered my ears and pressed as hard as I could. “Stop. Don’t say it.” I was so bitter inside that even quinine would have tasted sweet in comparison. I had had no idea that Lily’s ex had never stopped badgering to get her back. Now she was serving a life sentence for Lily’s brutal murder. The death penalty was too good for that despicable monster. Barb held me in my misery.

  “If only I hadn’t worked late that night,” I cried. “If only I had left the damn office on time. I could have saved my girl’s life.”

  “It’s not your fault. Her ex-girlfriend was a deranged and dangerously sick individual. You may have ended up dead, too.”

  I sobbed so hard, my chest felt like it was being ripped apart all over again. Hiccoughing, I had to confess aloud. “That night, we had an awful fight,” I tried to catch my breath. “I was tired of her ultimatums. I could have finished up the remaining details by working at home, but I was mad when she said I had to choose between her and my job. Wasn’t my love enough for her? Didn’t she want me to move up in the company? I was so close to realizing what I thought was my ultimate dream. All I had worked for. I wanted to be the best. I thought she shared my dream. I did it for her and all the things I hoped to give her.”

  “Don’t you see, Joanie? She didn’t want material things. She wanted you. And now you’re so busy with school, you don’t have time for anything but that.”

  “She was here, Barb, I swear! I’m not lying.”

  “I believe you thought you saw her, but she’s gone.” Barb moved toward the door. Something caught her eye and she stooped down to retrieve it. “Maybe you’ve been reading too many ghost stories.”

  “What is it, Barb?”

  “You must have dropped your necklace.”

  I reached for my neck. “It’s right here under my shirt.” I showed her to prove my point. “I never take it off.”

  “That’s funny. I was sure you buried this necklace with Lily.”

  “I did.”

  Barbara’s hand shook as she stared at the object in utter disbelief. She showed me her palm to stop me from stating the obvious, because there it was, the matching gold hearts my girl and I both wore. Disrupting the silence, Zieggy appeared out of hiding, mewed loudly, and crept between my calves, back arched, and his tail high. Barbara and I shared a smile. I was certain she finally understood. She placed the necklace around my neck and my heart at once became whole. With Lily’s strength now within my grasp, I lifted Zieggy and held him. Renewed warmth returned to my core. Lily had come back to give me my heart, to forgive me, and to lead me on the road to recovery.

  My surprise 60th birthday had proved to be enlightening and liberating after all…thanks to Lily.

  The End.

  About the Author

  Cheri Crystal is a healthcare professional by day and an erotic romance writer by night. She was born and raised in New York and lives in the United Kingdom with her wife. Cheri began writing fiction in 2003 after reviewing for Lambda Book Report, Just About Write, Independent Gay Writer and other e-zines. Her short story collection, Attractions of the Heart, was a 2010 Golden Crown Literary Winner for lesbian erotica. Visit www.chericrystal.com and friend her on Facebook for the latest news. Due out in February 2013, stay tuned for Ageless Erotica, edited by Joan Price. Cheri is honored to be included in the groundbreaking anthology with her tantalizing lesbian love story, “Better Than Vibrators.” In her spare time, she enjoys swimming, hiking, viewing wildlife, cooking, jigsaw puzzles and spending quality time with family and friends.

  Other Stories by Cheri Crystal

  Award winning
author of

  Attractions of the Heart

  Road Rage

  Top Bird

  Innocent Kiss

  Exercise Dyke

  The Ties That Bind

  Does The Butch Come With The Recipe?

  Campus Craze

  Steam

  Playing With The Band

  Going Fishing

  Consult My Pussy

  Climbing Rocks

  Mirror Image

  Better Than Vibrators

  Help Wanted: Clitoris Missing In Action

  Imagined