by Tyler Grey
“There wasn’t, but it was the first date. Maybe I just didn’t give him enough of a try. Maybe I was too fast to judge. He seemed like a nice enough guy.”
“Is that so? I don’t know, Paisley. I think the spark is very important. I’d go as far as saying that it is the most important part of any relationship. If you didn’t click with him on the first date, then what is the point of a second?”
“I… I don’t know,” I said. He’d reached over to get a mug, and his arm brushed against mine. This was torture. “I’m… I don’t know,” I said again, and then I shook my head. Why was I being such a bumbling idiot? I needed to compose myself.
I turned around and was just about to tell Henry that the two of us needed to speak when I started to fall. I have no idea what I even tripped on, but as I fell to the ground, I felt his hand reach up and grab me. I gasped at the feel of his hand on my waist, and then as I tried to move away, his hand accidentally brushed against my breast. At least, I thought it was an accident. It had all happened so quickly.
I could feel my blood pressure rising, and the butterflies in my stomach were trying hard to escape. I grabbed my coffee cup and rushed out to my desk. It was only when I got there that I realized I had only filled it halfway. Henry arrived moments later and put another cup down for me. He walked away without saying anything and without looking at me. I picked up the full cup of coffee and took a sip. He had made it exactly the way I liked it.
I didn’t do any more work in the hour that followed. I just stared at my computer screen and drank my coffee. I was like a zombie with only one thing on my mind. But instead of brains, it was Henry. I wanted him more than anything. How was I going to have that talk with him now?
I knew that I needed to talk to him more than ever, but it wasn’t going to be easy. Maybe I should email him, instead. I opened up my emails and started an email to him. I wrote a sentence, then deleted it, and started again. I did this over and over again, until the only thing I was left with was: “Dear Henry.” I just didn’t know how to put it into words, and I wasn’t sure I wanted it out on email. I was sure that nobody else had access to our emails, but what if I was wrong? What if Jessica was more computer savvy than she was letting on, and was currently monitoring all our emails? Some of the emails to each other had been a little flirty, but they weren’t too bad. We always kept things professional, no matter what. But I if I sent this email, I would have to admit to how much I liked him and how hard this was for me.
Maybe I should just quit, I thought. That would probably be the best thing to do. Although, I still lived with the guy, and if I quit it meant I wouldn’t be able to afford my own apartment. No, that wouldn’t work. I was so deep in thought that I jumped when the phone rang.
“Hi, Paisley, mind coming into the office?”
I gulped at the sound of his voice. “Uh, sure.”
Just as I was about to get up, I saw Jessica get up too.
“I’m going for lunch,” she said. “Answer my phone if it rings.”
I nodded. “Sure. Sure.”
I walked into the office and stood nervously by the door. “Uh, hi. What can I help you with?”
“Was that Jessica you were talking to?” he asked.
I nodded. “Uh, yeah, she’s gone out for lunch.”
He grinned and stood up. He walked up to me and smiled down at me. I backed away, but I ended up with my back against the wall. “Thank God,” he said. “I thought we’d never be alone.”
I gulped. “Alone? What do you mean?” I asked, even though I knew exactly what he meant. My knees had gone weak, and I was battling to breathe. I knew I should run out of there, but I couldn’t seem to move.
Suddenly, something inside me snapped. He was grinning at me and moving in closer. Instead of running away, slapping him, or doing any of the things my head was telling me to do, I leaned in and kissed him. It was a deep and deliberate kiss — and it was everything I had imagined it to be and more. It was the spark I was looking for. I groaned as I felt his hands against me.
“I want you so badly, Paisley. I’ve been dreaming about this moment since the first time I saw you.”
I pushed him away.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. “Don’t you want this?”
I nodded. “Oh, I want this. Just not here.”
He smiled. “Let’s go home.”
I knew I couldn’t resist anymore. Now that I had kissed him, I just wanted more and more. I smiled at him, and slowly licked my lips. “Yeah, let’s go home. I’ll meet you there.”
I walked to my desk, wrote out a note for Jessica informing her that we had gone out for a meeting, and made my way to my desk. I felt calm, cool, and collected. Anyone who looked at me wouldn’t know that my entire world had just been altered. But the moment I got into the car, I realized I was shaking. I had to sit for a while, just to calm myself down because my legs were shaking, and I was going to have a hard time driving that way. I tried to push all thoughts of my mother and Duncan out of my head. I simply couldn’t resist this any longer.
Chapter Twenty
Henry
It was happening. It was finally happening.
I knew that she would eventually give into my flirtations. Not because I was so cocky to think that any girl would fall for me, but because I knew that she felt the same way as I did. The chemistry between us was simply too strong to ignore, and now that we had both had a taste for each other, we knew we couldn’t go back.
Kissing Paisley had been incredible. I’d kissed many girls before, but nothing had come close to the way it had felt with her. It was electrifying. If she hadn’t asked us to go home, I would’ve taken her right there on the desk. But she was right to keep it out of the office — especially with someone like Jessica around, who could so easily have come back early from her lunch.
It took me a while to leave the parking lot though. My legs were shaking. I spent a bit of time breathing in and out. I’d done a yoga class once upon a time — mostly to get with the hot teacher — and the breathing part was the one thing I had gotten out of it. Whenever I felt stressed or overly excited like I was now, I took deep inhalations and even deeper exhalations. When I was finally feeling more myself, I drove home. As I left, I saw that Paisley was in front of me. I chuckled to myself at that. Had she also been sitting in her car trying to calm herself down? The thought pleased me. I was glad that I had that sort of effect on her.
I didn’t care what Shawn had to say about any of this; it was worth taking the chance on her. We’d figure things out later. We could always speak to our parents and see what they thought about the situation. Maybe we were overacting. Maybe they wouldn’t mind us being together. Hell, maybe they’d be happy for us. After all, we weren’t really brother and sister — a thought I couldn’t seem to get into Shawn’s head.
When we arrived home, I saw a police car in our driveway. My heart began to pound in a whole new way. I parked the car behind Paisley, and the two of us rushed out to see what was going on. I knew that it wasn’t going to be a good thing, but I just hoped that it wasn’t anything too serious. Even better, I hoped that they were at the wrong house. Please be at the wrong house, I begged silently.
“Are any of you related to Myra and Duncan O’Neil?” the police officer asked. They weren’t at the wrong house, and the realization stung me.
“I’m his son,” I said at the exact time that Paisley said,
“I’m her daughter.”
The police officer seemed confused by our answers, but didn’t question it. He looked uncomfortable, and it was clear that something bad had happened. My legs had turned to jelly as we were waiting for him to tell us the bad news. I felt like I was going to faint. I couldn’t go through this. I wanted to run away so that I didn’t have to hear it. Maybe I would have if Paisley wasn’t there. I had to be strong for her.
‘What’s going on?” Paisley asked. “Are they okay?”
The police officer sighed sadly. “I’m so sor
ry to be the bearer of such bad news, but there’s been an accident.”
“An accident? What do you mean? They’re okay, aren’t they? They’re okay. Tell us they’re okay. Please.” Paisley’s voice had taken on a tone I had never heard before. It was high-pitched and panicked. Myra and Paisley were as close as my father and I were. If something happened to them, I wasn’t sure how we would deal with it — or if we could.
I looked at the officer. “Please tell us they’re okay.” I knew they weren’t, though. If they were okay, he would’ve told us that from the start.
“I’m so sorry. I’m afraid I must tell that your parents didn’t make it.”
I felt the world spin around me, and I reached over to take Paisley’s hand. Tears were pouring down her face, and she was whispering “No, no, no!” over and over again.
“What happened? I don’t understand. My father is such a good driver.”
“It was a head-on collision. The other driver had been drinking. He’s in a coma, and I’m not sure if he’s going to make it.”
“No!” Paisley shouted. “No! They can’t be dead. No! They can’t be.”
I didn’t know what to do. I pulled her towards me as she cried, and I looked pleadingly at the officer. I wanted him to tell me that everything was going to be okay. I wanted him to tell me that it wasn’t true, they had made a mistake.
“We need you to come to the hospital to identify them. I’m so sorry. I know how awful this is. Can you drive? Or would you like to come with me? It’s a horrible thing to ask, but the sooner we get it over with, the better.”
“I can drive,” I said. I needed something to do. I needed to be strong.
I helped Paisley into the car, and I followed the cop to the hospital. Paisley cried the whole way, and I drove as if on autopilot. Nothing seemed real anymore. As we drove, I barely knew where we were, even though I’d lived in the area my whole life. I got out the car and opened the door for her.
“You don’t have to do this,” I said to her. “I can do it for us.” I wasn’t sure where I was finding the strength for the words. I didn’t want to do it, either. I wanted someone else to come along and take over. But there was nobody else.
Paisley shook her head. “No, I need to do this. You can’t do this alone. And…maybe…just maybe…it won’t be them.”
I didn’t answer her. I knew it would be them. The officer wouldn’t have come to the wrong house. He had our details from their wallets, their car registration, or something. He was sure.
But I didn’t have the heart to tell her that. We would have to do it together and get through it together. I took her hand, and the two of us followed the policeman inside. He took us to the room where both our parents were lying, and he asked us to step forward and identify them.
It was the worst thing I had ever seen in my life. It was my father — but it wasn’t him at all. It was just a shell of him. I nodded and quickly looked away. Paisley did the same, and then the two of us rushed out of the room and collapsed in the waiting area. The police officer let us cry for a while before asking us to fill out some forms. I didn’t let Paisley do any of it. I filled everything out for her and then handed the forms back. He told us that we could stay until we were ready to drive back.
“But if you need someone to get you, please let someone here know. Okay? We can organize a cab if you don’t want to drive.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
We sat there for a long time, just crying. I watched people walk in and of the hospital, each of them looking at us with pity. I wondered if they were at the hospital for good news or bad. I wondered if any of them were going through what we were going through. If they were, it didn’t matter. I had never felt more alone in my entire life.
“Can we go home?” Paisley asked. Her voice was soft and timid and filled with grief.
I took her hand and led her back to the car. I drove slowly all the way home. I was battling to see through my tears, so I drove carefully and cautiously. When we got home, neither of us knew what to do with ourselves. I kept expecting my father to walk through the doors. I went to the kitchen to get us both some water and saw a batch of muffins that Myra must’ve made that morning. I felt sick just looking at them. It wasn’t fair. None of this was fair. I took the water with trembling hands and gave some to Paisley.
“Is this really happening?” she asked me. “Or are we going to wake up and realize it was all just a nightmare? Please, tell me it’s not really happening. I can’t do this, Henry. I can’t do this.”
I pulled her towards me. “I’m so sorry, Paisley. I’m so sorry.”
We were sitting on the big sofa in the living room. I wanted to take her up to her room and tuck her into bed, but I couldn’t move any more, and I knew she couldn’t either. The crying and sapped all our energy from our bodies. Eventually, I put the glasses of water down and told her to lie down. I went and got a blanket and covered her.
“Please don’t leave me,” she said. “Please stay.”
I nodded. I didn’t want to be alone, either. So I crawled under the blanket with her and put my arms around her. And, that was how we stayed for the rest of the day. We got up only to go to the bathroom, and twice to make some tea. Neither of us could bring ourselves to eat, and when Paisley saw the muffins in the kitchen, she collapsed in anguish. I couldn’t throw them away, but I didn’t want to see them, either, so I threw a dishcloth over them.
We drank tea, and we cried. We lay together, and we cried. We didn’t talk about the fact that they were gone, and we didn’t talk about what had happened in the office only a few hours before. We just held each other and prayed that when we woke up, none of this would have actually happened.
Chapter Twenty-One
Paisley
When I woke the next morning, I thought I’d had a nightmare. I shut my eyes again, trying to calm myself down. I’d always been an avid dreamer, and sometimes my dreams felt so real to me. I often had to wait a while before getting out of bed, just to bring myself back to the real world.
I had a little ritual that I performed. I would count slowly to twenty, then when I reached twenty, I would count back to one. I usually felt better after that, and more in control of my thoughts and emotions. I was only at six when I realized something wasn’t right. My bed didn’t feel right. My heart began to pound, and I was too afraid to open them again. When I did, I saw that I was on the sofa in the living room and that Henry was sleeping on the sofa adjacent to me.
It wasn’t a dream. My mother was dead. Duncan was dead. A police officer had escorted us to the hospital. I’d seen their bodies. It was real. Real. Real.
I looked down. I was wearing the same clothes as the night before, but a blanket had been tucked all around me, and my shoes were off. I couldn’t remember taking my shoes off. A plate lay next to the sofa, with crumbs, and I just about recalled eating some toast. I hadn’t wanted it, but Henry had forced me to eat something. I’d eaten, cried, and then fallen asleep.
Suddenly everything felt too much to me. I thought about why we had come home in the first place and what we had planned on doing. I didn’t want to think about it, but I couldn’t stop the memories of the kiss flooding to the forefront of my mind. I felt guilty. So guilty. It all just seemed too much.
I could feel the toast from the night before moving up my throat, and I knew that if I didn’t move quickly, I was going to throw up all over the sofa. I jumped up to run to the bathroom. I threw up until I was sure everything was out of my system. Then I tried to get up, but the moment I did I felt sick again and more came out of me. I flushed the toilet and washed my mouth out, and then immediately fell back down again. There was nothing left inside of me, so I just dry heaved over and over again.
Hearing footsteps, I looked up to see the kind and worried face of Henry looking down at me. I didn’t even care that he was seeing me in this position. I couldn’t move. I was grateful that he was there because I didn’t want to be alone. He fell down to the floor
with me and pulled me into him. I sobbed into his arm, leaving a big wet patch on his shirt.
“I thought it was a dream,” I said to him when I finally pulled away.
He nodded. “Me, too.”
“You covered me last night. Made me eat. Thank you.”
He smiled sadly. “It’s hard to know what to do in a situation like this. I feel a little lost.”
“Me, too. That’s exactly how I feel. I don’t know what to do with myself. I feel like I’m going insane. How could they be gone? They were so alive. So happy. How… How could this be happening?” I could feel my body begin to tremble all over, and I felt the sudden urge to throw up again. I reached for the toilet bowl, but again nothing came out. I sat back down, sweat pouring off my face.
Henry got up and wet a cloth, then sat back down and wiped my face. It was a cold day, but we were both drenched in sweat. I looked at his kind face, which not so long ago had sent me into a whirlwind of emotion. I didn’t want to kiss him anymore, but I didn’t want him to leave, either.
“I’m glad you here,” I told him.
“We’re going to be okay,” he said, although I could hear that he was saying that for his benefit, too. I didn’t think he believed it, but he was trying to.
“Maybe it’s not really happening,” I said. “Maybe we’re still dreaming. Maybe…”
“Maybe,” he said sadly, even though we both knew it wasn’t true.
“I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m not sure what to do.”
“Why don’t you take a shower? I’ll do the same in the other bathroom. Then we’ll make something to eat and drink and figure out what we are going to do. We have to be strong. They would want us to. We can do this, Paisley. We can.”
I nodded. I was glad to have someone tell me what to do. It made me feel better knowing that I had some sort of instructions to follow. I would do what he told me. He got up and then helped me get to my feet. He held me again and kissed the top of my forehead. When he left, I took off my sweaty clothes and climbed into the shower. I stood there for a long time, just letting the cold water run over me without doing anything as my tears mingled with the water. It took me a long time to reach for the soap and to scrub myself clean.