by Tyler Grey
My stomach was empty, and I could hear it gurgling with a desire for food. It was hard to imagine that I was hungry despite all the grief I was going through. It was strange that my body wanted to continue living, while every other part of me wished that I had died along with them. I cried some more, and then finally climbed out of the shower.
I went to my room and rummaged through my closet for something to wear. I threw on an old t-shirt and some jeans, and then made my way downstairs. I’d obviously taken quite a long time to get ready because Henry was already there making something to eat. He had also showered and changed. He smiled sadly when I entered the room.
“I know you don’t want to eat. Neither do I. But I think we should. I’m just making us cereal and coffee. I hope that’s okay?”
I was grateful for it. I didn’t want toast anymore — not after I’d thrown up so much. I smiled at him. “That sounds wonderful. Thank you, Henry. Can I help?”
“With cereal? I’m a little better in the kitchen than that,” he said.
We both chuckled, but the sound of our laughter made us both feel strange, so we immediately stopped.
I went to sit at the table, and Henry joined me moments later with bowls of cereal, milk, and cups of strong and sweet coffee. I took a sip of the coffee first. It was just as I liked it. Then we ate our cereal together, the sound of our crunching reverberating throughout the kitchen. Usually, knowing that someone could hear me chew would’ve sent me into a flat panic. It was an irrational fear, but I would’ve been blushing from embarrassment. I didn’t care now. The things that had mattered to me before, suddenly didn’t matter anymore.
I didn’t want to eat, but I was hungry, and we both finished our bowls with ease. Afterward, we did the dishes together in silence and then made another cup of coffee to drink in the living room. We sat in silence, both of us lost in our thoughts, neither one of us knowing what to do with ourselves.
“What do we do now?” I said to him after a while. It was Tuesday, and we were both supposed to be at the office. The thought of sitting at that desk and doing work made me feel horrible, but the thought of sitting at home all day made me feel horrible, too. I had a feeling that nothing was going to feel right for a long time.
“We’re going to grieve. We’re going to get through this. We’re going to go through the motions. I don’t really know what else we can do. It’s the strangest feeling, isn’t it? We just carry on with life and hope that everything starts to feel normal again.”
“I’m not sure it ever will.”
“Me neither,” he said. “Oh, my father’s lawyer phoned me while you were in the shower. He wants me to come and see him tomorrow. I don’t even know how he knew about what happened, but I guess news travels fast. Anyway, I have an appointment with him tomorrow. You’re welcome to come with if you want, but you don’t have to.”
The thought of staying in the house alone made me uncomfortable. “I’ll come.”
“Okay,” he said.
The phone rang, and we both jumped. I realized it was my cell, so I rushed to get it. It was Olive, and I realized with a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, that she had no idea what was going on.
“Hi,” I said timidly.
“Paisley! I’ve been trying to get hold of you. What’s going on? Let me guess…you finally made out with the hotness that is your boss. Is he there with you now? Are you naked? Is that why you sound so quiet?”
I didn’t know what to say. I looked over at Henry, and he offered me another one of those sad smiles we’d been giving each other all morning. I smiled back at him, and then immediately started to cry.
“Paisley, what’s going on? Are you okay?” Olive asked.
“I…”
“Should I come over?”
“No… I just…”
“Take a deep breath. You’ve got this. You can tell me.”
“My mother is dead.” The words hit me like a ton of bricks. Saying it out loud made it seem more real, and I felt the grief hit me all over again. It felt almost like I was finding out for the first time all over.
“What? What do you mean?” Olive asked. It was clearly not what she was expecting to hear from me.
“Car accident. Duncan, too,” I managed to get out. At the mention of Duncan’s name, I heard a little sob escape Henry. He’d been so calm for me this whole time, but that sound set me off, and I began to cry again.
“Oh no. No. This can’t be happening,” Olive said. “Oh, Paisley, I’m so sorry. I’ll come over now.”
“No, it’s fine. I just want to go lie down,” I said.
“Can I come later?”
“Okay.”
Later that night, Olive came over with a big casserole dish that she had made. It was one of those hearty meals filled with vegetables, meat, and gravy. She gave me a big hug, then hugged Henry, too. I realized it was the first time that she was meeting him. We all ate together, none of us saying much to each other, and then we settled in front of the TV and watched movies. I didn’t pay much attention to watch I was watching. I sat next to Olive and rested my head on her shoulder.
Olive spent the evening making us eat and drink and attending to our every need. It was very kind of her, and I realized how I lucky I was to have such an amazing friend. She wanted to sleep over, but I told her that I would be okay. She’d already stayed until the early hours of the morning, and I was ready to get some sleep again.
I’d survived the first day without my mother, and it felt like a huge accomplishment. I just had to keep surviving the days. One day at a time.
This time, I slept in my bed. When I woke the next morning, I found Henry lying on a mattress on the floor. I looked down at him and smiled. Just seeing him made me feel like I could do this. I wasn’t sure if I could if I was alone.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Henry
I woke the next morning to see that Paisley was not in her bed. Startled, I jumped up and ran out the room to look for her. I found her in the kitchen, a cup of coffee in hand. She looked like an angel with the soft glow of the morning light on her. When she saw me, she smiled sadly and gestured towards another cup next to her.
“I just made it,” she said. “Should be warm still.”
I took a seat and took a sip of the liquid. “Thank you. How are you doing today?”
“I feel numb. It’s better than crying, though. Thank you for sleeping in my room. I didn’t know you had done that.”
“Well, I went to sleep in my room, but I couldn’t sleep. I thought it would be nice to stay together. You know, in case either of us woke up in the night and needed to talk. I’m surprised that I managed to sleep the whole night, actually.”
She nodded. “Me, too. I guess we were exhausted. I still feel tired, actually. I feel like I could just keep sleeping.”
“Same here. Well, we have that appointment this morning. How about we go and speak to the lawyer, and then we come back and sleep the day away.”
She smiled. “I like that plan.”
“Breakfast?”
She nodded. “Sure. Let’s just have cereal again.”
We ate in silence and then got ready for the day ahead. Both of us were avoiding our parents’ room, but it wasn’t the only thing in the house that reminded us of them. The kitchen was filled with Myra’s things, although I had eventually thrown away the muffins that she had made. My father’s book lay open on the table in the kitchen, and I couldn’t bring myself to move it. I couldn’t stop picturing him reading it. Had he planned to continue with it on his return home?
It wasn’t fair that he was gone. It wasn’t fair. He’d always been someone that I had admired. The one person who saw me for me, who had always believed in me. He’d never judged me and always allowed me to be who I was. He’d made me the CEO of the company when he retired, even though I knew how much the company had meant to him. The fact that he had given me so much trust had always meant so much to me. And now he was gone. Just like that.
I couldn’t remember the last thing I said to him. Did he know how much he had meant to me? Did he know how much I had loved him? How much I still loved him?
We drove to the lawyer’s office in silence. I was worried about Paisley. She hadn’t spoken all that much since the accident, and I had a feeling she was keeping everything inside. I was probably doing the same, but I knew we had different ways of dealing with our grief. She’d been so close to her mother. In a different way to my father and me. After speaking to the lawyer, I was going to find her a grief counselor to talk to. I could get her to talk to me, but it wasn’t the same. She knew I was going through the same thing as her. She needed to speak to someone who could offer her the right sort of advice.
“Right, we’re here. Sure you’re okay?” I asked her.
She nodded. “I’m fine. I’d rather be here with you then be at home alone.”
“Yeah, same here.” It was exactly how I felt. I always felt better when she was around. It was why I had gone to sleep in her bedroom. I had told myself that I was doing it for her, but I knew I was also doing it for myself.
The lawyer was a short, round man who had a big smile that made you instantly like him. I’d met him before while doing business with my father, and my father had told me that he’d chosen Ronald because of his personality and his worth ethic. He was a good businessman, but his personality was what made you want to work with him. He gave you the impression that he would work hard for you, but that he also wouldn’t mess you around.
“Henry, I’m so terribly sorry to hear about your father. He was a wonderful man. The news came as such a shock to me.”
I nodded. “Thank you. It was a shock to me, too. I still can’t believe it. This is Paisley, by the way. Her mom…Myra…” I trailed off. I didn’t want to say the words.
Thankfully, he understood what I was getting it and took Paisley’s hand. “I’m so sorry to hear about your mother. I never had the pleasure of meeting her, but I know she made Duncan a very happy man.”
Paisley nodded. “Thank you. They were very happy together.”
I took Paisley’s hand and squeezed it. I was surprised she wasn’t crying, but I got the impression she was just trying to hold it in for Ronald. I was doing the same, after all. We took a seat in his office and watched as he looked through his notes.
“Right, well, I actually saw your father not so long ago,” he said.
“You did?” I asked in surprise. I had no idea that my father had gone to see him.
“Yes, he wanted to redo his will once he got married. That’s how I know all about your mother, Paisley. He could not stop gushing about her.”
She smiled at that. “Yeah, she was a wonderful woman.”
“She was indeed. Well, the will is quite simple really,” Ronald said. “Everything is an even split between the two of you. Duncan wanted to make sure that you both got the same amount. So, you have the house, Duncan’s boat, and, of course, the company.”
I gulped. I owned my father’s company now? It was something I had wondered about, but I hadn’t dared to think about it too much. My father had trusted me to become a CEO, but he’d also trusted me enough to leave the entire company to me. It was a huge deal, and I held back the tears.
“Oh, but there is one thing. Henry, you have to stay CEO for at least five years. The company officially becomes yours after that time.”
I frowned. “Really? That’s odd.”
“I think he just wanted to make sure you would keep the business going.”
“I have no intentions of leaving it. It’s a huge honor to have him give that to me.”
“Your father thought the world of you, Henry. He spoke more about you than anything else when he was here. He was very proud of you.”
“Thank you for saying that.”
“So, do you have any questions? I’m more than happy to answer anything you might have. Often these wills get quite complicated, but luckily this one is very easy. It’s always nice when I can see how much love the person had for their family.
I looked at Paisley. “Do you have any questions?”
She shook her head. She seemed to have lost her voice. I reached out and squeezed her hand.
“No questions,” I said. “What do we do now?”
“Well, I just need you to sign some forms. After that, I’ll be in touch. But that’s basically all there is to it now.”
I nodded and waited for the forms to be printed and handed over to us. Despite the short will, there was a lot to read, but the words seemed to dance all over the page. I couldn’t concentrate. Eventually, I made my way through it and signed. I handed them over to Paisley who simply signed without reading a thing.
“Great, all finished. Again, I’m so sorry to have to see you under these circumstances,” he said.
We shook his hand and walked out the room. There was a small café downstairs, so I took Paisley to get something to eat. We hadn’t been shopping yet, and one of these days we would run of things in the house. It wasn’t lunchtime yet, but I had a feeling that we wouldn’t eat if we went straight home. She still wasn’t saying much so I asked if I could order for her.
“Yes, please,” she said in a small voice.
I went up to the counter and ordered us both a sandwich and some coffee. We were probably drinking too much coffee, but I didn’t care. When the coffee arrived, I added two sugars for her and stirred her cup. She took a few sips and smiled at me.
“Thank you.”
I nodded. “We’ll be fine, Paisley.”
“He was a nice man.”
“Yeah, my father only did business with people he liked. It was his philosophy in life. Someone could be incredible at what they did, but if he didn’t like them he wouldn’t do business with them.”
“It’s a good philosophy,” she said.
Paisley only managed to eat half of her sandwich. I asked the waitress to please wrap the rest up for us. I would try and get her to eat the rest at home. She finished her coffee and then abruptly asked where the bathroom was. She was gone a very long time, and I almost went to find her, when I saw her finally walking back to the table. She looked weak, and her face was pale.
“Did you throw up again?” I asked her.
She nodded. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. It’s okay. It’s fine. Come on, let’s go home,” I said to her.
Once we got home, Paisley went to brush her teeth. I told her to climb into bed, and that I would come and check on her later. About an hour later, I tiptoed to her room, but I saw that she wasn’t there. I frowned. Where was she? I looked around the house and almost cried when I saw her. She was in our parents’ room, curled up on their bed. She looked so tiny. Like a child. I stood there for a while, just watching her.
I let her sleep for a few more hours while I sat in the living room and stared at a TV that wasn’t even on. Her friend Olive called, and I answered the phone and told her she was sleeping. Olive wanted to come over again, but I told her that Paisley wanted to sleep. I would see if Olive could come over the next day, maybe. Paisley was going to need her friend around.
Shawn had called, too. He was devastated, and the two of us hadn’t known what to say to each other on the phone. I promised him that I would let him know when I was feeling ready for a visit. I wanted to see him, but I wasn’t sure if I was ready. What would the two of us talk about? I wondered. We’d always joked around with each other and teased one another. The thought of sitting with him in silence made me feel sad, and I didn’t want to feel any sadder than I was now.
I went to the kitchen and made some tea for Paisley and me. When I got to the bedroom, I saw that she was awake. She was lying there on her back, staring at the ceiling. I took a seat next to her, and she sat up to take the mug. We didn’t say anything to each other. We just sat there, drinking tea, both of us lost in our own thoughts. It was strange to be in my father’s room again. It felt suffocating and comforting at the same time.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Paisley
Henry had made an appointment for me to meet up with a counselor. He’d come to speak to me about it first, which was very sweet of him. He’d looked so nervous as he explained to me how important it was to speak to someone. He said he felt that I needed to let things out. I’d asked him if he was going to do the same, and he said he probably would.
I didn’t argue. I was constantly looking for something to do to keep me busy. If I didn’t keep busy, I ended up either crying or lying in my mother’s bed and sleeping. I knew it wasn’t the right thing to do, but it was hard to do anything else.
Olive called me every day, but I kept the conversations to a minimum. I didn’t know what to say to her anymore. I didn’t want to speak about my mother, but I also didn’t want to speak about anything else. She always asked if I was okay and asked if she could come to see me. I would always tell her that I was doing okay, and that I was too tired to see anyone just yet. Perhaps speaking to a stranger would be better.
Henry was getting dressed for work. He didn’t want to go, but he knew that he had to. The work was piling up, and there was a lot that needed to be sorted out. I wanted to go with him and help, but the thought of being in the office was too strange for me. Henry told me to take some time to heal before coming back.
Before the accident, the relationship between Henry and I had been strange. I’d spent most of my time avoiding him, doing my best to stay out of his way. Now, I wanted nothing more than to be by his side. His very presence was calming to me. Although, I was kind of looking forward to a day away from him. A break might be just what I needed. Every time I looked at Henry I saw his father, and every time I caught a glimpse of Duncan in him, I thought of my mother. It sometimes all just felt too much to deal with.
The counselor’s office was a twenty-minute drive away. It was a nice drive through a very pretty area. Because of all the rain lately, there was a lot of greenery and a lot of flowers. My mother had always loved flowers. I had always been amazed at her knowledge of them. I could show her any flower, and she would know the name. When we were younger, we used to go on walks together, and I would point at all the flowers on the way to find out what they were called. It was a game we used to play. If she didn’t know the name of a flower, it would drive her crazy until she found out what it was. Despite the knowledge she had of all the flowers, her favorite flower was a simple one. White daisies. Those were the flowers that she loved the most, and I would always think of her when I saw them.