by Tyler Grey
“You should’ve said something.”
“I really didn’t want this business meeting to be about this. I wanted you to choose our company for the right reasons,” I said.
He smiled. “Your father would be so proud of you right now. This is just the sort of thing he would’ve done. Thanks for your honesty in all of this. Really, I’m so sorry to hear about that. Your father was an amazing man.”
“He sure was.”
We spoke a bit more, thankfully moving onto other topics, and I headed to the clubhouse to have some lunch before going back to the office. I saw the waitress who had flirted with me last time, but she didn’t even bother serving me this time. I was glad for it. I didn’t want her to flirt again. I had other things to think about.
The last time I was here, I had Paisley on my mind, and this time I had her on my mind again. Only this time, we were together. Sort of. I didn’t know what was going on between us, but I did know that she was the only person I wanted to celebrate with. This was a big client, and his business was very important to the company. She would be happy to hear how well it had gone, and I couldn’t wait to tell her. Perhaps I’d get us a bottle of champagne, and the two of us could celebrate together in bed, I thought.
Now that we had gotten a taste of one another, it was very hard not to want more. Also, perhaps a few glasses of champagne would help her to relax a bit more, so she would be finally ready to talk about what was going on. I was enjoying my time with her, but we both knew that we needed to talk. Maybe tonight would finally be the night. I finished up my lunch, and then made my way back to the car.
I was almost back at the office when I saw a truck heading towards me out of the corner of my eye.
I tried to move away, but he was coming at me with so much force that I couldn’t do anything in time. Even though the morning had been clear, the roads were still slightly wet from a night of rain, and the driver of the truck seemed to have lost control. There was nothing I could do.
It was like everything was happening in slow motion. I saw the truck hurtling towards me, and all I could think about was Paisley. Then I saw an image of my father appear in my mind’s eye, and I was sure that I was about to die. Another car accident? Was I going to join my father and Myra? I wanted to see my father again, but I didn’t want to leave Paisley. I couldn’t leave her alone.
But there was nothing I could do. The truck hit me, and everything went black.
I opened my eyes and closed them again. I kept moving in and out of consciousness, battling to figure out what was real and what wasn’t. I was sure I could hear Paisley’s voice, but every time I tried to answer, I would drift off again. I was vaguely aware of the sound of an ambulance getting closer, and I felt hands on my arms, pulling me up. Nothing came out when I tried to speak. I opened my eyes, saw lights, and immediately blacked out again.
At first, I didn’t know where I was when I woke, but I recognized the smell. All hospitals had a particular smell about them that made them so easy to distinguish. It was a disinfectant smell. It could either be a good smell, or a bad smell, depending on what you were at the hospital. It was the place where both life and death were prevalent.
I breathed it in and knew that I was alive. Everything hurt when I tried to look around, and my heart skipped a beat when my gaze fell upon Paisley. She was sitting in a chair beside me, fast asleep. I wondered how long I had been there and how long she had been sitting there with me. I tried to say her name, but my voice cracked on the first syllable. My mouth was so dry. I tried again, and this time I managed to get the name out. It came out in a whisper, but she immediately opened her eyes and gasped when she saw me.
“You’re awake. You’re awake,” she said. I could see from her red eyes that she had been crying. The moment she saw me awake, she began to cry all over again. I wanted to reach out and hug her. I hated that I had made her cry. I was supposed to be the one there to protect her. I wasn’t supposed to make her cry.
I tried to talk again, but it was so difficult. The words wouldn’t come out my mouth. I had never in my life felt my lips so cracked before. I tried to run my tongue over it, but even my tongue was dry.
“Don’t talk,” she said and jumped up. “I’m calling the nurse.”
Before I could say anything, she was out the room, and I felt my eyelids get heavy again.
When I woke again, I saw a nurse standing above me and Paisley near her side. The nurse made me drink some water out of a straw, and the liquid felt incredible going down my throat. It was as if I had been in a desert and that this was the first bit of water I’d had in weeks. I wanted more and more. I drank the entire glass and begged for more. Thankfully, she must’ve anticipated it because she had another glass waiting for me. I drank the second glass just as quickly as the first.
The nurse told me not to say anything, so as to keep my energy levels up. She explained that I had been in a car accident and that she needed to run a few checks on me. I told her where I was sore, and she promised to give me some more pain medication soon.
Paisley watched on the whole time, and I couldn’t help but wish she could just climb into the bed with me. There was nothing in the world I wanted more than to have her by my side. I wondered if the nurse would allow her to sleep beside me. I wasn’t sure what the correct protocol was for something like that. I had tubes everywhere, but maybe they would still make allowances for it. When the nurse was done, she told me she would be back soon with more news and told me to get some rest.
“I’ll bring you some food in about an hour, as well as some more to drink. For now, just relax. After you’ve eaten, the doctor will be in to see you. We’re just running some tests, but don’t worry, Henry: you were very lucky. You’re going to be fine. The pain medication should kick in soon and will make you very drowsy.”
It must’ve already been working because I simply nodded as a reply. My words didn’t seem to want to come out. When the nurse was gone, I turned my attention to Paisley. Beautiful, sorrowful Paisley. I wanted to tell her how much she meant to me, but I could feel myself about to drift off to sleep. She walked up to me and kissed me on the forehead, and then once again the world went dark.
Chapter Thirty-One
Paisley
I walked out of the hospital with my mind made up. I couldn’t be with Henry anymore. Seeing him there in that hospital bed was too much for me to handle. I couldn’t bear it. It was too heartbreaking. I had already lost my father and my mother. To almost lose Henry like that was something I wasn’t willing to go through again.
I phoned the hospital throughout the day, just to make sure that he was okay, but I didn’t go and see him. I was going to do what I should’ve done a very long time ago: I was going to learn to be by myself and to not get close to anyone. I would do it to protect him…and to protect myself.
I was sitting at my desk, trying my best to get all the work done. It was different now that Henry wasn’t here. I had no idea what I was doing. I simply didn’t know the work well enough.
I’d told Jessica what had happened when I came into the office, and she’d been in tears ever since. I didn’t blame her. I knew how much Henry meant to her. She probably wondered why I wasn’t crying, but I’d done enough of that. I had sat for hours at the hospital waiting for Henry to wake up while I cried my eyes out. I tried to comfort Jessica but she kept pushing me away, so I simply let her be. We all had our own way of grieving. Olive called that morning to suggest we go for lunch, and for once Jessica didn’t shout at me for being on the phone.
I gave Olive a big hug when we met up at the café. It was so good to see her. The morning had been one of the most stressful ones of my life. I was still trembling when we sat down, but that was mostly because I’d been working on strong coffee and no food all morning. I had never been good without food in my system, but there had simply been no time to eat. Also, I hadn’t had much of an appetite.
“I have no idea what I’m doing,” I confided in her as
we took a seat.
“At work?”
“Yeah, it’s so stressful.”
“You’re shaking,” she said as she noticed my hands.
“Yeah, I haven’t eaten. Don’t worry; I’ll get something to eat now. I should’ve had something this morning, but I thought I’d just get something at work. I haven’t had one moment to myself, though. I haven’t been there long and I only really know how to do all the assistant stuff. I just used to do the work that Henry gave me to do. I don’t really know anything else. And everything suddenly seems so important and urgent. I don’t want to mess anything up.”
“Paisley, you can only do so much. Don’t stress. You’re doing what you can do. If I were you, I would just let everyone know that Henry is in the hospital and that he will attend to things when he is back. You can’t be expected to do work that you have never done before. Just tell people the truth. Henry will be back soon, and he will take control of the situation again. Everything else is not up to you.”
I nodded. She was right. “Yeah, I guess so. I’m probably stressing about nothing. You know what I’m like. I can’t help myself. I just want everything to run smoothly. The phone hasn’t stopped ringing, and Jessica has been crying all morning and not doing her job. I feel sorry for the girl, but at the same time, it would be nice to get a little bit of help. I’m sure she knows a lot more about the job than I do.
“Anyway, sorry, I’m complaining. I just needed to vent. I’m glad you invited me to lunch. I need it. It’s good to get out of there. I felt like the walls were caving in on me.”
“Paisley, you’re acting crazy. Take a deep breath. Come on; this isn’t like you. You should know that you don’t have to take all of this on by yourself.”
“It’s my business, too, now.”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean that you know what to do. You only just got the business.”
“It doesn’t feel like mine. I mean, I have no idea what I’m doing.”
“And, nobody is expecting you to. Have you spoken to Henry?”
I shook my head. “I phoned the hospital this morning. They said he is doing much better and should be out soon, probably in the next few days. So that is good. I’m not sure if he’ll come straight back to work, though. But at least he’s coming out the hospital.”
“Oh, that’s great news!” Olive said. “Are you going to see him after work?”
“Uh, no. I’ll probably just work late today.”
“You’re not going to visit him? Going in the morning then?”
“No. Probably not.”
She frowned. “You’re not going to visit him in the hospital? Why not?”
“I’ve already been there. I spent so long there that I fell asleep in the chair.”
“And, that’s the reason why you’re not going back? Because you’ve already been? That doesn’t sound like you.”
“Well, it doesn’t matter. Now, what should we order? I’m starving, and I don’t have much time.” I was trying to change the subject, but I could see that Olive wanted to talk about things rather than order. Nevertheless, she helped flag down a waiter. Then she immediately turned back to me.
“What is going on? Why won’t you visit Henry?”
I sighed. “Olive, I’m going to find a new job. I’m going to ask Henry for some of the money and give him the company. It was never really mine to begin with, anyway. I don’t want it. I’m also going to find an apartment. That house… It’s too suffocating. The memories are too much for me. I’m only going to move on if I find a new place to live. I’m going to start looking this week. I’m sure I can find something relatively quickly now that I have the money for it.”
“Okay, I agree with you. You will feel a lot better when you find a new place to live. And sure, I understand the part about the job, too. You were never planning on staying there forever. I get all of that.
“What I don’t get is why you won’t see Henry and why you’re being so strange about him. Come on, Paisley; talk to me. I’m your friend. It’s what I’m here for. Something about you has changed. You seem…harder. Yeah, you seem harder. Something has happened.”
I resisted the urge to cry. I was sick to death of crying. I couldn’t believe that so many tears could come out of one person.
“Yeah, you’re right. I’m harder. That is definitely true. I’m putting a wall up, and I’m doing it to protect myself and to protect Henry.”
“A wall?”
“I was beginning to fall in love with him, Olive. It wasn’t just infatuation. I liked him before the accident, even though I was trying desperately not to. At first, I thought it was just because he was so damn good-looking, but I soon realized it was more. Then, after we…you know…after we were together, I knew it was even deeper than that. It wasn’t lust. It was love.”
She gasped. “Love? So then, why are you putting up a wall? I’ve never heard you say that about anyone before, and I’ve known you for a very long time, Paisley.”
“He nearly died, Olive. He nearly died. In a car accident. The same way that my mother died. The same way that my father died. The same way that his father died. I just can’t bear it anymore. I can’t do this. I can’t let anyone get close to me and watch them die. I can’t lose someone I love again. I’d rather just not be close to anyone anymore. It’s just not worth it anymore. I have made a decision to stay away from everyone and to concentrate on myself.”
“You’re close to me,” she whispered. “Are you going to run away from me, too?”
“I know. Part of me does want to run away from you. But we’re already close. I couldn’t turn my back on that. I still have a chance to do it with Henry, though. We’ve gotten close, but we haven’t even said the words to each other. I’m going to leave him so that he can live his life, and so that I can live my life.”
“Please don’t say that, Paisley. Come on, this is not the same person that I became best friends with. You have always seen the world with bright eyes. You’ve always seen the good in the bad. That was the one thing that I always loved about you. I have always been the level-headed one, while you have always been the one with the beautiful imagination and zest for life. I have always wished to be more like you.”
“Yeah, well, people change,” I said harshly. I didn’t mean for it to come out so harshly, but I couldn’t help myself. “I’m sorry, Olive. I know you don’t like this side of me, but it’s who I am now, and it’s who I’m going to be for the rest of my life. I’ve had enough sadness. I’m going to move on and concentrate on my career. Life will be better for me this way. This is all too much. I honestly cannot do it anymore. I probably shouldn’t have said anything to you, but you’re my best friend.”
“Have you thought about talking to that counselor of yours? You said she was amazing.” Olive seemed to be grasping at straws, and I felt bad that I had made her feel so sad for me. I didn’t want her to feel upset. I wanted her to understand. This was a good decision for me.
“Betty? No, I don’t want to talk to anyone. I’ve made up my mind.”
“Can’t you do it for me? Just one conversation with her. Please. I don’t want you to give up on Henry, but most of all, I don’t want you to give up the chance of a happy and loving life. I can’t make you do anything, and I will always support and love you, no matter what you do. But please, I beg of you, just go for one session. Just one.”
“I don’t know, Olive. I really don’t want to.”
“For me.”
I sighed. “I’ll think about it.”
But even if I saw Betty, I knew that I wouldn’t ever be with Henry again. Seeing him at the hospital, not knowing if he would even open his eyes again, had changed me. I could no longer lose people that I loved. There was only one way I could stop that from happening —walk away from love. I ended up promising Olive that I would see Betty, but I wasn’t sure if I would really do it. I only said it to placate her and because I could see how worried she was about me.
We spent t
he rest of lunch talking about work, but neither of our hearts were in the conversation. When I got up to leave, she gave me a big hug and told me that she believed in me. I went back to the office, where Jessica was still crying, and buried myself in work. I took breaks every hour, but only to look for an apartment on the internet. I had a new goal in life, and I was going to go out and get it.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Henry
“Hi, Henry. How are you feeling today?” the nurse asked.
The nurse was a nice woman, with a smile as wide as her waist. She’d kept me good company, and the two of us had had long conversations about the horrible hospital food. She told me all about the recipes she made at home, and I asked her why she hadn’t become a chef. She’d assured me that there was something very different about cooking for other people. She was back in my room now, and I thought she was there for another chat. Instead, she told me that I was about to be released and that there was someone there to visit me.
My heart soared. I was so sure that it was going to be Paisley. She’d walked out of the hospital the other day and had not come back. I couldn’t understand why she hadn’t been in touch, although one of the nurses had told me that a young woman had called in daily to see how I was. Why would she call and not come and see me? It made no sense. I sat up and wished that I had a mirror to see if I looked okay. I smoothed my hair down and waited, but it wasn’t Paisley who had come for a visit.
“Oh, hey, Shawn,” I said as my best friend walked into the room.
He raised his eyebrows at me. “You seem disappointed. I take it you were expecting someone else.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean it. That was rude of me. I…”
“You were hoping for Paisley,” he said, grinning at me. He took a seat at the corner of the bed.
“Uh…yeah. She hasn’t been to see me all week.”
He frowned. “She hasn’t? Does she even know you’re here?”
“Yeah, I woke up the first day to find her asleep on the chair. Then she called the nurse to tell her I was awake, she kissed me on the forehead, and she walked out. I assumed she’d come back, but she didn’t.”