“Ow,” was all I could think to say, though I didn’t really register the pain. Then I was drowning. A bucket of water had been poured over my head and it was freaking cold. I jumped from my chair and the whole room spun. I stumbled around for a second before catching myself on the counter. I looked up to see Sean and Ryan in my house.
“What the fuck, man? I don’t come over and swim in your house.”
“You were passed out with your face in the carpet. If we had gotten here any later, you wouldn’t have been breathing. You’ve got to pull it together, or do we need to take turns staying with you to make sure you don’t fall head first in the toilet?”
I staggered back over to the table and took a seat. If I wanted to get drunk, I would. Neither of them knew what this was like. My life had been ripped apart in a matter of days and I just wanted to forget for a while.
“Shit, my head is fucked up right now. I need some coffee.”
Ryan walked over to the coffee pot and got to work. Sean got out some bacon and eggs and started making some breakfast. I must have fallen asleep because one minute I was staring at the table and the next, a plate of food appeared in front of me. I devoured the food and started to feel better. Then I drank the coffee, felling the liquid scald my throat on the way down. My senses were starting to come back to me.
“You need to go sleep this off, man. Let’s get you to bed and we’ll talk when you aren’t drunk. Here, take some ibuprofen.” Ryan handed me the pills and a glass of water. They helped me down the hall to my room and made sure I wasn’t going to smother myself while sleeping.
I woke up to the sun shining through the window and decided it was time to get up and face the day. A shower sounded good right about now. I smelled like a distillery and it was making me a little nauseous. After I dressed, I walked down the hall and saw that the house was clean. The hole in my wall was patched, but I would have to repaint. The remnants of the coffee table were gone and the stain from the whiskey had been cleaned up. The garbage that had built up from my drunken stupor over the past few days was all gone. The kitchen was clean too.
I had packed up all of Harper’s stuff the day after she left, hoping it would ease the ache in my chest, but instead I felt worse and decided the only way to get rid of the pain was to drink it away. I had been drunk or passed out for going on four days now. At least I thought it had been four days.
I walked over to the coffee pot and poured myself a cup. When I turned around, Sean, Ryan, and Sebastian were all sitting at the table staring at me.
“Please, make yourselves at home.” I sat down with the rest of them and looked at their faces. They looked pissed. Sebastian was the first to talk.
“Do you know how much it pisses me off to get a call at six am that Sean and Ryan found you passed out with your face in the floor? You know, that’s how I found my old man and it’s not something I ever want to experience again.”
I ran a hand over my face as the guilt creep in. I knew Sebastian’s father was a drunk and he had been the one to find him dead. When you are so low, though, it’s hard to remember that kind of stuff. All you can think about is erasing the pain.
“I’m sorry, man. It got out of hand. It won’t happen again.” Sebastian watched me for a minute, then nodded his head.
“Harper almost got arrested again,” Sean said.
I glared at him and leaned forward. “What do you mean she almost got arrested. What the fuck happened? Is she okay? And why am I just hearing about this now?” I was practically shouting at Sean.
“First of all, I called you yesterday, but you didn’t answer your phone. I called you about twenty times. I called again this morning and had to break in when you didn’t answer the door. Second, she’s fine. I handled the situation and nothing is going to come of it. She was in the grocery store and apparently had a meltdown when she saw a frozen turkey. She caused a scene and the manager was going to press charges, but I talked him out of it. She’s banned from the store for life, though.”
I barked out a laugh. I pressed the heels of my hands to my eyes and rubbed. “Figures. Leave it to that girl to get in trouble twice over a turkey.” I smiled a big smile. “I remember the first time I met her, I knew she was gonna be trouble. Remember when she beat the shit out of the robber? Man, my girl is a piece of work.” My smile dimmed as I realized she was no longer my girl. The whole table fell silent as they seemed to contemplate what I just said.
“You’ve got to get it together, man. We understand this is hitting you pretty hard, but we can’t find you passed out on the floor. You haven’t checked in at the garage since before Christmas. You’re business is going to go under if you don’t take care of shit.
“I know, it’s just…. I was going to propose to her in a couple of months. Then her dad shows up and makes me promise to give her everything or walk away. Says she deserves a big family with lots of kids.” I took another drink of coffee. “I don’t want kids and she does. Neither of us was willing to bend, so here we are. We opened our presents Christmas morning and then she tells me she loves me, but she can’t stay because it’s too painful. She just left. I knew she would, but damn.”
“Are you sure you two can’t work it out? She’s miserable. I saw her yesterday and she looked like shit. And I mean that in the nicest possible way,” Sean quickly added so he didn’t piss me off.
“If I could, I would give her kids, but I don’t want them. That wouldn’t be fair to her. I would start to resent her for forcing me into parenthood and she would be miserable because I would be an asshole. And I can’t ask her to give up kids for me. The way she talked about being a mother, she was meant to do that. I won’t stand in the way.”
“What do you need from us?” I turned to look at Sebastian.
“Don’t let me fall down a hole I can’t crawl out of. I need you guys to make sure I pick my ass up and get back to work.” All three nodded and I knew I could rely on them to keep me going.
I got Harper’s new address from Luke and decided the best thing to do would be to take Harper her stuff and say a proper goodbye. I loaded up the boxes in my truck and headed over to her house. I was happy to see that she lived in a good neighborhood. I pulled in and walked the path to her front door. I knocked twice and then chastised myself for being such an idiot. This was a terrible idea. Harper opened the door and my heart instantly filled at the sight of her beautiful face.
“Hey, pretty girl. How are you?” Harper smiled back at me. She looked thinner and the light in her eyes was gone, but she was just as beautiful as she’d always been.
“I’ve been better. How about you?”
It was like she was waiting for my answer. As if my response would make or break her. I decided to go with the truth. I didn’t want her thinking that I was okay with what happened between us.
“Honestly, I’ve been pretty shitty. The guys had to drag me off the floor yesterday. Sean told me you had a little bit of trouble at the grocery store the other day. You always were pretty feisty.” Harper turned red, but then started laughing. I needed to hear he laugh so bad. It lightened my heart and made me feel like things might be alright.
“Yeah, I think I lost my mind for a minute. I didn’t assault anyone this time, so I guess that’s an improvement.” We laughed, but then it got quiet. There wasn’t really anything left to say between us, but I didn’t want to drop her stuff and leave either. I didn’t want to leave her. I wanted to hold on to her for as long as I could, even though it would hurt.
“Well, I brought your stuff by. Anna told me that you had a new place and I wanted to see it, make sure you’re safe. The neighborhood is good, but I would like Sebastian to come and install a security system for you.” She started to protest, but I held up a hand to stop her. “I’ll pay for it. I know I can’t have you, pretty girl, but I still need to know you’re safe.” She nodded and thanked me.
“I brought Hooch by for a visit. Do you want to keep him or should I take him home?” We had named t
he dog Hooch after the movie because we were having trouble coming up with a name. He was for her, to keep her safe and I really hoped she would keep him.
“I would love to have him, if that’s okay with you. I have to check with the landlord, but I’m sure it’s okay.”
“Sure. I bought him for you and I would feel better if he was here with you. I brought his stuff with me, just in case.”
We hauled in the boxes and Harper showed me around the house. Hooch played in the backyard for a little bit and then found a spot by the couch to lay down. She took me upstairs to see the layout and stopped in her room. The air thickened and I wanted so badly to kiss her. She was staring at the bed and I came to a decision.
I walked up behind Harper and wrapped my arms around her. I held her for a minute and we both relaxed in the comfort of each other’s arms. I started to kiss her neck and she turned in my arms and looked in my eyes for a moment. Then she grabbed my hand and pulled me over to the bed. She sat down on the edge of the bed and I started to lean down and crawl over her, my body pushing her down. I kissed her and loved her. I would never get this again, so I was going to memorize every inch of her.
She sat up and I slowly drew her shirt up over her head. Then she reciprocated. I stood and took off my pants and pulled her to a standing position. I knelt down and pulled her pants off. Then kissed her hip, across her belly to the other hip. I put my hands on her hips and slowly kissed from her belly button down to her pussy. I could feel her arousal through her panties and slowly pulled them down and then pushed her legs apart so I could see her. My tongue shot out and licked her core. When she moaned, I continued to lick her pussy and nibble her clit. I could feel her legs shaking and had to hold her up as she came. She started to collapse, but I caught her and laid her on the bed.
I settled between her legs and slowly pushed inside her. Everything was slow this time. I wanted to savor this moment. I looked into her eyes as I made love to her. She had tears in her eyes and I tried to show her how much I loved her. She wrapped her legs around me and urged me deeper and harder. She lifted her hips and I grabbed them to get a better angle. I thrust hard and slow. Her eyes were filled with ecstasy and she was moaning my name. My breath caught when my brain caught on that this would be the last time I heard her call out my name. I came hard inside her and then laid down next her, pulling her close.
“I will always love you, pretty girl.” I held her until she fell asleep. I wanted to stay and hold her forever, but it would be easier if I left now. I stayed for another half hour and then unwound myself from her and got dressed. I walked out the door, knowing I was leaving the love of my life behind.
I sat in my truck for a good fifteen minutes as the tears threatened to spill down my face. It felt so wrong to leave her, but it would be torture for both of us to drag this out. I talked myself into going back inside five times, but each time backed out before I opened the truck door. I finally started the engine and headed home.
I contemplated drinking as soon as I walked in the door, but if I lost it now, I might never recover. I had made a promise to Sebastian and I would keep it. I spent New Year’s Eve doing research for the addition to my business and laid out a plan. I made a list of possible employees to interview and made a list of supplies I would need for the new garage. Next, I called Ryan and set up a meeting with him and Logan to go over construction plans. I needed to get this off the ground and move on with life. Burying myself in work was the solution that didn’t result in my life going up in flames.
Two days later, I started the interviewing process for mechanics and guys with knowledge doing custom builds. I found some great guys and had it narrowed down. There was still one more guy I needed to interview. This guy had the most experience with custom built motorcycles. It was an area I had considered would be especially profitable.
I decided to rent a space on the other side of town until my new building was up. I had hired five new guys and together, we found all the equipment needed to set up a makeshift shop. One of the guys had been working on finding cars and he had a few for us to look at. A few needed to be rebuilt and I didn’t want a single opportunity to pass me by, so we purchased what we could and got to work. Things were moving along right on schedule and we would be moving into the new building in a few weeks if we didn’t have any delays.
I spent sixteen hours a day between the two shops and was completely exhausted every night. I came home, took a shower, and laid in bed thinking of Harper. It was the only time I allowed myself to think about her. Mostly because I couldn’t erase her from my bed. Her scent was no longer there, but I could still see her laying next to me, looking so peaceful as she slept. When sleep wouldn’t come, I would go for a long run. There were nights I wasn’t able to because of the weather and those were the worst nights. If I didn’t totally exhaust myself, I couldn’t fall asleep. So that became my new routine. Work, run, sleep.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Harper
I had woken to an empty bed. Jack had left me. I knew that this was goodbye, but it still hurt. When I left him Christmas morning, I had never stopped to consider that we had already had our last kiss, last hug, made love for the last time, even a last look. It was just all gone. When I opened the door and saw him standing there, I refused to let myself hope it meant something more.
I laid in bed the rest of the day, staring at the ceiling and dozing off and on. I decided I was going to give myself this one day to grieve. I got up to let Hooch out a few times, but he seemed to sense my somber mood and didn’t try to get me to play. I had no plans for the night anyway. I had nothing to celebrate, but tomorrow was the start of a new year and I was going to make it a good one.
The next morning, I was up at six o’clock and ready to start my day. I took a shower and got in some yoga pants and a long sleeved tee. I got some coffee started and began unloading the boxes from yesterday. Some, I took right up to the second bedroom and set them aside for later. There were Christmas decorations in others. I wasn’t going to touch those. I would end up a crying mess on the floor. I took those to the second bedroom and shoved them in the closet. I needed to shut them away for a long time.
Around nine o’clock, I sat down and made some breakfast. I had driven to the next town over yesterday morning to go grocery shopping. It was a longer drive for me, but I didn’t have a choice. I wouldn’t ask Anna because she was pregnant and that was just too much to ask. I had gotten myself into this and I didn’t have anyone else to ask anyway. Jack had gotten all the friends in the break-up and I was once again alone, but I wouldn’t let that get me down. I had been alone for a long time before Jack came along. I would be fine.
I took a break from unpacking around noon and made myself a sandwich. I took it into my office and started to set up my desk. It wasn’t as cozy as I would like, but I did my best to make it comfortable. After that was done, I sat down and stared at the blank page on my laptop. What was I going to write about? All my inspiration was gone. I just started typing and before I knew it, six hours had passed. My new book was nothing like the books I had written before. It wasn’t a flowery love story. It was dark and sad. I didn’t know how my editor would like it, but it was my book and this was all I was feeling. I decided to take a break from writing and went to watch some television. I cozied up under a fleece blanket with Hooch on the couch and settled in.
The next day, I got up and got started right away. Coffee in hand, I sat down at my computer and started typing. The words flowed through my fingers and I worked all day, only stopping to refill coffee, go to the bathroom, and go for walks with Hooch. By mid afternoon, my stomach was growling and I was going cross eyed from staring at the computer screen. I got up to make a sandwich and watch some television when my phone rang. Good Lord, it was my mother. Just the person I needed to speak to. It was better to get the call over with so that I didn’t have to speak to her for another few months.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Harper. I sent out invit
ations for a dinner party in a few weeks. I expect you to attend.” No, ‘hi, how are you, daughter?’ or ‘honey, how is your book coming?’ Nope. Not my mother. Right down to business. “It’s really a party for me to show off my new family, but I suppose it would be best if you were there also. Are you still seeing that young man? Will he be attending also?”
I rolled my eyes. Of course she was only wanting me there to keep up appearances. I was a nuisance to her. I didn’t fit in her perfect, little mold, so I was essentially useless. We hadn’t really gotten along when I was growing up, but Mom had become more and more snooty as time went on. There weren’t any traces left of the woman I grew up with. My mother apparently didn’t consider me as part of the family anymore. There was no way I was attending this party.
“No, Mom, we aren’t together anymore, and I’m afraid I won’t be able to attend.”
“Really, Harper. I just don’t understand why you can’t seem to hold on to a man. You need to just give him what he wants. You need someone to take care of you. Lord knows you won’t ever make any money driveling on in those silly books of yours. You know you’re not getting any younger and the longer you wait, the harder it will be for you to find a reasonable prospect.”
Ouch. That hurt. Bam. Need someone to take care of me, silly books, won’t make money, not getting any younger, need a reasonable prospect. It was like she was trying to fit as many zingers into one sentence as possible.
“Once again, I am so grateful that you have given your opinion. Whatever would I do without it,” I asked sarcastically. It would seem my mother didn’t understand sarcasm because she continued as though her word was gold.
“Well, it’s nice to see that you are finally listening. Now, what you need to do is go apologize to that young man for what you did-“
Jack (For The Love Of A Good Woman Book 1) Page 15