Taming the Alpha

by Mandy M. Roth

  “You didn’t know he was ill. No one expected him to go so fast.” Kansas rubbed his hair, and he tried to resist her soft touch. The last thing he needed was to get in deeper than he already was. In the end, he was unable to resist her lure and leaned his head against her stomach.

  “I should have been here,” he repeated. The enormity of what he’d given up hit him like a sledgehammer to the gut.

  “You believed in what you were doing?” she pointed out. Her fingers sifted through this thick hair, bringing a modicum of relief from the raw emotion pounding at him.

  “I did.” Past tense. He wasn’t sure what he believed in any longer.

  She paused and then resumed petting him. He knew he shouldn’t let her touch him in this way, shouldn’t let her get any closer but he couldn’t help himself. He’d been alone for so damn long, and she was irresistible.

  “You’re done then?”

  He raised his head and looked at her. “They didn’t tell you?”

  She frowned. “Who didn’t tell me what?”

  “Your brothers. Officially I’m on six months leave, but York or Reno offered me a job working with them.” The Fielding brothers owned and operated a small, discrete security service. Reno was ex-military and York was ex-FBI and the two of them had started their own firm.

  “No, they didn’t.” Tobias almost pitied her brothers when he heard her tone. They were going to get an earful for not telling her he was coming home. “So, you’re here to stay?”

  He heard something in her voice that gave him pause. What was it? Hope? Anticipation? He wished it didn’t make his blood pump faster and his dick swell. As much as he wanted Kansas, he wasn’t the right man for her. She deserved someone better, a man without blood on his hands.

  Yet the thought of another man touching her had kept him awake more nights than he’d care to think about.

  “Shouldn’t you call your boyfriend to let him know you got home safe and sound?” It was a lure to find out if she was seeing someone and also a dig at the bastard if she was. If Kansas were his woman she wouldn’t be walking the streets by herself late at night.

  That gave him pause. Kansas wasn’t his. Couldn’t be his.

  “No boyfriend,” she told him. “I answer to myself and no one else.”

  Tobias thought his head might explode. Kansas was unattached. He couldn’t believe it. All the men of Chicago had to be idiots for a woman as fine as her not to be seriously involved or married.

  That had been his biggest nightmare during the time he’d been gone, even though he told himself it would be for the best if she were married. He was an idiot, torturing himself with thoughts of something that could never be.

  “I missed you.” Her husky voice skated across his skin like a caress.

  Tobias didn’t know what to say. His friends and associates would laugh their asses off if they could see him now. He always knew what to say or do in any situation. It was one of the reasons he’d been handpicked for such a long and difficult undercover mission. Now he was tongue-tied in the presence of one slender woman. Only Kansas had this affect on him.

  He stood. “I should be going home.” Home? Was there even such a place for him? He wasn’t even sure anymore.

  Kansas shook her head, went to the cupboard and took down two mugs. “No, you need to stay and have coffee with me.”

  Tobias knew he should turn and walk away, get in his truck and leave the city. It was the only way to protect her from the darkness eating at him. He wasn’t the same man who’d walked away after one hot, torrid kiss two years ago. That kiss had kept him sane during his darkest hours, even as the memory of it had almost driven him insane.

  No kiss was that good. It couldn’t be.

  Suddenly he had to prove it to himself. Had to know if the taste of her was as good as he remembered. He went to Kansas, took the coffeepot out of her hand and returned it to the warmer.

  “What’s wrong?” The concern in her voice was a balm to his battered soul.

  “Not a damn thing.” He put his hands on the counter next to her and leaned down until their noses were almost touching. Her eyes widened and then slowly drifted closed. She had such pretty lashes, long and thick. He inhaled, drinking in the scent of her soap. Vanilla. His favorite. It always reminded him of the cookies she baked on special occasions and holidays.

  He caressed the side of her face. Her skin was soft against his fingertips.

  He’d walked away from her once before and didn’t think he was strong enough to do it again. At least not until he tasted her once more to find out if the memory of their kiss was as good as the real thing.

  “Tobias.” His name was a breathy sigh.

  He battled his conscience one final time and lost.

  Then he kissed her.

  Chapter Two

  Heart racing with anticipation, Kansas tried to play it cool but knew she was failing. Tobias was here. Not only was he here, he was kissing her. All the reasons she should stay away from him disappeared beneath the onslaught of his passion. His lips were warm and firm and when he licked her bottom lip, she sucked in a breath.

  Not one to let an advantage pass by, Tobias slipped his tongue into her mouth. She moaned and slid her hands over his chest. He was warm and strong and really here.

  Every sexual fantasy she’d had since she’d turned eighteen had featured Tobias in the lead roll, even during the years he’d been gone and she’d been dating other men. He was the man by which she measured all others.

  It hadn’t always been that way. They’d been a part of each other’s lives since they were children until he’d grown up and moved away. She hadn’t seen him for a year that first time. Then he’d come home for a holiday and everything changed.

  She knew when a man wanted her and Tobias certainly had, but like her, he’d been uncomfortable with and wary of the shift in their relationship. They’d buried their unwanted attraction until his last visit.

  She’d finally decided that her attraction to him wasn’t going to disappear so she’d figured she might as well see what happened when they kissed. After all, maybe the heat between them was all smoke and mirrors, a hot attraction that would fizzle when they actually locked lips.

  She should have known better.

  The kiss had been off the charts. It wouldn’t have surprised her if smoke had come out of the top of her head she’d been so hot.

  Tobias had pulled away, his expression as shocked and stunned as she imagined her own had been. The sexual heat between them had been undeniable.

  Then he’d done the unthinkable. He’d simply walked away.

  That was the last she’d seen or heard from him. She’d finally learned from his grandfather that Tobias was gone on some deep undercover mission, and that no one knew when, or if, he’d be home again. She hadn’t slept for weeks until missing him had become a familiar ache in the pit of her belly.

  Now he was back. He was in her kitchen and he was kissing her.

  She curled her arms around his neck and held on. She’d kissed enough men over the years to know what was between them was special. Yet for as much as she knew about Tobias, the man in front of her was a virtual stranger. Except for sporadic visits home over the years, he’d been away since he turned eighteen. For fifteen long years she’d lived without him, waiting for those few days he’d come home.

  She was done with waiting.

  She dug her fingers into his hair and pulled him closer. Her toes curled in her shoes and her breasts swelled, her nipples pressing against the silky fabric of her bra. She rubbed her chest against his and moaned as molten heat arrowed down between her legs.

  Tobias started to pull away. She felt his muscles tensing and she tightened her hold. She wasn’t going to let him run away. Not this time.

  “We should stop.” He punctuated his statement by peppering hot kisses down the curve of her jaw.

  “No, we shouldn’t.” She found his mouth and nibbled his bottom lip.

  “Fuck.
Kansas.” His pulled her away from the counter. His hands swept down her back and he cupped her behind.

  “Don’t think,” she warned. “Just kiss me.”

  He groaned and yanked her off her feet, angling her body until her pelvis was aligned with his. The heat of his cock pressed hard against her mound. Oh yeah, he wanted her.

  He lifted her easily and sat her on the kitchen counter. She responded by hooking her legs around his hips to keep him close. He sank his tongue into her mouth once more and she kissed him with all the years of loneliness and need she’d bottled up inside. She’d had other lovers but never the one she’d always wanted—Tobias.

  She tugged at the hem of his shirt and slipped her hands beneath it to expose firm, warm skin. Supple muscle rippled beneath her palms as she pushed the fabric out of her way. “Take it off,” she ordered.

  He hesitated and then yanked the garment over his head and dropped it on the counter beside her.

  She’d seen him shirtless plenty of times over the years but this was different. This time she could touch.

  He kissed her again, his tongue teasing hers. He mapped out every part of her mouth while she traced each ridge on his stomach. Her fingers tingled and she longed to rub her breasts against him, skin against skin.

  They were both breathless when he ended the kiss. He caught her hands and flattened them against his chest. “This isn’t a good idea.”

  She knew he was getting ready to back away. Again. Not this time. She was a fully-grown woman and she knew what she wanted. She also wasn’t afraid to go after it.

  “This is a wonderful idea.” She eased her hands out from beneath his and teased his nipples.

  “Kansas.” He grabbed her hands once again. She loved the way he said her name, a combination of exasperation and passion.

  “Hmm…” She leaned in and licked the hollow of his throat and nipped the top of his shoulder. He swore and his hips pressed closer. He might be fighting the attraction between them but he wanted this as much as she did.

  “We should stop.” The husky growl made her panties wet.

  “Why?” she countered. “We’re both adults.” She paused when a horrifying thought hit her. “Unless you have a girlfriend.” She couldn’t bear to think he might have a wife.

  “No,” he practically shouted the word and then took a deep breath to compose himself. “No girlfriend. But your brothers would not approve.”

  “Screw them. They’re not here. This is between us.”

  “They offered me a job,” Tobias continued. She could see he was fighting himself and her. If she wasn’t careful he’d walk away from her again.

  She was through waiting. One way or another this stalemate between them had to end. If she didn’t try, she’d regret it for the rest of her life, and she’d already wasted too many years wanting and waiting for this man.

  “Have you accepted their offer?” She gambled that he hadn’t, otherwise she figured one of her brothers would have mentioned it to her.

  Tobias shook his head. “Not yet. I told them I needed time to think about it.” He raked his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing anymore.”

  Pain and frustration laced his words and her heart almost broke for him. She had no idea what he’d endured, what he’d lived through, but he was here now and that was all that mattered.

  Not wasting any time, Kansas unbuttoned her sleeveless cotton blouse. His gaze went straight for the pale green satin and lace bra that covered her breasts. He swallowed hard and his nostrils flared. She gave silent thanks for her penchant for sexy underwear. She wore a lot of jeans and casual clothes for her job and having something silky and pretty underneath made her feel more confident.

  She lifted his hands and placed them on her breasts. His large hands swallowed them whole. His fingers molded the firm mounds and he inhaled sharply.

  “Kansas,” he began but she didn’t want to hear whatever it was he had to say.

  “No.” She caught his face in her hands and pulled him closer. “I’ve wanted you for my entire adult life and I’m tired of waiting.”

  She put her lips to his and forgot all the reasons this might be a bad idea. How could anything this good be wrong?

  ***

  Tobias knew he was in big trouble. He was in unfamiliar territory. He enjoyed women and had never lacked for bed partners. While the sex had always been great, he’d never had any problem walking away from them when it was over.

  He’d never cared for any woman, not like he did Kansas.

  Hell, for the past few years, he’d only slept with a couple of women, and that was simply to keep up appearances with the drug cartel he’d infiltrated. He’d pitied the women for the life they’d involved themselves in but he’d never made the mistake of trusting any of them.

  He’d been around beautiful women, willing and talented women, but none of them affected him the way this slender redhead did.

  Unlike most of the women he’d been with over the past decade, Kansas knew who he really was. No, she knew the man he’d been, not who he was.

  She pressed her breasts more firmly against his hands and deepened the kiss and he stopped caring about right and wrong. Just a taste, he promised himself. He’d stop before it went too far.

  He’d been lying to himself for so long he could no longer tell truth from fiction.

  The bra she wore was lacy and feminine, so unlike the practical, take-charge woman he knew Kansas to be. This other side of her enthralled him. He traced the delicate lace and then hooked his fingers under the straps and pulled them down.

  He stopped kissing her, not because he wanted to, but because he had to see her. He peeled the cups away from her breasts and sucked in a deep breath. “Fuck.” Not what he’d meant to say but, if the grin on her face was any indication, she didn’t mind.

  “You are so perfect.” He cupped the pale mounds and used the pad of his finger to trace a pale blue vein that ran beneath her velvety skin. He finally had the answer to a question that had tormented him for years. Her nipples were rosy beige in color. They tightened beneath his gaze and then he thumbed one nub.

  Kansas moaned and sucked in a breath. She was so responsive. His cock was pressed so hard against the zipper of his jeans he might have permanent marks, and his balls were trying to climb into his body. He’d never wanted a woman the way he did Kansas.

  She dug her fingernails into his biceps, and he reveled in the small pain. It grounded him, reminding him what he was doing, what he was risking.

  And she knew what he was thinking. He could tell when she shook her head, removed his hands from her breasts and rubbed the firm mounds against his chest. Her tight nipples stroked his skin and his cock jerked.

  “You want me,” she whispered in his ear. She licked at the sensitive whorls before tugging on the lobe. “I know you do.” She reached behind, undid the hooks of her bra and whisked the flimsy garment away.

  “That’s not the point,” he managed to get out.

  “It is the point.” She was so sensual, and it wasn’t practiced or phony. He could have resisted her if that was the case. But her need for him was honest and real and, after the way he’d spent the last couple years, it was a balm to his soul.

  “We’re adults, we’re friends and we want each other.”

  He was through fighting her. He couldn’t fault her reasoning. “I can’t offer you more than tonight,” he warned. He wouldn’t make promises he couldn’t keep. Not to Kansas.

  Doubt flickered in her eyes but it was gone so quickly he thought he might have imagined it. She smiled at him and rubbed her nose against his, the playful gesture making him smile.

  “You know where to find my bedroom.”

  Tobias lifted her off the kitchen counter. “Get the coffeepot,” he told her, waiting while she leaned down and turned off the machine.

  With her legs wrapped around his waist and her arms around his shoulders, he started toward the stairs. Every step he took
rubbed her mound against his erection. It was the sweetest kind of torture.

  She turned off the light downstairs and flipped on the ones for the stairs before he started up. He made it as far as the landing before he stopped, pressed her back against the wall and kissed her. He had one arm under her firm ass. He couldn’t wait to strip off the rest of her clothes so he could see her heart-shaped behind.

  She moaned and wiggled closer. Her hands were everywhere. She stroked his back and shoulders, his chest and arms.

  He cupped one of her breasts, leaned down and lapped at the firm nipple before drawing it into his mouth. She cried out his name and dragged her nails over his back. Goose bumps raced down his spine.

  He tongued the firm nub and sucked hard. She bucked her hips against him, her movements getting more frantic every second.

  Shit, if he wasn’t careful, he’d strip her naked and take her against the wall. This was their first time, he reminded himself. She deserved a bed. She deserved to have him worship every inch of her delectable body.

  She deserved a better man.

  He ignored his conscience. She wanted him and he wanted her. He’d given up too many years of his life in service to others and, for the first time, was reaching for something he wanted.

  Maybe he was searching for redemption. If anyone could make him feel clean and whole again it was Kansas. Or maybe he’d only taint her with his darkness.

  He almost pulled away.

  Kansas chose that moment to tighten her legs around him. “Hurry,” she whispered.

  Tobias managed to get them the rest of the way up the stairs, only banging into the wall once on his way down the hallway. He paused outside the room he knew had been hers from childhood.

  He toed the door open. It was nothing like he remembered it. A warm yellow had replaced the pale purple walls. The toys and games were gone from her shelves and a double bed had replaced the single one.

  He sat her on the side of the bed and took a moment to remove his gun and place it on her nightstand. She glanced toward the weapon but made no comment. Then he crouched in front of her and reached for her shoes. He slipped one off and then the other. She looked sexy as hell sitting there wearing only her jeans.