Kraken My Heart

by K. L. Hiers

  The boy didn’t ask for much, and he never let Ted see his face. Ted had only seen glimpses of his small figure, a thick scarf, and he could always hear his voice.

  Especially when he was driving home.

  Ted was actually quite fond of the little boy. In his loneliest moments, it was nice to have a friend. After long days at work when he wanted to break down and cry, he would feel a small hand on his shoulder or see a red ball rolling across the floor to him.

  Sometimes he found colorful drawings or toy cars in his room. Ted figured out what music the little boy liked and played classic rock often just to hear his little foot tapping.

  It was nice, although impossible to explain to anyone. Not even Kitty knew about the little boy.

  By the time Ted parked in front of his apartment, the little boy was gone. He wasn’t sure where he went exactly, but he knew he wouldn’t stay away too long.

  Ted crept slowly into his apartment, doing his best to be quiet. It was very early in the morning, and he didn’t want to wake his roommate up. All of his senses were on high alert, searching for a certain pesky feline.

  His life had been difficult enough when he was being tortured by ghosts and struggling with the daily trauma of dealing with death, but he hadn’t known true horror until the day Jay brought the cat home.

  Mr. Twigs.

  Mr. Twigs was a fluffy black cat that Jay had rescued and was absolutely obsessed with. Damn thing had followed him home one night, and Jay couldn’t refuse him. The feeling was quite mutual between them. Mr. Twigs pranced and purred and adored Jay entirely.

  Ted was not so fortunate.

  It wasn’t weird enough that the damn feline had shown up with small cat-sized sunglasses that hooked around his little ears and insisted on following Jay everywhere. If Ted so much as tried to give Jay a hug, Mr. Twigs attacked him. When Jay wasn’t home, Mr. Twigs was set on making Ted’s life a living hell.

  He tripped him, puked in his shoes, pissed in his closet, and delivered mutilated animals to his pillow. Jay had tried to explain his awful behavior by citing his obvious abandonment and promised to replace anything he messed up, but the undeniable truth remained:

  Mr. Twigs hated Ted.

  Ted tiptoed through the apartment with no sign of the fluffy monster. He hoped that the damn thing was in Jay’s room asleep, but he saw a shadow dart by his legs and knew he wasn’t lucky enough for it to have been a ghost.

  He got changed into a pair of sweats and felt brave enough to venture back out of his room. He really wanted something to drink, and he was not going to let some crazy cat stop him. He could totally do this.

  Ted got a can of soda from the fridge, using the light to scan the kitchen and the living room for the cat. He didn’t see him and hesitantly shut the door, casting the apartment into darkness.

  Carefully, like he was navigating through a minefield, he tried to sneak back to his room. Despite his diligent and precise pace, his foot collided with a very large ball of fur just as he walked around the edge of the couch.

  Mr. Twigs yowled in protest and promptly bit Ted’s ankle.

  “You stupid cat!” Ted growled in pain, his leg jerking and sending the cat stumbling into the wall. His heart dropped in instant regret, and he hurried to turn on a lamp. “Shit! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to, little dude! Are you okay?”

  Mr. Twigs was glaring at Ted over his sunglasses and growled loudly. A portal suddenly opened up in the living room floor with flashing bright lights and whipping winds.

  Ted froze, staring stupidly at the giant black void in the apartment floor. Being able to create a portal was a very rare skill, and he’d never seen one in person before. “What the…?”

  As if the swirling hole wasn’t crazy enough, Mr. Twigs transformed into a very tall, very skinny, and very naked young man. He flashed a smile full of pointed teeth, hissing, “Oh, that’s the last time you kick me, asshole.”

  “I didn’t kick you!” Ted argued indignantly. “It was a fucking accidennnnnttt!” he screamed as Mr. Twigs pushed him and sent him toppling headfirst into the portal.

  It was like… going down a water slide filled with pudding.

  Ted didn’t feel air around him, not exactly, but it was something thick and suffocating. The light all around him was so bright that he couldn’t see, and he thought he had to be dying.

  His stomach dropped as if he was falling, but he couldn’t see anything to track his descent. He grunted when he smacked into something solid and wet, the wind knocked right out of his lungs. He wheezed, trying to draw in oxygen and staring up at a high vaulted ceiling.

  Ted watched the portal close above him, and he weakly lifted his head to see where he was. He was lying in a puddle of something sticky, and the room was reminiscent of an old castle throne room.

  Big ceilings, lots of stained glass, fancy throne….

  He was also completely surrounded by monsters.

  Giant scaled things with tentacles, humanoids with spiraling horns jutting out of their foreheads, twisted feline creatures with sharp teeth, and fishlike worms were all around him.

  Ted scrambled to stand up, but he slipped in the sticky mess beneath him. He could feel the goo all over his back and hands, sliding around as he struggled to get out of it. He bumped into something cold and whirled around to find a dead body.

  It was one of the feline creatures, its eyes lifeless and milky, soaking in a puddle of….

  Oh God.

  It was blood.

  “Pardon me, coming through!” a deep voice growled, echoing throughout the massive chamber. “Stand aside! This is official royal business, so move your ass!”

  Ted was nauseated, staring up at a human figure pushing his way through the crowd of monsters.

  He was short but broad, thick in stature, and sporting a nasty smile full of pointed teeth. Otherwise, he looked quite normal. His hair was jet black, cut close to his scalp, with a well-groomed beard streaked with silver, and his eyes were a spectacular shade of gold, looking over Ted like he was a tasty piece of meat.

  He wore a three-piece suit, but it was a much flashier ensemble than Ted would have worn for his job at the funeral home. The jacket and pants were black, but the tie was an obnoxiously bright purple, and he could see a glittering watch chain hanging from the man’s matching purple brocade vest.

  “Well, aren’t you just a pretty little thing?” the man greeted. “What’s your name, darling?”

  “I’m, I’m…,” Ted stammered, looking around frantically as the monsters backed away. Whoever this man was, he was definitely in charge. There was something about the way he was looking at Ted that made him blush and his heart beat a little faster.

  “I’m Ted…. My name is Ted,” he managed to choke out. He wondered if he was dead or if this was some sort of nightmare. His mind was having trouble processing that any of this was real. “Where am I? What is this?”

  “Welcome to Xenon, darling,” the man replied. “I’m Thiazi Grell. I was voted most likely to get detained for illegal activities by my primary class, very avid Tetris player, and reigning Miss Pretty Petunia Pageant champion for the last two hundred years. Oh, and King of Xenon. Obviously.”

  “Huh?” Ted squeaked.

  “Would you like something to drink?” Grell offered. “Something strong. Help you calm down, put some more hair on that luscious chest, come to terms with the murder charges….”

  “With the what?”

  Chapter 2.

  “MURDER CHARGES,” Grell repeated, gesturing to the blood.

  “No fuckin’ way!” Ted shouted as he finally climbed to his feet. His toes were squishing in the thickening liquid, and he hastily stepped out of the puddle. “I didn’t kill anyone!”

  “You have his blood on your hands,” Grell said. “The laws of the Asra dictate that you must now be charged with murder until you can prove your innocence.”

  There was a murmur of agreement from the monsters.

  “That’s the
stupidest thing I’ve ever heard! You’re not pinning this shit on me, you son of a bitch! I just fucking got here!” Ted snapped. No one said anything, and several beats of silence ticked by before he demanded helplessly, “And what the fuck is an Asra?”

  “He was one,” Grell said, pointing at the hideous body next to Ted. “And so am I.” He flashed a toothy smile. “I’m wearing my pretty human face just for you.”

  Ted flushed, stammering, “Look, look, please. Please just tell me what the fuck is going on.”

  “Are you sure you wouldn’t like something to drink?” Grell asked. “You seem a bit upset.”

  “You’re charging me with murder and offering me a fucking drink?” Ted scoffed. “Aren’t you gonna try… I don’t know, aren’t you gonna go and lock me up or something?”

  “It’s not like you can run away,” Grell said with another toothy leer. “You wouldn’t get very far.”

  “Fuck.” Ted gulped. That felt like a threat. He threw up his hands. “Fine. A beer. No, fuck that. Something stronger. Way stronger.”

  “I’ve just the thing.” Grell snapped his fingers, and a glass tumbler full of a dark liquid appeared in Ted’s hand.

  Without hesitation, Ted chugged it back.

  It burned, but it was warm and a bit sweet. It was actually really tasty. He blinked as the glass magically refilled, and only then did it occur to him that maybe he should be more careful when accepting mysterious drinks from strange men.

  Especially strange men who could apparently cast spells using only their hands. With very few exceptions, people had to speak the words of a spell to use magic, and Ted immediately knew that Grell had to be quite powerful to summon up a drink with a mere snap of his fingers.

  “Thanks. It’s, uh… it’s good.” Ted fidgeted, glancing nervously at the strange creatures still lingering around them. His skin was cold where the blood was drying, and he was numb from terror.

  Or maybe the liquor was just that good.

  “Court is dismissed,” Grell suddenly barked, turning his head and baring his teeth. “We’ll start the trial tomorrow.”

  “Does this mean you’ll be representing the criminal, Your Highness?” one of the fish-worms hissed.

  “Why not?” Grell shrugged. “Could be fun.”

  “Very well,” the fish-worm replied. “We will see you at the trial, Your Highness.”

  One by one, the monsters vanished, either through portals or through various physical archways, until no one was left but the two of them.

  Well, and the corpse.

  “Trial?” Ted echoed. “What kind of trial?”

  “Murder trial, obviously.”

  “Come on, this is bullshit!”

  “Tsk-tsk! Now! How did an adorable human like you manage to come dropping into my humble little home?” Grell circled around Ted like a tiger about to pounce. “Read any cursed books lately? Piss off any kitty cats?”

  “The cat,” Ted recalled out loud. “It was that damn cat! He opened up some kind of fuckin’ portal, but then he wasn’t a cat! He turned into this skinny dude and pushed me in!”

  “I thought so,” Grell said with a click of his tongue. “Mm, you don’t strike me as much of a reader.”

  “Hey, I fuckin’ read!” Ted glared.

  “The contents of a bottle of soap while you’re having a squat doesn’t count,” Grell snorted dryly.

  “Hey, fuck you, ass hat!” Ted stood up to his full height and glared down at the short king. “You don’t know jack shit about me!”

  “Mmm, you’ve got quite a mouth on you, don’t you?” Grell laughed. “It’s so refreshing! And I know plenty. Look at you. Your little jersey pants have more holes than a Vulgoran hooker, you reek of too much aftershave and death, and that fear in your eyes….”

  Ted tensed, his heart pounding in his ears and making his stomach churn violently.

  “You’re so afraid and still trying to put on a brave face,” Grell observed, tilting his head with a sly grin. “And it’s a very good face, very lovely. Ten out of ten, would definitely shag. But you’re still terrified.”

  Ted’s mouth opened to bite back, but he couldn’t think of anything to say. He clamped his teeth together as heat crawled up his neck.

  Was this really happening?

  Ted took a swig of his drink, grunting defiantly, “Eat me.”

  “Please, let me buy you dinner first,” Grell quipped.

  Ted scoffed, hating how his face continued to flush. He could feel the heat all over, and he demanded, “Are you seriously flirting with me?”

  “Ah, so there is a brain rattling around in that gorgeous thick skull of yours,” Grell teased.

  “You’re such an asshole,” Ted grumbled, licking his lips anxiously.

  “Duh. You don’t stay king very long trying to be everyone’s best pal and making little friendship bracelets.”

  Ted gulped, tensing as Grell crept closer. There was something about him that made Ted feel so awkward when he managed to meet those golden eyes. “So, uh, where am I again?”

  “Xenon,” Grell said, a glass of his own appearing in his hand with another quick snap. “Shall I say it slower?”

  “No,” Ted grunted. “I heard you. I just don’t know what that is. I mean, sort of. It’s a bridge, right?”

  “Really?” Grell’s brows furrowed. “Have humans truly forgotten the old ways so quickly?” He pursed his lips. “I suppose it has been a few hundred years. I forget your kind doesn’t live very long.”

  “Okay, that’s cool and all….” Ted slurped at his drink. “But that still doesn’t answer my question.”

  “Xenon is the bridge between Aeon and Zebulon,” Grell said with a roll of his eyes. He gestured for Ted to follow him as he strolled out through a small side door.

  Ted hesitated, glancing around warily.

  Was that door even there a second ago?

  He didn’t seem to have any other choice except to follow Grell wherever he was leading him. The doorway opened up to a large balcony, and Ted almost choked when he looked outside. “Holy shit.”

  It was night, and the sky was full of millions of brilliant stars and dazzling swirls of galaxies. Even though it was dark, there was a soft purple glow cast over everything as far as Ted could see. The trees were iridescent, shining white like bolts of lightning growing up from the ground.

  They were definitely in a castle, a monstrous compound of lavender masonry that sat high above the glowing forest below. Flowering tendrils were crawling all over the stonework, scenting the air with a spicy perfume that reminded Ted of cinnamon.

  Glancing back to the forest, he jerked when he saw a giant bridge looming over the trees. He didn’t know how the hell he had missed it before, because it was even bigger than the castle. As he watched, the bridge grew dark and disappeared.

  A few moments later, it lit back up, and Ted could see streams of luminous orbs running across it. The bridge was so massive he couldn’t tell where it started or where it ended, but the lights all seemed to be moving in the same direction.

  It was like looking at a dream he’d had and then forgotten when he woke up. It was eerily familiar, and as fantastic as it all was, it was beautiful.

  “So, Aeon is… Earth?” Ted asked hesitantly.

  “Part of it. It’s the mortal world. All your planets and stars and such.” Grell pointed to the mammoth bridge. “When you die, your soul passes through that bridge to reach Zebulon, the home of the gods.”

  “The gods?”

  “Great Azaethoth, Babbeth, Baub?” Grell studied Ted’s hopeless expression and sighed. “You’re Lucian, aren’t you.”

  “Yeah, kinda, but I know those are all Sagittarian gods,” Ted protested. “You’re telling me all that old witch shit is right?”

  Grell motioned to the bridge again. “Looks pretty right to me, darling.”

  “Fuck,” Ted whispered. His eyes moved back to the bridge, following little blips of light moving along when he could see
them. His head was swimming, and he didn’t know what to think.

  Maybe he was dreaming.

  He had never been the most devout Lucian, but he had considered himself a believer. He had accepted the Litany of Light and been baptized as a child, but none of that seemed to matter now.

  “What does this mean?” Ted asked. “There’s no Lord of Light?”

  “Not that I’ve ever met,” Grell replied with a shrug. “He came, he saw, he preached, and he vanished. Can’t tell you much more than that, darling.”

  “What happens to Lucians when we die?” Ted frowned. “Do we go somewhere else?”

  “All souls pass through the bridge,” Grell said, sounding almost soothing. “Lucian, Sage, Tauri, and even the gods when they die.”

  “You’ve seen a god die?”

  “Cheeky little fellow with big eyebrows sent one to us not too long ago.” Grell laughed. “Looked like a giant rocket shooting down that damn thing.”

  Ted set his drink down and gripped the balcony railing. “This is… this is a lot.”

  “Keep drinking,” Grell advised.

  Ted looked back at the bridge. “It’s really beautiful.”

  “Yes, it is,” Grell said softly, but he was staring at Ted.

  “So, you’re king of all this?” Ted asked, rubbing behind his ear.

  “Yes,” Grell replied. “I’m king of Xenon and the Asra.” Before Ted could ask, he explained, “We were the first race created by the gods to be their servants. That gig turned out to be a bit more like being their slaves, and we rebelled.”

  “You guys fought a bunch of gods?”

  “And won,” Grell said proudly. “To end the war, Great Azaethoth gave us sovereignty over Xenon so our people could be free and promised that no living god would ever trespass here. It’s ours, and has been for thousands of years.”

  “That was pretty cool of him, I guess,” Ted said, shifting his feet and grimacing when they stuck to the stone floor. “Okay, uh, small request for the prisoner?”

  “Within reason.”

  “Can you, like, snap your little fingers and clean this shit up?” Ted motioned to the blood all over him.