Love is my Destiny

by Paul Kelly

  “Over here. Please be quick. Over here,” he screamed into the dark and Jonty was the first to answer as he panted and licked the boy’s hand.

  “Lovely, lovely Jonty … thank you.”

  ***

  It took nearly two hours to get the rescued back to the village and Peter had been stranded for over six hours in the darkness and alone.

  He had managed to locate the first climbers who had ascended the mountain, and had set off flares to alert the rescuers. It was only after everyone had assumed that the number of rescued to be correct and the crew had made the descent that Peter had slipped and fallen into a ravine, unnoticed in the gathering snow. The team were so overjoyed at finding the climbers that no-one had seen Peter falling and he was not missed until they had gathered below. The siren for ‘second alert’ sounded for Fern’s attention. Miss Harrison had told the crew that he had gone up to look for Peter and also to advise Fern that the crew on the ground were aware that he was still up there searching for his priest-friend… but had the ‘ All Clear’ been given, Fern would have returned alone and Peter might never have been found alive.

  ***

  An ambulance rushed the rescued to hospital. Peter was unconscious and Fern shivered all the way, taking comfort from the blanket that the ambulance men had provided. He could not take his eyes from Peter and it was only then, in those moments of shivering and fear, that he truly understood the situation on the mountain and his memories rushed back to make him blush. The world would think it strange, he knew that, but he would do it again if the need arose and he watched Peter’s pale, drawn face, anxious for some sign that he was alive and the bubbles in the oxygen mask reassured him as he sighed deeply and closed his eyes.

  “Are you all right, son?”

  An ambulance man touched his arm gently and Fern slowly opened his eyes again.

  “Yes, thank you, I’m fine. Just cold ... a little,” he answered and the attendant smiled and held a mug of tea towards him.

  “Drink this, it’ll warm you up.”

  Fern unwrapped himself for a moment from the blanket and took the cup.

  “Thank you. Will my friend be all right?”

  “Yes, we’ll soon have him tucked away in hospital. Don’t you worry …”

  Fern winced as the brandy in his tea warmed his stomach and his thoughts took flight again into the haven of his fantasies. Yes ... I kissed a priest .... I sang him to sleep on the mountain when I thought we would both die.. I told the priest that I loved him... Fern broke down in his thoughts as he burst into tears and the ambulance manm nearest him patted his shoulder.

  “You’ve had a hard time, lad. You must try and rest now.”

  Fern gulped his drink and dried the tear from his eyes with the back of his hand.

  ***

  Peter was taken to a ward to rest after the doctor had examined him. He had to be x-rayed and had a broken ankle set, but apart from general bruising and a little frostbite, he needed rest more than anything else.

  ***

  When Fern was examined he had no internal injuries. Apart from his cough, he was considered to be all right, but they kept him in hospital overnight for reassurance and Miss Harrison stood by all the time. She was drilled not to fuss, but her heart ached for the ‘two men in her life’. She waited until the last moment before she would leave the hospital when she knew that all had been done that could have been done and she asked if she could see Fern for a few moments before she went home to the Presbytery. He was weary but he was happy to see her. They embraced and held each other long and tenderly.

  “I don’t know what to say, Fern. I realised when you had gone, how much I had become attached to Father Peter. I hadn’t thought much about my feelings before, and I have been a housekeeper to several priests, all of my life, but somehow, Peter is ... different.” She lowered her voice as she continued. “I am an obstinate old woman, Fern ... Set in my ways, but I will say this, I love him dearly and God knows the purity of my heart.” She cried as she clutched Fern close to her and he folded his arms around her and sighed.

  “Don’t cry, Miss Harrison, I understand ... I understand.”

  But he did not allow her to hear any more as he continued. “That makes two of us,” ... he muttered and fell asleep.

  ***

  Fern dressed the following morning at the hospital and as he strained to cough when he washed, he found that his throat was dry. He had something of the same feeling the night before on the mountain and when he reached into his pocket for his handkerchief he glared at it with surprise. The handkerchief was saturated in blood and he pushed it back quickly into his trouser pocket, remembering how he had much difficulty in coughing the night before, but as it was dark, he could not see the results of his efforts in the handkerchief. Nothing had seemed unusual.

  “No internal injuries,” the doctor had said ... and Fern went to the ward to see Peter.

  ***

  The priest was asleep as he approached him but he looked better, if still pale. Fern was allowed to stay with him for only a few moments, but he was happy just to know that Peter was alive and in good hands.

  He would wait for an eternity if he needed to, for Peter was alive and Fern was at peace, but as he put his finger into Peter’s hand and felt the warmth there, he shuddered at the thought of the cold that had been with them, such a short time before …and looked up at Peter’s God.

  “Thank you,” he said and took one long last look at Peter’s face before he left the ward.

  Tom and Rose were beside themselves with joy that everything had turned out well. They fussed Fern and praised Jonty as the dog sidled up to Fern on his return home. Jonty Boy was well aware of the task he had so nobly achieved.

  “Lovely Jonty ... Lovely, lovely …Good boy…”

  Fern praised his canine friend in profusion, patting him with heartfelt appreciation as Jonty lay back complacently on his back, showing all his manhood in acceptance of his well-earned honour.

  Chapter Twenty Six

  STEPHEN WAS DISTRAUGHT when he heard the news. He had no idea of the episode of the night before and Laura’s went pale when he told her.

  “Is Fern all right?” she asked urgently, but Stephen looked out of the window as he spoke, ignoring her enquiry.

  “He is with the Mahon’s again since he was discharged from the hospital ... discharged from the hospital,” he said but his voice was hollow and without feeling... and Laura’s face was troubled. She wanted to see for herself but was unable to understand how she could do this without causing suspicion and even surprised at her own concern, as she went upstairs and paced the bedroom, but her husband knew what was on her mind and he also knew that there was nothing he could do about it.

  Laura’s thoughts were disturbed. She could not erase the thought of Fern from her mind. She thought again of the night when she had laughed at him and her excitement gained, as she remembered how he had looked at her with wide innocent eyes, when she would have had her way with him, had he been weaker. Her lust for him renewed itself in her breast, but this time there was a calming balm which generated a tenderness that even she could not fully comprehend, as she dressed and left the Manse and made her way speedily to the Mahon’s cottage.

  Tom Mahon was surprised as he opened the door to Laura. She had never visited them before and he guessed the reason for her unexpected call but Rose was more reserved in her acceptance of the visit and without much ado, she called Fern to the living room. Rose’s eyes searched Fern’s as he looked at the visitor. She was not happy with the situation ... The visit disturbed her and Tom ushered her from the room to leave Fern and his visitor to themselves. Nothing was ever said about Laura by Fern, but Rose was a shrewd woman and she rarely put two and two together to make five.

  “I hope you are well …Fern” Laura spoke with hesitation, wonder
ing if she had chosen the right introduction to her visit, as she scanned his face with unknowing thoughts. There was a long silence before he spoke.

  “Thank you, yes. I am well,” he replied coldly but kept his eyes down and would not look at her and Laura wanted to reach out and touch him.

  His renewed appearance before her brought feelings that she had thought to be dead. She wanted to cry; to tell him that she was pleased to see him; that she wanted to assure him that whatever she had done in the past was her fault, and hers alone, but she was painfully reminded in that moment also of her emotions and yearnings that demanded needs that were beyond her control. She knew in that instant that she should never have come to see Fern, but logic could go to hell ... she still wanted this boy.

  “I was worried when I heard the news,” she continued to falter and hoped Fern would respond in some way; in any way, as long as he acknowledged her presence but he simply gazed at her, with a blank stare as he answered.

  “There was no need.”

  He would not say her name and this infuriated her. Say it ... she thought. Say ‘Laura,’ damn you …Say it just once ... and her heart dared for a dearer expression, but without hope as she looked around furtively, not knowing what else she could do or say.

  “Stephen would have come with me to see you, but he has so much on at the moment and he asks you to excuse him. He wishes you well and hopes you are happy here,” she continued, but Fern remained silent and continued to stare into space as there was nothing he could, or wished to say. “Is there anything you need,” she went on, “Is there anything I, we can get you?”

  “Thank you, I have all I need,” he replied and Laura braved her emotions as she looked calmly at him.

  “I want to apologise for ...” she began to speak, but could go no further and Fern spoke quickly.

  “I think you should go now and thank you for coming. Thank your husband also,” he said brusquely as he stepped to one side and opened the door for her but she turned to him appealingly. Her desires for him had never been quenched regardless of what she had imagined and she looked at Fern again with renewed passion and wanted so much to touch him. She put forward her hand towards his face but he moved his head swiftly and she knew that she would never achieve her desires of Fernando Zambrano as she turned away slowly and left the house to return home.

  Fern stood alone and in silence in the room after she had gone, with thoughts that hurt him deeply. He thought of Laura and her scheming ways, and of Peter. Peter, the man who had given up everything for a love that Fern envied... a love that Laura would never understand and he thought again of the night on the mountain. He had held Peter close in his arms ... closer than any man should ever have held a priest, but he had no illusions and knew that God was closer to him still. He was jealous of the God who claimed so much love from his friend as he remembered a sad little verse.

  “My dearest heart, we always knew, before I held you close to me, That stolen moment in your arms, must end in tears of destiny.”

  Tom and Rose returned to the room and Rose hugged Fern before she bustled off to prepare the tea, but Tom looked quizzically at the boy and would not allow himself the questions he wanted to ask ... as he had fears of the answers he might receive.

  Chapter Twenty Seven

  FERN moved quickly through the corridors to the ward where Peter lay. The young priest was conscious, if very weak, however, he was pleased to see Fern and tried to sit up to welcome him, but Fern made him lie back and rest as he took his hand. Peter looked flushed. His eyes were wide and anxious as at first no words were spoken between the two men.

  Looks were fertile and tears were not far away, but at last, Peter spoke, very quietly as though he wanted only Fern to hear and the boy leaned closer to him.

  “Breathe for me Fern,” he whispered, “and thank you.”

  Their hands remained firm together in a clasp that said everything and they stayed quietly in that way for some time, where two hearts beat fast with emotion and the silence that ensued was impregnated with prayer and gratitude and Peter understood the words of God greater than he had ever understood them before.

  “My delight is to be with the children of men,” he reflected and the nurses on the ward bustled about with their various chores, humming as they went, leaving the captors in peace. Fern looked at Peter; he did not want to talk. He wanted to be near this man whom he so admired and words would only blemish the golden moments of enviable silence.

  ***

  A young probationer nurse passed the bed and smiled.

  “Can I get you anything, Father?” she spoke to the priest but looked coyly at his visitor.

  “No thank you, nurse. I have everything I need.”

  She looked again at Fern and he smiled.

  “Well, if you think of anything, you will call me, won’t you?”

  “Yes, thank you, nurse.”

  “Ooooh! … I’ll be off then.” she replied whilst still looking at Fern and her eyes never left Fern until she had turned into the duty room where Staff nurse Smith was sitting alone making her reports and she looked up for a moment as the younger nurse stood near her.

  “What’s the matter with you, Russell? You look as though you’ve had two dinners.”

  Nurse Russell giggled and straightened her starched apron with both hands.

  “Could say that, I suppose … Here Smithy, who is that young chap visiting Peter Spinelli?”

  Nurse Smith pretended not to hear and carried on turning the pages of her report with affected diligence, but the young nurse persisted with her enquiry.

  “You know… that young bloke with the blonde hair and the gorgeous eyes.”

  She sat on the side of the desk as the senior nurse continued to write.

  “That young man saved the priest’s life,” replied Nurse Smith without looking up and with her pen poised in her hand.

  “Oh it was him was it? I’d heard about that. Coo, I wouldn’t mind spending a night on the mountain with him. He could keep me warm any night.”

  Smithy smiled and closed her report book.

  “It’s the dark, haired one I fancy; priest or no priest ... I think he’s a dream... There’s something about HIS eyes that just ‘sends’ me,” she drooled “Oh…You naughty, naughty, naughty girl … Full of naught and disgusting too, to talk that way about a man of the cloth….” Russell jibed and raised her eyes to the ceiling ignoring the cobweb that dangled in defiance of all hospital hygiene. “Well ... he is kinda cute, I suppose,” she agreed and ran her fingers over her stocking clad legs to check the seams were straight before she scrutinised her finger nails to the utter disgust of her senior. “I’m off at six …I wonder what young blondie is doing this evening?” nurse Russell sighed longingly and whirled around in smug appreciation of her attributes, as Smithy tucked her book under her arm and left the room but as she reached the door, she turned and stopped to glare at her underling.

  “If I were you, I’d get these bed pans into the sluice before Sister gets here or she’ll straighten your seams for you.”

  “Spoil sport,” retorted the nursing beauty acidly and stuck out her tongue.

  Chapter Twenty Eight

  LAURA glared at Stephen as she came into the lounge, but it was no more than he had expected. She extracted her hat pin from her large brimmed picture hat and threw the head dress angrily onto the settee, as she took a cigarette from a box on the table and let the lid close with a snap, but Stephen did not smoke and deplored the habit as he waved the air with his hand in defiance of the pollution that he was made to endure.

  “Did you see Fern? Did you see the boy?” he asked as he screwed up his face, but Laura took her own time to answer him as she puffed her smoke into the air with furtive gesticulation.

  “Yes,” she snapped eventually, but Stephen knew the mood so well and
decided not to ask any more questions. He knew Laura would speak in her own time as she paced up and down the floor like a tigress, before she stopped abruptly and edged her shoes from her feet, kicking them under the table.

  “Ungrateful little brat,” she went on, but Stephen said nothing. It was not quite the time to speak. “He’s cock of the north up there with the Mahon’s,” Laura went on ... spitting her words furiously between her rouged lips, “but he should be careful. He may need us someday.”

  Stephen shook his head slowly, aware that he was about to speak out of turn and debating with himself over the wisdom of his action, but he would have been wiser to remain silent…

  “Why don’t you leave this thing alone Laura … you know it’s for the best, for the best ... he is happy with them, so let it be,” he murmured, but Laura would not let it be...

  “What do you know about his happiness?” she spurted in fury, “You never cared for him when he was here. You didn’t give a damn for his happiness. What do you know?”

  Stephen was annoyed at her pretentious solicitude and he continued to speak despite his logic and reasoning.

  “Laura you only care for yourself and for what he could be to you, or what you could get from him ... what you could get from him, I say,” he blurted, repeating his accusation and his wife went white with anger as she clenched her fist in livid rage and threw her cigarette into the fire. She was incensed.

  “A damn sight more than I could ever get from you. You couldn’t care for me even if you tried. You haven’t got the means to care for me or for anyone else for that matter. You disgust me ... do you realize that.” she screamed, “For a clergyman you should be ashamed. You think more of your creature comforts than you do of God and yet you preach such pious humbug to your flock as if you believed it yourself.” Her eyes narrowed and her mouth curled into a sneer as she continued. “That evening when you caught Fern in my embrace and I went upstairs with you afterwards… Did you think I was thinking of you?” she laughed aloud scathingly “I was thinking all the time of HIM. “ but Stephen had heard enough and he could stand no more. He turned to Laura and hit her with the back of his hand across the mouth and she swayed and stared at him with fright and horror. She had never expected this…