The Heaviness of Knowing

by Sharolyn G. Brown

  It was no mistaking it. She was in the quarters of a Traveler. This room was designed almost identically to her quarters she had shared with Edo. The only difference was that instead of a single two-person sleeping unit being in the room, there were five single-person sleeping units, including the one on which she was sitting. The other four units were more substantial than the one she was on. They were the stacked sleeping units usually found in the Laborers’ and Helpers’ dormitories.

  In the dormitories, the sleeping units were all single-person units with one stack on top of another. These stacked units were set up in long rows to maximize the number of people who could sleep in their quarters. In this room, however, there were only two stacked sleeping units. Roxal had never seen private quarters arranged like this.

  She looked around, totally confused as to where she was. Whatever the use for the room, she appeared to be alone. For now. Slowly she stood, leaning on the stacked sleeping units to allow the dizziness to pass. Once she felt stable, she limped over to the grooming corner and turned on the water from the sink. Taking a small amount into her hand, she drank it, hoping curing her thirst would help her feel better. It, in fact, had the opposite effect.

  She limped over to the commode in time to regurgitate the water she had just swallowed and some other bitter, smelly fluid from her stomach. When nothing would come up any longer, the spasms continued, causing her to gag repeatedly. Finally, the heaving stopped, and she eased down to the floor, laying her face on the cool surface and trying to muster the strength to stand and move again.

  When she thought she could, Roxal struggled to stand. Once she was upright, she decided that she needed to focus on trying to get out of this room. She was not going to wait around for the next person to come along and torture her. The first thing she needed was more substantial clothes and shoes. Then, for the first time since she was awake, she looked down at what she was wearing. She was wearing a sleep shirt and sleep pants that were cut off at her knees. The material felt similar to the sleeping clothes she normally slept in. But she had never worn shortened pants before.

  She had no time to think on this. She left the grooming corner and went to the storage space for clothes. In the clothing storage space were multiple stacks of multi-colored clothes. She picked through the stacks, choosing articles of clothing at random and held them up to her body to find what could fit her. Some of the clothes were loose, while others seemed more form fitting, like those of the woman she spoke to when she was in the celled room.

  The woman! Where is she? And how did I get away from her?

  Roxal shook her head. That was a question for later. Now she needed to try and get out. Finally, she found a shirt and a pair of pants that she could wear over her sleeping clothes. The only thing she needed was shoes. She eased down onto her hands and knees and searched along the floor of the storage space for shoes. As she searched, she heard a click from behind her and knew what it was. Someone was opening the door.

  Roxal stopped. There was nowhere she could hide. At the sound of the swish from the door’s opening, she felt her stomach flutter. She had been through so much. She had been injured in an explosion; tortured by a Rep; escaped her compound and spent a precious few moments outside; captured again; and then tortured again, because even though she could not remember what had happened to her earlier, her body still ached.

  She kept her back to the door. Whoever had come for her this time would have to come and get her. Maybe she could fight them if it was only one person. If she got the best of whoever it was, then hopefully she could use their unconscious body to open the door as she had done with Quarx. Once she was in the hallway…

  “I have clothes for you, Roxal, that will likely fit you better than what you have on,” a voice interrupted her thoughts about her escape. And though she clearly heard what was said, she could not believe what she had heard.

  The voice was familiar. So familiar, in fact, that she wondered how it was being imitated. Her heart was now beating faster in her chest, and she could not get up from her hands and knees.

  “Roxal, are you unwell?” the familiar voice asked as it moved towards her.

  She was silent as hands touched her shoulders. She closed her eyes and tensed at the touch. “I am not going to hurt you. You know I never would. Let me help you back to the sleeping unit.”

  She stood, with help, and took a step towards the sleeping unit, but the person pulled her towards his body. Thankfully, he did not force her to face him.

  “What is wrong with you? Why will you not look at me? Do you hate me now?”

  “I could never hate you.” She paused. The dryness of her throat now made it hard for her to speak. She swallowed. “I cannot hate you, Edo, because you are dead. I was told that you were executed while I was unconscious.”

  The man who sounded like Edo wrapped his arms around her body, holding her closer. Then he buried his face into her neck. She felt the man’s soft, curly, and coily hair rub against her jaw. Her lips trembled and tears started to fill her eyes. This feeling. His touch. The sensation of his hair against her jaw, and his breath on her neck. It, like the man’s voice, was familiar.

  “The one thing you can be sure of is that Reps lie. I am alive. If you just look at me, you can see for yourself.”

  With those words, he began gently applying pressure to turn her towards him. Initially, Roxal resisted. If she looked at the man and it turned out not to be Edo, it would hurt. Once she knew the truth of this trick, it would be worse than when she had found out he was dead the first time. This would be like a second death.

  However, her resolve soon melted and curiosity got the better of her. Roxal allowed the man to turn her around, but kept her head down looking at his feet. Once she was facing him fully, he placed his fingers under her chin and gently raised her face. Finally, she looked at the man. The man who looked like Edo.

  She touched his face and the tears freely flowed from her eyes. He smiled at her and tears began to fill his eyes, too. His light brown eyes with shimmering gray flecks twinkling through his tears.

  It was Edo.

  She hugged him tightly. Tears ran down her face and onto his shoulder. Her shoulder was also getting wet as they hugged. Suddenly, the world began to go dim as her legs weakened. She felt Edo’s arms around her body tighten as he moved her from where they were standing. He placed her on a sleeping unit and then sat beside her. She was leaning on his body as he stroked her face.

  “Just breathe. Take deep breaths and you will feel better. As soon as you feel strong enough, I will find a Medic to give you something to help you heal faster.”

  “No! Do not leave!” she said as forcefully as she could in her weakened state.

  She struggled to throw her arms around his body. He hugged her closer to him. “I will stay with you for a while longer.”

  In silence they sat. The weakness passed and she sat up. Not because she wanted to stop touching him, but because she wanted to look at him again. Edo was alive. She smiled at him and he smiled back. She reached out and touched his face, still not quite believing it was him.

  “How? How are you here? And where are we?”

  Edo took her hands into his. His hands were still calloused and warm, just as she remembered. Feeling his touch was something Roxal never thought she would experience again.

  “We are in one of the main Resistor compounds. I have been here since...” He paused and looked away. Roxal freed one of her hands and turned his face back towards hers. Edo stared at her and continued, “I have been here since we escaped during the explosion. Pruda, the other Helper in my cell, got me out. After we had set the explosive, I started going towards you. I did not want to leave you behind. However, before I could reach you, the explosion knocked me unconscious. Pruda managed to get me out. When I came to, we were in the forest. I need you to believe I never intended to leave you behind.”

  Roxal stopped Edo from talking by kissing him. It was not forceful, or especially p
assionate. However, it was powerful. Kissing him started her tears again.

  “Edo, you do not have to apologize to me. You are alive. And we are together again. I do not care about anything else right now. I was told you were dead. I thought I would never see you again. But we are together now.”

  The sound of the door opening drew her attention away from Edo’s face. The smile on it was erased as the woman who had locked her in the room with the bars walked into their quarters. The sight of this woman made her angry. It also made Roxal feel sick again. She tensed and climbed onto the sleeping unit, positioning herself behind Edo. She could not remember what had happened to her after the injection she was forced to take, but she did know that her body was hurting in new places from when she escaped her compound and this woman was the person she last remembered being with.

  “Get her away from me,” Roxal shouted through her clenched teeth.

  “Rodan, I told you not to come near her. Roxal is still weak and does not understand what is going on yet.”

  She tried to understand what was happening. This was Rodan, the person Quarx had said was his contact. And Edo was not fighting her, but rather just talking to her. He was right, she did not understand what was happening.

  “I only wanted to find out what your assessment of this woman was? Because there is information on the comm pad she had that will be extremely useful if she can be trusted.”

  “I told you before, of course she can be trusted. Roxal is my mate and she would not harm the Resistors.”

  Her grip on Edo’s arm tightened. She just wanted that woman to leave.

  “Just go, Rodan. Your being here is not good for Roxal.”

  “I understand. But you should know, Roxal, what I did was done as the Head of Security for our compound. There is nothing I would not do to keep us safe. And if I was wrong about you being a threat, well, it is unfortunate. I would never want to harm anyone loyal to our cause.”

  “Get out,” was Roxal’s only response.

  Rodan turned and exited the quarters. Now, Roxal’s head was pounding and she was beginning to feel weak and shaky.

  “I need food, and I need to rest,” she told Edo as she eased herself into the lying position on the sleeping unit.

  “I am not leaving, but I need to go into the hall for a short time. I will return.”

  He kissed her on her forehead and opened the door. He spoke to someone apparently waiting outside in the hallway. “We will need food and a Medic to stop by. And we will also need family quarters.”

  “Edo, you know family quarters are assigned according to the waiting list,” the person replied to his requests.

  “I do not care,” Edo interrupted. “My mate is injured and will need to rest to recover. I will not leave her alone while she is recovering. So either you will find a suitable place for us to be together while Roxal rests and recovers, or we will kick everyone else out of these quarters and take them as our own.”

  “I will get food and the Medic. I will find the two of you somewhere to rest. Together,” the person relented.

  Edo walked back into the room and sat on the sleeping unit again. He stroked her face, gently brushing away her dreadlocks that had fallen to cover one of her eyes.

  “It should not take long for either the food or the Medic. The sleeping arrangements, on the other hand, may take a while longer.”

  “Edo, there is nothing that matters to me beyond being with you.”

  ***

  Of the things Edo had requested, the Medic arrived first. He examined Roxal and injected her with nanos to accelerate her healing.

  “I apologize that you had to wait in pain for so long, but our medical supplies are low and I am only allowed to treat Resistors with nanos.”

  Neither Edo nor Roxal had replied. Then the food had come: a broth of some kind and bread for her and meat, bread, and vegetables for Edo. The sight of actual meat on his plate was surprising. In their old compound, she had only ever seen the gelatinous protein mixture with meat pieces. She was not even sure the pieces were actually meat.

  In time, someone had come, thankfully not Rodan, and told them their sleeping quarters were ready. He had to help her stand, and Roxal had to lean on him as they walked to their new sleeping location. They walked through similar looking hallways and took lefts and rights without the need for directions. Soon they were in a cavernous room where temporary dividing walls had been erected to give them some semblance of privacy. He had led her into one of the makeshift rooms, and in the middle of the space was a two-person sleeping unit. He sat her on it, walked their guide out of the room, and then slid the manually operated door closed.

  Now they were alone again. And as excited as Roxal had been to see Edo, she also felt fearful. It was like the night before the planned explosion that had separated them.

  Why am I feeling like this now? she wondered. Edo is back and we are together again. But why do I feel like this?

  She looked at him and realized he must have been feeling apprehensive also, because he still stood near the door he had just closed, unable to maintain eye contact. She broke the uncomfortable silence.

  “Do you regret my being here, Edo?” Now it was Roxal who looked away from Edo and at the floor. “I know we have been apart for...” She stopped. She did not know how long it had been since the explosion. “How long have we been apart?”

  “About one-fourth of a lunar cycle. We have been apart one-fourth a lunar cycle. Since I became your Helper, we have never gone more than part of a helio without seeing one another.”

  “Is that what is wrong, now? Have we been apart too long? Or is it that you would rather our separation be permanent?” Roxal worked to hide her emotions as she asked the question. She did not want them to affect Edo’s decision about his future.

  “No, Roxal,” he responded and walked over and sat at the opposite end of the sleeping unit. He was too far away to touch her and stared at the floor. “I do not wish to separate from you. Even though I had no idea what had happened to you and no expectation I would ever see you again, I have thought of nothing but you since I arrived. I have hoped and wished you were here to show you what life is like away from the Reps and their restrictions. So I am overjoyed that you are here with me. I am just not sure if it is fair for me to assume that we would continue the same relationship we had while in the compound. Then, we did not have a choice. I was paired with you by the Reps. And while I still feel connected to you, I do not want to force you to continue a pairing that you did not choose.”

  “You are not forcing me to do anything. You are the only part of my life from the other compound that I want to hold on to. And there is no one here I trust other than you.”

  He looked at her and smiled. “I will help you prepare for sleep. You need rest to heal.”

  He walked over to a table in the corner of the room that Roxal had not noticed when she entered. On it were several pieces of folded clothes. He picked up two pieces but handed only the shirt to her. Then he turned his back. She changed into the sleep shirt and then got comfortable in the sleeping unit as he took away the clothes she had been wearing. Once she was under the sleeping unit covering, she closed her eyes and was fast asleep before he returned.

  CHAPTER 29

  “Aliens from a parallel universe are planning to invade Earth. And not only have I been in contact with one of them since I was a child, but I was helping them with their planned invasion. Also, there are other people who are knowingly helping with the alien invasion because they believe they will be allowed to rule in this new world. Does that cover it, or am I leaving something out?” Lauren asked, still trying to process everything she had learned.

  “Yes, that’s the gist of it,” Graham replied. “But there is one more thing. You have to decide whether you will join us or not. We didn’t bring you and Kyle here to hold you captive. We brought you here because you, Lauren, have a choice to make. You can join us, and fight against Lucas and the others who want the alie
ns to conquer us. Or, you can quit your job and Estella can prescribe medication for you that will sever your mental connection to Trebor and your Traveler. We can’t force you to join us. But we also can’t allow you to go free to work against us.”

  “Sever my connection, permanently?” she asked.

  “Yes,” Estella answered, “the medication wouldn’t harm you, but it would alter your brain chemistry enough that you could no longer connect with Roxal. After taking the medication for a designated amount of time, the brain chemistry changes would be permanent.”

  “How long do I have to think about this?”

  “Think about it? What is there to think about?” Kyle asked, rejoining the conversation. He quickly flipped around in his chair to face her while he spoke. “Make the choice that allows us to leave and go on with our lives without aliens and all of this other crap.”

  “Kyle, the choice isn’t that easy,” Lauren said.

  He took her hands in his and looked into her eyes. She could see his pain clearly. “Why the hell is it not?” he asked softly. “Is this the life you want? Aliens, these soldiers, and who knows what else? The life we had before you were sick was perfect. You were almost done with your big project at work. We were on our way to being married. Let’s get back to that life.”

  “That life was great. And it may have been perfect for you. But for me…” she paused.

  Her thoughts were a whirlwind in her head. This was really the first time she had thought about her life in two segments, the B. R., Before Roxal, and the A. K., After Knowing. And she knew the A. K. life was calling to her. At the same time, she could see Kyle desperately wanted her to walk away from this world. She was being given the choice to either have him or the aliens, but she could not have both.