The Heaviness of Knowing

by Sharolyn G. Brown

  They watched as Edo’s team members left. Then Edo sat and motioned for Roxal to sit beside him. She sat beside him in silence, not sure what she should say. She did not know for certain, but she was willing to believe they left because she was there. Dealing with them was just another reminder of how much of an outsider she was.

  Roxal did not take her time savoring her food and drink as she had earlier, wanting to get back to the room with Edo as fast as possible. She was hoping they could get back the connection they had felt before they left the room to eat.

  “It will take time, Roxal. All they will need is time to get to know you as I do, and things will get better.” Edo never took his eyes off of his food as he spoke. It was almost like he was trying to convince himself, and not her, of what he was saying.

  “I know. And time they will have because I am going nowhere. If you are here, I will be here.”

  Edo reached over and squeezed her left hand. She covered his with her right hand and squeezed back. Then they continued eating in silence.

  ***

  The next morning when she awakened, Roxal was once again alone in the sleeping unit. She listened, as she had before, to determine if she could hear Edo speaking outside of their door. She heard nothing but silence. Not sure of what else to do, she got dressed.

  When Edo returned, he told her why he’d been gone. He had wanted to meet with Rodan and share an idea he had for how she, Roxal, could help with one of their upcoming missions. After some discussion, he said Rodan had agreed to a test mission, first, before including Roxal in their future plans.

  For his idea to be successful, Edo would need Roxal to be able to connect with Lauren on a schedule. So Edo developed his action plan for training Roxal. Most of their work together would only involve the two of them, which for Roxal was good. She was looking forward to just being around him and only him.

  On the first helio of their training, he had once again woken her at the start of new helio and they rushed to get dressed for the day. When they entered the dining hall for first meal, his raid team was, once again, present. Edo and Roxal quickly selected food and went to the table to join them. Almost everyone on the team greeted them both. Still, as soon as Edo and Roxal began eating, each team member, one by one, announced he or she was finished and left. Pruda had been the last person to leave. As she got up, she did not say anything. She only glared at Edo the entire time.

  Edo did not say anything about this and neither did Roxal. Words were not needed. His comrades’ reaction to her presence had spoken loud enough. When they were finished with their meal, they returned to their shared quarters to begin their work.

  The concept of time, it turned out, was more difficult that it appeared. When Edo and Roxal were living in their former compound under the rule of the Reps and The Keepers, they never had to wonder about what ‘time’ it was because every moment of every helio was scheduled for them. And as children, they were taught the schedule. So essentially, time was marked by what activity was scheduled at any given time.

  For example, for Travelers, a helio consisted of first waking, getting dressed, and eating first meal. Then, there was early helio training session. Which was followed by mid-helio meal. Next was physical conditioning, followed by late helio training session. Then came last meal and Glorious Session. Finally, there was preparation for next helio, The Keepers mantra, and lights out. Every helio was exactly the same, so determining how this corresponded to the movement of the sol was unnecessary.

  However, outside of the Reps and The Keepers’ control, time was measured based on the movement of the sol. Both on Trebor and on Earth. And Roxal and Edo both knew that on Earth, people generally slept during late helio and awakened during early helio, but they did not know how those times corresponded with the movement of Trebor’s sol. This meant step one of establishing a scheduled meeting time meant Roxal had to connect with Lauren. And since Edo could use a chronometer to tell time on Trebor, they would have to ask Lauren what measure of time it was on Earth, and they would at least have a starting point for their schedule.

  Roxal started meditating as soon as they returned to their quarters after first meal. She had no idea if or when Lauren would try to link with her, so she did not want to take the chance on missing her. Sitting on their sleeping unit, Roxal entered the dreamscape easily. Edo, sitting on the floor so as not to disturb her while she meditated, was nearby with the chronometer in hand, ready to note the time of the connection.

  In order to make sure she did not tire herself out, he would only let her link for one hauni at a time. Then he would let her know it was time to take a break. Roxal would break the link, stretch or walk around for about one-fifth of a hauni, and then she would connect to the dreamscape again. This meant that after the completion of first meal, she was able to meditate for two sessions before it was time for mid-helio meal.

  Disappointed that she had not been able to connect with Lauren, Roxal was not looking forward to another awkward interaction with Edo’s raid team. Thankfully, when they entered the dining hall for mid-helio meal, his team was not present. They quickly ate their meal, just the two of them, and returned to their quarters. Again, Edo followed the same pattern of making her stop to take a break at the beginning of every hauni. When time for last meal arrived, and there still had been no connection with Lauren, Edo started to show his concern.

  After last meal, instead of returning to their quarters, Edo took Roxal outside so she could see their world after sol set. The exit they used this time was actually a normal-sized door that led to a fenced-in area. Edo spoke to the armed guard as they exited and showed Roxal the area where some of the farming was done.

  “When the Resistors first captured this compound, this harvest area was large enough to grow enough food for everyone. However, as their ranks have grown, this must be supplemented by food grown in other areas. In fact, when I took you outside before, it was through one of the shipment reception areas.”

  Roxal was again speechless as she took in her world at late helio. The luna was out and high in the darkened sky. And though there were no light sources that she could discern other than the luna, everything appeared to be illuminated such that she could see enough to make out the plants close to the building.

  “Where is the light source? I do not see any lights like those in the ceiling,” she asked.

  Edo smiled, and happily walked her to what looked like a simple box several steps away from them. As she got closer, she saw it was not an ordinary box. While it was plain on the outside, she could see inside there was something bright and reflective.

  “Look into it but carefully, and from an angle,” he instructed.

  Roxal looked in slowly and saw that the sides of the box were shiny and reflective. And at the bottom of the box were what looked like rocks.

  As she stared at them, Edo informed her, “Those rocks absorb energy from the sol during the light part of the helio. And when the sol sets, they emit a soft light. If you group them like that and place them on a reflective surface, the light disperses and you can use them for illumination in the dark.”

  As she again marveled at the amazement of her planet, Roxal heard the bark of a lup as it ran through the harvest area. She startled, thinking it was coming after her or Edo. Edo did not move; instead, he touched her arm and pointed towards the fence. She followed his finger in time to see the lup chase something that ran to the fence and then climbed up it without breaking a stride. The light did not allow her to see what it was exactly.

  “That was a damoon. It is a small creature that comes in to eat the crops or whatever else it can get. It is a nuisance, but can be a decent protein source if needed.”

  Roxal marveled at how much Edo had learned about their world since they had been apart. More and more, it made her want to succeed at connecting with Lauren and establishing a schedule. If she could show Rodan and Pruda that she could be helpful, maybe they would accept her. And once she was accepted, Edo would n
ot have to separate himself from his new team because of her. She looked at Edo, happy to see the smile on his face, and resolved that no matter what, she would make this work. For his sake.

  ***

  The second helio of their practice started as the first had, with one exception. When Edo saw his raid team in the dining hall for first meal, he did not try to join them. Roxal was at first relieved. Then she felt bad because she knew that Edo would prefer for them all to be able to eat and socialize together. After the meal was finished, they returned to their quarters and she meditated, taking breaks every hauni.

  By mid-helio meal, they were both starting to show their worry. She did not know exactly why Edo was worried, but Roxal was worried this meant something had happened to Lauren. After mid-helio meal, she linked to the dreamscape again and anxiously waited, now desperate to see Lauren. She had assumed that because Lauren was with the Earth Resistors she was safe. But, she thought back to her own initial meeting with Rodan and shuddered involuntarily. What if the Earth Resistors were interrogating Lauren as she had been?

  Concern for Lauren’s life was beginning to affect the link. To distract herself, she tried to think of non-life threatening or life endangering reasons why Lauren would not be trying to connect with her, but was struggling to do so.

  As she worked to calm herself and strengthen her link to the dreamscape, she heard, “I wondered if you’d be here when I connected.”

  Roxal turned to see Lauren standing behind her. The smile the Earth woman always seemed to be wearing was affixed to her face.

  “I have been waiting two helios for you to appear,” Roxal responded.

  “Two days? Sorry to keep you waiting,” Lauren replied as she walked over to Roxal and hugged her.

  Roxal returned the gesture. When the embrace ended and Lauren walked to the gaudy chair she usually conjured for herself, Roxal sat in her simple chair and asked, “What time is it on Earth?”

  CHAPTER 34

  Still not allowed to do anything alone, Lauren climbed into the Suburban after securing her suitcases in the back. One of the suitcases contained nothing but hair products, and she did not want it moving too much as they returned to The Complex, the name of the place where she now lived. Though the driver was the same man who had handcuffed and blindfolded her on her first visit to The Complex and they were in the same vehicle, this trip was not as traumatic.

  For one, she now knew his name, Vincent Sinclair, though everyone just called him Vince. Also, this time, Lauren was voluntarily climbing into the front passenger seat and not one of the caged middle row seats. With her seatbelt fastened, they pulled out of her driveway and headed back to her new home. While stopped at a stop sign in the neighborhood, she saw Vince discreetly activate his cell phone and tap on the screen. Presumably, he was sending Kyle a text letting him know they had left so he could return.

  Lauren looked out her window, pretending she didn’t see Vince do this. Just as she pretended it didn’t hurt her to know that since she had chosen to stay with ENL, Kyle had wanted nothing to do with her. He told her, through someone else, he would give her a month to get her stuff from the house, and then anything she didn’t get would be disposed of. Part of his settlement for keeping his mouth closed about his ‘detainment’ by ENL was that Lauren would sign over her half of the home they had shared without asking for anything in return. The other part consisted of him being allowed to remain an alive, free man, and to walk away from ENL with the promise of never being contacted by them ever again. That promise also included her.

  But even if Kyle hadn’t refused to have any contact with her, she still wouldn’t have been able to contact him easily since her every move was monitored and she was not allowed to have any private contact with the outside world. Although she had willingly agreed to this stipulation, since the tradeoff for giving up her personal freedom was that Vince no longer forced her to be blindfolded or deafened as they returned to her new home. The Complex was a cluster of buildings located near an industrial park on the outskirts of Houston. It was mainly isolated, which was good for them.

  Lauren checked her phone to see what time it was. They had conceded to allow her to carry it, but she was not allowed to use it to contact anyone unless an approved member was present to supervise her contact. The clock read 8:17 AM. This meant she had just over forty minutes until it was time to connect with Roxal for her loyalty test. It would take twenty minutes to get back to The Complex, which meant she would only have twenty minutes left to place her bags into her apartment, grab a snack, and get to the test lab.

  “Do you know how long this test is going to take?” Vince asked.

  “No, no idea. Roxal wasn’t given much information about the specifics of the test. All we were told is I need to have someone with computer programming expertise. So I figure we’re going to be working together to program something.”

  “You are just a fount of information, aren’t you?” He asked jokingly. “You know, I think this is the first time we’ve done anything like this.”

  “Really, I figured with as long as you guys have been around, you must have done something like this before.”

  “Not exactly. We have people who are good at lucid dreaming. So they’re able to better control their dreams and their interaction with their Dreamers. And there are the other unreliable connections that Graham could tell you about. But we haven’t had anyone who was able to consistently communicate with a Dreamer while awake. Well, no one sane. Though I don’t know of many sane people who would want to stay linked to them.”

  “See, that’s where you lost me. Who says I’m sane? I ran away from home to join alien hunters,” Lauren chuckled as she responded.

  “And that is where you’re missing the point. We’ve all run away from home to join alien hunters.”

  Lauren and Vince continued to make small talk as they pulled into the parking garage. He stopped at one of the doors that led from the garage to the building.

  “Good luck with your test. If this is successful, it could open up many more possibilities for collaboration in the future,” Vince said as she got her four suitcases from the Suburban.

  “Thanks, Vince,” she replied.

  As soon as her suitcases touched the parking garage’s concrete floor and she turned towards the entrance, the guard who was going to accompany her walked over. He greeted her, but did not reach for a suitcase or offer to help with anything. Apparently, he needed to keep his hands on his weapon at all times. Though it upset her that she was still being watched like she was dangerous, Lauren no longer said anything. She had given up so much to be here it was insane for them to think she could be pretending.

  She struggled to pull the four castor-wheeled suitcases with her. Finally, she made it to her new home. Once inside her apartment again, she sat her suitcases in her bedroom, grabbed a bag of chips, and left to walk to the lab. The guard followed as she walked out of the residential section. At the checkpoint, she allowed herself to be searched and walked through the security scanner. Walking down the hall to the assigned lab, Estella joined her.

  “How are you feeling today, Lauren?” Estella asked.

  “Okay, I guess. I’m just thinking of this as a normal link with Roxal. I’m excited to see what they have planned though.”

  “We all are. I know Graham will be here for the test. And if he’s going to be watching, it must be a pretty big deal.”

  Lauren and Estella arrived at the entrance to lab 26B and walked in. Lauren took a seat in the reclined chair. Nearby was a control console with wires attached. It reminded her of the setup she’d seen Roxal in before she knew who Roxal was. She settled in, closed her eyes, and then told Estella, “I’m ready.”

  Estella came over and began attaching the sensors. Whenever they watched her link with Roxal, they always monitored her vitals. Lauren didn’t know why and didn’t really care. As long as no needles were involved, they could measure whatever they wanted.

  A hand touched he
r shoulder. “It’s five until, Lauren. You can connect when you want.”

  She nodded her head in response but did not open her eyes. She slowed her breathing to the familiar rhythmic pattern and was able to easily travel to the dreamscape. She was the first one there, so she conjured her favorite lime green and purple chair and took a seat to wait.

  “Hi Lauren. I’m here,” a booming, bodiless voice reverberated in the dreamscape.

  “Estella, please tell Ray to lower the volume to my earpiece.”

  Ray was the computer programmer. They were still trying to work out the best way for him to communicate with her while she was linked. They had tried having him in the room with her, but it was disorienting because while she listened for him she also picked up on other noises and talking going on around her. These disturbances made it hard to keep a stable connection with Roxal.

  This was the second test with the earpiece. It was better because with it, it was like his voice was being beamed directly into her brain. It was true that Roxal still couldn’t hear him, but it was less distracting when he spoke to her using it.

  “Is this good now?” Ray asked after apparently adjusting the volume. Now his voice came across as just a light whisper.

  “Much better. Let’s remember this setting for next time.”

  Next time. Lauren was already assuming this test would be a success and that they would be doing this again. But for now, they were all in place and waiting. Their part on Earth was done. It was time for their Treborian team to join in.

  CHAPTER 35

  Roxal, Edo, and his raid team trekked through the forest to an undisclosed location. Well, actually, Edo and his team knew where they were going. However, everyone, including Edo, was forbidden from telling Roxal in advance as a safety precaution. She did not care because one, she was being given a chance to prove herself. And two, she was walking through the forest on her home planet! Her entire life, she had been raised to believe it was a wasteland, and here she was moving through the dense trees and vegetation, feeling her sol on her skin, and breathing the fresh air of her world.