The Heaviness of Knowing

by Sharolyn G. Brown

  “Are you hurt, Roxal?” Nawad asked while crouching on the ground beside her. She was no longer whispering.

  “No. Actually, a little. But only from running and falling,” she managed to respond.

  Nawad gripped her under arm and helped her to her feet. Roxal wobbled when she tried to stand on her own, so Nawad held on to her and gave her support.

  “I will give you time to rest, but we will need to leave for the rendezvous soon,” Nawad said.

  “Leave? Are we not going to wait for the rest of the team?” Roxal questioned.

  “No, that is why we have a rendezvous location. Every team member is required to travel there with his or her partner.”

  “You cannot expect me to just leave Edo behind. I do not even know what happened back there.”

  “We were attacked by a sky-droid.”

  Roxal just looked at Nawad; the answer had not given her much information.

  Nawad exhaled an exasperated sigh. “Sky-droids are automated machines that the Reps use for combat. The one that attacked us did not do so until after you and Edo began working on the terminal. My best guess is that you activated an alarm of some kind that sent the sky-droid to our location.”

  Roxal nodded as she listened. “How dangerous is it?” she asked. She was beginning to feel stronger and was able to breathe easier.

  “Very. If they do not destroy it, it could follow us and continue attacking. Are you able to walk now? Do you need me to carry that for you?”

  “What?” Roxal asked and then looked down. She was still holding the box Edo had shoved into her arms. This was the first time she had examined it and realized it was the data storage device from the facility they just left. She hoped her fall had not damaged it.

  “No, I can manage. But how can you leave the rest of your team behind? They may need our help. Should we not make sure they are safe before we leave?”

  “I am doing what we are all trained to do. I am not leaving them behind. I am following my mission orders and making sure you get to the rendezvous location.”

  “You cannot force me to go with you,” Roxal stated as she removed her arm from Nawad’s grip.

  Nawad stared at her. “No, I cannot make you go with me. But what are you going to do? Can you find your way back to where they are? And if you do manage to find them, how will you help them? Do you have a weapon? And even if you did have one, would you know how to use it? Just face it, you going back would not help anyone. You would only be a liability. In fact, you would put them in danger. No, you would put Edo in danger because he would likely sacrifice himself to save you. Just stay away and let them do their job.”

  When Nawad stopped talking, Roxal did not respond. Rather, she just looked the woman in her eyes. There was nothing to say because Nawad was right. As much as she did not want to leave Edo or any of the others behind, there was nothing she could do to help them now.

  “The best thing you and I can do is go forward and complete the mission. That means we go to rendezvous alpha’s location and we wait for the others to arrive. Are you ready to travel?”

  “Yes,” Roxal replied. She was angry and not just at Nawad, but also at herself for being so useless in this situation.

  “I do not believe we were followed, so I will take the lead. Keep up with me. Tell me if you need to stop,” said Nawad, who did not wait for a response before walking further into the woods.

  ***

  The sol was starting to set. Roxal had no idea where they were, so she made sure to keep her eyes on Nawad in the dimming light. Not wanting to be a burden, she tried to push herself. However, she still required three rest breaks before they finally made it to what Nawad indicated was rendezvous alpha. It was a jagged blue-black rock shard that protruded from the ground. It was beautiful. The last rays of light were shining on it, making it seem like it was almost glowing.

  Once they stopped, Roxal sat down on the ground and leaned against a smooth section of the rock’s surface. She stared into the dense forest that still surrounded them, hoping to catch a sign of the rest of the team’s arrival. However, she realized she had no idea of what direction from which they would approach.

  There, Roxal sat on the ground in the rock’s growing shadow. There was a light breeze blowing. The animal calls and chirps provided a pleasant background sound. The fragrance of nearby flowers wafted in the air. Time started feeling like it was drifting slowly by when Roxal was suddenly gripped on her shoulder.

  “Wake up, they are coming,” Nawad said. She was crouched down beside Roxal, who had, unknowingly, fallen asleep.

  As soon as Roxal realized what Nawad was saying, she scrambled to get up. However, the storage device still sitting in her lap slowed her down. By the time she had placed it on the ground and had gotten to her feet, the brush to the right of where she was sitting was breaking and Tano was exiting. It was now fully dark. The rock behind her, however, emitted a soft, dark light. It must have been like the smaller sight stones Edo had shown her.

  “They are here,” Tano shouted back into the woods.

  Next came Civort who, once in the clearing, reached back into the trees and took hold of something. It was Edo. Roxal ran to his side as Civort and Tano worked together to get him to the rock and then onto the ground.

  “What happened? Is he okay?” Roxal frantically asked Civort, Tano, and now Gerig and Pruda, who were now standing around.

  “I will be okay, Roxal,” Edo said as he placed his hand on her arm. “This is not a serious wound.”

  She clamped her hand on top of his as it rested on her arm, wanting to touch him but afraid to do so for fear of hurting him.

  “What happened?” she asked again.

  “We were shooting the sky-droid down. Its underside is heavily armored. Edo’s job was to draw fire to allow all of us to leave the building,” Civort explained. “Once we were all out and we knew you were clear, it was his turn to get to a place of concealment while we laid down cover fire. However, as he was running into the trees, that thing clipped him on the side.”

  Roxal looked down and now saw that even though there was a wad of something affixed to his right side she could still see that his fight suit was damaged. She reached out towards his injured side, but before her hand even made contact, Edo flinched.

  “You do not want to see it. It looks much worse than it actually is. I can heal. We just need to make it back,” Edo said with a smile on his face. Then, suddenly, there was a look of alarm. “Where is the storage drive I gave you? Do not tell me we lost it.”

  “No, I have it.” Roxal carefully removed Edo’s hand from her arm and walked around the rock to where she had sat the drive. She then picked it up and brought it around so he could see it. “See, here it is.”

  Edo exhaled. “Good. I would hate to think I was shot for nothing.”

  The raid team members, except for Pruda, all laughed. Roxal did not join in either because, to her, there was nothing funny about the situation they were in.

  “Okay, team. We have a bit of a trek ahead of us. And now that we have taken out that sky-droid, it is likely there will be others flying around looking for us. This means we will be safer staying in the thicker sections of the woods. Unfortunately, this means our progress will be slow. Is everyone in agreement with this?” Civort, the apparent leader of the group, paused after he asked his question.

  Roxal did not know for sure, but she assumed though that Civort had addressed the entire group, the question of whether or not everyone was in agreement was really directed to Edo.

  Still, one by one, Nawad, Tano, Pruda, and Gerig said, “Yes, sir.” The last to reply with “Yes, sir,” was Edo, who then looked at Roxal. It took several moments before she realized they were all waiting for her to say the same thing.

  She gazed around and saw that sure enough, all eyes were on her. “Yes, sir,” she said.

  “Good,” said Civort. “Now we need to get Edo up and moving.”

  “I will take one side,�
� Roxal volunteered without waiting to hear what Civort would say next. She handed the drive to Nawad and then moved to Edo’s wounded right side.

  “Do not bother, Roxal. I will help him,” Pruda asserted and walked towards Roxal.

  “No, thank you, Pruda. I have it,” she replied sternly.

  “I was not asking you. Edo needs someone who can help carry him. You do not have the strength. We have been working together for many lunar cycles. I am the better choice.”

  “Pruda, you have repeatedly reminded me at every turn that I am not one of you. And you are correct, I am not. But I have been Edo’s mate for three annums, so I will help him.”

  “For all we know, it is your fault that we were attacked and Edo was injured. If you think I am going to allow you to stumble along and make things worse, you are mistaken.”

  Before Roxal could reply, Civort stepped in between the two women. “Pruda, stand down. Roxal is his mate. She wants to help him, so she will.” Civort looked at Roxal for confirmation. She nodded once. “Then it is settled. Tano will assist Roxal with Edo. Pruda, you and Gerig will take point, and Nawad and I will watch our rear. Time to move out.”

  At the conclusion of his speech, everyone moved to their assigned positions. Tano and Roxal helped Edo up from the ground as gently as possible. Still, he winced as they stood him upright. Roxal positioned her shoulder in his armpit. Tano, who was slightly taller than Roxal, positioned Edo so that he was carrying him more than propping him up. Once Civort gave the go ahead, Pruda and Gerig started moving forward towards their home.

  The first several steps were awkward as all three of them tried to move together. But soon they were moving in sync. Watching the back of Pruda’s head as she moved through the forest, Roxal realized why Civort was the leader; as long as Pruda was in front of her, there was no way Roxal would quit moving.

  CHAPTER 37

  Willing Roxal to arrive, Lauren sat in her chair in the black, shapeless dreamscape that reflected her current emotional state. This was the fifth prescheduled link time that she had arrived for since her last connection with Roxal during their test mission. It was now 3:00 PM Earth time; a full thirty hours had passed during which she had connected to the dreamscape every six hours as scheduled. She was tired, because after she had awakened for the 3:00 AM link time, Lauren had not been able to go back to sleep until a few hours before the 9:00 AM scheduled link time. And not knowing what had happened to her friend was not helping her disposition.

  From behind her chair, she heard the voice she had been waiting for say, “Hello, Lauren.”

  She jumped up and ran over to Roxal and hugged her.

  “Oh my goodness! I’m so happy to see you. Are you okay? Are you back in your home?”

  Roxal returned the hug, and waited until Lauren separated from her before answering.

  “Yes, I am okay. And we are all back in our home. Edo was wounded during the mission, but we were able to get back without additional incident. He is in with the Medic now.” She could feel that Roxal didn’t want to say anything more about Edo being hurt, so Lauren didn’t push her.

  “Well, I’m just so grateful you and the rest of the team made it back. So, was the mission successful on your end? I don’t know what happened after we broke contact. But on our end, everyone is happy with the results of our test.”

  A weak smile crossed Roxal’s face. “Yes, we were somewhat successful. We were able to remove the data drive and bring it with us. We have people here who will figure out how to access what it contains. And our Head of Security, Rodan, is happy with the results of the test mission also. She even told me there is a larger mission being planned now that will utilize both of us, so we will be working together again. Soon.”

  “I look forward to it. How long have you all been back? Have you had time to rest yet?” At the mention of rest, Roxal stretched and yawned in the dreamscape.

  “We have not been back for long. When we arrived, I stayed with Edo while he was examined by the Medic. I needed to be sure he was going to be fine. Then I came to our quarters and realized it was time to meet with you. So I decided to do so first before resting.”

  “Well, I’ll let you get some rest. But again, I am so happy you all made it back. And I hope Edo has a fast recovery.”

  “Thank you, Lauren,” Roxal replied. Then, seconds later, her exit door appeared. “I will likely not link for at least our next two scheduled times. But I do plan to be there for the one after that.”

  “Okay. And I hope Edo gets better soon.”

  Lauren began her countdown and exited the dreamscape also. It was almost 4:00 PM, and though she did feel tired, she was also feeling a bit restless. Excited to let them know Roxal was safe, she took out her tablet and typed an email to Estella and Vince, letting them know she had spoken to Roxal and that the Treborians were looking forward to working together again. Holding her tablet in her hands, she again gave thanks that she was beginning to get some freedom. And she barely thought about the fact that her internet and email usage was being monitored.

  With the email sent, she took her tablet with her and climbed into bed. She could take a quick nap before dinner. She pulled her covers tight and then lay down under the crisp, cool sheets and closed her eyes. She had at least eighteen hours until Roxal would meet with her again, so it would be best to try and catch up on her sleep. But sleep never came. There were too many thoughts going through her head. To silence some of them, she went onto the internet and clicked on one of the stories she had bookmarked.

  The story hadn’t changed, and she’d read it enough times to know it by heart. It was the press release from TomGen Tech announcing the cancellation of their major announcement they had planned for next month. This would have been when they announced her chip and the products in which it would be released first. No reason for the delay was given, but there was much speculation on the part of the article’s author. Everything she guessed was incorrect, of course.

  Lauren thought how crazy it was that the actual reason for the delay was that the designer found out she was being used by aliens to create the chip so that they could conquer Earth. And as a result, she assaulted her supervisor, who was an alien sympathizer, and joined what the outside world thought was a cult. But what was actually a group secretly fighting the impending alien invasion.

  She closed the article and then signed in to her personal email. She went straight for the TomGen Tech email confirming her separation from the company and listing what she needed to do to confirm they had her most current mailing address. She had taken care of that soon after receiving the email. Part of her had expected that, along with her separation information packet, the police would show up and arrest her for attacking Lucas. But nothing had happened. Either ENL was protecting her, and that was a possibility now that she was a ‘valuable asset’, or Lucas had not pressed charges because, as Estella had told her, his side did not want the publicity. Whatever the reason, nothing had happened with the Lucas situation. But her life had still been irrevocably changed. And managing that alone was not easy.

  After counting sheep, puppies, and dancing elephants did not help her drift off, Lauren grew tired of lying in the bed. She decided to find something to watch on TV. At her previous home, the DVR was always full of shows she had recorded and not yet watched. However, she did not have her DVR from home with her. So she was forced to search for something to watch on the many streaming services for which she and Kyle had accounts.

  Mental note, any of the services that used his credit card will likely have new passwords soon, so I had better get my own account, she thought as she picked one of her favorite episodes for one of her favorite shows. It wasn’t until the titular character mentioned his two hearts that she had a thought. I wonder if my connection to Roxal is why one of my favorite TV shows is about a time and space traveling alien.

  The thought made her laugh. After watching four episodes, just as she was starting to doze off, a notification on her tablet ale
rted her to a response to her email. It was from Estella. In addition to stating her happiness that Roxal, Edo, and their fellow team members were alive, she asked her to make time to talk with her tomorrow. Lauren stretched and yawned loudly. I’ll reply later, she thought and then returned to bed, making sure to set her alarm so she could wake up in time to have dinner.

  ***

  Lauren was sitting at a table in the dining hall alone, eating a late lunch and reading. The 9:00 AM meeting with Roxal had been short, just long enough to check in and to confirm the next meeting time.

  Someone sat across from her without saying a word. She looked up to find Estella.

  “Did you get my email yesterday about scheduling time to talk?”

  “Hi to you, too. And yes, I got it. I just haven’t had a chance to reply yet.”

  Estella nodded and looked around the dining room. Lauren followed her lead and knew exactly what Estella was looking at. The few people that were in there were in groups of two or more. Lauren was the only person sitting alone, reading a book and eating. After finishing her visual inspection of the room, Lauren looked at Estella to find her watching her with her therapist-face on. She did not say anything, choosing instead to let Estella direct this ‘session’.

  “You still haven’t tried to mingle or make any friends?”

  “No. I’m still trying to get adjusted.”

  “I understand that. Your transition from your old life to this life has been a rough one. But don’t you think that maybe talking with other people who have been through similar transitions would help?”

  “Maybe. I don’t know. I’ve always been a bit of a loner. So I’ve never had a large support circle. I’m fine being alone.”

  “I realize that. And I am not trying to make you change who you are. But you’ve been through a lot. And talking about it could help. We don’t have an official support group or anything here. But there are a few newcomers who get together once or twice a week to talk. Do you think you’d be interested in attending?”