by T L Harty
When finals were over, Jed packed up a little bag, and we all said our goodbyes. Dad and Jed participated in the manly goodbye: a firm handshake with a pat on the shoulder. I stood there bawling. It wasn’t long ago when the cliché scene of a sniveling girl would make my skin crawl. Yet, here I was, embarrassing myself.
Dad went inside the house as Jed led me out toward the sidewalk.
“Listen, it’s only six days,” Jed comforted. “They will go by very quickly.”
My head went up and down for the first statement- back and forth for the second.
He held me. “Please don’t cry,” he begged. “I can’t go while you’re crying.”
I plastered on a fake smile. “You should go,” I said. “You don’t want to hit any bad traffic.” There may have even been a thumbs-up involved.
We kissed. When the waterworks started to flow again, I ran toward the house. “I’ll miss you,” I shouted, through tears.
After getting through the front door, I joined Dad at the big front window to watch Jed pull away from the curb. Dad put his arm around me for comfort.
“You really do love him, don’t you?” he asked.
Shaking my head up and down was all I could manage.
“Me too,” Dad whispered.
Even though Jed was gone for six days, we talked on the phone every day. Dad, not one to be left out, talked to him twice while he was gone.
Christmas was a quiet holiday in our home. Even though it was only Dad and I celebrating, we did have a couple of traditions that went unbroken over the years. We always had hot cocoa with our breakfast on Christmas, and we shared our favorite parts of the year. The last one was something that would seem to be a New Year’s Eve tradition, but Dad’s girlfriends usually drug him out on New Year’s, even when I was really young.
“I have to say, Muriel,” Dad started, “Jed has been a very nice addition to our lives. He’s a good man. These last few months have been great.”
I was afraid if I said his name out loud, it would lead to crying. So, I just nodded my head, and added, “He gets back tomorrow. I can’t wait!”
Christmas night the phone rang. My mad dash to pick up the receiver left a couple of chairs toppled.
“Hello? Hello?” I pressed.
“Well, hello there, pretty girl,” Jed said. He had only been home for six days, but I could hear that little bit of country twang nestled in his voice.
“I miss you,” I confessed. “Tell me you’re coming back tomorrow.”
“Should be there by noon,” he answered. “After my eyes open, it won’t take longer than 30 minutes to get on the road.”
“I’ll have Dad barbeque, so you can just come here,” I suggested. “No need to stop at the dorms. And if you have any laundry, you can do it here.”
“That sounds perfect,” he said. “I love you.”
It was the first time he had said those words to me directly. How I wish we could have been looking into each other’s eyes, but we’d have plenty of time for that.
“I love you, too, Jed,” I replied. “Bye.”
Usually, we would talk for hours, but there was no need today. He loved me. What more could be said after that?
Dad walked into the room. “So, when is he getting home tomorrow?” Dad asked.
“Around noon,” I answered, a giggle bubbling up. “Can you grill something for lunch tomorrow? He should be back by then.”
“No problem,” Dad responded. “Are you going to make a side dish or something?”
“Sure,” I agreed.
Wanting tomorrow to come as soon as possible, I climbed into bed. After two chapters of a book, my eyes could no longer remain open. The bedside table lamp was turned off, and sleep came quickly.
From the time I woke up until almost noon the next day, there was no time to sit or rest. Everything needed to be perfect for Jed’s return. All manner of cleaning, cooking and un-decorating took place. It was the day after Christmas, so all holiday décor was boxed and put away. It wasn’t much, but it was still another chore to accomplish.
“I wonder if I should wait to start the steaks until Jed gets here,” Dad said. “They don’t take that long to cook.”
“Up to you,” I said. “My green beans are done, but I may have to warm them up. I think I’ll make some garlic bread.”
“I’m hungry,” Dad confessed.
“Me too,” I agreed. “It won’t be long now.”
We were genuinely excited for Jed’s arrival. The house looked nice, the meal would be yummy and he loved me…he loved me.
“I’m going to go hop in the shower, quick like a bunny,” I announced. “I feel gross after all that cleaning.”
The water felt good, washing away the chores of the morning. As I was getting out of the shower, the eerie sound of crunching metal revisited my senses. I held fast to the towel bar, as flashes of light blinded me. Anything that could be seen was tumbling around and not easily understood.
Suddenly, as though someone brought a movie into focus, the scene was visible. It was the Bagby grade, a steep piece of highway in the foothills. The sun was just coming up over the mountain range, kissing bits and pieces of the landscape with light.
My vantage point changed to high above the road, where two cars were destined to meet. The turns were so sharp that the cars would not be seen until they were meeting at the same turn. As long as they stayed in their lanes and went the speed limit, everything would be fine. But, the one car was moving much too fast, while cutting through some of the turns into the opposite lane.
Slowly, my vision brought me closer. And I knew. It was Jed’s pickup truck and he was never coming back. The other vehicle crashed into the front of his truck. The horrific sight made even more unbearable when Jed’s truck teetered on the edge of the cliff, producing a flash of hope.
When the truck slowly went over the edge, I tried desperately to repress the vision. Everything went away except the haunting sound of the metal. Every scraping sound or bang, as the truck fell down the cliff, feeling like a physical blow.
I threw up right before the sounds stopped. My eyes were already puffy and red from tears, a towel shoved over my own mouth to muffle the sound of pain. He was gone.
The phone rang downstairs. It didn’t make sense that his family would call to give us the news. No one knew how close we were to Jed. The little knock at the bathroom door almost made me jump out of my skin.
There was no other choice, but to pretend. “Is he here, Dad?” I asked, pretending not to know the answer to my own question.
“Can you come out here so we can talk?” he suggested. “I just got off the phone with your Grandpa Wayne.”
My dad knew me too well. If he saw my eyes or my facial expression right now, there would be no hiding my broken heart.
“Dad,” I started, “just tell me whatever you have to tell me, please.”
“This should be done out here,” he pushed.
“No!” I screeched. “I’m getting ready for Jed. Tell me!”
“Jed was in a car accident,” Dad whispered. “He didn’t make it, honey.”
I wrapped a towel around me, crying, and opened the bathroom door to shove my head in my dad’s chest. Whatever expression he saw now wouldn’t be premature.
In three days, Dad and I would make the trip out to Jed’s funeral. It was the first time that I had been out of my bed for any length of time. There was no strength to stand…I mostly leaned on things to stay upright.
The funeral was quick. The flurry of family wasn’t very well known to me, as it was mostly Gramps’ side. I imagine there were a few questions posed as to who we were because the family was so tight. Grammy was there and she unknowingly brought me great comfort.
After the funeral at the gravesite, Dad and I waited until everyone had gone. We didn’t plan on going to the service and luncheon afterwards. We stood out there for a while. It was the middle of winter, but my numbness had nothing to do with the cold.
&n
bsp; An older woman approached us. “Did you know my grandson well?” she asked.
I tried to smile through the tears. “We spent parts of our summers together at his Great Uncle Wayne’s house,” I explained. “And he was going to college near our house in the bay area.”
“I see,” she said. “Then you must be the girl that he was in love with?”
Even trying to regulate my breathing wasn’t helping hold the sobs back any longer. I shook my head up and down. “I loved him, too,” I said, “very much.”
She grabbed my hand and put a little tissue in it, closing my hand around it. “He wanted you to have this,” she told me. “He said that it was for someone who he wanted to share the rest of his Christmas’ with.” The woman’s eyes were filling with sorrow, so she excused herself.
Dad and I started for the car. I put the tissue in my jacket pocket, completely forgetting there was something else in my pocket.
“I’ll meet you at the car, Dad,” I said.
Racing back to Jed’s headstone, I dug up a little dirt near the base of it to bury the item I brought. He’d like to know that he had been right all along. Making sure the tissue was still in my pocket, I ran to the car.
The trip home was made in silence. There was a bit of crying from both of us, but no words shared. It was hard for me to step away from my own grief to understand anyone else’s. There were many broken hearts around that gravesite today, but I selfishly wept only for my own.
When we arrived home, I escaped back into my bedroom to dread the life that would continue without Jed. I reached into my coat pocket to retrieve the tissue. Wrapped inside the tissue was a ring. It could have been a promise ring or an engagement ring. There was no way to know his intentions. But, whatever the question was, my answer would have been a resounding yes.
I put the ring on, sending myself into another emotional pit of despair. My mind played tricks on me through the night. I waffled between anger and sorrow as though the emotions were interchangeable. Jed would not be happy with me for mourning him so deeply, but he wasn’t here to stop me.
Regardless of what transpired during my lifetime moving forward, Jed would forever be a part of my history. He was my first love and could very well have been my great love, given time. Wherever he was now, I hope he saw the card I buried near his headstone. It was a monopoly card that read: Get out of Jail Free. There was a cage pictured, with a winged man flying to freedom.
There was no way to know what my heart was capable of, until Jed had given it wings.
Chapter 19- Out With the Old
The morning had come when Macy and I would travel down into Vermont to meet with Rick. There were still a few nerves that needed to be put to rest before we got to the restaurant, but there was time to prepare myself for the task ahead.
Before leaving the castle, I packed a little duffle bag for the drive. There were legal papers that a lawyer in town had drawn up for me, a fresh t-shirt, a bottle of water and a scarf that I would use later. Those were all the items I needed for this little caper. Deidra was still asleep in bed, so I went in to give her a kiss before leaving.
Macy was outside, warming the car up. The first week of January was harsh with cold. It dawned on me that Christmas was barely mentioned. For Christmas being my favorite holiday, there was no fuss at all, and it just disappeared into the frenzy of activity. If I was still here next year, things would be very festive to make up for the oversight. I decorated the halls and banisters of the castle with Christmas décor in my imagination, making my way through the castle. When I walked out of a hall, on my way to the front door, there stood Bruce. The only thing he required next Christmas would be a little mistletoe over his head.
“Good morning,” Bruce said.
“Good morning,” I echoed.
He took my duffle and purse out of my hand, setting them down on the ground. He held both my hands in his, smiling the whole time.
“If this goes well today,” he started, “you will come to my room when you get back. I’m not waiting any longer. It’s not fair. I love you.”
I was getting ready to interject some highly sarcastic observation, but he shook his head. He was serious, so I nodded my head and didn’t speak. He then enveloped me in a hug that made me tear up a little. I picked up my bags to go meet Macy outside. He watched me go. This could be the last time we ever saw each other.
Macy looked concerned when I got into the car. “Why are you looking grey all of a sudden?” she asked. “You’ve been so purple up until now.”
“I’m just distracted at the moment,” I explained. “I’ll be fine by the time we get down there.”
She watched me. “Oh, ya, the grey is fading,” she observed, smiling. “Bruce can be very distracting.”
I rolled my eyes. “Let’s go, Macy,” I said, ignoring the comment about Bruce. “It’s 8 a.m. and if we’re going to get there by noon, we should go.”
Macy didn’t want to talk about the plan anymore. It was too late now for changes or additions. It would work or it wouldn’t, plain and simple. Instead, we talked about all manner of things. I discovered that Macy had a wicked sense of humor. She practically kept me in stitches the whole trip, which was good because the laughing kept me relaxed.
“We’re going to be at the restaurant in an hour,” Macy announced. “We shouldn’t talk until we get there. You need to focus your energy on the task ahead.”
Flashes of the future discussion with Rick invaded my mind until we arrived at our destination. He would attempt to trick me with a clause in his legal paperwork, which is exactly why I brought my own. Watching his attempts to manipulate me was just the resolve needed to assure the plan was carried out.
Macy pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant at 11:50, only ten minutes early. Rick could be seen through the restaurant window, nervously peering out. I grabbed my duffle, heading straight for the restroom, as the drive was a long one. Both Macy and I arrived at the table two minutes before noon.
“Hello,” I said, to Lorrah and Rick. “This is my friend Macy, and she was kind enough to escort me here for moral support. Macy, this is Lorrah and my husband, Rick.”
They all nodded uncomfortably at one another, but no words were exchanged.
“So, this is how today is going to go,” I instructed, still standing. “Macy and Lorrah, if you would please excuse us for a few minutes to settle on the legalities…that would be appreciated.”
“Lorrah doesn’t have to leave,” Rick snapped.
“Fine,” I said, calmly. “It was good seeing you both. Are you ready to go, Macy?”
Macy and I turned toward the door until Rick spoke up, asking Lorrah to move to another table for a bit, assuring her this wouldn’t take long. His smug attitude was still as irritating as ever.
Lorrah then whispered in his ear some important instructions, but I heard her words in my visions. She made him promise not to touch me, under any circumstances.
Rick immediately got down to business, taking legal papers from his briefcase. “I was hoping you could just go over them now and sign on the dotted line,” he said. “That way, we can get on with our lives.”
I wiped my forehead. “What’s wrong with your hand?” I said, feigning concern. I grabbed the back of his hand, as his palm faced upward, staring into his face. It was a subtle change at first, but soon there was no doubt that Rick was falling in love with me all over again. After a minute, the spell was complete.
“I guess I can take my jacket off now,” I said. Rick jumped up and took my jacket and scarf off for me.
Earlier in the bathroom, I had done a few jumping jacks with my coat and scarf on to make sure that beads of sweat would form on my forehead by the time Rick and I were chatting.
We sat back down and I retrieved my legal papers out of my duffle. “Sign these,” I demanded. There was no reason for pretense. He did as he was told. He would get the house, but sole custody of Deidra went to me. The papers also decreed that Rick’s visi
ts with his daughter would be on Deidra’s terms.
He grabbed my hand and kissed it. “I’ve missed you,” he whispered.
A shrill scream came from where Lorrah had been sitting. She ran up to the table. “No!” she yelled. “What have you done, Muriel?”
I motioned for her to sit down. Lorrah sat, while Macy stood by the table. “You read the letter my grandmother wrote,” I said. “You know exactly what I did. If you weren’t so unnecessarily nosey this wouldn’t need to be done, but I have a daughter to protect.”
Lorrah started crying. “I wouldn’t say anything,” Lorrah claimed.
“I’ve seen how much you can be trusted,” I chuckled. “I prefer not to risk it.”
Lorrah’s face twisted up with anger. “Fine,” she spat, “I’m going to tell everyone.”
Macy masterfully moved over in front of Lorrah to block her from sight, while she also shooed the waitress off. “We’re not ready to order,” Macy informed.
“Thank you for proving my point, Lorrah,” I said. I lowered my voice and asked, “Rick, if I told you to kill Lorrah right now, would you do that for me?”
“Of course,” he answered. “I love you so much! I’d do whatever you ask.”
I smiled at him. “You are so good to me,” I praised.
My attention turned back to Lorrah. “The only shred of sympathy that rests in me, at the moment, is for your unborn child,” I shared. “Because of your little boy, I will grant you this mercy.”
I took Rick’s hand once more. “Rick, I would like you to love Lorrah as you love me,” I commanded. “Treat her very well, caring for her to the best of your ability.”
He smiled at Lorrah and agreed.
Standing up, I grabbed my jacket, scarf and duffel bag. I left a copy of the divorce papers on the table for Rick to file. “File these as quickly as possible because our marriage is now over,” I said.
“How can that be?” Rick questioned, astonished.