House to House

by David Bellavia

  Evan stares at me.

  I try to hug him. He takes a step back. I pause, my heart in my throat. I’ve got to reach out to him, let myself be vulnerable. I find the courage, but he backs up again.

  “You can’t go to Iraq anymore.”

  “I know.”

  He looks up at Deanna, then back to me. “Did you fight bad guys? You told me you weren’t.” His voice is suspicious, full of accusation. He doesn’t trust me, and I don’t blame him for that.

  “No, Evan. I didn’t fight bad guys.”

  I can’t bring myself to tell him the complete truth. I want so desperately to go back into this fight. I miss it every day. I always felt I could change the world with a rifle in my hands and our flag on my shoulder.

  “Did you get shot?” he looks me over, apparently searching for bullet wounds.

  I grin a little. “No, Bud, I didn’t get shot.”

  “People get shot in Iraq.”

  “Yes, they do.” It strikes me then that Evan for the first time has a grasp on the dangers that are faced over there. He’s six now, and the world is coming into focus for him.

  “People get shot, Daddy. They die. Bad guys kill them.”

  I think of Edward Iwan and Sean Sims. “Yeah, I know they do, Evan.”

  He takes a tentative step toward me. Deanna’s holding her breath. So am I. He sharpens his gaze and looks me right in the eyes. I can’t remember the last time he’s done this.

  “You know why you didn’t get shot?”

  I’m surprised by the strength of his tone. He’s trying to be tough with me. All I can do is shake my head.

  “’Cause I saved you, ’kay? It was me.”

  I start to laugh, but I see he is utterly serious. I humor him. “You did. You saved me. Give me a big hug. I love you.”

  He steps into my arms and I crush him close. But he’s not finished. “No more going to Iraq. Iraq is done, got it?”

  I start to cry.

  “Bad guys are done. They lost.” His voice is even stronger. He’s lecturing me, showing me what he needs. I’m so proud he’s found the courage to do this; all I can do is hold him. He’s making it clear he will not be victimized by my comings and goings anymore. He’s drawn the line.

  I chose family this time. I chose Evan.

  He really did save me.

  I break our embrace and kiss his forehead.

  “I love you, Daddy.”

  His eyes start to water, but he ignores the tears. He’s being tough. He’s being proud. He’s being my son.

  We turn, hand in hand, and depart the terminal as a family.

  Spring 2007

  The old woman in Fallujah, the final reunion with Evan and Deanna at the airport, these twin moments brought me to where I am today. Evan no longer tells people I fight bad guys for a living. When asked, he tells his friends that his dad talks on the phone a lot and vacuums on occasion. I smile and laugh and go back to working on this book. I wrote it so someday, when he is old enough, he will understand his father at last. And perhaps he’ll share that insight with his younger brother. Four months after I came back from Iraq for the last time, Deanna broke the news that she was pregnant.

  I am a father now above all else. I’ve embraced my new life and made my peace with the old one. I will always be unapologetic for what it took to beat our enemies in Iraq and win my battles. I sleep through the night. God and I have had our heart-to-heart.

  I don’t have the nightmares that I read other veterans are having. None of my old friends do either. I don’t dream about seven-foot insurgents chasing me down Iraqi streets. And yet I think about Iraq almost every day of my life. Almost every dream I have is about Iraq, but none of them are bad. There will constantly be regret, sorrow for those we lost, but never nightmares. I will always hate war, but will be forever proud of mine.

  When the wind blows just right, sometimes I close my eyes and still envision a heat-scorched stretch of highway. There is a watchtower burning in the distance. It is Highway South Five, the checkpoint we couldn’t save from destruction back in Muqdadiyah almost three years ago. My platoon stands on both sides of the road. Bullets are heard in the distance, but there isn’t any danger. Each soldier I pass stares at me for what seems like an eternity. Their faces are covered in sweat and soot. They just stare at me expressionless and move to the side as I pass. Fitss spits dip juice onto the road. Captain Sean Sims and Doug Walter look up at me from their map. Sergeant Major fixes his boot lace. And Lieutenant Ed Iwan nods at me. As the smoke from the burning checkpoint billows up from behind, the images from my past get smaller and smaller. Until, finally, all is open road.

  I have permission to move on.

  For now, I look forward to the time when Evan and his younger brother can play together. I see them in the backyard, both clad in boy-sized desert camo, low-crawling through the grass as they ambush neighborhood kids, playing the bad guys, and save the day. Each attack executed to the pinnacle of absolute doctrinal perfection, a perfection that only a well-rehersed combat element can unleash. Evan cooks off the pine cone grenade as his brother lays down plunging suppressive fire. Each boy will have his own Bellavia nametape on his chest. Each face camouflaged in tiger stripes. Evan, after all, means “little warrior.” As for my youngest son, Aiden, he carries the middle name of an unsung but still great American hero: Edward Iwan.

  Aiden Edward Bellavia.

  May he grow to be half the patriot of his namesake.

  Appendix

  They sacrificed so that we may all live without interruption from comfort.

  Our fallen warriors:

  PFC Nicole M Frye

  16 Feb 2004

  PFC Jason C. Ludlam

  19 Mar 2004

  SPC Adam D. Froehlich

  25 Mar 2004

  SPC Isaac M. Nieves

  08 Apr 2004

  SPC Allen J. Vandayburg

  09 Apr 2004

  SGT William C. Eckhart

  10 Apr 2004

  SSG Victor A. Rosales

  13 Apr 2004

  PFC Martin W. Kondor

  29 Apr 2004

  1LT Christopher J. Kenny

  03 May 2004

  PFC Lyndon A. Marcus

  03 May 2004

  SGT Gregory L. Wahl

  03 May 2004

  SGT Marvin R. Sprayberry III

  03 May 2004

  SPC James J. Holmes

  08 May 2004

  SSG Joseph P. Garyantes

  18 May 2004

  CPT Humayun S. M. Khan

  08 Jun 2004

  PFC Jason N. Lynch

  18 Jun 2004

  CPT Christopher S. Cash

  24 Jun 2004

  SPC Daniel A. Desens

  24 Jun 2004

  SPC Michael A. Martinez

  08 Sep 2004

  SGT Tyler D. Prewitt

  24 Sep 2004

  SGT Charles J. Webb

  03 Nov 2004

  CSM Steven W. Faulkenburg

  09 Nov 2004

  1LT Edward D. Iwan

  12 Nov 2004

  SGT James C. Matteson

  12 Nov 2004

  CPT Sean P. Sims

  13 Nov 2004

  SGT Jack Bryant, Jr.

  20 Nov 2004

  SGT Trinidad R. Martinez-Luis

  28 Nov 2004

  SPC Erik W. Hayes

  29 Nov 2004

  PFC Gunnar D. Becker

  13 Jan 2005

  SPC Viktar V. Yolkin

  24 Jan 2005

  SGT Javier Marin, Jr.

  24 Jan 2005

  SGT Michael Carlson

  24 Jan 2005

  PFC Jesus A. Leon-Perez

  24 Jan 2005

  SSG Joseph W. Stevens

  24 Jan 2005

  PFC Kevin M. Luna

  27 Jan 2005

  SFC David J. Salie

  14 Feb 2005

  SPC Justin B. Carter

  16 Feb 2005

  SSG Garth D
. Sizemore

  17 Oct 2006

  SSG Leon Hickmon

  21 Oct 2006

  SGT Willsun M. Mock

  22 Oct 2006

  SGT Jason C. Denfrund

  25 Dec 2006

  Brief Glossary of Terms

  Abrams: The M1A2 Abrams is the U.S. Army’s main battle tank. Equipped with a 120mm gun, a .50 caliber and two 7.62mm machine guns, and reactive armor, it is the finest armored vehicle in the world today.

  AK-47: The most widely used rifle in the world. This is the standard assault rifle of the Islamist insurgent in Iraq and Afghanistan. The 7.62mm AK-47 is tough, durable, and can be fired in both full auto and single-shot mode.

  AT4: Light antitank weapon armed with the 84mm high-explosive antitank (HEAT) warhead. Although not designed to do so, the M136 AT4 was used in Iraqi Freedom as a tool to destroy built-up enemy positions.

  Bradley: The Bradley Fighting Vehicle is both an armored infantry transport and a tracked, heavy-support weapon. It is equipped with a 25mm cannon mounted in a fully transversable turret, an M240C 7.62mm machine gun, and wire-guided antitank missiles. It can carry a squad plus of infantry inside its rear bay and is the standard vehicle for every mechanized infantry unit in the U.S. Army.

  Cyclic: Firing an infantry weapon fully automatic for a considerable period of time. Usually, such weapons are fired in short, disciplined bursts to ensure accuracy and ammunition conservation.

  Fatal Funnel: Doorways. In house-to-house, room-to-room fighting, doorways are deadly places for assaulting infantrymen. Going through a doorway leaves the infantryman at his most vulnerable. He cannot get support from his buddies, and the enemy usually has their weapons zeroed on these entrances. During Fallujah, virtually an entire squad from 2–7 Cav went down in one doorway during an ambush.

  Frag: A fragmentation hand grenade has a blast radius of five meters.

  JDAM: Joint Direct Attack Munition. This is a fancy way of saying “Smart Bomb.” Air-launched by Navy or Air Force planes, the JDAM guides itself to the target based on global positioning system satellite data. It can be dropped in any weather, including fog and low cloud cover. Other smart bombs, such as those guided by lasers, cannot be used in overcast conditions.

  M4: A variation of the M16. The M4 carbine has a short barrel, a telescoping stock, and the ability to fire in single-shot or three-round burst mode. It has numerous rail mounts for tactical equipment such as SureFire flashlights, laser targeting systems, and scopes. It is the finest infantry weapon in service today.

  M16: The M4’s long-barreled, full-stock father, the M16A2 and A4 still equipped much of Task Force 2–2 during Operation Enduring Freedom. Though decades old, it is a remarkably versatile and ergonomic rifle.

  M240: The M240 is the new standard U.S. Army 7.62 x 51mm machine gun. Designed to replace the Vietnam-era M60, the 240 looks a little like the German MG-42 of World War II fame. Capable of firing so fast it sounds like a zipper bursting, the 240 is the primary killing weapon for the mechanized infantry.

  M249 Squad Automatic Weapon (SAW): The standard U.S. Army light machine gun. Each squad usually has one or two SAW gunners. In Fallujah, we tried to equip most of the platoon with SAWs. Though a fussy weapon—if it isn’t spotlessly cleaned on a regular basis, it will jam—the SAW constitutes the bulk of an infantry squad’s machine-gun power.

  PKM: The PK is a 7.62 x 54mm belt or drum general-purpose Soviet-era machine gun, currently in service by the enemy in Iraq and Afghanistan.

  RPK: A Soviet-era drum-fed machine gun that fires 7.62 x 39mm bullets (same as the AK-47). In urban combat, it is a mobile, deadly weapon.

  SureFire: A very powerful flashlight that can be mounted on most M16s and M4s. It is a tremendous asset when clearing houses at night. The SureFire provides fantastic illumination—so bright it can blind the enemy.

  Tracer: An illuminated bullet that helps infantrymen and tankers to aim their shots. Usually, about one in five bullets in machine-gun ammo is a tracer round. When fired full auto, tracers look almost like laser beams.

  Track: A fond expression for an Abrams tank or Bradley Fighting Vehicle.

  Unit Organization: Task Force 2–2 was formed from 2nd Battalion, 2nd Infantry, 1st Infantry Division’s Third Brigade. The battalion, composed of about 700 men and women, included two infantry maneuver companies of about 140 men each and one tank company, Alpha, Bravo (Tank), Charlie, and the Headquarters and Headquarters Company (HHC), which handled supplies, logistics, and administration duties.

  Acknowledgments

  David Bellavia

  This book would not have been possible without the incredible vision, undying loyalty, and sage wisdom of my agent, Jim Hornfischer. I am truly blessed to have found a stalwart friend with such impeccable integrity. I am grateful in every way for his guidance and support.

  I wish to express my profound thanks and gratitude to Bruce Nichols. You are a patient, talented professional, and your vision of this project from day one was the catalyst to achieve the highest standards. Thank you so very much.

  Thanks, too, to Kate Jay, Jessica Elkin, Elizabeth Perrella, and all the great people at Free Press and Simon & Schuster.

  Mickey Freiberg at ACME Talent Agency displayed the motivation and willingness to endure some difficult terrain during this journey. Thanks for not quitting me.

  I am lucky to have a wonderful family, and I can’t thank you enough: Mom and Dad, Lucy and Bill Bellavia, Marlene and Ed King, Dan Bellavia, Timmy Bellavia, Rand Bellavia, Joe and Joe Brunacini, Craig Gordon, Paul Spitale, and Bob Mihalko.

  I have had so many important influences during my time in the military. Thank you: Eddie Belton, John Gregory, Jerome De Jean, Captain Grey McCrum, Staff Sergeant Albert Harris, Adam Rissew, Tiffany Passmore, and the VetsForFreedom. org brotherhood of Wade Zirkle, Mark Seavey, Chris Niedziocha, Owen West, and Joe Worley.

  Matt Matthews and all the dedicated professionals at the Combat Studies Institute at Fort Leavenworth, Kansas, for having the courage to tell the Army’s story in a world full of Anchors. Your help has been incredible, and I am beyond grateful for your assistance.

  John Bruning has made this process a joy. His brilliant gifts and steadfast fidelity have helped me beyond words.

  Most of all to the family I left behind for over three years while I served my nation. My bride, Deanna, the most complete and perfect woman in the world, I love you so much for giving me this life. Evan and Aiden, being your daddy is the most rewarding job I have ever had. You both make me so proud and so grateful.

  John Bruning

  The first time I spoke with David on the phone, I felt like I’d found a long-lost friend. More than anything, I will treasure the friendship that bloomed between us as we worked on this project together for almost a year. David, thank you for so many things, but most of all, thank you for trusting me.

  I owe a huge debt of gratitude to Jim Hornfischer. It was Jim’s idea to hook David and me up, and as we worked together he provided tremendous encouragement and direction. The proposal we created would not have been possible without Jim pushing us and getting the very best out of us. Thank you, Jim. Your support, guidance and trust changed my life. For that I will always be grateful.

  Bruce Nichols, your stewardship of our project could not have been better. I have learned so much, and you have been so patient with me that I have felt blessed to have the chance to work with you. I have been part of a tremendous team that all along has made excellence our standard. Bruce, you made all the work a joy. Your editing is in a class by itself. A hearty thank you must also be extended to Elizabeth Perrella, whose cheery demeanor even in the midst of deadline crises always brightened my day

  Bob and Laura Archer, your friendship helped make my writing career possible. I still have the pen you gave me eleven years ago when I embarked on this adventure. It has signed every contract. Thank you for everything. Not many writers can call a century-old ballroom in a former Odd Fellows Lodge their office and home a
way from home.

  I owe so much of my career to other people taking chances on me. Eric Hammel, my mentor and friend, you busted my chops and taught me how to be a writer. Pete Salerno, Ryan Howell, Vinni Jacques, Ken Jackola, Shannon Compton, Phil Disney, Alan Ezelle, Phil Larson, John Neibert, Tim Bloom, Brian Ham-bright, Kris Haney, Doug Jackson, Andy Hellman, Ron Clement, Matt Zedwick, Bill Stout, Tyson Bumgardner, Randy Mitts, Kevin Maries, Rebekah-mae Bruns, Kerry Boggs, and the rest of the Volunteers taught me the basics of what it means to be a noncommissioned officer. In New Orleans, they showed me the honor and strength of character such a calling requires. You are all fine NCO’s, and I am honored to call you my friends. You will always have my respect and admiration.

  Denice and Andy Scott, Allison, Brenda, Larissa, and Olivia Pfaff, thank you for taking care of me throughout this project. You kept me going even when I thought I had nothing left.

  Jennifer, Eddie, and Renee, you are my foundation, my reason for being. Thank you for your complete support, your encouragement, and your belief in me. Thank you for understanding during all those nights I had to work. Above all, thank you for loving me and all my quirky, okay obnoxious, ways. With your love, I am truly blessed.