A Surrendered Heart

by Tracie Peterson

  She smiled broadly and waved to Paul. He lifted his cap to signal he’d seen her, but there was only a faint smile in return. He’d brooded all last evening, avoiding her at every turn. She had hoped a good night’s sleep would improve his disposition. Thus far it didn’t appear it had helped. What in the world had caused such a mood?

  After assisting Amanda into the skiff, Paul offered his hand to Sophie. Holding tightly to his hand, she carefully stepped into the bobbing skiff.

  When he didn’t offer even the slightest acknowledgment, she leaned forward and kissed his cheek. “Thank you,” she whispered.

  He didn’t acknowledge the kiss or her thanks. Not so much as a smile or a twinkle in his eyes. What was wrong with him! “Did you have any problems when you left the house this morning?” she asked.

  Paul shook his head. “I think it’s best if we remain silent. There’s fog, and you never know who might be out here fishing. We don’t want to draw attention to ourselves.”

  Sophie could feel the heat rise in her cheeks. She didn’t believe Paul’s admonition had anything to do with other fishermen overhearing her comment. He simply did not want to talk to her. She’d done everything in her power to prove she was sorry for acting badly when he’d sent her to Broadmoor Island, yet he now ignored her and spoke in an abrupt, hurtful manner. Was he attempting to show her how deeply she’d wounded him? She had hoped this would be a time of mending their differences. Instead, it seemed he was unwilling to forgive her.

  Paul manned the oars with remarkable ease, and their silent journey soon ended with the three of them stepping onto the pier at Round Island. Several fishermen sat on the dock in their collapsible chairs, tossing their lines into the water. Paul stopped long enough to exchange a few words with one of the men before they proceeded to the hotel.

  “Do you know that man?” Sophie inquired.

  Paul shook his head. “No. I told him to spread the word that if they caught any fish they didn’t want, I would purchase them when we returned.”

  Sophie patted his arm. “An excellent idea. I should have thought of that! I’m usually the one who comes up with the best way to make our schemes work.”

  “Indeed,” Paul replied.

  Normally Sophie would have considered the remark a compliment, but Paul’s frown canceled that thought. When they arrived at the steps to the veranda that surrounded the hotel, Paul stopped. “Sophie and I will have coffee at one of the tables here on the veranda, Amanda. You go inside and have a message delivered to Blake’s room that you’d like to meet with him in the lobby.” He offered her a gentle smile. “There will be no appearance of impropriety if you remain in public view while you speak to him.”

  “Thank you, Paul. Say a prayer that all goes well.”

  “I will,” he said.

  “We will,” Sophie added. She waited until Amanda disappeared from sight and then followed Paul to one of the tables that lined the veranda. Once they were seated, a waiter hurried to take their order.

  “Just coffee,” Paul said.

  Sophie glanced across the table, but Paul had turned away from her and was staring into the distance. He hadn’t even asked if she’d like something to eat. Not that she was hungry, but he could have at least inquired.

  The waiter returned with their coffee and disappeared as silently as he’d arrived. Sophie poured a dollop of cream into her coffee and stirred with a vengeance. “Exactly what is wrong with you, Paul? You’ve been in a foul humor since late yesterday afternoon. Have I offended you?”

  “Have you done something that should offend me?” he asked in a manner that seemed guarded yet hostile.

  Sophie looked at him intently. “I know I was awful in the way I acted about coming to the island during the epidemic, but surely you have accepted my apology and we can let that be behind us.”

  “Are you happy with me?”

  “What a silly question,” Sophie said, trying to make light of the matter. “Of course I’m happy with you.”

  He swiveled around in his chair. “When did you plan to tell me about this?” He slapped the newspaper clipping onto the table.

  Confusion combined with fear to form a tight knot in her stomach. She should have told him about the article. “Is that clipping the reason you’ve been so irritable?”

  “I have been both confused and concerned. I can never provide you and Elizabeth with the way of life you deserve, but it appears Wesley Hedrick can now do so.” Paul slapped his palm on the table and sent the piece of paper floating to the wood floor of the veranda.

  Sophie reached to clasp his hand, but he withdrew it. There was a time when his actions would have made her angry, but this time was different. Sophie could see the doubt and fear in his eyes. She softened her voice. “Surely you know better than that, Paul. I love you dearly. You are all that I desire.”

  He shifted in his chair and leaned down to pick up the clipping. Crumpling it in his hand, he stared at her. “Am I? I can’t give you expensive things. I can’t buy you new gowns and furnish our home with beautiful furniture. I’m a simple man of God. I’ll never be wealthy.”

  “That isn’t important to me.” Sophie realized the depth of just how true that statement was. It was freeing to know that she loved and cherished her husband far more than the things money could buy.

  “I couldn’t help but wonder if you would consider taking Elizabeth and running off to be with Wesley.”

  She could see the sadness in his eyes. “I would never do such a thing, Paul. You have been a loving husband and father. I have no desire for anyone except you.”

  “I want to believe you, but . . .”

  Disbelief shone in his eyes. How could she convince him of her love? “I know I exhibited dreadful behavior when I first arrived at Broadmoor Island. And I won’t deny that I was quickly wooed by the new gowns and parties. I was lured back into my old habits far too easily. I admit that. But after seeing the barrier it created between the two of us, I understood that what I truly wanted was a life with you and Elizabeth.”

  He unclenched his fist. The balled-up clipping rested in his palm, a silent accusation. “Then why do you have this?”

  “Amanda read the article in a New York newspaper while she was recuperating from the cholera. She clipped it out and wasn’t even going to tell me about it, but I found it when I was looking at one of her books.” She wanted to hold his hand but feared he would again withdraw, so she folded her hands in her lap. “In truth, reading that piece helped me to see that money wasn’t as important as I’d previously thought. I realize that even though Wesley may have enough money to buy gowns and jewels, he would never cherish or love me as you do. I understand that money is not a key to happiness. In fact, it seems frequently to have quite the opposite effect. It is you I love, Paul, and I am most content to be your wife, even if I never have another new dress.”

  “Yet you failed to mention Wesley or the newspaper article to me,” he murmured.

  “Because Wesley Hedrick is of no importance to me.” She cupped his jaw in her palm. “I realize how blessed I am to have you as my husband. You are a good man, and I will always be thankful that you came to my rescue. Without you, I would have thrown myself from those rocks and taken Elizabeth with me.” Her voice cracked at the remembrance that she’d been only minutes away from destroying her own life and that of her unborn child. Only Paul’s gentle, pleading words had saved her from a crushing death upon those jagged rocks below. “Recently I’ve acted badly, and I apologize for my churlish behavior. I know that you have our best interests and protection in mind whenever you make a decision.”

  With the tip of his finger, Paul raised her chin and stared into her eyes. “I’m thankful for your kind words, but I know it was my uncompromising decision to send you and Elizabeth to Broadmoor Island that caused you such unhappiness.”

  Sophie lifted his hand to her lips and kissed his palm. “That’s true enough. Yet I never doubted your love. In my heart I knew you made that
decision in order to protect us. Now, seeing the distress Amanda has suffered since agreeing to marry Mr. Jackson, I truly realize how fortunate I am to be married to the man I love.”

  “And I to the only woman I could ever love.” He leaned down and captured her lips in a lingering kiss.

  Sophie pulled away. “Let’s never allow these kind of things to come between us again. I love you, and that will never change. I do not want Wesley and his money. I want you and your love.”

  Amanda paced the length of the lobby while she waited for Blake. The bellboy had delivered her message and returned to say Blake would join her in a moment and to please wait. The gossamer curtains that shaded the lobby windows fluttered in the morning breeze and made her long to run outside. She shouldn’t have come here. What if Ellert should discover she’d left the house? And what if Blake told her he’d been joking and he and Julia were husband and wife? Worse yet, what if Julia descended the staircase at his side?

  There was still time to escape. She turned. “Blake,” she gasped.

  Obviously perplexed, he tipped his head to the side and arched his brows. “You did ask me to meet you in the lobby, didn’t you?” He held her note between his fingers.

  “Yes, of course.” She cleared her throat, hoping to quiet the tremor in her voice.

  “Shall we go for a walk?”

  She recalled Paul’s earlier comment about proper decorum, but the lobby was filled with guests and who could know what might be overheard. Any number of people might recognize her. She had no idea if any of their other guests had elected to remain in the islands throughout the weekend. What if one of them told Ellert he’d seen her in the hotel lobby visiting with a young man? Without further consideration, she nodded to a door leading to the east side of the veranda. Their departure wouldn’t be visible to Paul and Sophie.

  “It’s good to see you. I had hoped we’d have another opportunity to visit before I left your en-en-gagement party, but Mr. Jackson seemed to be constantly keeping you by his side.”

  Amanda noted that Blake had stumbled over the word engagement. “Mr. Jackson tends to be somewhat possessive,” she replied.

  “I’m surprised you would choose such a man, since you are such an independent young woman. But I suppose you know what type of man appeals to you.”

  Amanda led him toward the river, choosing a spot where guests couldn’t see them from the veranda. “I don’t have time for banter or stilted conversation. I can’t be away from Broad-moor Island much longer before I’ll be missed. I came here to ask exactly what happened between you and Julia.”

  “Absolutely nothing happened between us. It’s true that I had proposed to Julia before I moved to Rochester. I thought we loved each other, and I asked her to be my wife. As I told you before, she accepted the engagement ring but returned it a short time later. She’d found another prospect more appealing—or so she told me. But things didn’t work out with him, so she came to Rochester thinking I would be delighted to pick up where we’d left off.”

  “But you weren’t?”

  He cupped her chin in his palm. “No, I wasn’t. When I told her I wouldn’t marry her, she begged me to accompany her back to California to explain to her parents that I was in love with someone else. She said they would never believe her. I offered to write a letter, but she cried until I finally agreed.”

  “So that’s why you departed in such a hurry?”

  “Yes. I knew my explanation wouldn’t sound plausible. But I’ve known Julia for years. Even though she’d broken our engagement to be with another man, I felt an obligation to her and to her parents.”

  “She probably wanted the time with you, hoping to change your mind.”

  “You may be correct, but I knew that wouldn’t happen. After you left that day, I realized the feelings I’d had for Julia were nothing compared to my love for you. I admired her and considered her a friend, but it’s you I desire to have by my side for the rest of my life. I never experienced that intense desire for Julia—only for you.”

  His words made it difficult for Amanda to breathe. “You truly love me?”

  “You know I do. I don’t want you to marry Ellert Jackson. You belong with me. Surely you know that’s true.”

  “But that can’t happen. The future of my family depends upon my marriage to Ellert.”

  “I don’t understand. How can a family’s future depend upon a marriage?”

  “My father owes Mr. Jackson a great deal of money. If I refuse to marry him, our family will lose what’s left of our assets, not to mention the loss of social position. I am not aware of all the details or arrangements Ellert made with my father, but I do know that my family will be ruined if I don’t go through with the wedding.”

  “But you don’t love him. Knowing you’ll be subjecting yourself to a life of misery in a loveless marriage, how can you agree?”

  “Love doesn’t matter. This marriage is required of me.”

  Blake pulled her into his arms and covered her lips with a fierce and passionate kiss and then pulled away from her. “Tell me again that it doesn’t matter.” Before she could gain enough breath to speak, he devoured her with another fervent and unyielding kiss. “Tell me you don’t love me.”

  “What I feel isn’t important,” Amanda said, tears blurring her sight.

  Blake wiped one tear away and placed his hand against her cheek. “It’s important to me.” He lifted her chin, forcing her eyes to meet his. “Tell me that you don’t love me, and I will go away and leave you alone.”

  Amanda did her best to stifle a sob. “I’m already alone, Blake. I will be for the rest of my life.”

  Ellert had quietly inquired about the young man who’d been speaking to Amanda near the back door yesterday afternoon. In all likelihood Amanda didn’t think he’d observed her little tête-à-tête, but she’d soon learn very little escaped his scrutiny. The clueless girl didn’t understand that it took only a few coins placed in the proper hand to loosen tongues.

  He wasn’t all that comfortable around the water, but he was thankful for the rowing experience he’d acquired in his younger years. His muscles would ache by evening, but it would be worth it. If the fisherman who’d watched the threesome depart from the dock a short time ago was correct, he’d locate Amanda at Round Island. Instead of rowing toward the dock where guests might see him and wonder at the sight of Ellert Jackson rowing himself to the island, he approached from the other side. If necessary, he should be able to pull the skiff onto dry land without much difficulty.

  He spotted a young couple near the water’s edge—young lovers clinging to each other in a passionate kiss. There was something oddly familiar about the woman. He lifted a pair of binoculars to his eyes. Amanda!

  She clung to the man—the same man he’d seen her talking to the day before. How comfortable she appeared in his arms. The man touched her face with such familiarity that Ellert wanted to shout across the water and demand he release her. She certainly had never allowed him such liberties.

  Ellert shoved the binoculars into the leather case and turned the boat back toward Broadmoor Island. The tightness in his chest caused his breath to come in a strained pant. How dare Amanda toy with him this way? She knew what was at stake. Ellert gripped the handles of the oars until he felt the muscles in his arms spasm in protest. She would pay dearly for this indiscretion. They both would pay.

  20

  Tuesday, July 18, 1899

  “You are the most beautiful woman in the world,” Michael whispered against Fanny’s ear.

  Fanny opened her eyes to find Michael watching her while she slept. She smiled and reached out for him. “I still can’t quite get used to your being here.”

  He pulled her into his arms and kissed her soundly. “I dreamed of this every night while in the Yukon.”

  “Was it horrible?” Fanny asked.

  “Dreaming of you?” He looked at her oddly. “What would make you think such a thing?”

  “No, silly, I
meant the Yukon. I heard such horrible stories. The newspapers were full of accounts of tragedy and death. You’ve hardly told me anything about it.”

  “It was some of the most beautiful and deadly country I’ve ever experienced. You would like it there, I’m quite sure. The mountains are incredible, and the vast size of the country is unbelievable.” He kissed her again. “But right now I’d rather talk about how much I love you.”

  Fanny sighed and put her arms around his neck. “And right now I’d love to hear you tell me how much you love me.”

  “Oh, I nearly forgot,” he said, pulling away slightly. “The paper work arrived. We now have the deed to our own island.”

  “How wonderful. How soon can we move there?”

  He laughed. “Well, there’s hardly more than a shack on it at present. We’ll need to build a better house first.”

  “I suppose in the meantime we can live here or at Broad-moor Mansion in Rochester.”

  “I’m so glad you were able to lay claim to it. I know how much your grandparents’ place meant to you. I fear, however, there would be very little I’d be able to do in Rochester to make a living.”

  “Between the gold you mined in the Yukon and whatever I have left of my fortune, we hardly need to be so concerned about that.”

  “I can’t sit idle,” Michael countered. “At least out here I can work with the boats. On our little island I plan to set up the finest shop to make and repair boats.”

  “And I shall cook and clean for you and raise our beautiful children.”

  He kissed her and pulled her close again. “I really don’t care where we live, my sweet wife, so long as you are by my side.”

  “I feel the same way, Michael. I pray God never allows us to be separated again.”

  Later that morning Fanny bid Michael good-bye as he headed out to help his father in the boathouse. The house seemed strangely quiet until Fanny recalled that some of the family had departed for Canada earlier in the day. Her cousin Beatrice had decided a trip to Brockville would provide an opportunity for all of the young children to become better acquainted with their Canadian ancestry. Fanny thought Beatrice simply wanted an excuse to go shopping, for she’d made certain that nannies were included among those slated for the daylong adventure.