Kentucky Woman

by Jan Scarbrough

  Make a note to schedule a haircut.

  She started reading at chapter five. The two main characters, Alec and Henry, were training the Black Stallion’s filly for the Kentucky Derby.

  A warm energy imbued her with tenderness as she read. How she loved this little boy! So what if Tyler Marsden had the look of Brandon about him? He wasn’t self-centered like a typical Breckinridge. She hadn’t raised him that way. He wasn’t a spoiled rich kid. For all his tough-boy posture, Tyler cared about others, and he’d always been respectful of her mother, even when his granny nagged.

  Thinking of Evelyn, Alex looked up to find her mother watching them. The older woman stood silhouetted against the light from her bedroom door. Alex could almost hear her mother’s thoughts. He’s a Breckinridge.

  Instinctively, Alex gave Tyler a small squeeze. It was a possessive gesture. This was her son. Something in her heart rebelled against any Breckinridge getting involved with him. In her mind, they’d given up that right when Brandon walked out on her in her time of need. Two lousy checks a year didn’t make up for her son not having a father.

  “Did you ever ride in the Derby?” Tyler asked after she’d read several pages.

  “No, Tiger, I was an apprentice when I quit riding. I didn’t have enough experience for a Derby mount.”

  His eyes grew big with curiosity. “Do you think Greco can win it?”

  Alex often talked about the horses she exercised. Tyler knew all about Johnny’s prize colt. “Greco is certainly capable enough,” she answered. “But he’s only two. He must stay sound until the first Saturday in May which is a whole year away. Also, Greco needs to win a few big stakes to prove he’s Derby material.”

  “I’m going to ride in the Derby when I grow up,” Tyler predicted.

  Alex grinned. “No you’re not. Look at those long legs. You’re going to be too tall.” With that, she tickled the bottoms of his feet.

  “Quit it,” he yipped, kicking out like he was peddling a bike.

  “Say please.”

  Tyler burrowed his head into her stomach, trying to tickle her back. Giggling and yelping, they tussled for several minutes until Alex abruptly ended the wrestling match. She was the parent, after all, and it was time for bed.

  “We’ve got to settle down. Granny will get us.”

  “Granny won’t get us,” Tyler fired back. “She’s easy, like you are.”

  “Humph!” Alex grunted, standing up. “And you’re a rascal. Now crawl under those covers.”

  Tyler scrambled under his blanket and snuggled down. “Was my daddy tall?”

  His question jarred her. “Yes.”

  He looked up with an eager light in his eyes. “Maybe I can be a trainer like Uncle Johnny.”

  “Yes, maybe you can. Or maybe you can be an equine veterinarian.” She kissed his forehead. “You can be whatever you want to be. Now get some sleep.”

  “Night, Mommy.”

  Alex switched off the light and glanced at her mother. Evelyn’s brow puckered. Alex frowned too. She was in for it again. Bracing for one more lecture, she followed her mother into the kitchen and shut the door behind them.

  “I know I got him too excited before going to bed,” she said hoping to dodge the reprimand.

  Evelyn turned toward her. “You’re an excellent mother, Alexis.”

  “But?” Alex waited.

  “But you can’t do it all by yourself.”

  Alex crossed her arms across her chest. “I haven’t done it all. I have your help, Mom.”

  “You know what I’m talking about.”

  “I wasn’t given a choice, and you know it.”

  Evelyn looked smug. “You have a choice now.”

  Heat swept Alex’s face. She’d left herself open for that. Why wouldn’t her mother leave it alone? “I’ve made my position clear.”

  But Evelyn wasn’t listening. “Look at your son. He does nothing after school but work on his homework and watch TV. There’s nowhere for him to play outside that’s really safe, especially in this neighborhood, and I can’t drive him to after school activities.”

  “Tyler is doing okay.”

  “But he’s not thriving.” Evelyn gestured toward the door to the living room. “By his age you were an expert rider. You had fields and woods and barns to play in. You already knew your way around horses and you were so responsible that your father trusted you anywhere on the farm.”

  “Stop it!” Alex wanted to smother her ears with her hands. “He’s doing just fine as he is.”

  “Tyler is a boy and boys need activity. They need a place to run and explore. It’s unfair to keep him cooped up in this small apartment all the time with an old lady like me.”

  “Life isn’t fair, Mom. Surely you know that.”

  “What I know is that when an opportunity comes along, it’s up to you to grab it and hang on.”

  “Marriage to Jack Breckinridge is not an opportunity.”

  Evelyn stood her ground. “Jack has inherited Breckinridge Station. It’s Tyler’s heritage too. His birth right. You’re denying him that.”

  “I am not!”

  “Lower your voice, Alexis.”

  Alex clutched her hands, trying to control another wave of anger.

  “Do you really want Tyler to struggle to pay for college like you had to do?” Evelyn asked.

  She couldn’t win. Not when her mother got like this. But she was just as stubborn. “I’ve already given Jack my answer.”

  “You can change your mind. It’s a woman’s prerogative.”

  “No, I can’t because I don’t want to.”

  Evelyn shrugged. “Your father and I never had any money, but because of our jobs, we were able to give you a wonderful childhood at Breckinridge Station. If you marry Jack, the farm can be yours. Truly yours. Yours and Tyler’s.” There was a note of longing in her mother’s voice. A bit of regret as if life and time had passed her by.

  Alex heard the disappointment. She looked away. “It’s not that simple.”

  “Isn’t it?” Her mother paused. “The boy needs a father, and I won’t always be here to help you.”

  With those words, Evelyn withdrew from the discussion, leaving the kitchen and her daughter, who stood silently in the center of the floor catching her breath. Minutes ticked by. Alex heard her mother shuffling around in her bedroom and going into the bathroom to brush her teeth.

  No, life wasn’t fair. Evelyn Marsden could lay down a pretty good guilt trip when she wanted, and Alex was just enough of a sucker to pick it up. Or maybe it was the only child, responsible part of her personality. She always wanted to do the right thing.

  Her heart began to pound. What if she was denying her son the chance of a lifetime? She’d sacrificed so much for him already. What did it matter if she sacrificed more?

  She didn’t want to think about it.

  But she did. Long after she heard the door to her mother’s bedroom softly close, she stood rooted in the same spot. Damn! Tyler was more important to her than anything. More than her jockey career. More than any man she’d ever met. Did her son mean more than her stubborn pride and need for independence? Was he more important than her overwhelming resistance to change?

  Without an answer, she padded quietly into the bathroom, slipped off her clothes, pulled on a nightgown, and brushed her teeth. Suddenly, she felt exhausted, as if all emotion had drained right out of her body, leaving her limp and wrung out.

  In her room, she fell into bed and pulled the navy flannel comforter up to her chin. Simon, the orange tabby, hopped in the middle of her stomach and began to knead the blanket rhythmically—nails in and out—poking her through the material with sharp claws. His loud purr filled the quiet room. Finally he circled, making a nest in the covers, and curled up on her belly.

  Don’t feel sorry for yourself. She forced her eyes shut.

  If she married Jack for money to better provide for Tyler, what basis was that for a relationship? A marriage? When she let herse
lf think about it, she wanted a real marriage, complete with real intimacy and friendship as well as great sex. But she never considered the possibility, because it was unlikely to ever happen and she didn’t need the heartache of wishing for something she’d never have.

  Alex turned on her side, disrupting the cat. Simon promptly found another spot and curled into a warm, furry ball against her back. The neutered cat was the only male she’d had in her bed for a long, long time. Simon’s presence and purr eventually soothed her to sleep.

  Chapter Four

  Alex clicked to save her Word document and then reached for the ringing phone. “Chandler Company, this is Alexis Marsden. May I help you?”

  “Tyler hasn’t come home from school,” her mother said, her voice tight with anxiety.

  Alex glanced at her watch. Ten minutes to five—plenty of time for Tyler to have walked from the bus stop to their apartment. “Maybe he missed the bus.” She fought to speak over rising panic.

  “I’ve already checked with the principal,” Evelyn replied. “The bus driver told the school secretary he let him off at the stop as usual.”

  “I’m coming right home.” Alex didn’t wait for a reply. She slammed down the receiver, locked her computer, and jerked her handbag from her desk drawer.

  Heart thudding, she took the back stairs and rushed from the building. Over two thousand children were reported missing daily. Where had she heard that statistic? Visions of recent cable newscasts featuring murdered children flashed through her mind. Not Tyler. No, not my little boy.

  She fumbled with her car keys just as her cell phone blared the call to the post, a ringtone reminiscent of her days as a jockey. Alex dug through it to find the trumpeting phone.

  “Hello?”

  “Mrs. Marsden?”

  “Yes?” She was used to being called “missus” by the parents of Tyler’s friends.

  “I’m afraid I have a bit of bad news, but you’re not to worry. Tyler’s okay.” The strange woman’s voice was clipped.

  “Where is he? Who is this?” Alex’s stomach dropped as she fought not to sound as frantic as she felt.

  “This is Angela Jenkins, Brad’s mother,” the other woman said. “Tyler and Brad were playing in the family room. The next thing I know, they headed downstairs with the new dog. Tyler lost his balance, fell down the steps and hit his head.”

  Why was Tyler at the Jenkins house in the first place? Trying to pull herself together, Alex worked to make sense of the words.

  The other mother continued, “I thought he was fine, but then he started throwing up. I rushed him to the emergency room.”

  “Emergency room?”

  “They say he’s going to be okay, but they need your permission to take some tests.”

  “Where are you?”

  “Baptist East. I’m sorry, Mrs. Marsden.”

  “I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

  * * * *

  Three hours later, Alex drove Tyler home. None the worse for wear, her little boy had been suitably chastised by his scary rush to the hospital, CT scan, and minor concussion. Now he sat in the rear seat, silently watching the back of her head with wariness in his blue eyes.

  Alex glanced from the rearview mirror back to the road. The relief that flooded through her was a palpable thing. Mrs. Jenkins had been right. Tyler had not been seriously injured. Just to be sure, she would keep an eye on him tonight as the young doctor had instructed.

  She glanced again at the rearview mirror. Now came an equally hard part of parenting. “You’ve yet to explain why you didn’t come straight home after school.”

  His gaze transferred to his seat buckle.

  “Tyler?”

  “I wanted to see Brad’s new dog and I knew Granny wouldn’t let me.”

  “You didn’t know that.”

  “Yes I did, ’cause I can never do nothing after school.”

  A familiar twinge of guilt pinched Alex. That was Evelyn’s point last night. Tyler wasn’t thriving. He was growing up, and wanted to go places and be with friends. For all her effort and the twice yearly checks from Brandon, she didn’t have money for extra-curricular activities like soccer teams or summer camps. Her mother’s reluctance to drive because of her health and Alex’s work schedule posed serious problems she didn’t want to consider.

  “That doesn’t mean you don’t ask first,” Alex said firmly. “You scared Granny and me to death. I’m going to ground you for two weeks.”

  Alex looked up again at the mirror and saw his lower lip jut forward. “It doesn’t matter,” Tyler said. “I never go anywhere anyway.”

  Her heart bled. Alex’s eyes blurred and she swiped tears away, hoping her son didn’t notice. Sure, Tyler piled it on thick now. She could take his guilt trip, but what would he think in a few years when he was older? Would he grow to hate her because she couldn’t give him an iPod or a Nintendo Wii?

  Words failing her, she managed a rueful smile. More than anything, Alex didn’t want to be like her mother and pile on guilt. Tyler didn’t need that. He knew he’d done the wrong thing.

  The silence in the car grew uncomfortable. Alex flicked the signal to turn into their apartment complex.

  Jack’s marriage proposal meant money for all the things she couldn’t give Tyler. The best schools. Summer camp. After school sports. A future. A man in his life.

  His heritage...

  Yet it would mean giving up her hard-won independence. It would mean also mean going over to the dark side and becoming a Breckinridge.

  * * * *

  The next day during morning break, Alex walked down the shed row toward Johnny’s office. White rags, like tiny sails, flapped on a laundry line strung between the support posts. Typical of Kentucky weather, the unrelenting cold of two days earlier had blown away on a gust of southerly March wind. The month had not come in like a lion this year.

  A black cat crossed her path and scampered into an open stall. Alex stopped, put her hands on her hips and leaned backward to stretch her lower back.

  Damn, she was tired. Waking Tyler up every two hours to check on him hadn’t done much for her beauty rest. Neither had Evelyn’s arguments from the previous night that thrummed in her head, giving her a sleep-deprived headache. She needed caffeine.

  Once when slipping into a fitful sleep last night, visions of Jack had flitted through her dreams—Jack, the disapproving teen who scolded her when she’d stolen the ladder from the hay loft, leaving Brandon stranded and yelling for help, and who once pulled her feet first from the spreading branches of the old blue ash near the barn paddock, catching her in his arms and holding her tight for a long moment. She could remember the look in his eyes. Surprise maybe, and something more.

  Those idyllic memories didn’t help her mood. She didn’t want to dwell on the early days with Brandon and Jack, the fun and freedom before grown-up reality set in. Back then the lowly farm manager’s daughter was good enough to be a playmate for the visiting grandchildren of the farm owner, but not good enough to marry.

  Bending her head side-to-side, Alex stretched again, hoping to ease the tension in her neck and shoulders. There were times when she was honest with herself and admitted pangs of guilt deep in her gut that had nothing to do with her mother’s nagging.

  Deep, deep down, she regretted having pre-marital sex at eighteen, being swept away in a tumult of lust and love that night in the hay loft. Brandon had claimed he loved her and she had loved him back. The swift moment of sex had ironically been the best mistake she had ever made. Tyler had come of it.

  Being a single mother was tough, but being both mother and father to Tyler was tougher. There was no point in kidding herself any longer.

  Alex stepped aside to let a groom leading a blanketed Thoroughbred pass. What would she say to Jack when she saw him? Oh, she’d see him again. If she recalled rightly, Jack Breckinridge was a single-minded, persistent sort of a guy when he wanted something.

  And for some crazy reason, he wanted to m
arry her.

  Maybe she needed help, but she didn’t want a man to rescue her. Not even a sexy, self-possessed man who wore his cords and Armani sweaters as if he was poured into them.

  Calling hello to Greco’s groom, she walked down the shed row. At Johnny’s office door, she pulled it open and came face-to-face with the subject of her thoughts, who was sitting in a hardback chair and reading a worn copy of The Blood Horse magazine.

  Jack glanced up. Her stomach contracted. She shut the door. “Johnny’s out with the horses,” she said.

  “I didn’t come to see Marsden.”

  Alex’s breath caught. Of course not.

  “I’ll be riding Greco in a few minutes.” She spoke hastily, trying to ignore the knot in her stomach.

  “I know.”

  He appeared so relaxed. So in control. She took a few steps across the room, aware of his aristocratic face and piercing eyes. Alex poured coffee into a cup and held the cup up to her lips, buying protection. Against what? His stare? Her incredibly mixed emotions?

  She sipped the hot liquid, letting it burn all the way down her throat, and gazed at him over the rim of her cup. Being around Jack left her flustered. On edge. Like a colt ready to break.

  Jack placed the magazine on Johnny’s desk and leaned back nonchalantly. “Given any thought to my proposal?” Amusement sparkled in his gray eyes. “I’ve been holding my breath.”

  She pressed her lips together, heat rising in her cheeks. “I told you I won’t marry without love.”

  “I remember you saying that.” He shrugged his broad shoulders indicating he didn’t much believe her. “I thought you might have reconsidered. You had two days to sleep on my offer.”

  She jutted out an unyielding jaw. Did this man have some sixth sense?

  But to be honest, Tyler’s unhappiness caused her current restiveness. His accident was a wake-up call and seeing him this morning curled in a ball in the middle of that lumpy sleeper sofa had given her pause.

  Her mother was right. Tyler deserved more. No matter her hard work and best intentions, she couldn’t do it by herself. Her son wasn’t thriving. It would be years before she could afford a house and a monthly mortgage payment. Years before he would have his own room, a real bed and after-school activities. She couldn’t even manage fifty dollars a month to save for college. Those checks always went to pay bills.