Knocking on Helen's Door

by Eve Langlais

“She married you?” Disbelief followed by disdain. “You lie.”

  “I assure you, we are married.”

  She still couldn’t believe it. Maybe if they’d had time for another kiss…

  “Doesn’t matter if you’re married. She is under arrest.”

  “Actually, Theodore, it does matter.” A woman suddenly appeared in a fog of dark blue that settled into a business suit. She wore a severe expression as she faced down the angel. “Hello, I’m Kourtney, Grim Dating’s legal counsel, here to explain why you cannot lay a hand on the new Mrs. Julio Reaper. You are hereby being reminded that Mrs. Reaper, as a result of her binding marriage to Julio Reaper, is now a citizen of Hell with all the rights and protections afforded that stature.”

  “So what if she married a reaper?” Theodore sneered. “You do realize it’s just more proof she deserves arrest and punishment. The rules are clear. Angels may not consort with minions of Hell.”

  “A fallen angel can,” Kourtney pointed out.

  “Only she never stood trial and was never cast out,” Theodore argued. “She broke our laws before the marriage. She will be tried for her crimes. It could be that instead of being cast down she is allowed to do penance.”

  Kourtney didn’t back down. “You want her, then you’ll have to file an extradition request.”

  “Or I can just take her now,” Theodore threatened, taking a step forward.

  Kourtney shook her head. “You really don’t want to do that. There are rules you have to follow. Part of the treaty between Heaven and Hell signed after the hundred-year war. It says you can’t take a citizen of Hell without going through the proper channels.”

  Theodore bristled with rage and raised his sword. “I don’t listen to demons.”

  “Oh, you really don’t want to do that,” Julio admonished.

  From nowhere a shadowy shape appeared and spread at Kourtney’s back. From it a voice boomed, “You would threaten my woman?”

  Theodore glared at the newly arrived reaper. “This is Heaven’s business.”

  “You don’t want to fuck with me.”

  The reaper loomed, and Kourtney turned a smile on the spreading shadow and said, “Thanks, but I got this, Dwayne.”

  “Just making sure he realizes he can’t threaten you.”

  Dwayne settled down, and Kourtney turned back to Theodore just as he said, “No one will be harmed if you stand aside.”

  “You want Helen, then you will abide by the contract. Any move on your part to take her by force will constitute a violation, and I will file a formal complaint.”

  “We should report this to Michael and see what he wants to do,” said an angel at Theodore’s back.

  “I am not leaving without her.” Theodore just wouldn’t give up.

  It was then Helen got brave and stepped forward. “If you’re so worried about the rules, then why don’t we talk about the fact you’ve been breaking them. I saw you fornicating with a nanny in Heaven.”

  Theodore’s jaw tightened. “Stop with the lies.”

  “Lies?” she huffed. “I’m not the one who has a problem with the truth. I know you’re a sinner. I’ve seen your son here on Earth. I know that Heaven is the one who has been lying. Our Father is not our Father in Heaven. We are made on Earth. We are half human.”

  At her words, the angels shifted, and Theodore’s face darkened. “Blasphemy.”

  “It’s the truth. And you want me so you can silence me before I tell anyone,” she accused.

  As Theodore’s companions shifted away from him, he snarled, “This isn’t over. I’ll be back.” A definite threat, and yet he and his squad left the apartment without arresting her, which she considered a victory.

  Kourtney appeared somber. “He’ll return, and soon, with Heaven’s lawyer in tow. I recommend you be gone before then.”

  “Why? I thought they couldn’t arrest me because we are married.” She glanced at Julio, who appeared just as confused.

  Kourtney’s lips flattened. “Yes and no. The problem is there is a very hard rule about angels getting married to reapers. Actually, according to the quick search I did on angelic laws, your kind can’t get married to anyone. Add in the non-association-with-Hell rule and we could be arguing this case in the neutral courts for a long time.”

  “I thought you said I was fallen?” An idea that didn’t frighten her like it once did. Not after all she’d seen.

  “Not technically. Theodore is correct in that you have to stand trial and be formally cast down.”

  “But I sinned.”

  Kourtney shrugged. “I don’t make the laws, just argue for or against them.”

  “What are we supposed to do?” Julio asked. “I won’t let them take her.” Did he even notice how his cloak had reached out to wrap around her, keeping her warm when inside she felt chilled?

  “Theodore isn’t an angel who will accept defeat. Look at the lengths he’s already gone to cover his misdeeds.”

  “What do you suggest then? If he won’t stop chasing me, then does that mean I should turn myself in?” Helen didn’t want to, and yet it seemed she didn’t have a choice.

  “I wouldn’t.” Kourtney shrugged, a roiling cloud of blue that merged with the black cloak still looming at her back. “Seems to me that’d ensure a certain death. The best thing I can suggest is to go somewhere Theodore can’t reach you. Somewhere to give you breathing room while we try to clear your name.”

  “Is there such a place on Earth?” Julio asked.

  Kourtney shook her head, but Dwayne had a suggestion. “There’s only one place you can go where angels won’t follow.”

  Hell.

  16

  Julio didn’t need to look at Helen to know she’d be against the idea.

  “I am not going to Hell,” she muttered obstinately.

  “Then I guess you’re going to Heaven,” he retorted. “And not the nice way.”

  Kourtney and Dwayne wisely took their leave.

  “I haven’t sinned.” At Julio’s arched brow, Helen amended her statement. “Much.”

  “It would only be temporarily while we deal with your angel problem.”

  “It wouldn’t be a problem if people realized Theodore was a liar!” she yelled, finally indulging in her human half’s emotions.

  “And hopefully soon we’ll be able to reveal just how crooked he is, but in the meantime, unless you want to be arrested and officially cast down, you don’t have a choice.” He didn’t point out the fact that her becoming fallen was just a matter of time whether she appeared in Heaven to defend herself or not. She’d consorted with the devil, married a reaper, and made out with him on a kitchen chair. Plus, she’d eaten meat. When would she realize there was no going back?

  A better question being, why would she want to?

  Her shoulders slumped. “If I go to Hell, I’ll never be able to return even if I do prove my innocence.”

  “Probably not, and be honest here, do you really want to?” he prodded.

  She bit her lower lip before admitting, “Not really. I’d rather stay on Earth.”

  “Maybe we can find a way to make it happen. After all, you are my wife, and I do work there.”

  “I would like that I think, but at the same time, I want Theodore to be exposed. He shouldn’t be allowed to hurt people.”

  “I’m sure he’ll eventually get what’s coming to him.” And Julio hoped it involved his fist hitting that smug face numerous times.

  Her lips turned down. “Will he? My Father, who has been complicit in Heaven, is all knowing, all seeing. And letting it happen.”

  “You said he’s been imprisoned. Maybe this kind of behavior is more recent?” He didn’t know why he tried to soften her disillusion.

  “Maybe.” Her shoulders rolled, but her expression remained morose.

  “Come on. We should get out of here before the angels decide to ignore Hell’s lawyer and take you by force.” He held out his hand.

  “I really don’t want to g
o to Hell,” was her stubborn reply.

  “You say that, and yet you’ve never even seen it.”

  “I’ve seen images. It’s brimstone and fire, torture and pain.”

  He snorted. “Brimstone, yeah, ashy also, but torture and pain? That’s for those who deserve punishment. I promise, no one will hurt you.” He meant it. He’d protect her from harm.

  Hesitantly, she slid her fingers into his, and he drew her close, his cloak wrapping them in a black mist as he pulled on the magic that let him travel between the planes. With the angels gone, and their dampening spell with them, he could go wherever he liked. Including Hell.

  He’d meant to go to the Guild; however, his path dumped them on the shore outside of the nine rings, the departure port for arriving souls. They milled around in snaking lines, lost souls dazed by their deaths, frightened by what their future held next.

  “Fuck me, it’s making us go the long way,” he grumbled.

  As a reaper, Julio refused to stand in any line. He took Helen to a pier where a boat bobbed, manned by a figure in a head-to-toe cloak. A skeleton hand gripped the long pole used to navigate and fight off the Styx monsters.

  Helen breathed a name. “Charon.”

  The ferryman turned a faceless hood in their direction before shoving it back, showing off a freckled face with wild red hair. “Actually, the name’s Clive. Charon’s on vacation.” He smiled, and Julio almost laughed at her expression.

  “How can the Ferryman of Death take time off?” she asked, glancing back at all the waiting souls.

  “Because his contract says he can. Last I heard, he was sailing on the SS Sushimaker Two Earth side with his son. Which is pretty brave. Adexios holds the record for sinking boats.”

  “Charon has a son.” Stated with bemusement.

  “I think you’ll find Hell a lot different than you’ve been taught.” Julio stepped into the boat, and she joined him, sitting primly on the bench, hands in her lap. Her wings, usually invisible, flickered into view. It drew a few gasps and one, “Holy shit, what did an angel do to deserve Hell?”

  She replied, “I dared to question.”

  “What rule does that break?” Clive asked, half joking.

  “It’s number two, right after honor our Father, the almighty.”

  The boat set off, and despite her evident trepidation, Helen gazed around with curiosity at the water and the sky, which only lightly rained ash out over the Styx.

  She held out her hands to catch a flake. “Where does it come from? What is burning?”

  “It’s from the furnace that keeps Hell warm. Without it, all this becomes an inhabitable frozen wasteland.” It had happened before during an attack on the Dark Lord.

  As they traversed the water, they drew attention from its denizens. Swells formed as shapes glided by, but it was the appearance of an eyestalk that startled her.

  “What is that?” She leaned against Julio.

  “One of the monsters. Mostly harmless,” Clive announced but didn’t add that they were harmless to the damned. The souls, already being dead, couldn’t die again, but they could be hurt—or eaten. But what about an angel?

  “Do they eat people?” she asked.

  “Don’t you worry, Miss Angel. I’ll keep ya safe,” Clive boasted, lifting his oar and twirling it to smack a creeping tentacle.

  But while Clive fought off a big one, a tiny monster lifted itself on the gunwale and peered over with one giant bulbous eye, its skin a mottled mauve. It waved, and Helen waved back.

  The baby monster gurgled, and she laughed. “It shouldn’t be, but it is kind of cute.”

  The ferryman heard her. “I think it likes you.”

  She smiled as she petted the slimy head and said, “I like it, too.”

  And Julio liked Helen. A little too much. Something he suspected the moment the devil had suggested they get married and he didn’t argue.

  Him, a perpetual bachelor, tying the knot with an angel. But the worst part?

  He didn’t want a divorce.

  17

  Hell was nothing as Helen imagined. For one, it reminded her of a dirtier version of Earth.

  As they neared the massive pier, she could see in the distance buildings, roads, people.

  Demons, too.

  They looked like she’d been told with horns and leathery skin. Claws and big teeth. What she didn’t expect was for them to wear pants and have conversations. Some pushed carts; others threw out ropes to help dock the boats. A fellow with green skin offered her a hand to get out.

  “Thank you,” she said.

  “Bah,” the demon grunted.

  As Julio landed beside Helen, she found herself leaning into his presence, comforted by it. She felt safe with him.

  To her surprise, a red carpet suddenly unrolled and ended by her toes. The busy workers on the dock stayed clear of it, and the reason became obvious as she noticed the figure treading it in her direction.

  Lucifer arrived wearing a military-style uniform heavy with medals. She could have sworn she heard bugles announcing his approach.

  He stopped before her and beamed, appearing genuinely happy as he said, “Welcome to Hell.”

  “It’s only temporary.” She felt it necessary to say.

  “Sure, it is. That’s what they all say, but once you’ve had a taste of the circles, I guarantee you’ll never want to go back up there.” Lucifer rolled his eyes upward. “Given you’re my guest, I’ve arranged for accommodations at the most luxurious condo overlooking the Styx.”

  “That’s very kind of you,” she said. “Thanks.”

  Whereas Julio snorted. “Don’t be sucked in by this act. He wants something from you.”

  The devil spun his head as he kept walking, very disconcerting. “I want what we all want, for Helen to tell the truth to everyone in Heaven. Exoneration is the end goal. She can’t exactly bask in that victory if she’s dead.”

  Blunt. Harsh. Worse? She couldn’t even deny the possibility. Theodore had made it clear he’d kill her. And for what? Because she saw him intimate with another angel. A rule and ban that made no sense. Why couldn’t angels love each other?

  “How long will I have to stay here?” she asked.

  “Well, that depends on a few things,” the devil said. “How long do you think that pompous prick can hold a grudge?”

  She bit her lip. “A long time.” Not the worst thing, she realized, and more of a relief. She wouldn’t have to leave any time soon. She smiled at Julio, only to see him frowning.

  “I can’t stay, though. I’m supposed to be running Grim Dating,” Julio declared.

  “I’m sure you can commute.” The devil waved his hand as if that would rid them of the problem.

  “And leave her alone?” Julio shook his head.

  “The angels wouldn’t dare come after me here. Would they?” She looked at the devil for confirmation.

  The sly demon in his suave male guise grinned with a dimple. “An angel would never set foot here intentionally.”

  She almost pointed out she’d agreed to come, but the devil had climbed into a strange carriage drawn by winged horses. If horses had manes of flame, burning eyes, and jutting, jagged teeth. When their cloven hoofs stamped impatiently at the ground, sparks scattered.

  “We’re riding in that?” she asked.

  “I’m sure it’s perfectly safe,” was Julio’s skeptical reply.

  Whereas the devil laughed. “Never safe. Good thing I can’t die. But don’t worry, maybe if you croak, you’ll be lucky and not come back as a bug.”

  “As usual, Dark Lord, your speeches are inspiring,” Julio muttered with a snort and an eye roll.

  Helen giggled then slapped her hand over her mouth lest the devil note her amusement at his insult. Surely the lord of Hell would smite Julio on the spot. Punish him. Put him in solitary for days. Years.

  The devil laughed. “I am a master of linguistics. I’ve had centuries to perfect it. And yet, do I have time to impart my grand
wisdom by penning the most epic story of all time? I don’t, and so I inspire humans to write for me. Venerate me. Tell my story.” The Dark Lord’s expression turned devious. “The variations of me are plentiful. For I am legion.”

  A rumble went through the carriage as it lurched into motion, and Helen clung to Julio. Slightly frightened, as she realized the affable man before her was probably the deadliest thing in the universe, because her Father, who might be senile in Heaven, wasn’t known to be a great fighter. Father God relied on his wits, and those had been declining.

  Perhaps Charlie’s takeover wasn’t a bad thing. Now if only he’d do something. Imprisoning his Father meant he had the power. He should use it to bring Heaven into a more modern and just time. Starting by removing the sterilization of the female angels.

  Not fair. Not right. Every angel should have a choice. Personally, Helen would avoid the whole baby-making thing because she’d yet to see the benefit of shoving a watermelon-sized creature from her moist areas.

  Nasty. Although the way they were made through fornication intrigued, especially since that kiss in the chair. It was probably hugely sinful to want more.

  She glanced at Julio and caught his eye. His smile warmed her, and she quivered inside when he squeezed her hand. Made her tingle. Hot.

  Reminded her she wasn’t alone.

  If she went back to Heaven, she would have to give him up.

  She really didn’t want to. She wanted more time with Julio because her time on Earth had shown her that living creatures, human and not, craved affection. Desired to be touched.

  I want love.

  In Heaven, an empty spot gaped within her. Despite being in the most perfect place, she didn’t feel happy. Barely even content. But it was her life. It was safe.

  Until it wasn’t.

  At first, the new reality of Earth terrified, but as she navigated and learned, she found the hole within being filled. She felt happiness. If smiling and joy were a sin, then perhaps Heaven was the wrong place for her.

  Curiosity as to other options was why she didn’t fight her descent to Hell very hard. Earth turned out to be nothing like she’d been taught, and as it turned out, neither was Hell.