Sister Surrogate

by LaChelle Weaver

  Bridgette stayed by Ivy’s side and held her hand, which she’d done throughout the entire delivery, and when the baby was placed in Savannah’s arms instead of hers, Ivy felt a piercing in her heart that brought tears to her eyes. She knew the day would come when she would have to part with the baby, but she’d been the one carrying her for nine months and there was no denying that a bond had been formed.

  “You did a great thing, Ivy. I’m so proud of you,” Bridgette whispered to her as she embraced her.

  “I just want a chance to hold her for a few minutes, Bre. Can’t I do that? Just for a few minutes?” Ivy pleaded.

  Bridgette wiped Ivy’s tears with her hand. “Honey, you know that’s not what was agreed upon. I know it’s difficult and I understand that you’ve carried her and naturally you feel a connection, but it’s important that Savannah starts the bonding process.”

  Ivy’s only response was more tears. Although they had signed a surrogacy agreement with strict stipulations, that still did little to comfort Ivy. It was just a piece of paper, and it didn’t negate her feelings. Yes, biologically she was Arianna’s aunt, but the bond that she’d formed with her was motherly. She’d spent months nurturing her and learning what made her react in the womb. Arianna knew her as mother, and not Savannah. It didn’t seem like a fair exchange, even though she knew what she had signed up for. This was going to be harder than she could’ve ever imagined.

  “I don’t know how I’m going to do this, Bre. Pray for my strength,” Ivy murmured as she glanced over at the happy, new family moment Savannah and Julius were having with Arianna who seemed to be content in Savannah’s arms because she’d stopped crying.

  “Of course, sweetie,” Bridgette said, placing her hand on top of Ivy’s. “It’s already done. And, you’ll just take it one day at a time. I’m a mother, so I understand exactly what you’re feeling. But remember the blessing that you wanted to give to Savannah. You’ve accomplished that and you should be proud of that. I know our parents would be.” Bridgette smiled as she glanced over at the new parents with their baby.

  Everything Bridgette conveyed to her was the truth, but Ivy still felt a compelling sense of loss, and she didn’t know how or if she’d be able to be in the background of Baby Arianna’s life when she’d been such an integral part of hers. Tears came again as she watched her with her new mother—from a distance.

  Chapter Forty-Eight

  M

  otherhood wasn’t what Savannah had pictured it to be. It was harder than she had imagined. She seemed to be having a difficult time bonding with her daughter, and it was frustrating her because she didn’t know what she was doing wrong. Arianna cried all of the time, and it seemed to Savannah that it took forever to calm her down.

  They’d been back in Charlotte a few days, having left Atlanta right after both Ivy and Arianna had been released from the hospital. Bridgette had decided to stay a few extra days with Ivy, which Savannah thought was a good idea. She would’ve liked to also, but she had to get back home and begin a routine with her new baby. And, as usual, Julius needed to get back to work, which annoyed Savannah. She felt like if she could take time off from work to bond with their daughter, then he should have to. But, he’d promised that after he wrapped up the current case he was working on, he’d take a few weeks off, so she didn’t make a big fuss about it. Still, she wasn’t happy. As she feared, it felt like she was parenting alone.

  Savannah was the one who had been getting up with Arianna while Julius slept peacefully, calling hogs along the way with his snoring. Savannah felt like smothering him with a pillow, as she snatched the covers away from herself and planted her bare feet onto the hardwood floor. The clock on the nightstand read 2:02.

  The sound of her baby’s cries blaring from the monitor next to the clock summoned her to Arianna’s nursery. She turned it off before heading there so Julius wouldn’t be awakened, even though he was usually a hard sleeper. She knew he had an early start that morning, so she was trying to be considerate, but she felt like cracking him over the head with it. It didn’t seem fair that she should be the only one tending to their baby.

  “Okay, sweetie. Mommy’s here,” Savannah spoke gently to her daughter as she scooped Arianna out of her crib and cradled her in the pink blanket she’d laid on top of her when she’d put her down to sleep four hours earlier. Arianna continued to cry and squirm in Savannah’s arms.

  “Awww…sweetheart. I know. Let’s go to the kitchen and get you a bottle,” Savannah said, trying to calm her down, but as usual it wasn’t working.

  Thirty minutes later, Savannah was the one in tears as she held her daughter who had calmed down some, but was still cranky and whiny. Savannah rocked with her back and forth in the rocking chair in her nursery, and she felt like the worst mother in the world. Arianna just didn’t seem comfortable in her arms. She always squirmed and was irritable until she eventually drifted off to sleep from her exhaustion of what Savannah felt was Arianna fighting her love—rejecting her. And the thought hurt Savannah to her core.

  She thought motherhood would come naturally no matter how Arianna was conceived and brought into the world. Savannah had no doubt that her motherly instincts would kick in and her daughter would take to her, but obviously she’d been wrong and she didn’t know how to deal with that.

  She’d never had a problem bonding with other people’s children. She always had a nurturing spirit because of her innate desire to have children of her own. Her nephews loved her and the many young students that surrounded her daily at the elementary school adored her. So, why did her own daughter hate her?

  Savannah looked down at her daughter who had finally drifted off to sleep and asked her that very question as if she could respond.

  “Why do you hate me, baby girl? What am I doing wrong, sweetie?” Savannah cried while silently praying for a breakthrough with her daughter. It ripped her apart to think that her own child would never love her.

  Chapter Forty-Nine

  I

  vy was glad to be in the sanctity of her home and away from all the poking and prodding of the doctors and nurses at the hospital. It had been a few days since she and the baby had been released, and while she was healing physically, emotionally she was a mess. It felt strange to have left home with a baby in her stomach and then return with nothing to show for it. She hadn’t expected it to be this hard, especially since she’d always denounced motherhood. She’d only done the surrogacy thing to support her sister’s dreams, but she would’ve never guessed she would feel such an emotional attachment to the baby. And yet here she was balling like one now because of it.

  A stack of books she’d bought on pregnancy, when she first learned that she was, had triggered her tears when she saw them sitting on her coffee table. It had been the first time she’d ventured into the living room since being home, having spent the first few days in bed.

  “Honey, it’s okay to feel how you’re feeling. It’s completely understandable,” Bridgette sat next to her on the sofa, rubbing her back.

  Bridgette had found her crying when she’d come from the kitchen, having gone to make them some tea and popcorn. They’d been planning to watch one of their favorite movies, Brown Sugar. Ivy was a huge Taye Diggs fan and Bridgette thought it would be fun to watch a marathon of his movies to try and lift her spirits, so they were going to watch The Best Man afterwards.

  “I feel like a blubbering fool. I haven’t cried this much in my life,” Ivy sniffed.

  Bridgette grabbed a tissue from the box sitting on an end table and placed it in her sister’s palm. “You have to get it all out. It’ll make you feel much better. You’ve always been the tough one, but everybody has a point in their life when they have to surrender to their emotions. And, I have to say, it’s good to see you vulnerable. I knew you had a heart in there somewhere,” she joked, pointing at Ivy’s chest, bringing a weak smile to her face.

  “I thought it would be easy since I never wanted to be a mother, but carryin
g Arianna really sparked something in me, Bre. I don’t know how to explain it exactly,” Ivy said, wiping her face with the tissue and then picking up a mug of tea and taking a sip. It was chamomile, just what she needed to relax her some.

  “Are you saying that you want children now?” Bridgette asked, picking up her mug and taking a sip also. “Because if you are, that’s going to go right up there with having a black president, something else I never believed would happen.”

  Ivy chuckled and she was glad to have her big sister there. Just a year ago, they couldn’t be in the same room without bickering, but they were getting closer, and Ivy was glad about that. She was grateful that she’d wanted to stay a few extra days to make sure she was okay, but that was who Bridgette always was.

  “I don’t know what I’m saying. I guess I’m not as opposed to it as I was before,” said Ivy.

  “Lawd, hammercy. I might need to get up and do a praise dance,” Bridgette joked and Ivy laughed.

  Her mood was lightening up already. She knew that there were going to be tough days ahead, especially when she thought about the niece that she’d carried for nine months and then had to give away, but for right now, she was thankful to have her sister’s support.

  “Speaking of children. How are the boys dealing with Nick’s absence?” Ivy asked. Bridgette was silent for a moment, and Ivy didn’t know if it was a good time to bring up her brother-in-law since they were having such a light moment.

  “They seem to be handling it pretty well. I think they’ve adjusted to not having him around on a daily basis.”

  “What about you? How are you dealing with it?” Ivy asked.

  Bridgette paused briefly, running her forefinger around the rim of her mug as if she was pondering the question.

  “Well, I won’t lie. I miss him. A lot. It’s been three months, but it feels much longer.”

  “Yeah, I bet. Especially when you’re not getting any,” Ivy remarked and Bridgette playfully tapped her on the leg.

  “Ivy Lynne,” she exclaimed.

  “What? It’s the truth. I’ve been a member of the same club for longer than I care to admit, so it’s not like you’re alone.” Ivy laughed.

  “Now, see that’s the sister I know and love,” said Bridgette, sharing her laughter.

  “Seriously, Bre. I know how much you love Nick. I’ve never had a problem with him because he always seemed to show you nothing but the utmost respect and he’s been a great father to my nephews. Now, he might’ve been a little old school in his thinking sometimes, but he’s not perfect. None of us are.”

  “True. And I do love him. I’ve never stopped. Even with everything that we’ve been through. But, I don’t know if that’s true for him.”

  “Nonsense. That man loves you to the point of where it’s almost sickening,” Ivy remarked and Bridgette chuckled.

  “It seems surreal that our marriage is where it is, but then again, so is everything else that has happened in the past year,” Bridgette lamented.

  “You’re right about that, sissy,” Ivy replied, reflecting on the major changes her life had underwent as well as she rested her hand on her now empty belly.

  Bridgette noticed her gesture and rested her hand on top of Ivy’s free one. “Well, the good thing about it is there’s always tomorrow and therefore another chance to get it right.”

  “Yes. One of mama’s famous sayings. And it’s funny because they’ve come up a lot lately,” said Ivy.

  “I know. For me too. But, that’s how I know she’s always around. I feel her presence daily and it gives me comfort.”

  “Me too,” said Ivy. “And, I know one thing she’d want.”

  “What’s that?”

  “For you to try and work things out with your husband. She loved Nick, and so did Daddy, especially when he didn’t scare him off with that old rifle he used to pull out and sit across the kitchen table with every guy that we dated.” Ivy laughed at the memory and so did, Bridgette.

  “Oh my gosh. How could I forget? And, I tried to do the same thing with Julius when Savannah started dating him,” Bridgette said.

  “And it didn’t work because he was laughing his butt off the entire time. But, he got the point though,” said Ivy and they both laughed.

  “Those were such good times. And what truly made us a family. We have to get back to that. I was telling Savannah that very thing a few months ago. That we need our annual family vacations to the beach house again.”

  “I really miss that place,” said Ivy, thinking back to when she’d almost taken Kean there.

  Ivy was certain that if they would’ve gone, that line between platonic and intimacy would have most definitely been crossed. There were only so much flirting, kissing, hugging and playful smacks on her buttocks that she could take. It was just human nature.

  “Well, we should plan to go back soon. It’ll be good for us,” said Bridgette, smiling.

  Ivy returned her smile, but she didn’t respond. She knew that she wouldn’t be around for a while and a family reunion wasn’t going to happen anytime soon, but she didn’t want to tell Bridgette that because she looked so hopeful.

  Ivy had gotten a call from her agent the day after she’d returned from the hospital that she’d been anticipating, and it couldn’t have come at a better time. She loved her sisters, but with everything she’d been through she needed some distance and to get back to what had made her happy in the first place—her career. And in two weeks, she’d be on a plane heading to Paris. Another opportunity had come up for her to work with that renowned fashion designer, and she wasn’t going to pass it up this time. She’d be gone for at least six months, but she’d been seriously considering moving there permanently. It had always been a dream of hers to live in Europe, and now that she’d fulfilled her sister’s dreams, it was time to get back to hers.

  Chapter Fifty

  S

  avannah just knew she was having a mental breakdown because she was dealing with some of the same emotions she had when she’d found out that she had cervical cancer and would be left barren because of it. She couldn’t stop crying and she had a lot of anxiety. She wasn’t getting much sleep because Arianna didn’t seem to be either. Savannah would put her down to sleep, but she’d wake up crying a short time after. She thought something might be ailing her, so she’d taken her to the doctor a few days earlier than her first well child checkup, but the doctor had found nothing wrong. She told Savannah that some babies took longer to adjust than others, so it only confirmed for her what she’d already feared—that Arianna hated her. She never seemed to have the same reaction with Julius. It didn’t seem to take much effort from him to calm her down.

  Bone tired, and drained emotionally, Savannah didn’t have the energy to get up when she heard her baby wailing from the speaker on the monitor. She ignored her, hoping she would just cry herself back to sleep since she didn’t seem to want Savannah to touch her anyway. She knew it was irrational thinking, but Savannah was just too tired to care. She loved her daughter, but motherhood had become a curse instead of the blessing she’d hoped it would be. Maybe there had been a reason why God had chosen to strike her with cervical cancer and take away her ability to bear children. She’d tampered with God’s will and this was the result, so maybe Bridgette’s mother-in-law had been right when she’d told Bridgette that. Savannah had thought it a cruel thing to say to someone, but everything that was happening was making what Cassietta said appear valid.

  It was obvious that her daughter had created a bond with her sister, and the thought that she’d never establish the same bond was an indescribable pain that Savannah didn’t want to face.

  Arianna’s cries had reached a grating, high-pitched level and Savannah turned the monitor off to silence her. Between Julius sounding like a John Deere lawnmower with his snoring and her baby’s wailing, Savannah couldn’t take it anymore. She needed an escape. She was unhappy with her marriage and motherhood. She had a husband who worked too much and a baby w
ho had rejected her; neither seemed to care if she was around or not. This wasn’t the life she’d dreamed about. It wasn’t the life that she wanted.

  Chapter Fifty-One

  B

  ridgette was jarred awake by the ringing of a telephone. She didn’t know if it was her iPhone or the cordless one to the landline because she was still in a slumberous state. She peered at the alarm clock on her nightstand. The illuminating numbers read 4:38, causing her to become more alert; a call that early in the morning couldn’t be good. She shot up to a sitting position in bed, and when she realized it was her iPhone ringing; she grabbed it off the nightstand. Savannah and Julius’s image filled the screen, one of many from their wedding that Bridgette had snapped throughout that day. Julius’s name was displayed across the top, and she knew something had to be wrong.

  “What’s wrong, Julius?” Bridgette queried, her heartbeat starting to increase.

  “Hey, Bridgette. Sorry to wake you, but I was wondering if you’d heard anything from Savannah or if she was there with you by chance?” he asked.

  Bridgette could hear her niece crying in the background.

  “It’s okay, sweetheart,” Julius said, trying to calm the baby down.

  “No. She’s not here. Is Arianna okay?” Bridgette asked. Her voice filled with concern.

  “I think she will be. Her diaper is soiled pretty badly and I think she’s been crying for quite some time now. Her little voice is hoarse,” said Julius. “I looked every place in the house for Savannah and when I looked out into the garage, her SUV was gone. But, she left her cellphone here.”

  Bridgette could hear the worry in his voice.

  “That’s strange and it’s not like her to just up and leave without telling someone, especially with the baby being there. Maybe she just ran to the store for something and was planning to come right back before Arianna woke up,” Bridgette said, even though she felt an uneasiness nagging at her.