Verse

by Moses Roth

  MRR

  Just an old man in a coma.

  MRR

  Defenseless.

  MRR

  I grab the breathing tube.

  The door clicks and I turn, aiming my gun.

  Erwin is at the door, aiming his gun.

  I say, “Erwin, oh my god.”

  He says, “Manuel, are you okay?”

  We both lower our guns.

  He comes toward me and we hug.

  We separate and he looks at the prime minister, “He looks okay,” and then at me, “but Jesus, let’s go find you a doctor.”

  I laugh. “What are you doing here?”

  He smiles. “I came as soon as you hung up on me. Not fast enough, I guess, but I guess you didn’t need my help.”

  “I could’ve used it.”

  He heads for the door. “I’ll probably get court-martialed, but…”

  “No, you won’t have to worry about that.” I grab the breathing tube.

  “What?”

  I say, “Our revolution is about to succeed,” and tug.

  “What are you doing?” I look at him and he has his gun raised at me.

  I stop tugging. “What are you doing?”

  “Let go of that.”

  I do and say, “You’re aiming your gun at me?”

  “No.” He lowers his gun. “I mean, yes, but if that’s what you wanted, why didn’t you just let those terrorists do it?”

  I shrug.

  He says, “Why are you doing that? Why would you even consider that?”

  I say, “You know they think I blew up the Dome of the Rock.”

  “They said on the news.”

  “And you know what else they said? I’m a hero.”

  “Yeah. All the guys in my unit love you. Everyone does.”

  “They want a leader. And they’ve turned to me. But if the prime minister wakes up, that won’t happen.”

  “You can’t be serious.”

  I shrug.

  He says, “It’s my duty to protect him.”

  “But you joined the army for me.”

  “Yes…”

  “Erwin, this is what we have to do.”

  “No. No, not this.”

  “Yes, this. There’s no other way.”

  “No, I’m not gonna let you do that.”

  “Erwin, as your messiah, I’m telling you, this is what we have to do.”

  “Manuel, if you do that, then you’re not my messiah.”

  “What?”

  He nods.

  I say, “When did you stop believing in me, Erwin?”

  “I didn’t stop. I still believe in you.”

  “So what are you doing?”

  “What are you doing? You’re not a murderer. Are you?”

  I shrug. “I am today. This war happened because of me. I don’t know how many people are dead. Including six, no, seven people I killed myself. And I got Iris killed.”

  “But you didn’t mean for those people to die. Except for the terrorists.”

  “So what? And you know the other things I’ve done.”

  He says, “Like what? Took advantage of Faye? Drove Sydney to suicide? Abandoned your child?”

  “Yeah.”

  “And yeah, you’ve gotten a lot of people killed. Friends I made in the army are dead because of you. And they all believed in you.”

  “Maybe they shouldn’t have. Why do you still believe?”

  He laughs. “I don’t know.”

  I say, “I don’t know either.”

  “You don’t know what?”

  “If I believe.”

  He says, “You don’t know. You don’t know if you believe? Well what have you ever done to make things better? And now you want me to believe that if you kill this man, you’ll bring peace to Israel?”

  “To the entire world, if I can.”

  “This is how you bring peace?”

  “First war, then peace.”

  “You believe that, but you don’t believe in, what, God any more?”

  “I… Do you remember we talked about the story of Moses meeting God in the burning bush?”

  “Sure.”

  “Moses meets God for the first time. And Moses asks who he is. And God says, I am the god of your fathers. Moses knows the stories and he accepts that. But people believed in lots of gods back then. So Moses says, people will ask me who you are and what should I say? He asks God, what’s your name, who are you really? Do you remember what God says?”

  “No.”

  “God says, ‘I am what I am.’”

  “Okay, so what?”

  “It’s a tautology. It means there’s no real answer, you just have to accept him for what he is, without explanation.”

  “Okay?”

  “Before people knew about God, they looked around at the world and wondered where it all came from. Gods were the explanation. But God himself says he can’t be explained. He calls himself ‘I am,’ and he says to call him, ‘He is.’ His name is ‘He is’ or Yahweh as we pronounce it today. So the world came from God, but where did God come from? He just is. So why do we need God? Can’t we just look at the world and say, ‘It is?’”

  “That’s not enough for me.”

  “So why is God enough?”

  “Because I believe. Don’t you?”

  “I don’t know if I ever believed.”

  “Everything they said about you is true. So what’s that make you?”

  “The devil?”

  “Just like we’re supposed to be fighting.”

  “The devil is the messiah, Erwin. The christ is the antichrist. In the scriptures, who is it who destroys the world? Is it God or the devil? God is the devil. Good is evil. Everything is nothing. Nothing means anything.”

  “Then what was it all for?”

  “It was for nothing!”

  “Then why are you doing this?”

  “So I can see this thing to the end.”

  I raise my gun and he raises his. I fire and he fires. He collapses and the window behind me shatters.

  I grab the breathing tube and pull it out.

  MRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

  Chapter 90

  I walk out of the hospital and it’s surrounded with soldiers and vehicles.

  One of them spots me and aims his rifle and screams, “Tawaqaf! Qif!”

  I put my hands in the air.

  He keeps screaming and now dozens of rifles are aimed at me and I get down on my knees and a bunch of them are around me, putting me on the ground, knocking the wind out of me, my face against the pavement, taking my Uzi.

  They talk back and forth and a pair of boots approaches and says something, and one of them lifts me back to my knees and the boots belong to Urdunn.

  “Hello, Manuel,” he says. “What are you doing here?”

  “The men who came to kill the prime minister called Awadi. I came to help.”

  “Where’s Awadi and Farid?”

  I shake my head.

  “Where’s Wasif and Malak and the others?”

  “The Israelis killed them.”

  “And you helped.”

  “No, I—”

  He punches me in my right eye socket and the pain devours me. I scream, “I killed Mazal Ravid!”

  “Liar!”

  He punches me again in the eye socket and I vomit and weep and wail.

  He says something to two of the men and they run inside.

  God, please just let this pain kill me.

  Just let me die.

  Please.

  The soldiers talk amongst themselves. The pain starts to subside a little. My face is completely soaked with tears.

  The two men come back and say something to Urdunn.

  He looks at me and says, “He’s dead.”

  “I know. I did it. It was me.”

  He considers it and says, “No. I won’t fall for your lies again. I took a chance on you once and you lied before. You didn’t make your broadcast and now you�
��ve killed my boys.”

  “I didn’t lie! I’m a Muslim! I’m a Muslim!”

  “You’re an apostate and your blood is halal.”

  “I’m not! I’m not!”

  He says something to one of the men and they hand him a pistol. He says, “Then you’ll be in paradise in a moment.” He aims the gun at me, pressing the barrel to my forehead.

  I say, “Doesn’t the Quran say that he who takes a life, it’s as if he destroyed an entire world?”

  “And how many worlds have you destroyed?”

  The ground explodes in fire, raining from the sky.

  My skin scorches.

  Men burn alive and scream and run.

  I drop to my hands and push myself up onto my feet and I stumble forward.

  Urdunn looks around in fright. Another explosion and he bursts apart into a thousand bloody pieces.

  I’m covered in him. Blood, bone, bile, sinew, semen, shit—

  In my eyes, my hair, my nose, my mouth—

  I gasp, choke, and cough on blood and smoke.

  More explosions.

  More people burst.

  A roar.

  I look up.

  Jets.

  Explosions, machine-gunfire, people shot down.

  Helicopters.

  They zoom, three of them, sleek and black, landing in the crowd, and people scatter.

  Soldiers pour out, firing machine guns, and throwing grenades.

  Israelis.

  A soldier runs up to me and shouts “Mashiakh!”

  And then they’re all around me, at least a dozen soldiers, saying—

  “Moshiah.”

  “Manuel.”

  “Immanuel.”

  “Mashiakh.”

  They’re all around me, crying out to me, lifting me up.

  My soldiers.

  Carrying me.

  They lift me into the helicopter and it carries me into the sky.

  Chapter 91

  I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things. Drop down, ye heavens, from above, and let the skies pour down righteousness: let the earth open, and let them bring forth salvation, and let righteousness spring up together; I the LORD have created it. Woe unto him that striveth with his Maker! Let the potsherd strive with the potsherds of the earth. Shall the clay say to him that fashioneth it, What makest thou?

  I close the Bible and look out the window of my apartment at the scorched and ruined Jerusalem, quiet and peaceful.

  I check my phone.

  9:01

  The interview will already have started.

  I walk into the living room and turn on the TV.

  Security footage of me throwing the grenade and the men blowing up. Then I walk over to them and shoot one and then another. Then I go around the corner.

  Cut to Erwin going down the hallway and around the corner.

  Cut to the interviewer talking to me at her desk.

  Wow. The heroism on display in that video is just staggering.

  I say,

  Thank you, but I’m no hero, I just did what I had to do.

  She looks deeply moved.

  No cameras were present in the prime minister’s room, can you tell us what happened?

  I look tearfully distraught.

  The prime minister was alive when I entered the room. I can’t tell you how relieved I was. But Sam’ar Yakobson entered not long after and… we struggled. I tried to prevent him from removing the Mr. Ravid’s breathing apparatus. But I… failed. We exchanged gunfire and Sam’ar Yakobson lost his life. I was unable to restore the breathing apparatus before Mr. Ravid lost his life.

  She says,

  What do you think was going through Sam’ar Yakobson’s mind?

  I say,

  I’ve asked myself that question again and again. Erwin Yakobson was my oldest friend. I can only say, I think maybe he was bitter about his experience in the army? I just don’t know. I don’t think any of us will ever know.

  She says,

  Thank you for joining us this evening and sharing this with us. Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve been speaking with Immanuel Kadur, who just a few days ago was appointed acting prime minister of Israel by a special emergency cabinet, in an unprecedented turn of events for someone holding no previous political experience. Mr. Kadur, they’ve told me you’re pursuing legislation to reform the State of Israel into a monarchy, one covering the whole of Israel and Palestine. I have to tell you, as an American, I find this highly troubling.

  I say,

  First let me say that all citizens of Palestine will be given full citizenship under the monarchy. This is a benefit, with increased rights. Second of all, you know I’m an American too. I grew up in democracy and believed in it. But we’ve both seen the corruption that can only be solved by God-chosen leadership.

  She says,

  One final question, I know we’re short on time. Currently, you are still occupying several nations that participated in the invasion of Israel. At what point in time do you anticipate beginning the process of withdrawal?

  I say,

  We will not be withdrawing.

  She says,

  I’m sorry?

  I say,

  We will be advanc

  I turn it off.

  I go into the kitchen and grab Iris’s hard drive off the table.

  I guess all I need is the Bible and the hard drive, I’ll let the movers get everything else.

  I leave.

  Downstairs my convoy is waiting for me, two Humvees and a limo.

  I get into the limo and we drive out into the desert.

  Chapter 92

  We pull into an army base, Camp Tzrifin, and they drive me to Bahad 7, the science facility.

  They escort me inside and down a hall and to a room.

  I go in.

  It’s cool and filled with the humming of thousands of processors. An entire room, all for one computer.

  There are some guys at the main terminal and I go to them.

  We say our hellos and I give them the hard drive.

  I wander down a row as they transfer the file.

  All I can hear is the whirring of fans, the humming of discs, and my footsteps.

  “Sir!” one of them calls out.

  I go back.

  On screen is a page of code that ends in a flashing cursor.

  He says, “Press ‘Enter.’”

  I do it.

  Code scrolls by the screen, stopping on

  YOU ARE THE MESSIAH

  I say, “Did it work?”

  He says, “I can’t say, but it did what she programmed it to do. We’ll upload it now.”

  They drive me back to Jerusalem, to the Prime Minister’s residence.

  I’m so tired, I go straight to the bedroom and flop down on the bed.

  I turn on the television.

  Hebrew, I can’t even focus on what the news anchors are saying. Something about the Dead Sea? I think

  pillow chokes me, smothers me, can’t breathe, I’m falling through the floor dirt bodies down on top of me—

  Wait what? That doesn’t make any— No what was I— My eye, it’s gone, running down the hall where I can’t go through the door out the window I fly through over the grass it feels good under my toes—

  What? That doesn’t make any— oh I’m drifting down the river up to my ankles gently floating down on my back over the falls floating through the air pastthrough the cloud

  A rumble shakes me and I sit up in bed.

  I look out the window and the sky is a dark red.

  What—?

  What time is—?

  11:59

  That can’t be—?

  I look at the television.

  The President of the United States of America, talking at a lectern.

  that the nuclear attack against Israel began less than a quarter of an hour ago. Israel has been our closest ally and we have no choice but to retaliate against any
nation that would perpetrate such a heinous act against them.

  It cuts to another man, his words subtitled.

  If they retaliate, we will retaliate a hundred-fold, them and all their allies and

  “No.”

  I get out of bed, leave my room, walk down the hall, climb the stairs, and go out onto the roof.

  I look out at Jerusalem, at the skyline. It gets so much brighter, growing brighter and brighter, till there’s only white li—

  Chapter 93

  I float into a tunnel of energy, pulled up toward a bright light, like a massive star.

  The light shimmers, growing brighter and dimmer and brighter again.

  I drift toward it, drawn through the tunnel.

  I can’t look away from the light, it burns my eyes, searing into my vision, leaving sunspots around the edges.

  It envelops me, all I see is the light, there’s nothing else.

  Inside is a figure, made of light, exuding the light.

  Am I dead?

  YOU ARE THE MESSIAH.

  I reach for it and it reaches for me.

  We unite.

  I can feel them all.

  Everyone dead, their bodies destroyed, their memories forgotten, their consciousness lost.

  But I can hear them, see them, and they are me. I am the dead, not dead, but alive. Their particles rise and mix with mine and become mine.

  I am the dust, the air, the water, and the ground. Everyone who ever lived, the whole of experience, the whole of thought, is mine.

  I become light.

  I move through the universe, conscious light in every direction.

  I am the universe, every particle a piece of me.

  I am complete. I am all.