Feels Like the First Time

by Casey McMillin

  I'd seen the house. It was impossible to miss it. It was three times the size of Earl and Coleen's house and sitting on what must've been twenty acres. I'd been out walking quite a bit and seen how nice their place was.

  "You should come by and meet my daughter Esther," she said. "She's going into her junior year." I knew she didn't know about my past, otherwise she wouldn't want me to meet her daughter.

  "I'd like that," I said. I forgot it was the first time Earl heard me speak and his head whipped around comically when I said it. Obviously, he didn't want to embarrass me because he didn't draw attention to the fact that a miracle had just taken place. He just stared at me with wide eyes. I couldn't help but smile at him. It was just so funny seeing him gawk at me like that.

  Bonnie went back to sit behind her desk, talking as she walked. "Yeah can you believe Caleb and Aaron will both be in Fayetteville this year? At least we'll have them both in the same place."

  "Coleen and I are thrilled for the boys," Earl said. "We plan on going up to catch a few games."

  "Aw, they'd love that." Bonnie reached behind her and pulled a framed photograph from her desk. She handed it to me and I took it and turned it around to inspect it. I assumed they were her children. Her finger came into view and she pointed at one of the boys. "That's Aaron. He's going into his junior year of college. He plays football for the Razorbacks."

  "And a fine football player he is," Earl added. "All-state his junior and senior year if I remember right."

  "Aaron got all district his junior year and all-state his senior year. That was Caleb you're thinking about. He was all-state two years in baseball." She moved her finger to the other boy in the picture. "This is Caleb. He's going into his freshman year at the University of Arkansas this year with his brother. It's just an hour and a half up the road, and it makes me feel better that they'll both be there, but I just can't believe my baby is going off to college."

  The guy she was pointing to was hardly a baby. He was taller than his older brother.

  "Is this where I'm supposed to go to get my schedule?" I asked, trying not to get distracted by the strapping young male athletes in the picture. Again, Earl's gaze shifted to me as if he couldn't believe I was speaking. I offered him an almost imperceptible smile.

  "It sure is," Bonnie said. "Mr. Neilson is in his office. I'll let him know you're here. I'm sorry, I'll talk your ear off if you let me."

  "It's fine," I said, handing her the picture.

  "Tell the boys to stop by the house before they leave if they get the chance. I know Coleen would like to see them before they go."

  "I'll tell them, but you know how busy they are. Caleb spends every last second with Rose."

  "Oh, that's right. I forgot his little girlfriend was younger than him."

  She shrugged. "They'll work it out. I think she's planning on going to Arkansas next year. She'll just be a year behind."

  Bonnie smiled at Earl before picking up the phone on her desk and pressing a few buttons. "Mr. Neilson, I have Jovi Mitchell here to see you." She paused. "Okay I'll send her in." She looked at me. "He'll see you now. He's right in there." She pointed to the only door in the room other than the one we came in through, and I started toward it.

  "Should I go with her or wait in here?" I heard Earl ask.

  "It doesn't matter," Bonnie said.

  I looked back and waived Earl off to tell him I could handle it. And he went right back to his conversation with Bonnie about state championships and sports scholarships. I was relatively sure that her daughter Esther would turn out to be the perfect head cheerleader type and I wouldn't like her at all, but I figured there was no getting around meeting her since we were neighbors.

  I spent the next hour in Mr. Nielson's office. I would be taking six hours of classes with study hall for seventh hour. He explained the school rules and uniform to me and then came out into the receptionist office and explained it again to my granddad.

  Bonnie Cross hugged me again on the way out and told me she looked forward to getting to know me. I wondered if everybody in the south was this forward, or she was just that good of friends with Earl and Coleen. Earl asked her to be sure to make the boys stop by and she said she'd try.

  It wasn't till we got in the truck that Earl spoke to me. "So, are you talking now, or what?" he asked.

  "I guess," I said.

  He shot me a quick glance before putting his eyes back on the road. "You musta liked Dr. Briggs," he said.

  I knew he'd think she worked some kind of miracle. Whatever. Maybe she did. "She was okay," I said.

  "Seems like you got everything squared away at school," he said. "I'm glad you got to meet Bonnie. They're a good family and I meant for you to meet them anyway. Her husband is a general contractor who's responsible for most of the new construction in a fifty-mile radius of here. I watched Ben play high school sports just like his boys. He played college ball too. But he came back once he graduated. He's smart and a hard worker and he's done real well for himself. Coleen and I were just thrilled when they bought the property next door."

  I didn't say anything because I didn't know what to say. Apparently, there was a family of superheroes living next-door.

  "Coleen and I are going to pay for your phone but you just can't go downloading stuff and texting people willy-nilly."

  "I'll just keep the same number I had in New York. I have an unlimited plan."

  "We were wanting to put you on ours," he said. "I think that was under your aunt's name and that all got canceled when she got arrested. Don't you think it be a good idea to start fresh anyway?"

  I didn't see any reason to start fresh when I had an unlimited plan, but I knew better than to look a gift horse in the mouth. "That's fine. I appreciate you getting me a phone. I was planning on looking for a job so I could think about getting a phone and a vehicle."

  "We thought we'd just give you Coleen's car and get her something new. We were thinking about getting another one sometime anyway."

  I couldn't help but smile. I thought I'd have to work my butt off at some minimum wage job just to save up enough to barely get a beater. Coleen's car wasn't brand new, but it was way better than a beater. It was a good old fashion four-door sedan, and that was just fine with me.

  "Thank you," I said. "I didn't need a car in the city, but I'm pretty sure I'd go crazy without transportation out here."

  I forgot I shouldn't say things like go crazy after being quiet for three days, but it didn't seem to bother him. We drove down the long driveway. I glanced at the neighbor's beautiful home and at Coleen, who was outside working in the flowerbeds, but mostly I just checked out the car that would (hopefully) soon be mine.

  "She's talkin'," was the first thing out of Earl's mouth. He said it before he even closed the door to the truck.

  Coleen met us in the driveway. "It must have gone good at Dr. Briggs'," she said. Her curly, blonde and gray hair bounced up and down as she spoke. She was the definition of bubbly.

  "It did," he said. "Then we went up to the school and she got to meet Bonnie—got her schedule squared away too."

  "Oh, gooood. We'll have to go shopping to get the things you need for school," Coleen said. "What'd you think about it?"

  It was a direct question and she knew it. She waited for my answer.

  "It was fine," I said.

  She looked at Earl and they gave each other satisfied smiles that made me roll my eyes.

  "It's not a big deal," I said, annoyed. "I didn't feel like talking and now I do."

  Coleen smiled. "Well it's about time," she said. "I was starting to wonder."

  "Dr. Briggs said it's perfectly normal for people to be quiet when they're going through change."

  "I'm sure it is," she said, "but I'm glad you're finally talking because I was starting to think you didn't like us."

  I considered thanking them for the hospitality but just didn't feel like getting that sentimental right away. "I guess I'll go inside," I said.

&n
bsp; "I'll take you to get a phone later this afternoon if you want," Coleen said.

  I thought it was funny that she didn't know Earl and I had been talking about it, yet it was one of the first things she brought up. I figured she and Earl had already decided they would get one for me once I spoke.

  "I'd like that," I said. I offered her a little half-smile since I really wanted that phone.

  "Oh my word, you look so beautiful when you smile. Doesn't she have a nice smile, Earl?"

  "She has a fine smile," he said.

  I managed one more on my way inside.

  Chapter 3

  My granddad and Coleen got married soon after my grandmother took off with my dad and aunt. She took everything he had when she left, leaving him wanting to do nothing more than forget her. He and Coleen had two children and one grandchild, and his former family seldom crossed his mind until he was contacted by the state of New York two weeks ago. They were nice enough, and seemed to want to make the best of my being there, but let's face it—we were complete strangers.

  They had a son and a daughter that were both living out on their own. Sam got married and lived four-and-a-half hours away in Memphis with his wife and son. He's a pilot for Southwest Airlines. Their daughter, Annie, went to school in Fayetteville and stayed there to live and work once she graduated.

  Earl and Coleen had given me Annie's old room, which thankfully had a TV. They had satellite instead of cable like I was used to, and I was still in the process of figuring out the remote. I was staring down at it when I heard a knock on my door. We'd already eaten dinner, and I sort of expected to be left alone for the rest of the night. I felt a little wave of dread thinking one of them might want to have some quality time, which made me question my decision to speak.

  "Come in," I said. I was stretched on the bed when Coleen walked in and I didn't make a move to get up. I didn't want her to get too comfortable. I turned to face her with a question in my expression, hoping she wasn't going to sit down and ask me to talk about my feelings.

  "The neighbor boys are on their way over here," she said. "Their mama just called me to let me know they're stopping by in a few minutes."

  "Okaaay," I said, wondering how that was supposed to affect me.

  "I'd like you to come downstairs and meet them," she said. I remembered the photo of the Cross boys in their mom's office. Before my aunt got arrested, I would have had a completely different reaction to meeting guys like that for the first time. I would have rushed to get all dolled up and probably showered and shaved my legs. But I was still sorting out my decisions and my feelings about the last four years and honestly, I didn't give a shit who they were or what I looked like.

  "Yeah, I'll come down there. Just yell at me when they get here," I said.

  "Did you want to change or anything?" she asked, tentatively. I had on a tight fitting baby doll T-shirt and panties, my hair was in a tiny little nub of a ponytail way high up on the back my head, and I didn't have a stitch of makeup on my face.

  "Don't worry, I'll wear pants," I said. I would put on a pair of pants, but I had absolutely no desire to fuss over my appearance. I knew the guys in the photo were hot, but I just couldn't make myself care. I was trying to make my way through the heaviness that had overtaken me since everything went down, and male attention was the last thing on my mind. "Just yell at me when they get here," I repeated, as if that should wrap up the conversation. Coleen smiled and left the room with no further questions about my wardrobe.

  I spaced out on some MTV until I heard the doorbell. I should have probably gone downstairs, but I decided to wait until it was absolutely necessary. Also, as a method of proving just how aloof I was about seeing them, I'd neglected to put on my pants. It took a few minutes for Coleen to come knocking, and by the time she did, I almost thought she'd changed her mind about wanting me to meet them.

  Tap, tap, tap.

  "Come in," I called. She'd made a bit of a racket walking down the hall, but I was still on the bed when she opened the door. I expected her to say, "Come downstairs to meet the Cross boys," but when the door opened, I saw not one but three people standing at my door and none of them were Coleen. My granddad was standing there smiling with the two boys standing over his shoulder. They were both taller than him, and smiled at me from behind him. I quickly sat up on the bed, ripping the covers from their position underneath me and covering myself with them.

  "Ahh, Earl!" I shrieked, looking myself over to make sure I was covered. Earl and the two brothers covered their faces at the sight of my shock.

  "I wanted you to meet Aaron and Caleb," he said as they all started turning away.

  "I'll come down in a second," I said. I wasn't used to the way people in the south invaded my personal space, and Jesus, I just never expected a couple of grown guys to try to come into my room like they wanted to just make themselves at home. They talked to each other as they retreated back downstairs, but I couldn't hear what they were saying. I let out a frustrated sigh as I untangled myself from the covers and crossed to the chest of drawers to get some pants. I brought three duffel bags worth of personal belongings, and the pajama pants were some I'd owned for a long time. They were as broken-in as they come. I still had no desire to impress, even after seeing for myself just how incredibly hot they were. For the past four years, I'd been catering to men, and right now, I didn't give a flying flip what they thought of me.

  I went downstairs without a bra and my hair still sticking up every-which-a-way. I walked into the living room, smiling a little. "Coleen went to dig for some pictures of the boys," Earl said as I walked in.

  I didn't respond to his statement, but I held the smile in place as I found a spot on the couch. "I'm Jovi," I said. I made eye contact with one of the brothers and then the other.

  The second one, the one I recognized as the older brother, said, "Like Jon Bon Jovi?"

  I looked at him. "Exactly like Jon Bon Jovi," I said. "That's who I'm named after. Apparently, my parents really liked his music."

  "I'm Caleb," the other one said.

  My gaze shifted back to him. "Like in the Bible?"

  "Exactly like the Bible," he said, mimicking me. "That's my brother Aaron," he continued.

  "That's Biblical too, if I remember right," I said.

  "Old Testament, son!" Aaron said, clearly joking around.

  Caleb smiled, and I caught myself staring at it. "My sister has a Bible name too—"

  "Esther," I said.

  I found it impossible to tear my eyes away from Caleb. I was glad he was the next to speak; otherwise, I would have just been the weird staring girl.

  "She would have stopped by but she had some cheerleading meeting," he said. "She should be home in a little bit. Mom said we should bring you back home with us so you can meet her."

  "Like tonight?" I asked, giving him a confused look.

  He looked at his watch. "It's not even eight o'clock." He neglected to add that it was Friday night, but he didn't have to. Funny thing was, I didn't even care that it was before eight on Friday and I already had on my pajamas.

  "Maybe I'll come by your house sometime during the day when she doesn't have cheerleading stuff going on."

  "Oh, mom's expecting you," Caleb said. "She specifically asked us to bring the Mitchell's granddaughter back home with us."

  "I'm not really dressed to go out tonight, thank you, though."

  "Aw, you should go meet Esther," Coleen said, from behind my shoulder. I didn't hear her approach, but she must've heard enough of the conversation to know that I didn't want to go over there. I cut her an expression that was meant to tell her I didn't really feel like getting out, but apparently she felt like ignoring it.

  "Aw, just go on over there with the boys," she said. "They're like family."

  I gave her another look of disapproval just in case she missed the first one.

  "Your mama said you two had an apartment," Earl said, changing the subject.

  "Yes sir," Caleb said,
"it's right on campus. Aaron's already living over there since he has football practice, but I'm moving in next week."

  "I'll bet you're going to have a hard time leaving your girlfriend," Earl said.

  "Caleb and Rose have been together quite a while," Coleen explained as if I needed to get up to speed. I didn't care about any of this so I just smiled and nodded. "How about you?" Coleen asked. We could all see that her gaze was now focused on Aaron and he smiled.

  "I'm dating a girl I met at school."

  "His mama told me that today while Jovi was gettin' her paperwork done," Earl said. "She said she's really smart."

  "She's a genius," Aaron said. "She's taking classes I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole, and she loves them."

  "I think I'll let you guys catch up, but it was really nice meeting you," I said. I stood up to head for my room.

  "Our mom seriously wanted us to bring you home," Caleb said. "She made me promise I would do it."

  "It's just that I sort of already had plans."

  "To do what?" Caleb asked.

  I must've looked at him like he was crazy for asking because he laughed. "Just come over for a few minutes to meet my sister."

  "I did hear mom tell him to make sure to bring you back," Aaron agreed. He looked at me as if his statement should be confirmation enough for me. I wondered why a girl couldn't just get a little peace and quiet around here. The friendliness was almost intrusive. Feeling like I might as well go ahead and get it over with, I reluctantly agreed to go with them to meet Esther.

  "I guess I should go upstairs and change if I'm getting out of the house. Could you have your mom call over here when your sister gets home from her meeting or whatever?"

  "I'll just walk you over there," Caleb said. "Aaron has his truck over here and he's planning on heading to town when he leaves, but I told mom I'd walk you home. She wanted me to show you the path."