Blowback

by Stephanie Summers

  “Why me,” I said to myself quietly. I hadn’t meant for him to hear me. Hadn’t really meant to say it out loud, but it was a question I was dying to know the answer to. I hadn’t done anything over the top to prove myself worthy of his trust. I’d asked him the day we started dating why he felt like he loved me so soon, and he wouldn’t answer then. Maybe he would now.

  “Because,” he said, leaning forward and looking deep into my eyes. “You look at me like the sun rises in my fucking eyes. You looked past all the bullshit people say about me and saw the real me. You look at me like I deserve you and the love you have to give.”

  “You do deserve it,” I said, and I meant every word. I couldn’t understand how the world could be so cruel to have beaten him down to the point where he didn’t feel worthy enough to be loved.

  “And that’s why I love you. I could never really tell you before, but there it is. You’re such a beautiful soul, Evie. You see the good in people even when it isn’t really there.”

  “I love you, Jet,” I said, trying to think of anything I could to express just how strongly I felt about him. Standing, I pushed him back a little and settled onto his lap. Pressing my cheek to his, I whispered in his ear, “There is good in you… Make love to me. Please?”

  That night together ended up being both the best and the worst day of my life. I never felt so whole, so complete, as I did when I became one with Jet. Our bodies fit together perfectly, like we’d been made for each other. Nothing could ever compare to the way he made me feel.

  But, that ended up being the last time I interacted with Jet before he disappeared from my life for almost a decade. I saw him from afar at school a couple of times after that, but he graduated the next week and summer break came and went with nothing from him. He’d left me a broken shell of the girl I once was. As far as I knew at the time, he’d apparently gotten what he wanted from me and tossed me aside like I never mattered, like I was insignificant.

  I spent my days wondering how he could lie so good. I really believed the words coming out of his mouth, believed that he loved me, believed that he trusted me with his deepest, darkest secrets. I began to wonder if any of it were ever true, but deep down, I knew it was.

  *

  I ugly cried myself to sleep in that hotel and didn’t leave my bed until later that night. I’d extended my stay until the next morning, but once I regained my composure, I had to leave. I couldn’t stay there in our sex sheets any longer. Though I’d washed his scent off my body, I could still smell him there in the bed.

  I gathered my things and prepared myself for the depression I knew I’d sink into over the coming days and weeks. Oh, how it would’ve been so much easier to put everything aside and tell him that we belonged together, but I couldn’t do it. I just wasn’t there.

  I made my way to the rental car after checking out. Uneasiness fell over me. The unmistakable feeling of eyes on me made my skin crawl, but I hoped I was just being paranoid in light of everything. Something deep in my gut told me I had to watch my back for at least a little while, but I chalked it up to nerves. You know what they said about trusting your gut? I definitely should’ve listened to mine.

  CHAPTER 25 – JET

  Every second since I’d left Evie, she hadn’t wandered from my mind. It took the last ounce of strength I had to leave her in that hotel room, but I had to respect her wishes. Truth was, I was lucky she even permitted me to be with her at all that last night.

  Facing the fact that she was gone had been harder than I anticipated. What I really wanted was for her to change her mind, but with every day that went by, it seemed like the possibility got that much more remote. I shouldn’t have been surprised. She was never meant to fit into my life. Once she got a glimpse of who I really was, the love she had for me and that I had for her wasn’t enough to keep her by my side. It was for the best anyway, but it didn’t keep me from feeling like I was dying. Yeah, there was still a slim chance I could get her back, but for the time being, I’d have to be content with the memories of our time together. That might be all I was ever going to get from her.

  Georgia was at school, Niall was fuck only knew where, and I hadn’t left the house for the fourth day in a row. I’d taken up my usual spot on the couch to spend the day in deep self-loathing mode when someone rang the doorbell. I lay there for a minute before finally deciding to open the door.

  A man dressed in khakis and a white polo shirt greeted me as I cracked the door open.

  “Hi, Mr. Flanagan. My name is Tom Dash. I’m a private investigator hired by the Wagner family from up in Harrisburg. I’d like to speak with you for a few minutes if that’s possible. May I come in?”

  “No,” I said and started to shut the door in his face. It was probably another attempt at taking down Niall and probably me in the process or some elaborate ruse to extort money from us. I wasn’t in the mood.

  He jammed his foot into the door before I could shut him out completely. In that split second, I wanted to knock him flat on his ass, but the vision of a horrified Evie flashed in my mind, reminding me that fighting wasn’t always the answer.

  “You’re gonna want to hear what I have to say, and I’m telling you now, the police are going to get involved before it’s over with.”

  Instinctively, I placed my hand behind my back and settled it on the gun I had tucked into my waistband.

  “We have every reason to believe that you are Theodore Wagner, son of Levi and Shannon Wagner.”

  “What the fuck are you going on about?” I asked. He clearly had me confused with someone else. “I’m Jet Flanagan. You’ve got the wrong dude. Now leave before I make you leave.”

  “With all due respect, Mr. Flanagan. I think you owe it to yourself to hear me out,” he said and reached into his pocket. Producing a picture of a child, he said, “This is you, isn’t it?”

  I stared at the picture for what seemed like an eternity, not wanting to see what I was seeing, but there was no mistaking it. The child in the picture was me. My hand dropped away from my gun. A desert took up residence in my mouth and my stomach dropped to the floor. Aside from being completely dumbfounded by the whole thing, tears stung my eyes when I looked at the woman in the photo. Her hands grasped the child’s sides as she held him on her lap. Tilting her head toward the little boy, she had the biggest, brightest smile plastered on her face. Pride sparkled in her gray eyes, the same eyes that stared at me in the mirror every day. Her face had faded so much in my mind over the years that I could barely see her anymore, yet there she was, as clear as water.

  “You found my mother?” I asked.

  “Nope. I found you. Your mother and father have been looking for you for close to twenty-three years now.”

  “My father… My father is Niall Flanagan.”

  “No, I don’t believe he is. Levi Wagner is the man I believe to be your father… Maybe we should speak somewhere more private. I’ve been watching your house all day to make sure Niall wasn’t here, but he could come back anytime. Is there a place we can speak that can afford us some more privacy? If not, we could meet down at the police station.”

  “There’s a garage over on Willowdale. My friend owns it. We can use his place. No police station.”

  “I’m not from around here. Can you give me the address?”

  “Yeah,” I said and went to fetch a piece of paper and a pen.

  My mind raced with a million different things. I was kidnapped. This wasn’t the life I was supposed to have. This guy is full of shit. There’s no way any of this could be true. But what if what he’s saying was correct? What the hell did he say my name was? Theodore Wagner? No fucking way am I a Theodore Wagner. Sounds like a dweeb to me. Nothing like Jet Flanagan.

  I could barely compose myself enough to drive over to Big’s place after I sent the private investigator on his way to meet me later that afternoon. In fact, I couldn’t even remember where the keys to my car were, despite them being exactly where I always left them. I ended up ca
lling Big and having him come and get me.

  He laid on the horn nearly an hour later. I had enough sense about me to text Georgia and tell her not to come home. I didn’t want her there without me in light of the recent information that’d been dumped on me. I had an arrangement with her friend’s mother where Georgia could go over there at a moment’s notice if necessary, and all I had to do was some things around the house for her without my shirt on from time to time.

  Climbing up into Big’s truck, I thanked him for coming to get me. He pulled his sunglasses down his nose and studied me.

  “You alright?”

  “I don’t know what I am, but alright definitely ain’t it.”

  “You look like someone took a shit in your cornflakes. Are you still all mopey about Evie.”

  “This has nothing to do with her.” The realization that I probably would’ve never known her if Niall hadn’t taken me as a child slammed into me. Maybe it would’ve been better for her had I never met her. But now was my chance to possibly break ties with him for real, and she was too appalled by me for it to really matter.

  “Come on, man. Don’t leave me hanging over here. You look like you’re about to blow chunks everywhere. You better fucking spew out the window if you do.”

  “I’m not gonna vomit… What would you think if you ever met a guy named Theodore Wagner?”

  “Sounds like a fucking tool bag to me.”

  “Well, apparently, that’s my real name.”

  “What?” he asked, glancing at me before focusing again on the road.

  “That son of a bitch took me when I was a fucking toddler.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “Some guy showed up today and told me. He’s a PI, and I’m meeting him at your place to talk.”

  “Wait, so some random dude shows up, tells you that you were kidnapped, and you believe him? Just like that? Don’t be a dumbass, Jet. You’re smarter than that.”

  “He had a picture of me when I was about three years old with my mom. How else would he get that if he weren’t telling the truth?”

  “How do you know it was your mom?”

  “I just do,” I sighed.

  “But why? Why would Niall kidnap you?”

  “I don’t know.” The next thought to pop into my brain nearly did make me vomit. What if Georgia was kidnapped, too. Maybe she wasn’t really my sister at all. Maybe she had some spectacular fucking family out there missing her just like mine had been missing me for over two decades.

  “Just listen to what he has to say and don’t take him at his word. Make him prove it, okay?”

  “Yeah,” I said and stared out the window at the world passing me by. Once again, I found myself thinking about all the people around me as we drove down the road and the normal lives they were living. I bet none of them just found out they were ripped away from their families as a small child and thrown into a world of bullshit and abuse.

  I mean, what kind of life would I have had? Were my parents nice people? Would I have gone to college and became, I don’t know, a fucking doctor or some shit like that? Holy fuck, did I have full-blooded siblings? I got lost in myself, and for once in his life, Big had nothing else to say.

  Once we got to his place, I went inside and waited another thirty minutes before Tom showed up, but this time, he wasn’t alone.

  I sat on the porch, drinking a beer when a white sedan pulled into the lot behind the garage. The sound of two car doors shutting alerted me to the fact that someone else was with Tom, but I didn’t look up. Truth be told, I was waiting to wake up from the dream I thought I’d found myself in, but no matter how hard I tried, it didn’t happen.

  “Mr. Flanagan…”

  I tipped my chin up in a half-assed greeting and glanced at the person standing beside him.

  What the fuck?

  “Hi, Jet,” she said, reaching out her hand to me, “we met the other night. My name is Alex.”

  “I remember,” I said. Confused didn’t even begin to explain what I was feeling. “What’s going on?” I asked and set my beer down on the ground before standing.

  She flung herself at me. Her arms circled my neck, pulling me down to her as she began to cry. “I’m your sister,” she whispered.

  Stepping back, I peered down at her, my eyebrows pulling together. I didn’t know whether to hug her back or call her a goddamn liar. I put my hands up in front of me, and said, “I don’t think I’m the person you’re looking for.”

  “You are,” she said calmly and wiped a tear away from her cheek. “Mom and Dad wanted to come, but they all thought it’d be better if I talked to you since we already met.”

  “Start from the beginning… Please?” I asked and sat down in my chair, my head spinning like a top.

  She took a seat beside me and Tom remained standing.

  “I was so taken aback when I met you the other night because you look just like my older brother. I mean, your eyes are identical, same dark hair, same build. You’re a tiny bit taller, but for a second, I thought I was being introduced to my brother.”

  “Okay, so I resemble your brother? How the hell do we get from that to what he’s claiming?” Maybe that kid in the picture is her brother, not me.

  “When my mother was pregnant with me, she and my father and my two older brothers had gone out to get ice cream one evening. When they got home, it was dark and three men held them at gunpoint and took you. They never were able to identify the men or why they would do what they did. They spent years searching for you, to no avail, until they assumed you were probably dead. It wasn’t until I met you the other night that their hope was rekindled. I ended up going home early the next morning without Sophie so I could tell them that I’d met someone that could be Theodore.”

  “The picture?”

  “Mom sent it in the hopes that you would recognize yourself in it. She so wanted to come, but didn’t want to overwhelm you.”

  “Yeah, I think that was going to happen either way.” I dragged my hand through my hair and leaned forward. “So what happens now?”

  “If you’re willing,” Tom said, “you can meet your mother and do a DNA test. If it comes back the way we think it will, charges will be pressed against Niall Flanagan, and he’ll be arrested as soon as local law enforcement can get a warrant for him.”

  “I need some time to think about all this.”

  I knew deep in my gut that they were telling me the truth, despite my reluctance to jump in head first. It explained so much. My mother hadn’t abandoned me and he didn’t have her killed. I’d been ripped from her arms by the devil, but why?

  “Here’s my card,” he said, flipping open his wallet and handing me a card. “Let me know when you’re ready, and I’ll set it up. Thanks for hearing us out. I know it’s a lot to take in.”

  “Can I stick around for a while?” Alex asked. Her eyes were hopeful, and I hated to dash that, but I just wasn’t up to bonding with a complete stranger. Maybe she was my sister, but I didn’t know her, and I wasn’t in the mood to be chatty.

  “I just can’t right now,” I said.

  “I understand.” She followed Tom back to his car and they left a few moments later.

  My whole life flashed like a movie playing before my eyes as I sat there on Big’s front porch completely stunned by the day’s turn of events. Painful memories assaulted me in one sequence of rapid fire. All the torment and abuse endured by not only Niall, but every lowlife piece of trash he dragged in and out of my childhood until I was old enough to defend myself, every unanswered prayer that someone would rescue me, every desperate attempt I made to feel loved by someone… anyone. I searched hard for happiness, but only a glint of it could be found during my time with Evie. That was the only time I ever felt like I meant something and that I was worthy of being loved.

  If it came back that he’d ripped me away from my family and from knowing the love a mother and a real father has for their son, I’d kill him if the police didn’t pick him u
p first. I didn’t care if I spent the rest of my life in prison as long as he got what was coming to him by my hands.

  But then there was Georgia. What would happen to her? Who would take care of her in my absence if I went away for murder? At least if he was convicted, he’d be thrown in prison for a really long fucking time, and I could continue to take care of her like I always had. Maybe in time I could get Evie to come around again. Maybe I could prove to her that I wasn’t a violent monster who took out anyone I could get my hands on, and that I’d been a victim myself. No matter how much of a rush I got from fighting, it’s not like I was ever given a chance to decide that’s what I wanted to do with my life. I was forced into it. I could stop any time if Niall was out of the picture.

  As painful as those memories and the reality of my situation were, a thought ripped through my soul like a bullet.

  Maybe I would’ve ended up just the same… or worse.

  I assumed my biological family were upstanding citizens judging by the little bit of interaction I had with Alex, but there was no proof that they weren’t scum just like Niall. One way or the other, they’d made an enemy of him somehow or he wouldn’t have taken me from them in the first place.

  How everything would turn out was something I couldn’t predict, but what I did know was that I couldn’t wait around for some goddamn DNA test to tell me what I already knew deep in my gut. It was time to go straight to the source.

  “Hey, Big,” I yelled.

  “Yeah?” he asked, popping his head out the door.

  “I need to borrow a ride.”

  “You can take my truck. Where you headed?”

  “To get answers.”

  CHAPTER 26 – EVIE

  “You’re doing great,” I said to Stevie, one of my music students. His little fingers struggled to push down the strings on the neck of the guitar. He had such hopeful blue eyes when he looked at me, always searching for praise and encouragement to calm his nerves. Looking into his cherub-like face and seeing the eagerness he had to learn almost made me forget the whirlwind couple of days I’d had with Jet, and the fallout I’d been dealing with ever since.