Unhappy Christmas

  Chapter 9

  The prodigal daughter

  Natalia drove Miguel’s car carefully. She didn’t want anything to stop her from doing what she had to do. She felt more alive than ever, sitting in a car driving over desolate, snowy hills and moors, on that icy Christmas morning. Then suddenly she turned a corner and saw a fantastic view, something out of a fairy tale. Like the tiny landscape inside a snow globe, her home town lay before her on the horizon - Teruel.

  Natalia put her foot down, speeding towards the city, worried that it might be a mirage and disappear right in front of her eyes before she could get there. But that thought was just a poignant childish illusion. Teruel existed - it was real and wasn’t going to go anywhere. Just like her family.

  Natalia drove up to the door of her house. It was a building with four floors, built in the sixties, with a red brick façade containing eight apartments, two on each floor, left and right. She looked up and saw the windows of the third flat on the right, the home where she’d grown up, where she’d had her childhood dreams, where she’d become a grown woman and that she’d left forever when she became an adult and had to leave the nest and start to fly.

  Natalia felt a bit sick as she parked the car. How would her family react to her unexpected arrival? She was afraid they would reject her. It was as if the guilt she felt for abandoning and pushing her family aside were visible, like a sign that pointed to her so everyone could see her crime and so that she could be suitably punished with universal contempt.

  Holding her breath, she rang the doorbell.

  ‘Who is it?’ asked a familiar voice - her mum.

  ‘Natalia,’ she answered shyly.

  ‘Natalia? Natalia!’

  She heard the sound of the intercom handset being hung up, but nobody opened the door. Natalia recognised the sound of the aluminium blinds running along their rails up on the third floor. It was as if she’d never left home. She looked up and saw her mother leaning out of the window, like she used to when she was small and shouted down to her. Her mum, like an older version of Natalia, thirty years her senior and with her own small-town glamour, couldn’t believe her eyes.

  ‘Natalia, you’ve come home!’ she shouted in surprise, looking at her as if she were an apparition.

  She heard the blind on its runners again and then the buzz that signalled the door was open. Natalia hastily climbed the stairs to the third floor, where her mother was waiting for her, sobbing, as if she’d been given some bad news, and her tiny grandmother stood behind her, crying, and her father smiling and her brothers, bigger and older than she remembered, laughing and shouting, and her nephews, who she hardly recognised, peering out through a forest of legs.

  ‘Natalia!’ exclaimed her mum, upset. ‘How could you just turn up like that with no warning? You almost gave me a heart attack, you crazy girl!’

  And without another word, she gave Natalia a hug and two big, fat kisses. She didn’t have long to enjoy this contact with her mum, her scent and warmth that reminded her of so many times in her childhood, because all her family crowded round her and leapt on her like a litter of puppies, demanding her attention. A hubbub of voices and exclamations of surprise, happiness and questions that Natalia couldn’t answer, a shower of kisses...

  Under normal circumstances Natalia would have been totally overwhelmed and even a bit stressed out by such a display, but that morning she felt delighted and truly happy.

  ‘You are staying for lunch, aren’t you? Oh! You should’ve warned me, now I don’t know if there’s enough food for everyone! Where’s Miguel? No nasty surprises lass! Where’s your husband? What are you doing in Spain when I saw you on TV in America only yesterday? You’re going to drive your old mum crazy. Come in, come in and tell us everything.’

  Her mum, head and spokesperson of the family, took Natalia by the arm and led her inside to the warmth of her home. There the whole family gathered around Natalia, bombarding her with questions, eating entrées and drinking vermouth, still a couple of hours to go before lunch and, little by little, they learned what had happened.

  Of course, Natalia didn’t tell them the real reason why Miguel wasn’t with her. She didn’t want to burden her parents with unnecessary worries. If she did end up separating from Miguel, she’d tell them when it was time. They still had a conversation pending as husband and wife and, first things first - she had to sort herself out. Did she want to repair her marriage or did she prefer to look for Jacob out on the streets and tell him that they could try to overcome the barriers separating them? She wasn’t sure.

  Her mum’s concerns about whether or not there would be enough food for everyone were totally absurd. In that humble house in Teruel there was enough food for two families like hers. It was Christmas lunch and they couldn’t want for anything, although just the night before the same members of the family, except for Natalia, had eaten a lavish meal at the very same table.

  Natalia enjoyed her mother’s cooking, the company and the hullabaloo of the family that she hadn’t seen for so long - too long. She ended up feeling bloated and had a headache from so much shouting and excitement, but also with a feeling that all of her worries had subsided, like a baby being rocked in her cradle. Her family hadn’t rejected her at all, they were still there for her and they missed her. It was she who hadn’t realised that until now.

  One by one, her siblings, nieces and nephews headed off home. Natalia was left alone with her grandmother, mother and father. She helped them to finish cleaning up what was left in the wake of their enormous Christmas banquet, happy to be able to do something with them.

  ‘You are going to stay the night, aren’t you?’ said her dad.

  ‘You’re not to drive back now in the middle of the night,’ scolded her mother.

  ‘And on icy roads,’ added her grandma, almost trembling at the thought.

  Natalia smiled and told them she'd stay. Her mum, like a busy little bee, put clean sheets on her bed.

  ‘Even if you never come home, your bed’s always here for you love. In the same place you left it.’

  It was true, her brothers’ room had been turned into a room for her grandmother when they left home and their now elderly grandmother had moved in. But Natalia’s room had been kept pretty much the same, as if it were ready for the prodigal daughter to come back at any time. Taking advantage of it being the first time they’d been alone together all day, Natalia’s mum whispered:

  ‘Are you sure everything’s OK with Miguel darling?’

  ‘No, it’s not Mum. It’s really not.’

  ‘Has he hit you?’ she asked, deadly serious.

  ‘No Mum, that’s not it. Living so far away has driven us apart. That's all. Now we have to talk and see... See what happens.’

  ‘Oh sweetheart, be careful. You can’t buy love or win it at the fair.’

  Natalia couldn’t help laughing at that expression, which only her mum used.

  ‘I knew that you going so far away wasn’t a good idea...’

  ‘Yeah Mum, but I didn’t. Now I do.’

  ‘Better late than never. And you know where your family is when you need them. Don’t ever forget that.’

  ‘No Mum. I won’t forget.’

  Natalia, sitting on her bed, watched her mum leave her room, like she had so many times before. She sighed and lay back on the bed where years ago, she’d dreamed of growing up, now dreaming of being a kid again.

  Chapter 10

  Weighing things up

  Natalia was shaken awake from her deep, replenishing sleep by her mum.

  ‘Wake up sunshine, it’s Miguel.’

  ‘Miguel?’

  ‘On the phone, hurry...’

  With no time to think what to say or whether she should take the call, Natalia’s mum dragged her into the living room. Her grandmother was peering at her intently, sitting in her armchair.

  ‘It’s your husband,’ she whispered, trying to be discreet.

  ‘Here she is Miguel, I’ll pass yo
u over,’ shouted her mum down the phone. ‘I hope to see you soon, eh? Take care. Here, your turn,’ she ordered Natalia to take the phone, like a sergeant major.

  ‘Miguel...’ Natalia was lost for words.

  ‘Natalia.’

  ‘How did you know I was here?’

  ‘I know you well. Listen, I don’t want to talk... about what we have to talk about on the phone...’

  ‘Yes, I agree. I’m heading back to Madrid this morning. I’ll be leaving shortly.’

  ‘We can have lunch together. And talk - if you want.’

  ‘Yes, of course. We need to talk.’

  ‘Listen, one more thing. Veronica called the house.’

  ‘Veronica?’ Natalia couldn’t help shouting out happily. After having looked for her and not finding her, after thinking she had no friends left that was good news.

  ‘Yes, she told me her mobile had been off and that’s why she hadn’t heard your calls. She called your mobile but...’

  ‘Someone stole it yesterday.’

  ‘Yeah, that's what I thought. Do you want me to report it?’

  ‘Yes, please. What did Veronica say?’

  ‘She’s in hospital.’

  ‘In hospital?’

  ‘In the university hospital. She didn’t say much, but it seems she’s had an operation.’

  ‘Do you mind if...’ Natalia started to ask, but Miguel didn’t let her finish.

  ‘Of course not, drop by the hospital first, I’ll see you after that.’

  ‘Thanks. See you in a bit.’

  Natalia hung up, once again overwhelmed with emotion. That phone call with Miguel from her parents’ house had reminded her of the conversations she’d had with her first boyfriends in Teruel. She'd felt the same butterflies in her stomach. At the same time, she was happy that Veronica had called but worried about her being in hospital. Hopefully it was nothing serious. Her mum and grandmother were looking at her expectantly.

  ‘So, what’s what?’ Her mum was impatient.

  ‘I have to go back to Madrid.’

  ‘What a relief, sweetheart! If it's to sort things out, I don’t mind you leaving so soon.’

  ‘I don’t know what's going to happen yet. We’re just going to talk.’

  ‘Okay, okay, whatever you say, but things are already looking brighter.’

  ‘Haven’t you thought about moving here to Teruel?’ Her grandmother piped up. ‘You’d be more relaxed here, without all the commotion over there.’

  ‘You’re right grandma, but we’ll see. We need to sort things out first,’ said Natalia with a smile, bursting with affection for her grandmother.

  Natalia said goodbye to her family, promising to sort things out and come back as soon as she could. This time, she meant it and wasn’t just saying it like so many times before.

  She got in the car and headed for Madrid, once again trying to keep her impatience and nerves under control because the road was icy as her grandma had said, and Natalia wanted to live.

  She drove straight to the hospital, parked the car and walking as quickly as she could went to the information desk.

  ‘Veronica Zabalegui, please?’

  The nurse entered the name in her computer.

  ‘Yes, the oncology ward, on the third floor.’

  Natalia’s legs turned to jelly. Veronica hadn’t said anything. Her best friend had cancer and she hadn’t called her. Natalia felt offended and then stupid and ashamed. But this wasn’t time to wallow in her emotions. Natalia was getting over that, she’d had enough of only thinking about herself and her feelings. Now it was Veronica who mattered.

  She walked out of the lift and looked for the room number they’d given her at the information desk. When she found it she opened the door cautiously, afraid of disturbing her friend or of what she might find. At first, she was surprised to see a short, tanned woman with very dark hair holding hands with a man with a moustache, instead of Veronica, a red-head, with very fair skin dotted with freckles. But then she turned her gaze to the end of the room and there she saw her friend with her curly, copper hair spread around her on her pillow.

  Veronica was lying in bed and didn’t look bad, considering she’d only recently had an operation, maybe just a bit paler than usual. Her mother was sitting in an armchair beside her, looking exhausted.

  ‘Natalia! It’s so great to see you! Come here...’ Veronica’s face lit up with a sincere smile. Natalia gave her friend a kiss, holding back the tears so as not to make her feel bad. Veronica’s mum greeted Natalia and, very discretely, said that she’d take advantage of her being there to go down to the cafeteria for a bite to eat.

  Veronica told Natalia that she had cancer that they'd detected not long ago, and that was why she hadn’t said anything. And anyway, she never found the right time to call her or Skype her to give her the news. She knew she was really busy and it didn’t make any sense to worry her.

  ‘Because I’m going to get better Natalia,’ said Veronica, determined.

  She also explained that they’d operated to remove the tumour a few days before Christmas, but there was a complication during surgery and she’d been unlucky enough to have to be readmitted on Christmas Eve. That's why she hadn’t answered the phone.

  ‘And look how excited I was to get your message. You turn up in Madrid without saying anything like a mad woman,’ said Veronica laughing.

  ‘Not exactly, if I tell you the truth, you’re going to hate me.’

  Veronica raised an eyebrow, sceptical.

  ‘It must be something really bad for me to hate you. Come on, spill the beans, I’m bored to tears in here.’

  Not bothered that the other patients, silent, could hear all about her private life, Natalia filled Veronica in about her trip, from her arrival in Madrid intending to see nobody but Miguel, to the end, with the pending conversation with her husband and her dilemma between Jacob and him.

  ‘You daft cow Natalia. How could I hate you for that?’ Veronica tutted, annoyed. ‘But I can’t believe what you’ve gone and done!’

  ‘I lost it Vero,’ said Natalia and they both burst out laughing. When they calmed down Natalia went on. ‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not calling you more often, I’ve been an idiot and I’ve neglected our friendship.’

  ‘Don’t be silly. I could have called you more often too. With the hectic lives we lead, we don’t have time for what really matters, what do you expect?’

  ‘From now on I’m going to get my priorities straight.’

  ‘Me too,’ said Veronica. Natalia looked her friend in the eye, calm and very serious, lying in her hospital bed. ‘What are you going to do about Miguel?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ Natalia replied, nervously biting her bottom lip.

  ‘Only you can know that, but I’ll tell you one thing. Don’t do anything crazy Natalia; weigh up everything you’ve been through with him, not just the last forty-eight hours. I’m telling you, I’ve done a lot of weighing up recently.’

  Natalia smiled and gave her friend a hug, squeezing her tight. She adored that woman and was willing to do everything in her power to never lose her. If only marriage were as easy as true friendship.

  Chapter 11

  A tricky conversation

  When Natalia walked out of the hospital, Miguel was waiting for her by the door. Natalia looked at her husband intently. She had to admit that, just a second before realising that it was him, the thought had crossed her mind that the guy at the door was really fit. A second later she realised that the fit guy was her husband. Should she feel lucky?

  On the superficial side of things, of course, but not everything in life boiled down to physical attraction. There were a lot of wretched people inside spectacular shells. Was Miguel one of those or were there other qualities besides his undeniable sex appeal that were worth hanging on to? Natalia started to weigh up the pros and cons like Veronica had said. But to start with, the fact that he was very attractive on the one hand didn’t make up for the enormous
weight of his infidelity on the other.

  Unfortunately, Natalia didn’t have much time to think. She was nervous, indecisive and torn by doubt. Being face to face with Miguel confused her. After running away from him, she was standing in front of him once more and she felt weird. She felt uncomfortable about what had happened over the last few hours, attraction beyond physical appearance, the true attraction of body and soul, pure magnetism and to top it off, fear and uncertainty of what to do about her life and marriage.

  ‘Have you eaten?’ Miguel asked her.

  ‘No, I’m starving.’

  ‘Let’s go somewhere quiet.’

  ‘OK, but not too far away. My plane leaves at eight.’

  There wasn’t time to be fussy. Natalia had to talk to her husband before she left for the States. Their future together depended on that conversation - if they still had a future that is.

  Miguel drove to a restaurant near the Pardo, one of the romantic spots that they’d frequented in the early years of their marriage, a beautiful place surrounded by pine trees and very quiet on weekdays. On the way they didn’t speak about anything important. They told each other news about their family and friends, and not much else. They blatantly avoided the matter that was really worrying them.

  They arrived at the restaurant, which was practically empty, and found a table in a quiet corner with views out on the woods. It was a table where the few other customers in the restaurant could neither see nor hear them. It wasn’t the first time they’d eaten at that table, but today the situation was nothing like the times before.

  The contrast of emotions sent a shiver down Natalia’s spine. She thought that Miguel obviously must have planned it. Bringing her to their table where they’d sat so many times as a happy couple couldn’t be a coincidence. Was he trying to manipulate her? If he was, should she see it as something bad? Was he to blame for wanting to remember the happy times they'd had together?