Unhappy Christmas

  After ordering their meal, the conversation started to drift towards the topic that they hadn’t dared to broach in case they broke something. But little by little, they came out of their shells and started to tell each other what had happened during the days they were apart.

  Miguel wanted to confess first: at the end of the day it was him who had started it all by having an affair. He explained it to Natalia exactly as he’d explained it to his brother Alfonso: his loneliness, his isolation, his lack of integrity... He wasn’t trying to make excuses for himself; he knew he’d taken the decision freely - wrongly, but freely.

  Miguel wanted to make it clear that at no point in time had he doubted whether or not it was going anywhere, it was just sex to him and his lover. He told her that on that very twenty-fourth of December he’d spoken to her and told her he didn’t want to see her again. The encounter with Natalia that morning had left no doubt in his mind that he didn’t love the other woman, he loved his wife.

  He felt mortified and ashamed that she’d found out like that. He'd wanted to end the affair for some time and come clean with Natalia, but had never found the right moment, if there is a right moment for a conversation like that. Now there was no point even thinking about it, he couldn’t change what had happened. He could only say that he wanted to find a way to sort out all this mess, so that they could be happy together once more. Would that be possible?

  ‘Are you sure she was the only one?’ ventured Natalia.

  ‘Of course, why do you ask?’

  ‘Rosa San Lazaro insinuated that there’s a rumour going around in Madrid that you’ve been with several of your patients.’

  ‘Rosa’s a snake who hasn’t spoken a word of truth in her life.’

  Natalia had no choice but to give in to the obvious and nod: Rosa had zero credibility.

  ‘Honestly, Natalia, believe me,’ insisted Miguel, staring at her with his cinnamon-brown eyes.

  But Natalia really couldn’t care less if there’d been just one or more than one. One was enough to damage their marriage. What really worried her was the point that they’d both got to in their relationship. She wanted to tell him about her own feelings of loneliness in the United States, feelings that she hadn’t shared with him so as not to hurt him, mistakenly, because maybe she'd given the false impression that she didn’t care about him enough.

  In fact, she was regretting it now, because maybe she hadn’t shown enough concern for him, being so engrossed in her work. Miguel said that he understood, it was the same for him. They’d both always been very clear: they shouldn’t have to give up their careers for their partner. That would be a big mistake.

  ‘Yeah,’ said Natalia, ‘just as big a mistake as throwing away what we have for our careers.’ Just as serious, or more.

  But Natalia didn’t want to argue about that any more, she wanted to tell Miguel what had happened since she got on the plane forty-eight hours ago, her adventures in Madrid, the story with Jacob, even if it hurt. Miguel had to know the truth, before anything else.

  She wanted to make it clear that her sleeping with Jacob hadn’t been planned - it’d just happened naturally, at no time had it been revenge against him. Miguel nodded, clenching his jaw, because even if that was the case, he deserved it as payback for his own infidelity.

  ‘But I’m having to make a huge effort not to go off the rails,’ admitted Miguel.

  ‘Don’t worry, I did enough mad things for the two of us,’ joked Natalia.

  ‘Well, I caused a scene at the Christmas Eve meal that my family’ll never forget, and then I ended up drinking cava in the bushes with a group of trannies.’

  Miguel and Natalia burst out laughing for the first time since they’d met again.

  ‘Imagine how big the scandal was in my house that Alfonso took advantage to come out of the closet and my mum told him that his news was much less shocking than mine and that she wanted to introduce him to I don’t know whose son from a wonderful family.’

  ‘Your mother with her one track mind,’ Natalia smiled.

  ‘What did your mum say to you?’ asked Miguel.

  ‘That we should go and live in Teruel.’

  Miguel and Natalia laughed hard, both knowing the other’s mother only too well. When their laughter trailed away they looked at each other in silence. Their hearts were beating faster than usual. They wanted to say something that would fix everything like magic, something that would solve their adult problems simply, like child’s play. But they couldn’t think of anything, perhaps because those magic words didn't exist.

  Natalia suddenly felt uncomfortable. There she was laughing with her husband, as if nothing had ever happened, but a lot had happened. She found that moment of complicity strangely offensive. In spite of having cheated on him too, she hadn’t forgiven Miguel, his infidelity still hurt.

  ‘Who was that woman?’ she blurted out.

  ‘You don’t know her.’

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘I’m sure Natalia. Anyway, there’s nothing to worry about, she’s married too. I met her at work.’

  ‘What a bastard!’ she shouted, meaning it with all her heart. ‘A gynaecologist having it off with a married patient? What were you thinking?’

  ‘I’m sorry, but you shagged a tramp!’ shouted Miguel, losing his temper.

  ‘Because I caught you with that slag you were giving it to the night before I arrived!’

  Natalia and Miguel both went silent, looking at each other with a mixture of rage and embarrassment.

  ‘Take me to Madrid,’ Natalia ended the conversation. ‘My plane’s leaving in a bit.’

  Chapter 12

  Bridges

  Natalia walked quickly, almost running, to the street where she’d had dinner with Jacob and his family the day before. She didn’t have time to wander the colourful streets of Preciados looking for him, so she decided to go to his house, the only place where, if he wasn’t there, she could at least find his family and leave him a note.

  She wanted to talk to him before she left, see him again and thank him for making her see life from a different perspective, because without even meaning to, that’s what he'd done. Perhaps she wanted to see if there was still something between them, even if had just been last night that she’d felt it.

  To her surprise, the door they’d gone in through on Christmas Eve was secured with an iron bar. Natalia couldn’t believe her eyes and started pulling on the iron bar and hammering on the door, calling out to Jacob, Fatima and Antonia. Inside the house she couldn’t hear a sound. She banged on the metal door again but a deep voice behind her made her jump and stop what she was doing.

  ‘Excuse me madam!’

  Two policemen, armed and muffled up like bandits, were peering out at her through their balaclavas in surprise.

  ‘What are you looking for here?’ one of them demanded, looking her up and down.

  ‘I don’t think that’s any of your concern,’ she replied.

  ‘You can’t be here,’ the other one said.

  ‘Why can’t I?’ Natalia was starting to get indignant.

  ‘It’s dangerous,’ the first one answered dryly. ‘And don’t get shirty madam. What are you looking for here?’ he glowered at her suspiciously.

  ‘I’ve come to see a friend.’

  The two policemen burst out laughing.

  ‘A fine lady like you has friends in this dump?’

  ‘How many grams is your friendship worth?’ added the other, who must be the comedian of the pair.

  ‘I’m looking for a tramp. His name’s Jacob. He lives with his family, an old lady and a blind girl.’

  ‘I’m afraid you've got the wrong house. There was nothing but drug dealers and junkies here, madam, and we’ve just got them out - for their own good because this house is going down at any moment.’

  Natalia didn’t insist. She knew perfectly well that was the house where Jacob had lived with his family. But if the police said they'd emptied the house tha
t meant that even if they weren’t there at the time of the eviction, or even if they’d got him mixed up with a drug dealer or a junky, Jacob was no longer there and would more than likely never come back.

  She said goodbye to the two policemen. She left them finishing putting up the signs that said that the building was derelict. Natalia walked down the hill along the maze-like streets near to Embajadores, gathering her thoughts.

  Maybe it was for the best, she thought, maybe it was for the best that it had ended when it did, that magical, mysterious night. Natalia thought about it and decided that it was definitely better that way. Just then, she knew that Jacob had been right, they had something unique, a magic bubble that could only exist for a few hours on Christmas Eve, until it burst and vanished in mid-air, like an impossible dream.

  She realised that she was never going to see Jacob again. They were separated by a wall that was more impassable than the barred door of that building. After meeting Jacob, she knew that behind that wall there were people like her. Jacob had shown her that, in spite of the wall, there were times in life - magic, unique moments - in which those people could build a bridge over the wall and find each other. But those bridges were hard to find and so brittle that they couldn’t stay up for long.

  Right then, she knew too that she wasn’t in love with Jacob. But she loved him. She loved him in the same way that she loved that little blind girl and that demented old lady. She loved him because he had made her see the truth that she had been fighting against all those years, the truth that she had only sensed on one occasion when she was still a little girl who knew nothing of life and, yet, sensed what was really important.

  Natalia didn’t believe in magic or miracles, but for her Jacob had been like a providential angel, a living, earthly angel made of flesh and blood that had helped her in her hour of need. Even if they never saw each other again, wherever they were, their souls would be united by the memory of an unforgettable day. Natalia would be eternally grateful to Jacob.

  Natalia was dizzy from thinking so much, from so much enchantment and mystery, from realising that that was the end, that she was about to get on a plane and fly off to the States, alone and broken-hearted. She had to stop and lean against the corner of a building, her legs trembling. She took a deep breath, fought off a wave of nausea rising up from the pit of her stomach and looked back.

  She saw a long, steep street in the centre of Madrid, like a village street - cobbled, rustic, poor and humble. At the top of the hill she imagined Jacob, in his layers of coats, looking at her and smiling, waving goodbye.

  ‘Goodbye, Jacob,’ Natalia murmured, ‘and thanks for everything.’

  Natalia turned back around, went round the corner and back to reality.

  She saw Miguel waiting for her in the car in the square. Natalia got in the car and smiled at Miguel, who said nothing, looking at her calmly.

  ‘Thanks for coming with me,’ said Natalia.

  ‘No worries,’ was all Miguel could say, downcast.

  ‘We’ve got to stop by the flat to pick up my cases.’

  ‘And you haven't even unpacked them...’ remarked Miguel sadly.

  ‘I didn’t need them,’ sighed Natalia, while Miguel started the car. ‘To tell the truth, we don’t need most of the things we have.’

  Neither of them said a word. Natalia’s heart was beating so fast that she thought it was going to explode. What was she going to do now? She’d come to Madrid, crazy about seeing her husband, the love of her life, and now she was leaving, practically a wreck, hanging by a thread.

  At least they’d talked and faced reality, but reality wasn’t a pretty sight. How were they going to sort out their marriage with an ocean between them? Maybe it was just easier to give in to the facts and admit that it was broken forever.

  Natalia looked at Miguel out of the corner of her eye. Despite everything that had happened, there he was by her side, occupying the seat. She remembered the empty seat when she was on the plane on her way to Madrid, bursting with happiness. Now the seat was full, but she felt empty. And she hardly had time to think about what that meant. She had to go.

  Chapter 13

  The end

  Natalia and Miguel both walked into the house at the same time and saw their reflections in the hall mirror. How many times had Natalia felt comforted arriving at home and seeing that living portrait of happiness smiling back at her? They didn’t move, rooted to the spot by the impact of that image that they hadn’t seen for so long. They didn’t pay any attention to the cases and presents that had been dumped on the floor, nor did the smell of spilt whisky bother them. They only had eyes for their reflection.

  ‘Natalia...’ Miguel took her hand delicately and drew it to his shoulder. ‘Natalia, I’m really sorry. Please forgive me before you go.’

  Natalia looked at him in the mirror. She didn’t speak.

  ‘What are we going to do?’ Miguel blurted out, from the pit of his stomach.

  ‘I don’t know Miguel. I don’t know.’ Natalia was rooted to the spot, unable to think.

  ‘We don’t have to think about it now. We haven’t time,’ said Miguel, trying to hide a hint of disappointment. ‘I can fly over to see you in a few days’ time and...’

  ‘I don’t know if I want you to come Miguel.’

  ‘Natalia, I know you hate me right now, and I deserve that for cheating on you,’ he said, looking away from Natalia’s reflection in the mirror.

  ‘Don’t be silly. I cheated on you too...’

  ‘But you only did it to...' Miguel started to excuse her, but then doubt took a hold of him. ‘You did do it to get back at me, didn’t you?'

  Natalia nodded.

  ’I think so. Deep down I did.'

  Miguel suddenly felt revived again.

  ’Listen to me, Natalia, listen to me please. You’ve no idea how difficult it’s been. I felt so alone here, with you so far away... The days were endless. I haven’t stopped thinking about you. You were always there, wherever I turned. I thought I was going to go mad. I needed to touch you, breathe in your scent... I know it isn’t an apology, but...' Miguel noticed his voice breaking and stopped, kissing Natalia’s hand as if she were a princess.

  ’Don’t worry, I forgive you.’

  She stroked his hair tenderly. And then let out a sigh.

  'I wanted to talk to you this holiday,’ Miguel said suddenly. ‘I had a plan... It doesn’t matter now, but do you know what I wanted to tell you?’

  Natalia didn’t know if she wanted to hear it after everything that had happened. But Miguel didn’t give her the choice.

  ’The clinic hasn't been doing so well recently. It’s partly because of the recession but, more than anything, because I’m bored of it. I’ve been looking at research centres in the United States and I found an interesting one in Washington. It's the most up-to-date in the study of ovarian cancer and I spoke to a friend there...'

  ’What are you saying Miguel?’

  'I thought about closing my clinic and going with you to Washington. I wanted to tell you to see what you thought.'

  Natalia looked at him, motionless like a statue, not knowing how to react. She looked at his loving, cinnamon-coloured eyes in the mirror and felt totally drained. Miguel put his arms around her shyly, from behind. Natalia let him hold her, without taking her eyes off his in the mirror.

  'We’ve been so stupid...' she said softly, as if to herself. Miguel looked at her, questioningly. ‘We’ve been so stupid Miguel. How could we let this happen to us? When I decided to go to the States I had no idea it would jeopardise our relationship. Do you know where we went wrong Miguel?’

  ’Where?’

  'No career is worth more than this,’ said Natalia, pointing to the mirror, where their reflections were caught in a tight embrace. ‘I’m not going to catch that plane. I’m not going back to Washington.'

  'But I don’t want you to give up your dreams Natalia.’

  Miguel was genuinely concerned.


  'And yet, you're willing to give up your stability here. Or are you just saying that? Are you really willing to leave your clinic?’

  Miguel took a second to answer.

  ’Yes Natalia.’

  ’But I can’t accept that. I can’t let you give up everything for me.’

  'Then how can you expect me to accept you giving up your job for me?' Miguel said, disheartened.

  Natalia laughed. Miguel looked at her, confused, in the mirror.

  ’What are you laughing at?’

  ’We’re impossible. We’re arguing to see who’s going to give up their job and neither of us is capable of accepting that the other should make a sacrifice. It’s crazy.’

  'I don’t mind leaving the clinic, honestly, I’m sick of seeing the local lady bits.'

  'I’m sick of the Congress, the Capitol, the Americans and the illiterate fools at the network. I didn’t decide to become a journalist just to repeat teletype like a parrot. I’m going to quit the correspondent's job. I want people to know what’s happening in the real world, even if I have to do it via the Internet.’

  ’Well, we’re just great, aren’t we?' Miguel laughed and Natalia joined him.

  A shiver ran down Natalia’s spine. She'd tried to hold back her feelings for Miguel out of fear. After finding him in bed with another woman, she’d tried to forget that she loved him with all her heart out of fear that Miguel no longer loved her. But none of that mattered now. Right then, she knew that she loved Miguel and that certainty was enough for her.

  She turned around to look at him, face to face. As she turned Natalia saw something shining on the hall table. There was the old twenty-five peseta coin that Jacob had given her.

  ’Don’t worry,’ said Natalia. ‘Whatever happens, we’ve made our choice.’

  ’I don’t understand...' Confused, Miguel looked at Natalia, who had a mysterious smile on her face.

  Natalia picked up the coin and showed it to her husband. Miguel looked at the coin his wife was showing him in surprise, as if it were a magic charm.