The Clash Between the Minds

by Nann Dunne

  Benjamin shook his head no. "Aunt Sarah, Redfire brought you through the war. He's like a part of you. I'd feel a heap better if you had him with you. Please take him."

  Benjamin's reaction, and his argument, caught Sarah by surprise. She knew how much he loved Redfire, and she hadn't given a second thought to leaving Redfire with him. But what he said made sense. After she visited her family, she would be traversing a lot of unfamiliar territory, and having a horse she could rely on would make everything easier and safer.

  She nodded. "Maybe you should be a lawyer some day. You make a good argument. I will take Redfire with me. Thank you. One other thing. I have a new puppy named Paddy." Benjamin's face lit with interest. "He's staying with Aunt Leah and Uncle Phillip."

  "What kind is he? What's he look like? Can I keep him here?"

  "Whoa," Sara said with a laugh, "slow down. You can find all those answers by visiting him. I'd love to have you keep him, but that's between your mama and Aunt Leah." A curtain twitched at one of the windows, and Sarah's heart twitched along with it.

  She pushed her knuckles against Benjamin's shoulder. "Now, let's say goodbye. I'm leaving later today, and I'd like some private time with your mama."

  Benjamin stepped closer, and they embraced again. "Goodbye, Aunt Sarah. I love you."

  "Goodbye. I love you, too." Sarah gave him an extra squeeze and stepped back.

  As Benjamin loped away from the house, she stepped up to the front door and knocked. Moments later, the door opened and Faith beckoned her in. Sarah removed her hat, and they stood awkwardly in the living room.

  "I need to talk with you," Sarah said. Faith gestured toward the sofa. Sarah sat and Faith chose a chair facing her. Faith had yet to say a word, and Sarah couldn't help contrasting this reception to the late-night one when Faith had jerked her through the back door into the kitchen and kissed her. Parts of her body grew warm just recollecting that.

  But Faith's unreadable expression made the warmth short-lived. Her anger must still be simmering.

  Sarah started twisting the brim of her hat that she held in her hands. Exasperated with her show of nervousness, she set the hat on the sofa.

  "I came to tell you I've sold the house, and I'm leaving town. I'm going to visit Scott and Lindsay, and maybe Mother and Father, then I'm going to head west and look around."

  Faith looked surprised and her chin lifted. "You've sold our house. Without saying a word to me about it."

  Her statements sounded like accusations. Funny how she had always been able to do that.

  "You knew we had to sell the house. Besides, as long as we kept it, it would be a target for the Klan. Leah and Phillip bought it yesterday."

  "Leah and Phillip?" Faith cocked her head. "At least it's good to know that friends will be living there." She didn't pursue the subject.

  "And I'm leaving town," Sarah said, "so you and Benjamin will be safer. As you pointed out, violence seems to be following me."

  An odd expression crossed Faith's face, puzzling Sarah. "You're leaving us all alone?"

  Sarah bolted up from her seat. "Dammit, Faith. Someone's trying to drive me out of town. Why, I can't say for sure. Maybe Morton Blanton is the cause and maybe not." She started to pace. "But these attacks are real, and I need to put a stop to them. What other answer is there, besides leaving?" She looked toward Faith. "Do you have any suggestions?"

  Faith's expression changed slightly, and her voice sounded tentative. "Maybe if you went back to dressing like a woman, the attacks would stop."

  Sarah came to a dead halt. Her eyes widened, and her heart hammered against her chest. "Do you really mean that?" She hesitated, then a thought struck her. Her voice took on a sneering tone. "Or are you quoting the good Dr. Litchfield?"

  Faith reddened. "He did talk about it, but wearing a dress makes sense. Much of this uproar seems to have developed from what you wear. No one could accuse us of an unnatural relationship if they just thought of us as two women living together. And if you wore a dress, they wouldn't reproach you for trying to act like a man."

  Sarah sank into one of the chairs and combed her fingers through the front of her hair. "If I wore a dress, it wouldn't change how I feel about you."

  Now Faith got up and started pacing. "It wouldn't change how I feel about you, either. But it seems a small concession to other people's beliefs. I don't understand why you object."

  Sarah bent her head and kneaded her scalp with both hands. After a moment, she stopped and looked up at Faith. "It would change how I feel about myself. I don't know how to explain it. Try turning it around. Would you dress like a man just because some people in town wanted you to?"

  Faith halted her pacing and put her hands on her hips. "That's a silly question. No one would insist that a woman dress like a man. And they wouldn't insist that a man dress like a woman."

  "And they wouldn't have any right to, or the opposite either. In my mind, they don't possess the right to insist that I dress like a man or to insist that I dress like a woman. I should be able to choose my own mode of dress, within the bounds of decency."

  Faith shook her head as though disbelieving what Sarah was saying. "So, wearing what you choose to is more important than saving our relationship?"

  If there had been a hole in the floor that went to the center of the earth, that's where Sarah's heart would have gone. Getting her next words out was a terrible struggle. Her voice sounded raspy. "Is our relationship in need of saving?"

  Faith looked taken aback. She settled in the chair next to Sarah's. Her voice was quiet, but firm. "I'm not sure, Sarah. I've been frightened out of my wits. You shot Ed Putnam. You've been attacked. Benjamin's been attacked. So much has happened so quickly that my mind feels numb."

  Sarah had heard this before, even from Leah, and she was impatient with it. She stood and picked her hat up from the sofa. "Well, you'll have plenty of time to think while I'm gone."

  Faith looked up. That same odd expression that had puzzled Sarah earlier crossed her face. Was it relief? That possibility chilled Sarah. Did Faith want her out of the way because of Litchfield?

  "Maybe," Faith said, "it's good that you're going away. Things might quiet down. Besides, I need time to sort things out. When are you leaving?"

  "Now."

  Faith rose and made a sharp intake of breath. "Now? Right now? I—"

  Sarah grabbed her and kissed her, hard. Faith tried to pull away, but Sarah held her and kissed her until Faith began to respond.

  Breathing heavily, Sarah broke off the kiss and muttered into Faith's ear, "When Joel Litchfield whispers into your ear, remember that you promised yourself to me, forever."

  She shoved Faith away, slammed her hat onto her head, and stormed out.

  Just as she passed the edge of town, her anger, frustration, and just plain hurt had built to the breaking point. She let out a ragged scream that set birds flying and dogs barking. Redfire missed a step. "Sorry, boy." Sarah slapped his shoulder affectionately and swiped her fingers across the tears that spilled down her cheeks. Then she just let them come.

  Sarah unpacked the clothing and necessities she had put in a trunk and transferred them to saddlebags and a bedroll. She changed into workaday pants and boots, kept her tunic on, and added her suit to one of the bags. She took the saddlebags and bedroll outside and hefted them onto Redfire, giving him a bump with her shoulder when she finished. She planned to have him transported on the train for the largest part of her traveling.

  She went back inside and took a last walk through the house, saying goodbye to it. In the bedroom, she ran her hand over the Love Quilt, but didn't stay any longer; it hurt her heart to remember the sweet times she and Faith had spent there. Were those times gone forever? Sarah couldn't accept that. She pushed the possibility away and continued through the house.

  She lingered in her workroom and gazed at her drawing board and Benjamin's smaller one set up in the corner. She recalled preparing it especially for him when he and Faith had c
ome to live with her. Some of his drawings were taped to the wall around his desk, and Sarah examined them with a critical eye. His work had progressed to the point where she deemed it to be of professional caliber. Maybe she would use some of his drawings in her next book. She smiled at that thought and held it to her as at least one positive notion she could hang onto.

  Finished with her goodbyes, she put on her coat and hat. She crammed Paddy's bag of food into her pocket and scooped him up. "Time to go for a ride, Paddy." She nuzzled him for a moment and stuffed him into the front of her coat with his head sticking out. He leaned his head back and licked her chin, giving her a welcome chance to laugh. She opened another button, pushed him just a little lower, and walked outside. After locking the door, she mounted Redfire and headed toward the Showell home.

  Phillip answered her knock. "So this is Paddy?" He scratched under Paddy's chin, and Sarah unbuttoned her coat and let the pup fall into his hands. "Is it safe to let him roam the house?"

  "Yes, he knows to use the outside when he needs to go. He was pretty well trained when I got him."

  Phillip set Paddy on the floor and watched as he began to nose around. "That's the best way to get a pet," he said with a laugh. Sarah handed him the bag of dog food and hung her coat in the closet. Just then Leah poked her head into the entryway.

  "Come on in here," she said.

  "Just let me put the dog food in the kitchen," Phillip said, "and I'll join you."

  Leah and Sarah settled in the living room.

  "Where are the kids?"

  "Amy's next door at Greta's with Brendan. She didn't have the heart to watch you leave. She told me to tell you goodbye and good luck."

  "Thank her for me. Poor kid, she worries too much about me.

  "You're one of her nearest and dearest friends. All this trouble that's circulated about you has really disturbed her."

  Phillip came in and sat in an overstuffed chair.

  Sarah reached into her pants pocket and pulled out the deed for her house. She handed it to Phillip. "Here's the deed, all signed over to you and Leah. You can move in whenever you want, and I'd like you to put my things in storage, please."

  "Sarah," Phillip said. Mutely, he waved a hand.

  "Your home," Leah said, "is a big item to put on the list of things we'll never be able to thank you for. Don't you want a deposit?"

  "No. Like I said, we can settle up when I get back."

  Leah pursed her lips. "How did things go with Faith?"

  Sarah stiffened. "Not so well. I think Joel Litchfield's having too much influence on her."

  "I do see him with her pretty often in town," Phillip said.

  "Yet I can't go near her for any length of time. How fortunate for him. His latest tack is that I've brought all this trouble upon us because of the way I dress. He says I should dress like a woman."

  "What?" Leah looked ready for a fight. "He can't tell you how to dress. You didn't agree with that, did you?"

  "No." Sarah fidgeted in her chair. "I think he realized I wouldn't, and he wanted to drive another wedge between Faith and me."

  "I know you're upset," Leah said, "but dwelling on it won't change anything. You'll just have to trust in Faith's love for you."

  "That's not very comforting when we fight every time we see each other."

  Paddy wandered in and played with Leah's feet. She picked him up and settled him on her lap. "Paddy likes his new home just fine," she said as she stroked his back.

  She looked toward Sarah. "Fighting's not that terrible. Faith has pretty strong opinions, and so do you." She glanced at Phillip who had given a small snort. "You know that as well as anyone, my love," she said to him.

  Phillip grinned. "You're a strong-minded woman yourself."

  Leah smacked his thigh. "Be that as it may, Sarah and Faith are the focus here. Sarah, how do you feel about Faith's reactions? Do you think she's turned away from you?"

  Sarah answered slowly. "I think she still loves me. At least she says she does. I want to get started as soon as possible on our life away from here. That's one reason why I want to search out some likely areas for us to settle. That way, as soon as school's out, we'll already have some places to consider."

  "Sounds like a good idea to me," Phillip said. "What are you going to do about money? You don't want to keep a lot of cash on you."

  "That's not a problem. Scott puts my share of earnings from the Coulter Foundry in a fund for Jessica, but he can easily divert some to me if I need any. We can get that set up when I visit. If I run low, I can just wire him for more."

  "Wire us, too, occasionally," Phillip said. "Or send us some letters. We need to know that you're safe."

  "Maybe this separation will be good," Leah said. "You've been together for four years, but if Faith doesn't want to stay with you, it's better to find out now."

  Sarah didn't want to think about that possibility. She stood up abruptly. "I should get going."

  Phillip stood, too. "I'll get the buggy and meet you at your place as soon as you drop off Redfire."

  "Oh, I forgot. Benjamin said he'd be happier if I kept Redfire with me. Said I'd be safer. After I thought about it, I agreed. So I won't need you to take me to the train station, but thank you for offering."

  "You know," Phillip said, "I'll do whatever I can for you. Benjamin's a bright young man. I'd be proud to have him for a son."

  Leah put her arms around Paddy and arose. "Just think, Phillip, you almost did. Then Sarah entered the picture and freed you up for me to catch."

  "That's right. See, Sarah, you've been in the middle of some good things, too."

  "I have. I'll keep those in mind when I'm feeling low." She gave Phillip a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Goodbye. I'll miss you."

  "Goodbye, Sarah."

  Leah stepped forward and lifted Paddy toward Sarah. "Tell Paddy goodbye, too. We'll take good care of him, and once we move into your house, it'll be easy to watch over Drummer."

  Sarah leaned down to Paddy. She gave him a kiss on the head and scratched behind his ears as he licked at her face. "Goodbye, Paddy. I'm leaving you in good hands. Oh, that reminds me." She straightened up. "I told Benjamin about Paddy, and he asked if he could take him. I told him to get that settled between you and Faith. I hope you don't mind."

  "If he wants Paddy," Leah said, "and Faith allows it, I'll be glad to have him raise the pup. Boys and dogs go together. Besides, he deserves it for giving up Redfire." Leah set Paddy on the floor and raised up to give Sarah a hug and kiss. "Please take care of yourself." Tears glistened in her eyes. "You're part of our family, you know."

  "Your family's part of my family, too. Please look after Faith and Benjamin for me."

  "We'll do that. Goodbye, darlin'."

  Chapter Seven

  1870—West Virginia

  Sarah recognized that the train was approaching Wheeling, West Virginia, which lay between the Ohio River and the mountains. Wheeling had originally been part of Virginia, but the area it resided in, and a large portion of land south of it, had become the separate free state of West Virginia during the War Between the States. Sarah's old home was in Fairmont, several hours' train ride below Wheeling.

  She leaned her head against the cushioned back of the train seat. Excitement fluttered through her at the prospect of seeing her brother, Scott, and sister-in-law, Lindsay. She hadn't seen them or the children for nearly two years. Prescott Coulter, III, would be eight now, and Jessica would be five. Jessica. A child conceived in violence.

  Sarah tried to switch her thoughts to other avenues, but it wasn't working. Every time Jessica came to mind, the terrible ordeal Sarah had suffered replayed in her memory. She felt again the repugnance, the horror, the pain of the assault by three Union soldiers who had their way with her, shot her in the head, and left her for dead. How could she ever get beyond that? How could she ever forget that the innocent child she bore was a result of that depravity?

  She recalled how appalled she had been when L
indsay and Scott wanted to adopt the baby and raise her as their own. She understood their thinking. Jessica, after all, was family, but Sarah, for a long while, could barely stand to look at her. Jessica's very existence hammered Sarah with memories she longed to forget. People said time is a great healer. That hadn't been the case with Sarah so far.

  She turned her thoughts to pleasanter memories. She looked forward to seeing her twin brother, Scott. They had grown up with the Showell brothers, Phillip and his older brother, Theo. Now Theo was the manager at Coulter Foundry, the business started by Prescott Coulter, Sr., and handed over to Scott and Sarah on their twenty-first birthday. Theo had been the colonel in charge of Sarah's work as a Union spy, and they enjoyed a mutual respect and admiration.

  Sarah was excited about seeing Lindsay, Scott's wife, a charming black-haired, blue-eyed woman who came just to Sarah's shoulder. A special part of Sarah's heart had been owned by Lindsay almost from the moment they first met. Lindsay was truly a sister in every good meaning of the word. Sarah would welcome the opportunity to talk with her about Faith.

  Sarah looked down at her attire. One thing she wasn't sure of was what acceptance she would get from her family when they saw her dressed in men's clothing. She was pretty sure Lindsay would take her as she was, but Scott was a different story. Sarah gave a self-deprecatory grin. Scott would probably throw a fit, try to tell her what to do, then settle huffily for whatever Sarah told him. He never had been able to bend her to his will; she was the one who bent him.

  When the conductor came through, Sarah asked him to let her know when they reached Fairmont. He agreed, and she emptied her mind of its activities, closed her eyes, and slept.

  Sarah threw her saddlebags over her shoulder and stepped down onto the nearly empty station platform. Immediately, she saw Lindsay waving at her. She strode forward, dropped the bags, and tapped her arms around Lindsay's tiny waist. With a jerk, Sarah lifted her into the air and kissed her cheek. Lindsay had tilted her head back, or Sarah would have gotten a face full of bonnet.

  Giggling, Lindsay kissed Sarah in return. "Why, Miss Sarah, you do have a way of sweeping a girl off her feet."