Suffer II

by E. E. Borton

  As he rubbed the stubble on his face, it concerned him that it was easier for him to understand how the minds of serial killers and rapists worked more than Emily’s. He knew the complicated answers to the easy questions were concealing themselves within the pages of her journals. Each time he read them he felt closer to her, but understanding how her life spun out of control eluded him.

  “You’re on this list. You’re on it because I loved you. You blindsided me, and I died without knowing it was you that killed me. You didn’t do it with your own hands, but you put me in the room with the person who did. I loved you, and you used that against me.

  “Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. You stayed close to me because you wanted to see me broken and defeated. You wanted to watch me disintegrate into what I became. When I was at my lowest, you were always there to comfort me. Why did you want to hurt me so bad? What did I do to you?”

  A knock on his door pushed Emily’s voice out of his head and back into the silence. Grey looked at his watch and realized he had been sitting there for hours. Without looking through the peephole, he opened the door. Without saying a word, he turned and walked to a chair in the corner.

  Kate stood in the doorway for a moment with a raised eyebrow. When she saw Grey’s face after he sat in the chair, she knew what he was doing before she arrived. It was an ability they both possessed that made them effective and efficient hunters. It created a bond between them that neither could explain to anyone else. As she passed the desk, she looked at his list before sitting in the chair across from him. Kate waited for Grey to speak first.

  “When you came out of your coma, I knew you had changed,” said Grey, breaking the silence. It wasn’t the direction she expected him to go. “I knew that you had already made your choice.”

  “How many choices did you think I had?” asked Kate.

  “Two,” said Grey, looking over at her. “Two roads you could’ve taken. One light and one dark. You could’ve just accepted what happened to you as a shitty set of circumstances. You know, sometimes bad things happen to good people. You could’ve let your family take care of you while you healed. They would’ve been by your side every step of the way while you let the police find Diego. And even if they couldn’t, you know I would have.”

  “But I chose the other road,” said Kate. “I chose to fight back.”

  “No, you chose revenge. Plain and simple. It’s the reason why we’re here now.”

  “I could’ve accepted what happened to me,” said Kate. “I’m serious. If it was just me that he hurt, I would’ve let the police – and you – find him while I healed. But he didn’t just hurt me, Grey. He killed my child.

  “When I was aware enough to realize what he had done, I had no choice because he didn’t leave me with any. If you had found him, and I know you would have, you wouldn’t have had any choices either. You would’ve arrested him and left his fate at the mercy of the courts.

  “There’s no doubt in my mind he would’ve been convicted and sent to prison for the rest of his life. You and I both know that people don’t rot in prison. They’re fed, given a warm, soft place to sleep, and have people watching over them to make sure they’re treated humanely. They can read books, watch TV, and even get an education if they choose. If they choose.

  “He didn’t give Caleb a choice for anything. He didn’t give him a choice to either live or die. He made it for him and cut his throat. You’re wrong about me having two roads. When I came out of my coma, I only had one. He took my baby’s life, so I was going to take his. Plain and simple.”

  “I get that,” said Grey. “I guess I’m just trying to wrap my head around why that isn’t happening here.”

  “What do you mean?” asked Kate.

  “Why aren’t the people that care about Emily burning this town to the ground looking for answers? She was sweet, kind, beautiful, and would do anything for her family and friends. She had a good heart, Kate. She didn’t deserve any of this, but nobody seems to give a shit about that.”

  “And there it is,” said Kate, smiling.

  “Where’s what?” asked Grey, narrowing his eyes.

  “I hate to say it, but I was right.”

  “Just spit it out and stop gloating, please.”

  “It actually happened faster than I expected, but you care about Emily,” said Kate. “So do I. We’ve become those people who are going to burn this town to the ground looking for answers. The difference between us and them is that we’re strong enough to do it. You talk about being an outsider looking in. Well, that’s what makes us very powerful around here. Whoever hurt Emily won’t be able to hurt us.”

  “Oh, they’ll try, Kate.”

  “I know. That’s why Chief, Evan, and Abby are coming tomorrow. We’re going to need them here.”

  “For the record, I knew you were going to bring everybody whether I agreed to it or not.”

  “And you didn’t argue with me?” asked Kate, replacing the smile with a frown. “Where’s the fun in that?”

  “It’s just easier for me to argue when I know I have a chance to win.”

  “Smart man.”

  “I take it Karla will be leaving on the same plane that’s bringing them?”

  “Yes,” said Kate. “Tomorrow night. Also, you can take her name off that –”

  “Nope,” said Grey, cutting her off. “She’s not on my list because I think she killed her. She’s on it because she’s not telling us everything she knows. She’s coming across as this sweet, frail, vulnerable woman. I’ll buy some of that, but not all of it. We need her to give up some of her ghosts.”

  “That’s what makes you better at this than me, Grey. You know when to care, and when not to.”

  “What about the sheriff?” asked Grey. “Can he come off my list?”

  “Yes,” said Kate. “He’s in the same boat you and Chief were in when you were still cops. He has to play by the rules or risk losing his job. He also hinted that there are some powerful people who may come after him or his family.”

  “I imagine he didn’t give up any names.”

  “No, he didn’t. We’re going to leave him alone for now. We’re going to need him later when we start setting those fires.”

  “Speaking of powerful people,” said Grey, “there was only one judge who had a kid in the same school and grade as Emily. Her name is Cassandra Hall.”

  “Do you know if they were friends?”

  “That’s not the kid’s name.”

  “Oh, okay.”

  “Her kid’s name is Mark,” said Grey. “They knew each other, but I wouldn’t call them friends. He had a thing for her, but she certainly didn’t have one for him. He lived with his mother in Boudreaux while she served as a state district court judge until she was appointed to the United States District Court in New Orleans. His dad skipped out on the family when he was two. I’m guessing Mark stayed with family or a friend until he graduated.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Because he was a sophomore when his mom moved up the ladder. Evan is working on getting us his school records and anything else he can dig up about them.”

  “Anything yet on Dawson?” asked Kate.

  “He’s next on Evan’s list,” said Grey.

  “I think it’s a bit strange that he’s not here,” said Kate. “He seemed to care about her a great deal.”

  “He may not even know she’s missing,” said Grey.

  “How is that possible?”

  “I’m not sure. Like I said, I don’t think Karla is telling us everything she knows. According to Emily’s journal, Dawson wanted to get as far away from this town, and his alcoholic father, as possible. Looks like Emily’s dad helped him make that happen.”

  “How?”

  “A few months before Hank died, he started introducing Dawson to his coworkers. The oil company eventually gave him a job, but the position was on a new rig in North Dakota. He left town as soon as he graduated from high schoo
l and didn’t look back. He only visited Boudreaux one time after.”

  “Is that when he and Emily had sex?”

  “It is.”

  “I find it hard to believe that neither Tyler nor Karla let him know she was missing,” said Kate.

  “That’s the reason why they’re still on my list.”

  “Do you have Dawson’s contact information?” asked Kate.

  “I do.”

  “Text it to me and let Evan know I’ll be reaching out to him,” said Kate. “Dawson may be more willing to talk to me since I already have a connection with Karla.”

  “I’m not sure that would help,” said Grey. “Karla may be the reason why he doesn’t talk to you.”

  “No, he’ll open up.”

  “Is that one of your gut feelings?”

  “It’s a little more than a gut feeling, but yes,” said Kate. “I think you’re looking at Karla in the wrong light.”

  “How so?”

  “I agree with you that she isn’t telling us everything, but I think it’s more out of embarrassment and regret than anything sinister. She feels responsible for what happened to Emily because she wasn’t strong for her when Hank died. It’s still difficult for her to talk about it.”

  “Well, she needs to get over that,” said Grey. “She’s not helping us find her by holding back information.”

  “I’ll take care of that,” said Kate. “Anyone else jump out at you from her journals?”

  “Yes a few, but one name in particular.”

  “Whose?”

  “Brittany Greene,” said Grey. “They became close friends their first year in high school. They were a bit of an odd couple since Brittany was more into cheerleading and the social side of school. Emily was more into her academics.

  “They were good friends, but became best friends shortly after Hank died. It seems that Brittany was there for her when Karla wasn’t. When Emily wasn’t taking care of her mom, which was damn near all the time, she was with Brittany.”

  “What about boyfriends?” asked Kate.

  “Brittany certainly had those, but not Emily,” said Grey. “There isn’t much mention of boys at all, other than Tyler and Dawson. She drew a lot of attention from boys, but she didn’t reciprocate from what I read.

  “She was asked out a lot, but never went on dates. There was only one guy she wrote about with any affection other than Dawson, but he was off limits.”

  “Why was he off limits?” asked Kate.

  “He was the quarterback of the football team,” said Grey. “He actually got a full ride to LSU and plays there now. The reason he was off limits was because Brittany was in love with him. To say she was infatuated would be an understatement.

  “Emily wrote that he was having trouble with one of his classes and reached out to her for help, but didn’t want anyone to know. He made a move on her and stole a kiss during one of their study dates. She liked him, but immediately shut him down along with their study dates. She told him that her friendship with Brittany was much more important than a guy.”

  “Smart girl,” said Kate, smiling. “Did Brittany end up with him?”

  “I don’t know,” said Grey.

  “We need to find that out.”

  Chapter 13

  Mr. Glass

  Placing a framed photo of Emily and Hank on top of her clothes, Karla zipped her last bag and carried it into the living room. She sat on the couch with her hands folded in her lap. It was the first time she would be leaving Boudreaux in six years.

  She took deep breaths while looking around the room trying to hold back tears. Most of the memories made in her small home weren’t fond, but they were the last she had of Emily. When Hank died, she told her daughter she couldn’t keep up the larger family property and sold it two months after his funeral.

  Emily knew differently and wrote in her journals about her mother’s worsening condition. Every night for weeks after his death, she could hear her mother crying herself to sleep at night. Karla had made his breakfast every morning when he was alive, and continued to do so after he was gone. The plate full of his favorite foods would still be sitting on the table when Emily came home from school.

  Time couldn’t ease Karla’s pain and neither could Emily. She wrote how difficult it was to conceal her sadness in order to take care of her mother. She was hopeful when Karla went to the doctor for help, but it soon faded when the help came as little white pills. When her mother took them, they took her.

  She no longer slept in her bed and spent most of the day lying on the couch. If she did get up, she’d move around in slow motion with little purpose or direction. She stopped cooking, did not take care of the house, and abandoned the flower gardens in the backyard. Everything that would usually give her joy seemed to remind her of the loss of her husband. Emily believed that included her.

  She didn’t resent her mother for falling into a deep depression. Emily knew how much her parents loved each other and how devastating it was for Karla to lose him. There were very few times in their marriage when they were apart for more than a day. Emily wrote how her mother would light up when Hank came home from work. She’d greet him at the door with a beaming smile, a tight embrace, and a long kiss. They showed their daughter what being in love looked like.

  She did resent the doctor for her mother withdrawing from the world. On several occasions, she’d call or visit him with pleas that he not refill her prescription. He’d give her the same response, that Karla just needed a little more time to heal. The one time she hid the pills from her mother, she went into a rage and told Emily they were the only thing keeping her alive. She never tried to hide them again.

  For weeks after Hank’s sudden death from a pre-existing heart condition, friends would stop by with dishes of food and words of encouragement for the family. When the doctor increased the dosage and Karla stopped answering the door, they stopped offering their help. The only time she wasn’t overmedicated was when she sold the house and moved to the outskirts of town.

  Emily made an entry in her journal about the day she came home from school to find the house empty. She and Dawson drove the short distance into Boudreaux to look for her. An hour later they received a phone call from Sheriff Lewis.

  They walked into the grocery store to find Karla and the sheriff sitting on a bench near the checkout. Her mother was wearing a housecoat and slippers. The manager told Emily that she was wandering aimlessly around the store talking to herself with a shopping cart full of meat. When she finally made it to the checkout, she didn’t have any money. Karla told the manager that Hank would come by after work to pay for the groceries, but she needed to get home to start his dinner.

  “I know this is hard for you,” said Kate, sitting beside Karla on the couch.

  “It is, but I know you need me out of your hair.”

  “It’s not you that we’re worried about. We’ll be able to work faster if we know you’re as far away from this place as possible and safe.”

  “What about you?” asked Karla. “Are you going to be safe here?”

  “Very,” said Grey, walking back inside after taking her bags to the car. “I’ll be making sure of that.”

  “Can I talk to you for a moment?” asked Karla.

  “Of course,” said Grey, taking a seat across from her, holding Emily’s journals.

  “I can tell you have some reservations about me.”

  “It’s my job to have reservations about everyone,” said Grey. “Ms. Karla, I don’t believe you’re responsible for Emily’s disappearance, but I do believe you’re not telling us everything you know.”

  “I’ve told you everything I can remember,” said Karla. “I swear to you I have.”

  “There are a lot of holes,” said Grey.

  “That’s exactly what they are,” said Karla. “And that’s exactly what I wanted. You see, I didn’t take those pills to feel better. I took them so I wouldn’t feel anything at all. There are days, even weeks, of my life that
I can’t remember anything. I know that sounds horrible, but it’s the truth.”

  “Can I ask what you were taking?”

  “Xanax and Valium for depression and anxiety and Ambien to help me sleep,” said Karla. “That was just the beginning.”

  “How long did you take them?”

  “Almost three years,” said Karla, lowering her head.

  Grey’s eyes grew wide. He knew she was telling the truth about not remembering how Emily’s life had spiraled out of control. Like Tyler and Dawson, Emily had lost both of her parents when one of them died. The boys lost their father to booze. Emily lost her mother to prescription drugs.

  “I know what you’re thinking,” said Karla, raising her head. “How could a mother do that to her child?”

  “I’m not here to judge you,” said Grey. “I just need answers.”

  “The pills nearly killed me,” said Karla. “To be honest, some days I wished they had. My depression was replaced with shame and guilt. My body was a wreck, and I had gained seventy pounds while I was laid up on the couch. Most of the damage I did to myself is irreversible. Now when I look in the mirror, I don’t recognize the woman looking back at me.

  “When I finally came off the drugs, I realized Emily was in trouble with her own addiction. She tried to hide it from me, but I could see the changes in her. I didn’t know what to do, so I just tried to love her and give her a place to feel safe. I made so many mistakes, Grey. So many that I’ve lost count.”

  “Does Dawson know she’s missing?” asked Grey.

  “I haven’t spoken to him in years,” said Karla. “I pushed everyone away from me, including those boys. The difference with Tyler is that he always came back. I remember them coming around and helping Emily keep up the house and yard, but I also remember telling her to stop bringing anyone over. I didn’t want them to see me like that. I’m sure I was an embarrassment to Emily as well.”

  “No, you weren’t,” said Grey. “Not to her.”

  “I appreciate you trying to ease my mind, but I know I –”