Loving My SECRET (Corrigan & Co. Book 10)

by Crystal Perkins

  “Your fame should hinder him. He is just too full of pride.”

  “He is. And I will not allow him to hurt you—or the people of this village—in order to get to me.”

  “You have not come to give yourself up,” she says, gesturing to my weapons.

  “I will if it comes to that, but I will take as many of them down as I can before that happens.”

  “Reina!”

  “I am no longer a young girl looking to become a nun, Mother. My life is no longer black and white.”

  “God’s law is supreme, Reina.”

  “I know, and I will take my punishment once I’m dead. While I’m alive, I have sworn to do whatever it takes to protect the innocent. I have hurt and killed without remorse, and I will do it again if it means I have saved just one person.”

  “I cannot give you my blessing.”

  “I know. That is why I didn’t ask you for it.”

  “Your husband cannot have agreed to send you here alone.”

  “My husband served me with divorce papers. I am no longer his concern.”

  “Reina, I am so sorry. I have seen pictures of the two of you together, and the love you shared is something that could be seen and felt through the paper.”

  “It was a ruse,” I tell her. I don’t formally confess any longer, but sometimes I do confide. “Jane wanted to step down from the Society, and a Corrigan woman was needed to run it.”

  “I just told you that I saw pictures, so I know that it was not all fake. Don’t look so surprised. We may live simply here, but I still pay attention to what’s going on in the world. You know I emailed you; although, the internet is not working right now.”

  “He’s cutting you off so you can’t ask for help. I came just in time,” I say, ignoring the first part of what she just told me. I can’t dwell on what Matt and I looked like together. Or what I felt.

  “If he takes you again, Reina, he will insist on having you in every way this time. You know that.”

  “Yes.”

  “And yet you still came.”

  “I’m not the innocent young girl I once was. I have been with men.”

  “What he will do to you is not the same.”

  “Maybe not. But I’ll survive. Or I won’t.”

  She picks up on what I mean instantly, and I see the awareness wash over her face. “You came here to die. Reina, no!”

  “I do not wish to die, but I also don’t care if I do.”

  “There is more to life than Matthew Corrigan.”

  “I’ve tried to tell myself that for over a decade, Mother. I almost believed it, too. Until he couldn’t even look me in the eye as I signed those divorce papers. I have tried to be a strong woman for so long, but I’m not. I’m a heartbroken woman. How do I continue to live when my heart is shattered?”

  “You trust that God has it all planned out for you, Reina. You have faith.”

  “Faith was once my favorite word. It was the one thing I always believed in—that we all had to have faith. I no longer believe. I don’t have the luxury of believing. The things that happened to me all those years ago took that from me, and I don’t think I’ll ever get it back.”

  * * *

  Matt

  We’re wheels up in an hour. I should be packing, and checking my weapons, but I can’t. Nate, Aiden, Jake, and Theo will take care of it for me. They know I need to be here instead. “Here” is Reina’s office.

  As I step around the smashed furniture and broken decorations, I imagine her doing this. Destroying her office right after I destroyed us both. Again.

  I toss whatever can’t be salvaged into trash bags, and stack the broken pieces of the chairs and table by the door. Underneath the debris by that wall, I find our wedding picture. From the way it was buried, I know that it was the first thing she threw. After shaking the glass into the bag, I run my hand over her face, wishing once again that it didn’t take losing her to realize that I can’t live without her. It’s the oldest cliché in the world, but it’s true.

  I thought I could walk away from her again. I knew I’d be battered, and not completely whole, but I thought it was possible. It’s not. I’m more than battered, I’m completely broken right now.

  The thought of that devil touching her, and hurting her, all because she was running from what I did to us has me dropping to my knees. I’m crying when the guys find me, but I’m not even a little bit embarrassed.

  “We’re going to get her back, Matt. Don’t think we won’t,” Nate tells me.

  “Even without our help, the girls could do it. With us, it’s going to be a shit storm of trouble that asshole can’t even comprehend,” Aiden adds.

  “Thank you for coming with me.”

  “Of course we’re coming with you,” Jake says. “I’d do anything for you or Reina. We will get her back.”

  “What he said,” Theo tells me. He’s the newest member of our team, but he fits.

  “Now that the thanks have been properly bestowed, and the pep talk has been successfully given, everyone grab a bag and let’s go. The girls aren’t going to wait for us,” Nate reminds everyone.

  We dispose of everything, and head back to the lobby where everyone is waiting. “You cleaned out her office?” Alex asks me.

  “Yeah. When she comes back, she shouldn’t have to worry about that. Can you re-order the furniture she had before?”

  “Of course.”

  “I have five teams meeting you at the airport when you land. I couldn’t reach the convent by email or phone, which means he’s taken out communications or is jamming them, but I was able to reach one of the businesses in the village. The man was obviously scared, and didn’t want to talk, but I finally got him to admit that Reina had been seen there. I want the bastard behind all of this killed. I know I don’t usually issue that order, but this time I’m making an exception. He cannot be allowed to live,” my Gram tells us.

  “He’s mine,” I say.

  “Whoever gets to him first will take him down.”

  “No, Gram. I don’t care if someone else injures him, but the kill shot is mine.”

  We have a stare down for a minute, but this time I won’t let her win. “Fine. Matt takes the last shot.”

  No one speaks up to argue. We all realize that there’s no time for more arguing. We caravan to the private airfield, and then we’re in the air. In three hours, we’ll be landing deep inside Mexico. We have no government to back us up, but we do have allies. Money talks, and thankfully my family, and the others within the Society, have plenty of it. I’ll give away every last penny of mine if it means we get Reina back. As long as she’s safe, I’d consider a box under the bridge near the Las Vegas Mission my palace, and I’d live there until the day I die, happy because it means we saved her. I don’t think it would come to that, but I really would be more than okay with the situation if it did.

  Chapter 4

  Reina,

  I know I hurt you when I told Ainsley that I hadn’t found the right person to take to a ball before. That’s not true. At. All. I yearn to have you on my arm every time I walk into ANY room, anywhere. I know that’s not possible, but I want it. It kills me when you have a date to one of the balls, parties, barbeques, or really fucking anywhere. I hate that some other man can claim you for that time when I want you to belong to only me. Tonight, I’m making my dream come true. For just this one night, I can have you on my arm where my heart knows you belong, even if my head and conscience won’t allow it. I promise to make it magical for you, and not let our limo turn into a pumpkin at midnight.

  With all my love,

  Matt

  * * *

  Eighteen months ago…

  I don’t know what’s going on, but it has to be important. Jane came to my office and told me she needs me to get on a plane with Matt to North Dakota. She wouldn’t tell me why, just that she needs me to do it. She’s the boss, so here I am, sitting on a Corrigan jet across from the last person I was hoping to see tonigh
t.

  Matt made it perfectly clear just how unimportant I am to him when he offered to take Ainsley to the upcoming ball. He could’ve just said he knew she needed him, but no, he had to go and remind me just how insignificant I am. Remind me that he’s never taken me to a ball. She’ll be his first, and even though it’s just for show, it’s still going to kill me. Just one more time when I’m not good enough for him.

  “Um, Rei. You should maybe go rest. We have a long night ahead of us.”

  “Do I look that bad? No wait, don’t answer that. My ego can’t take another hit from you right now.” I know it’s dangerous to put my feelings out there, but I’m just empty right now, and I can’t take another hit.

  “You look gorgeous, Rei. I was just trying to save you from being dead on your feet later.”

  “Now you care?”

  He flinches, and starts to open his mouth, but I don’t give him a chance to speak. I’m not tired, but getting out of the same space as him sounds good right about now. I practically run to the main bedroom on the plane, and throw myself inside. What I see makes me stop a few steps from the bed.

  Lying on the bed is a beautiful ball gown. It’s sky blue, strapless, and taffeta. The bodice is covered in black shiny flowers that thin out as they go past the waist. When I lift it up, I see that it’s got a mermaid style shape, and yeah, I’m in love with it. There are black heels with those distinctive red soles, and some black rose studs for my ears. On the bed next to them is a printout for two tickets to a ball benefitting a Fargo arts organization.

  “It was the only ball I could find on such short notice. I know it won’t be as glamorous as the one in Vegas, but it still counts as the first one I’ll have a date for. I mean, if you’ll be my date.”

  “Why?”

  “I can’t bear the thought of hurting you over something I have control over.”

  “You have control over everything you do to hurt me, Matt.”

  “I don’t want to hurt you. Ever. That’s the last thing I want to do. It’s what I’ve tried to avoid for all these years.”

  “By throwing other women in my face, and treating me like I’m nothing?”

  “I just want you to realize I’m not a good guy, and move on. It’s what’s best for both of us. You have to know you’re not ‘nothing’ to me, or anyone else.”

  “Okay, so you want me to fuck you out of my system. Got it.” Not that it will work—I’ve valiantly tried for more than 10 years. I haven’t gone crazy, but I’ve been active.

  He growls. A full on sexy animal growl. “I don’t want any man touching you.”

  “You can’t have it both ways,” I tell him with a sigh. “I can’t ‘move on’ but still just sit around waiting for your random booty calls.”

  “You’re right. I know you’re right. I can’t give you what you need, Reina, and I want you to find someone who can. For tonight, just this one night, will you be mine? Please.”

  I can’t imagine a time when I won’t be his. Even if I can never say it out loud, I belong to him. Always have, and always will. I can take this night for myself, though. Take what he’s offering. “Yes. As long as you belong to me, too. If I catch you in some bathroom with another woman, I swear to God, I’ll kill you.”

  “I’m yours, Reina. The night is yours.”

  I don’t kiss him, although I want to. I need to see that he means it first. Words are pretty, but actions are beautiful. I need some beauty from him, and then I’ll kiss him—and more. For right now, I shoo him out of the room and get dressed. The gown fits perfectly—thanks Stella—and I feel special in it. There’s no other word I can think of. Just special.

  Most of the night passes in a blur. We get our picture taken by the local press when we walk in, and Matt leaves me for a moment to go and talk to them. I’m not sure if he’s asking him to hide the pictures or make them go viral. I don’t really care. Even if no one else knows that Matt brought me here, I know, and that’s all that matters.

  Once we’ve dined and danced, Matt leads me back to our limo. It takes us only a few blocks away to a brick building with a neon sign. I raise an eyebrow, and he laughs.

  “There’s no fancy 5 star digs here, Princess. You’re looking at the best I could find for you.”

  My eyebrow drops along with my mood. Everything was going so well, and then he had to call me by that stupid nickname, and assume that I cared about how fancy a hotel room he got us was. I just wanted a bed. “It’s nice to know that even after the romantic night you planned for me, your opinion of me is still so low. Am I at least level with the gutter now?”

  “Rei, I didn’t mean it like that. Shit.”

  I lunge for the door as soon as the driver opens it, and hold my skirt up as I sprint inside. I can hear Matt behind me, but I won’t let him embarrass me any further.

  “Hi, I need a room,” I tell the woman behind the front desk.

  “No. We already have a room. It’s under Corrigan.”

  “He may have a room, but I need one of my own, please.”

  “You do not need another room, Reina. I know I pissed you off, and I’m sorry.”

  The woman looks between us and then smiles at me. “I can get you a room. I just need your credit card and ID.”

  Which are on the plane. Since we’re flying private, I didn’t need them for the airport. Matt was being so sweet that I didn’t think I’d need them tonight, either. I should’ve known not to trust him. I turn and bat my eyes at him, knowing full well it won’t work, but trying anyway.

  “Matt, can you please pay for my room? I left my stuff on the plane.”

  “Not a chance in Hell.”

  “I seriously hate you sometimes.”

  “I promise you’ll be loving me again once we get up to the room,” he says with a smirk.

  “Not a fucking chance in Hell,” I retort, adding that extra word to make him know I’m serious.

  “Beggars can’t be choosers.”

  “I’ll just sleep on a couch down here. Have a nice night.”

  “You can’t do that.”

  “Yes, she can,” the woman behind the desk says, smiling at me.

  “Women. I don’t even know why I try.”

  “Because sometimes you actually remember I’m worth it.”

  He closes his eyes and I see his jaw clench. It’s like he’s physically holding himself back from saying something. After a few deep breaths, he opens his eyes, and turns to the woman. “Please check me in. Our bags should’ve been delivered already.”

  I watch as he studiously ignores me, and then just nods at me before getting on the elevator. I was so excited about spending the night with him, but now I’m just so exhausted I can barely keep my eyes open. I make my way to the couch and curl up on one end. My eyes flutter closed before I can even get comfortable, and I fall asleep.

  The next thing I know, I’m being lifted by a strong pair of arms. I don’t freak out, because I recognize those arms. I’m not awake enough to fight him, and honestly, I don’t really want to fight. I never want to fight with him, but I can’t just sit back and let him disrespect me. I won’t be a weak, cowering girl ever again.

  “Matt,” I whisper in to his chest.

  “Yeah, Rei. I got you.”

  “Why aren’t you asleep?”

  “You think I could sleep while you were down here on the couch?”

  “Why are you so mean to me?”

  “Because I’m a bastard.”

  “Yeah, but tonight you’re my bastard.”

  “I am,” he says with a small laugh as he carries me into the room.

  He sets me on the edge of a bathtub that’s right in the middle of the floor. I see all of the bubbles and smile. He made me a bath. It’s then that I notice what he’s wearing. Or rather what he’s not wearing. He came down to get me in just a pair of blue boxer briefs.

  “Matt! You came down to get me like that?”

  “What? My junk is covered,” he says with a smile, before un
zipping my dress.

  “Barely.”

  He just chuckles as he finishes undressing me, and places me in the tub. “Don’t worry, Rei. Every inch of it belongs to you. So unless you’re sharing, you really shouldn’t trouble yourself with what I’m wearing.”

  “That was the worst rhyme in the history of the written word.”

  “In case you didn’t know it, I am indeed a poet.”

  “Stop. Oh my God. Just stop.”

  “If I didn’t know better, I’d think my rhymes were making you wetter.”

  “Off button. Where the hell is your off button?” I ask as he climbs into the tub with me.

  “I can’t believe you’re giving me the diss when I just want to give you some bliss.”

  He lifts me over him and sets me to kneeling over his face, while he lowers himself so that his mouth is lined right up with my sex. I should tell him again how lame his rhyming is, but I’m too busy thinking about what he’s about to do to me.

  “Since you don’t like my rhymes, I’ll just have to think of something more fun to do with my tongue.”

  * * *

  Reina

  “Our rooms are very simple,” Maria tells me as she leads me to mine. She’s the girl I met earlier. Mother formally introduced us when she called her back to the office. She told her I came to them for Sanctuary, and she has granted it to me. It’s somewhat true. Close enough.

  “I don’t need luxury,” I say with a shrug. There’s a twin sized bed with sheets and a blanket on it. A small dresser, curtains on the window, and a crucifix on the wall are the only other items in the room.

  I set my bag down on the bed, and have my back to her when she blurts out her next sentence. “I watched your wedding on television.”

  “You did?”

  “Yes. I just came here a couple of months ago. I always knew I would come here, but my friends had different plans for their life. They’re obsessed with you and Matt. They think you have the most romantic life. So when it was announced that your wedding would be broadcast like the royal weddings from England, they convinced me to watch it with them.”