The Observations

by Jane Harris

  ‘Had we an account of the nature, habits and training of the domestic class in my time and details of particular cases therein, no history could be more useful.’

  He cast a glance at missus, then continued reading, this time silently.

  I crouched down beside her and tried to stroke her head but she flinched and looked at me suspiciously. ‘Do not pretend to be my friend,’ she says, tears in her eyes.

  ‘But I am your friend, marm,’ I says. ‘Your very best friend.’

  She glared at me for a moment and then it appeared she decided to trust me, for our eyes locked and she lowered her voice to a near-whisper. ‘What about Nora?’ she croaked. ‘Is she safe?’

  I opened my mouth to speak, though I wasn’t sure what to say but master James saved me the effort. He turned from the desk and addressed his wife harshly.

  ‘Arabella! As you are well aware, that girl Nora is dead! ’

  At these words, missus looked stricken. Her eyes grew huge with panic and her hand flew to her throat. ‘Dead?’ she says. ‘Really dead? Dead really and truly?’

  ‘Aye,’ he says. ‘For God sake, you must remember. It was on the railway line.’

  She cocked her head to one side. ‘The railway line? Yes, yes, I remember now.’ She turned to me. ‘But what about the little one?’ she says. ‘What about her little one?’

  I just looked at her. ‘What?’ I says and was about to add ‘What little one?’ when the two gentlemen descended on us and the words were wrenched from me, as master James hauled me to my feet while the doctor knelt down in front of missus, shielding her from my view. Master James steered me in the direction of the door.

  ‘Now, Bessy,’ he says. ‘We are all a little overheated and your mistress is not herself, as you well know. She is not making sense. I think it would be a good idea if you left us alone with her. We need to speak to her to find out if what you claim is true. In any case, I want you to run down to Snatter and bring back some—some—’

  ‘Ale,’ says McGregor-Roberston, looking up coolly from his position on the floor. ‘For pitys sake let it be ale, for I would certainly like a drink this night after all that has taken place.’

  Master James looked relieved. ‘Yes, ale!’ he says. ‘I’d like some myself. ’ He began patting his pockets. ‘Er—Douglas, have you a few coins on you?’ The doctor reached into his pocket and handed him some money, which master James pushed into my hand as he manoeuvred me onto the landing. Once there, he looked at me sternly. ‘Now not a word about this to anyone,’ he says.

  ‘No sir.’

  ‘I have no desire to see you drunk but similarly I do not wish to see you back here for the next hour or so. Buy yourself a drink and make it last. The doctor and I will see if we can get any sense out of your mistress. As for you—’ he looked at me sternly. ‘I haven’t yet decided what course of action I will take. I shall think about it overnight. Until I have come to a decision, Bessy, you may continue in my employ—but only on a strict warning.’

  He went back inside the chamber and closed the door with a thud and then I heard the key turn in the lock.

  19

  I Lose Hope

  DOWN AT JANETS the porch was empty but the hatch was open. There was a smell of burning fat in the air. I peered through into the taproom and seen with dismay that Hector was sat there with his feet up on the table. Janet was stood at the stove, I supposed she was cooking for some customer that had lodged upstairs. Neither one of them noticed me which was just as well for of a sudden I realised that I couldn’t face anybody. I stepped behind the door and pressed myself into a dark corner where it smelled of dust and spilt beer, old wood and piss and mould. I kept on seeing the broken desk, The Observations exposed and missus laying on the floor of her room, gazing up at me all helpless, with that trusting look in her eyes. Trusting me still, when I had done the dirty on her, and more than once!

  I pressed myself harder into the corner, the wooden slats of the wall was uneven and split, I pushed my back against them. The sharp end of a nail jabbed into me and I dragged my shoulder across it on purpose, it ripped my frock and sliced into my skin. Just then, two men stepped in, they looked like miners from the village. I froze, ready to make some excuse for why I was hid behind the door but they went straight to the hatch and stood with their backs to me. Janet filled their bottles then returned to the stove, her eyes never once strayed in my direction and the two men left the porch without seeing me. Perhaps that should be my fate, I thought. To stand forevermore in a cold clatty corner, invisible to them that came and went, clutching empty bottles to my chest and cutting my back open on an old nail. For flip sake, that was better than I deserved.

  Just then, Janet turned and set a dinner plate of chops and potatoes beside Hector. ‘Nip up the stair with that, would ye?’ she says.

  Hector, who had been cleaning his fingernails with a knife, came over all offended at the request. He considered the plate with some disdain then slowly got to his feet. He stretched and yawned, he scratched his head, he took note of a hole in the front of his waistcoat, he examined it, picked at it, stuck his finger through it. Finally, as if it was an afterthought, he lifted the plate and carried it upstairs, whistling ‘Anything for a Crust’.

  Since I was in no mood for Hector this was as good a chance as any to be served. I stepped up to the hatch, thinking Janet would notice me but she turned away, it seemed I really was invisible. I had to cough to announce my presence and then she span around.

  ‘Och flip me!’ she says. ‘I didnae hear you come in there.’

  She wasn’t to know I’d been there near 20 minutes already! I sank the glass she poured me while she filled the bottles. Then I asked for another.

  ‘I’ve no seen you in a wee while,’ she says. ‘They keeping you busy?’

  ‘I suppose.’

  She threw me a glance. ‘Whit’s wrang, ma honey? Yer face is tripping ye. Are they no treating you right? Huv they no give ye your wages yet?’

  ‘I am quite well,’ I says shortly and paid her. Janet went back to the stove and began wiping it down. I thought about leaving but then something occurred to me.

  ‘Remember last time I was here,’ I says. ‘You were talking about that girl Nora.’

  ‘Oh aye,’ says Janet, looking interested.

  Just then Hector came skyting downstairs with the plateful of chops and spuds in his hand. My heart sank as he caught sight of me and grinned. He gave the plate back to Janet.

  ‘Happarently this is hall ferry fwhell,’ he says. ‘But fwhat habout the gravy?’

  Janet clucked her tongue. ‘Gravy?’ she says. ‘Forflipsake!’

  She began banging pots around on the range, adding a drop of water to the scrapings in the frying pan. Hector put his hand in his pocket and sauntered towards me. As he leaned through the hatch, giving me a slow wink, I thought how easy it would be to take the head off his shoulders. He was only young and a pest, but for some reason at that moment I hated him more than anything in the world.

  ‘Chust tell me this, Bessy,’ he says. ‘Fwhy fwould you be following me?’

  ‘I am not,’ I says then wait till you hear, I pretended to be frightened. ‘But there is something after me!’ I goes, all panic-struck. ‘It’s white and it—it follows me everywhere!’

  Hector looked anxious and peered out into the darkness beyond me. ‘What is it?’ he says.

  ‘My arse,’ I replied.

  It was an old trick we used to play down the Gallowgate. I derived no humour from it that night, just bitter satisfaction at the sight of Hectors face when he seen it was a cod.

  Just then, Janet appeared behind him with the plate. ‘Gravy,’ she goes.

  Hector tellt me I was ferry funny and then disappeared upstairs with the food. It was still too early to go back to Castle Haivers so I asked Janet for more ale. She filled my glass. ‘So whit dae ye want tae know aboot Nora?’ she says.

  Good question. I thought about it for a moment. Then says,
‘Did you ever see her with a child?’

  ‘A child?’ Janet shook her head. ‘She came in here fae time to time. And I seen her roond aboot the village. But I never saw her wi’ a wean.’

  Hector slid down the bannister, carrying a bottle.

  Janet turned to him. ‘Did ye ever see that Nora Hughes with a wean?’ she says.

  He shook his head and tossed her the bottle, lucky enough she caught it. ‘More ale fwanted,’ he says.

  Janet rolled her eyes heavenward. ‘Will ah never hae a minutes peace?’

  While she went to fill the bottle Hector took her place at the hatch. He folded his arms gravely and looked me up and down, shaking his head.

  ‘Fwhite and follows you heverywhere. Ferry good.’ And then he peered at me. ‘Har you hallright, Bessy?’

  I was about to give him two in the head when Janet reappeared and handed him the bottle. ‘Take that up fur me, would ye?’ she says. ‘I am scunnered. Thon bell hasnae stopped ringing all day.’

  Hector turned and ran upstairs, calling out to me, ‘Don’t go awhay now!’

  I looked at Janet. ‘When did he start working here?’

  ‘He doesnae,’ says she. ‘He just hings aboot. So what’s all this aboot Nora?’

  ‘Well, I don’t know,’ I says. ‘Were you here when she died? You says something before about it, that I should ask my missus what happened.’

  ‘Did I say that?’ She laughed and shook her head. ‘I must huv bin drunk.’

  I shrugged. ‘Well—she says it was an accident.’

  ‘Aye, so they say. The day of the Free Gardeners Parade it was. There was a randan going on up in one of the bothies, all the farm servants were there and the temporary workers and them. Supposedly Nora had too much tae drink and wandered aff in the dark, fell in front of a train. That’s what they say.’

  ‘But what do you think?’

  She thought for a moment, then shook her head. ‘Ach, I don’t know, honey. I just think that one’s a right queer fish, your missus Reid. Locking girls up in cupboards and God knows what, working them like slaves. Just wouldnae surprise me if she didnae drive that girl tae it.’

  ‘You mean—to kill herself?’

  Janet widened her eyes and turned her mouth down at the corners. ‘Mebbe,’ she says.

  Balderdash!

  ‘Not missus,’ says I. ‘She wouldn’t hurt a fly.’

  Hector came charging downstairs, this time he was holding dirty cutlery and the plate, now scraped clean of chops and gravy. Clatter bang! he tossed the lot onto the table. ‘Your customer fwhants to know, fwould you be having henny cheese?’

  Janets jaw dropped. She looked at me, astounded. ‘Cheese!?’ she says. ‘Cheese now is it!?’

  She strode over to a cupboard and took from it a plate of something green and furry, this she gave to Hector. ‘There’s cheese,’ she says.

  He went upstairs with it. Janet came back to the hatch.

  I says, ‘About the time Nora died, did you notice anything?’

  ‘How d’ye mean?’

  ‘Just—did she look any different? Was she—any fatter?’

  Janet frowned. ‘Fatter? No, she wasnae fatter,’ she says. ‘If anything, she had lost a wee bit weight.’

  ‘And you’re sure you never seen her with a child?’

  ‘Never did,’ says Janet.

  At the sound of Hector thundering downstairs once more Janet turned and glared, as though defying him to make yet another request on behalf of the demanding customer. He came clattering to the foot of the steps then strolled across to the table. He sat down, took out his knife and resumed cleaning his nails. A moment passed. He looked up and realised that Janet was staring at him.

  ‘What?’ he says.

  And then the upstairs bell began to tinkle.

  Janet shook her fist at the rafters. ‘Right that’s it!’ she says. ‘I’ll see what it is this time!’ And she bustled across the room and up the stairs, the face on her like a bag of hammers.

  It was quiet once she was gone. Hector gazed across the table at me and moved his eyebrows up and down. ‘Chust you and me then, Bessy,’ he says.

  What did he think he was, a flipping prince? I glared at him, hating him. But hating myself more. Something rose up in me, like blind rage. ‘Come on then,’ I says.

  He blinked at me, astonished. ‘What?’

  ‘Come on,’ I says. ‘While she’s upstairs. We’ll go round the back.’ And without another word I picked up my bottles and stepped outside.

  The air out there was damp but mild. My face was numb, but I felt safe behind it. Here and there, I could see lights burning in windows, a few cottages only a stones throw away across a hedge. Peoples homes. They meant nothing to me. Folk I had never met and didn’t care about. Come to think of it, I didn’t care about them or myself or about anything.

  The darkest spot was behind the porch and so I made my way towards it. There was all this broken glass crunching underfoot, I stepped in against the wall and put down my bottles to wait. A door creaked somewhere at the back of the inn then Hector came around the corner. He felt his way along the wall, his breath all quick and excited. I suppose he could scarce believe his luck.

  ‘Bessy?’ he says.

  I grabbed his arm and dragged him back into the shadows.

  And there, I will say no more. Not only for the sake of decency but because I am so very ashamed of all that I have done in my life.

  Dear me, how strange that after all these years the retelling of such an event has the power to upset a person. But there you go, I make no excuses for what I done except to say that I believe I had lost all respect for myself. At any rate, no point getting miserable about it now! I must press on with my account. The gentlemen who asked me for it may not be expecting all these diversions, when really it is missus who is of more interest.

  Let me move on to some little while later when I found myself back at Castle Haivers. Master James had commanded me not to return until late but I had nowhere else to go and so I crept unseen up to my room, intending to hide there until I might emerge without upsetting him. Whilst I waited, I took the opportunity to tidy myself and as I washed and put myself in order I overheard a certain amount of activity from the floors below, doors opening and closing, footsteps on the stairs, all this. Presumably (I thought), master James and the doctor were still attending to missus.

  I was desperate to see her so as soon as nearly enough time had elapsed, I made my way down and presented myself at her room to learn what master James might require of me. I knocked—and was astounded when the door was unlocked and opened by none other than Curdle Features. There she stood like a gaoler at the threshold, beef to the heels, a fat grin on her phiz and the arms all akimbow.

  ‘What’s the go here!?’ I says.

  ‘You’re no tae come in,’ she says. ‘Master James does not indorse it. He tellt me I am to keep you oot.’ And she gave me another nasty smirk.

  For flip sake! Indorse it indeed. I had a good mind to indorse her face with my fist. That this mopsie should be allowed access to missus instead of me! Although whether it meant I was fired or not, I wasn’t sure.

  I tried to see past her, into the room. ‘Is missus all right?’

  Muriel shrugged. ‘She’s sound asleep.’

  ‘And where’s the master?’

  ‘How’m a supposed tae know?’ she says, off-hand.

  To stop myself punching the lard out her, I turned my back and scoured off downstairs. There were voices coming from the study and so I went to the kitchen and put the ale from Janets on a tray along with two glasses. I wished to gob I’d never clapped eyes on those there bottles for the sight of them near made my stomach turn over with the memory of what I had let happen with Hector. But I put it from my mind and went back to the hall. The study door was ½ open, I could see master James slumped in a chair with his head in his hand, whilst the doctor was stood by the fire, scribbling in his notebook. The Observations and all the maids
journals had been piled up on the table behind them. I was scarce across the threshold before the doctor fell upon the tray and began pouring ale. He handed a glass to master James, who took it mechanically, without even raising his eyes.

  I made a curtsey. ‘Sir,’ I says. ‘Excuse me, is missus going to be all right now?’

  But master James did not look at me. Instead, the doctor piped up. He turned his face to me and closed his eyelids so they fluttered. ‘She has calmed down for now, Bessy,’ he says. ‘I gave her something to help her sleep. Before that, we questioned her and ascertained that she is indeed, as you said, suffering from various delusions. It is most intriguing, I’ve never quite come across anything like it.’ He opened his eyes and leafed through his notebook. ‘She believes that there is a woman spying on her and that your master and I are somehow involved and that this girl Nora—’

  Of a sudden, master James cleared his throat loudly. McGregor-Robertson fell silent.

  ‘She did think Nora was alive,’ I says quickly. ‘Earlier on. But then when you tellt her Nora was dead she started talking about a baby. She never mentioned that before. She never talked about a baby. But I think there’s something wrong, sir. She’s in her delusions sir but I think what she said up there was real. Something did happen to that girl Nora.’

  Master James shifted in his chair. His gaze slid away from me towards the fire.

  The doctor closed his notebook with a snap. ‘Dearie me!’ he says. ‘I wouldn’t set any store by what your mistress comes out with at the moment. She may well talk about babies. There are any number of delusions infecting her brain!’

  ‘Bessy,’ says master James, sounding stern but weary. I turned to him and he gave me a warning look. ‘Bear in mind that your position here is extremely precarious. I still have not decided what to do with you—but believe me when I say that you are within a hairs breadth of losing your place here.’ He sighed. ‘Indeed, if it were not for the difficulty of replacing you I would probably have shown you the door already.’