For Laughing Out Loud
Page 35
I wasn't a bit nervous about doing the show. When we went on the air my reviews ranged from "much better than I would have dared to write myself " to "aren't there laws against writing things like that?"
The show was produced by Universal but broadcast on the WB, the new network owned by Warner Bros. The WB asked me to help promote the show around the country. Appear on TV to talk about The Tom Show on the WB? Do radio interviews to tell people why they should watch The Tom Show on the WB? Speak with magazine and newspaper writers about The Tom Show on the WB? Naturally, I hesitated . . . Offering me a microphone is like putting a ten-thousand-dollar pledge in front of Jerry Lewis. I toured the country telling people why they would enjoy The Tom Show on the WB.
Believe me, I know how difficult it is to attract attention to a new network. ABC had been a distant third network when Johnny Carson and I had started together on Who Do You Trust? I think we were one of the very first afternoon shows they broadcast. So at every opportunity, I told people about The Tom Show on the WB. And the WB was very pleased with my work.
How pleased were they?
Well, every network has a logo: CBS has its eye, NBC has the peacock, and the WB has the frog. The network's logo is a frog. But they're so pleased with my work promoting The Tom Show on the WB, they began to refer to me as the network's first "spokesphibian."
That's quite a compliment. I was particularly pleased by that after noticing that Budweiser now uses talking frogs on its commercials. So perhaps . . .
Besides working with Tom Arnold on The Tom Show on the WB, I finally found a product in which I believed strongly enough to do an infomercial. Incredibly, this was a product I actually helped create in my own kitchen. When my doctors told me that for health reasons I had to give up most fried foods, I tried to find a way I could enjoy the great taste of fried foods without being hurt by the fat and grease.
Impossible, you say. Can't be done. Fried foods need that fat and grease. Now, I know you believe that. I did too. But suppose, ladies and gentlemen, just suppose I was able to prove to you that you can now enjoy the incredible taste of fried foods—cooked in your very own kitchen—without worrying about the damaging effects of fat or grease.
That's right, forget about the twenty-eight grams of fat usually found in fried chicken. Now you can have the great taste of fried chicken containing only six grams of fat. Onion rings, which normally have twenty-three grams of fat, now have . . .
Zero. Make your own potato chips—with absolutely no fat! How can I make this claim? The answer is . . . the all-new, unique, guaranteed Ed McMahon miracle fryer.
That's right, my friends. Developed with the great young five-star chef George Engel, the Ed McMahon miracle fryer enables you to use the thermal rays that circulate in your oven to fry low-fat and fat-free foods. This patented system consists of a mesh rack that, sitting on top of a deep-base pan, allows the hot air to circulate all around your food, locking in the taste. Delivering the great taste of fried foods without the added oil and grease . . . The fat drips away so the food doesn't sit in it while cooking . . .
French fries, pizza, sausages, even fish and hamburgers— all the foods you love—now with reduced fat or no fat . . .
And if you act right now, we will also send you your own copy of Ed McMahon's Favorite Low-Fat Fried Foods, featuring more than forty recipes by world-class chef George Engel . . .
And yes, there's even more. Tell you what else I'm going to do. As an added bonus, we're going to throw in . . . the miracle fryer slicer! The perfect frying companion because the adjustable blades allow you to slice potatoes for potato chips, and onions for onion rings. And even more, let me demonstrate on a red ripe tomato. Look how you can adjust the blade so low, you can slice a tomato so thin you can read a newspaper through it. I know a lady in Bayonne, New Jersey . . .