Crushing on You

by Jen Trinh

  “Xiexie, Ayi.” I gave her a genuine smile of relief.

  She smiled back, then reached towards the sink to wash her hands. After, I belatedly washed my hands too.

  “Anna, ni zhende hao piaoliang.” You’re really beautiful, she said. “I knew you’d be a good woman for Ian when I saw you in the Japanese restaurant. You have such an auspicious face.”

  The Japanese restaurant? I hadn’t eaten at a Japanese restaurant since—OH. Oh.

  THE Japanese restaurant.

  Ian was the one who’d footed the bill at that fancy restaurant so long ago? The naggy son? He and his parents had witnessed that horrible moment? And Ian’s mom thought that I had an auspicious face? What did that even mean? Was she really superstitious? Did she just—

  She smiled, and her eyes were so lovely, large and expressive. So like Ian’s. I smiled softly in return as my doubts evaporated. “I’m lucky to have Ian,” I told her. “You have a very good son.”

  She took my hand and kneaded it, just as Ian did sometimes. “Tell me, do you love my son?”

  I was surprised at the question, but didn’t hesitate. “Yes. Very much.” A tear slipped down my cheek.

  She wiped it away and her smile grew brighter, more genuine. “That’s good, that’s good. Come on, come meet the family.” She gently led me out to the backyard.

  ◆◆◆

  “I think my mom likes you better than she likes me,” said Ian.

  We’d just gotten back to his place from his aunt’s place. I’d had too much to eat and drink, so I’d taken a nap on the car ride home. We were only just now getting around to the debrief.

  “She’s a really sweet lady. So funny.” I smiled at Ian. “Your family members really are kinda like you.”

  Besides his mom, I’d met three of his uncles, two aunts, and six cousins, and they all really were like Ian in some way—lively, loving, and full of ridiculously corny jokes. They’d asked the usual questions, like how old I was, what I did for a living, when we would get married, when we would have kids...but Ian and I faced them together, hand-in-hand, and while we were met with some teasing (there would always be some), my answers didn’t set off any avalanches. Conversation, warm and easy, continued on, and by the end, I knew I’d be just fine seeing them again.

  Especially for the food—his family could cook.

  They were what a family should have been, what I’d always wished for, growing up. No families were perfect, and his certainly wasn’t...but they were a good one, and they’d readily accepted me as one of their own.

  He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead. “Well..if they’re like me, then you must love them.”

  I leaned back and laughed. “Uh huh.”

  “Uh huh. Does that mean that you love me, too?”

  I nuzzled his chin with my nose. “Yes, as I’ve told you many times now.”

  Ah, that look on his face. The one he’d been giving me since the beginning.

  He got down on one knee and took my left hand in both of his.

  Oh shit. Tears sprang to my eyes and I covered my mouth with my other hand, the sudden rush of emotion nearly bringing me to my knees before him. He pressed my hand to his lips and gazed up at me with soft eyes, so tender and earnest. The look.

  “Anna, we’ve been through a lot together. Heh, sometimes, it feels like we’ve had to free climb El Cap to get to where we are, you know? But the view from where we are now, together, is breathtaking. I can see the edge of the world with you, and every day feels like we’re waking up on a clear, brisk morning, cozy in our sleeping bags, to that gorgeous sunrise, that perfect world of possibility. It’s honestly so much better than anything I could have imagined.”

  He paused, cleared his throat, then continued. “But there’s one thing that could make it better. I know it’s been less than a year, but even when I first met you, I already started asking this question in my head. Will you…”

  I drew in a deep breath.

  “...let me put it in your butt?”

  “IAN! What the hell?” I pulled my hand out of his and slapped his shoulder.

  He stood up and laughed in my face, then pulled me close and kissed me again. “I’m just kidding. I love you, too. So much.” He buried his face in my hair and coiled his arms tightly around my waist, like an apologetic child.

  Coward. How dare he make me the butt of a proposal joke? I’d been on the verge of tears from his speech, had filled my lungs with air to give him the biggest, most resounding yes! in the history of proposals. But it was all a joke.

  Ass.

  Then again…

  That look in his eyes, that purest of emotions that I saw...his heartfelt speech. It really hadn’t seemed like he was joking. The sentiment behind the gesture was surely real. Why hadn’t he followed through?

  Perhaps it was a bit soon. Or maybe he’d changed his mind at the last second, afraid of what I’d say. Maybe he’d actually listened to me when I said that I didn’t plan on getting married, or thought that I’d react with horror and doubt, as I’d done once before to Asher.

  But my actual reaction told me so much.

  I knew that I would never tire of his kisses. His humor. His love. I would never tire of him.

  And we were so strong as individuals. We’d only be stronger together, as partners.

  Plus, tax benefits.

  So I leaned back and gazed lovingly at him, pulling the next words out of my ass.

  “Ian, I know that we haven’t known each other for that long. But I get the feeling that, no matter how long we spend together, it will never be enough. Each and every day brings new revelations about your strength, your courage, your willingness to grow...and with each step we take together, mine as well. I’ve never been so in sync with someone, nor so attracted. Like, seriously, I can’t stop staring at or touching your sexy-ass back muscles.” He laughed as I stroked the muscles in question, pleased at their meaty firmness.

  Then I got down on my knee, and gazed lovingly up at him. His eyes widened as I took his left hand in both of mine and pressed his hand to my lips, just as he’d done to me. But unlike him, I wasn’t a coward. “I have a really big crush on you, and I want to spend forever crushing alongside you. Will you marry me?”

  For a moment, he simply stood there, staring down at me, uncomprehending. When he finally understood that I was serious, his face crumpled, silent tears spilling over his cheeks as he got down onto his knees to plant sweet, wet kisses all over my face. Then he crushed me in his arms and I crushed him back, both of us joyfully embracing our future together.

  Voice thick, he whispered in my ear, “Only if you get me a big diamond ring.”

  I laughed and wiped away my tears. “Then we might have to wait a little while.” A long engagement suited me just fine, anyway. It would give me time to get used to the idea. Besides, then I could plan a totally unique wedding. Maybe one with llamas or climbing.

  Ian gently lowered me to the ground and kissed my brow, then my nose. My lips. “For you…” He kissed my neck. “...I’d wait forever.” He continued his slow trail of kisses, all the way down.

  And then we had epic, magical, emotionally-fulfilling sex in a place that was not a bathroom.

  Afterword

  In September 2019, I quit my job in tech. I didn’t have anything lined up after, and it was stressful to not know what was next, to not be in total control of my life. And I felt a little bit like a failure, because when I do something, I treat it like a climbing project—I always give 110%. Yet this time, despite my best efforts, I hadn’t sent it. My job had broken me.

  But after a lot of reflection, I realized that some things aren’t worth giving 110% to.

  But also, some things are.

  This book was one of them.

  After I quit my job, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I cooked, I climbed, I watched stuff. I half-heartedly applied to other jobs. And I vegetated.

  But boy did I read. A lot.

 
I’ve always found comfort in the written word, and this time was no exception. I gobbled up books for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and I literally lost some weight as a result. But like most readers (I assume), I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be on the other side, to be the person weaving the story instead of the one waiting to see what happens. And with all of the free time that I had, it seemed like a good time to try.

  So in October 2019, with the blessing and loving support of my husband, I wrote this book. It took me two months, start-to-finish, to publish something that was longer than my PhD dissertation. This is the kind of output that I’m capable of, when I give 110% to something that I really want to do. I mostly enjoyed my time in academia, and I mostly enjoyed my time in tech, but writing this book was necessary for me, an utter addiction.

  I’ve lovingly filled these pages with every ounce of my being—my affection for my family, my appreciation for my friends, and my joy of life. So if you enjoyed this book, then I’m sure that we could be good friends (feel free to drop me a line!). And as my friend, I’d like to ask for your help. Please help keep my dream alive, and write a review for this book. Tell me what you think, and spread the word. I’ve got some great ideas for what happens in the next two books...but sometimes reality is hard, and all we can do is watch Asian dramas.

  I’m thankful for the opportunity that I had to write this book, but I hope it’s not the last. And with your help, it won’t be.

  Thank you, dear reader!

  Acknowledgments

  “Nothing’s impossible when you’ve got great friends, biatch.”

  I have so many people to thank for helping with this book.

  Lillian Ly and Leslie Huang, whose support and kind words helped convince me that I was not alone in my Chinese-American experiences, especially with respect to family. Special thanks to Lillian’s sister Carol Ly (carollydesign.com) for providing guidance on the cover (your covers are amazing!) and to Leslie’s friend, Andrew Chou, for providing the SF-NY-climber-tech-guy view.

  Lan Nguyen and Mariana Barthelemy de Brito, for pointing out the weaknesses in the beginning and the end. It’s so much more buttoned up now! #buttjokes But really, you guys helped me punch up the feelings so that the funny bits landed even better.

  Erica Frohnhoefer, my most wonderfully critical editor, who soldiered through the book despite it being decidedly not her genre of choice. Your comments really helped to enhance the credibility of Ian’s character so that he wasn’t just a convenient asshole, as well as believability about life in New York.

  Climber / tech buddy Brice Pollock (bricepollock.com) and real-life lady crusher Sadie Skiles. Because of Brice, Ian is so much better than a douchey tech-bro, and both of you helped me clean up my climbing scenes until it actually sounded like I knew what I was talking about (shoutout to lady crusher Leslie here, too).

  Jessie Booth and Matt Barackman, for reading it together as a couple and giving me great feedback on readability and flow...and for helping me boost my poor ego!

  Rachel David, Lili Ehrlich, and Xin Gao, for lending their perspectives and helping with the realness of several key aspects of the story, and Jean Dahlquist, for taking time away from her own romance writing journey to help with mine. Check out her book when it’s ready!

  It’s amazing how much trash gets collected when so many people work together to clean something up, and how much more beautiful it is in the end. This book would not be what it is without you. My deepest, heartfelt thanks.

  Last, but not least, my husband, Jia Liu. He’s never read a romance novel in his life (until now), but as a designer (jialiulabs.com), he’s wonderfully intuitive and great at getting into people’s heads. He was my sounding board, my life boat, my cover designer, my final reader, and of course, my muse. I’m so grateful for the opportunity to share with all of you just a fraction of the joy and happiness that I experience with this man every single day. Thanks, bub.

  About the Author

  Jen has been a prolific author...of physics journal articles. She completed her PhD in Physics, then transitioned into a career in technology, where she’s worked in clean tech and AI. But right before her 30th birthday, she quit her job and went into full third-life crisis mode.

  This book was the result.

  Jen's favorite activities include climbing, dancing, and laughing maniacally at her own jokes. She hopes you'll do all three after reading this book!