Beautifully Unbroken

by D. M. Brittle

  The silence was back again. Blake leaned casually against the counter as I stood across from him leaning against the breakfast bar, more so to stop my legs from giving in and falling from beneath me.

  “It’s all over with Sara,” Blake announced.

  “I thought there was nothing there to even finish.” I placed my glass down beside me before looking back to him. My whole body had started to shake and I didn’t want to be picking up broken glass right now.

  “There wasn’t. But she seemed to be oblivious to that fact. Now she knows that there is nothing, there never was, and never will be, just one stupid reckless night that will haunt me for the rest of my life because it stopped me from getting what I really wanted, and what I needed … you.”

  My heart began to pound against my chest. Every time he spoke, the throb between my thighs thickened. I wanted so hard to resist him, but I too really wanted him and needed him.

  He placed his glass down and closed the gap between us but was careful not to touch me. I wanted him to touch me, desperately. But he wouldn’t; I could tell that he was being wary of my reactions to him. He seemed scared that at any minute I would tell him to get the hell out of there and leave me alone.

  “I am never going to be able to show you how sorry I truly am for what I did. There are no excuses and no reason that any of it could ever be justified as acceptable. But every single minute of every single day since sleeping with Sara has been torture. I wish that somehow I could make it all go away, I wish that you had found me at the party, I wish that I had been the one who was there for you, not him,” he said with a hint of venom.

  “His name is Cooper,” I replied “and at the moment I am thankful that I have someone like him in my life; he has been my rock, Blake, my friend. Don’t blame him for any of this; don’t you dare.” I stood up straight, my legs working hard to support me.

  Blake ran a hand through his wavy dark hair and turned away from me for a moment before his eyes rested again on mine. “What do I need to do to make this all okay?”

  “The damage is done, Blake. How could I ever trust that you wouldn’t go running off to someone for meaningless sex when things got tough between us? I can’t trust you, and one thing I do need in a relationship is trust.” My voice was barely audible as tears welled in my eyes.

  “You can trust me, Jo; it was a mistake. People make mistakes all the time, and yes I’ve made one. I made the biggest mistake of my life the night I got into bed with Sara.” He closed the gap between us, and his hands cupped my face. “I have never felt for anyone the way that I feel about you.” his thumbs stroked my cheeks gently. “I have never wanted to be loved by anyone the way I want to be loved by you. I don’t think I am capable of walking away from you again, Jo; you are the first thing that I think about the very moment I open my eyes every single morning, and the last thing that I think about before I finally go to sleep. Please don’t ask me to walk away again. Please.” He rested his head against mine, his cool breath the only thing that separated our mouths.

  “I want to believe you,” I whispered, “and I want to trust you too.” I choked back a sob.

  “I will make you believe me, and I will earn your trust; somehow I will, I swear. Please, Jo, I know that you’re scared. Believe me, I am petrified. I have never done this before; I don’t do relationships. I don’t know how to do this. But one thing that I do know is that I feel something for you that I know is worth fighting for.”

  “I’m so scared,” I whispered as my lips brushed his slightly. “Please, Blake, please don’t ever hurt me.”

  Relief flooded his face as a smile tugged on his lips; it was as though I had taken the weight from his shoulders and given him the world.

  I, on the other hand, felt flooded with fear. I had held my barrier in place for so long now and had vowed that no man would ever break it down. However, not only was I unable to stop Blake from tearing every last strip from me, but I was also unable to ever try to keep away. He was a drug, and I needed him to help me function. And as much as I found it hard to trust a man again, he had drawn me in like a moth to the flame, irresistible to resist. Even though I knew I could end up burning to the ground, I no longer cared.

  This moment right now was what I had wanted for so long, and I was in too deep now to ever walk away.

  6

  It felt as though the whole world had stopped turning and the only thing that existed was Blake and me.

  As his lips touched mine, I felt the earth disappear beneath my feet. I was floating. The only thing I could feel was Blake’s lips as they crashed against mine with ultimate force. Weeks of want and need spilled out from us both as our mouths fought to get more, to taste more, trying to get closer to each other than was humanly possible.

  With one tug of my belt, my robe was gone, leaving me naked and vulnerable. But I didn’t care. Needing to feel his skin against mine, I worked on his belt with shaky fingers, stumbling to rid him of his clothes as quickly as possible. His hands moved down and intervened; in one fell swoop his boxers and trousers were pooled at his feet. I grabbed his shirt in both hands and tore it from him, revealing his hard abs under my fingers.

  For a second our lips parted as his eyes took in my naked flesh in front of him. “You’re so beautiful,” he murmured before once again claiming my mouth with his.

  He lifted me roughly and we stumbled until I was pressed firmly against the wall in the hallway. My fingernails dug so far into his shoulders I was sure I could draw blood, but I didn’t care, and neither did Blake. In that moment we couldn’t get any closer to each other, yet it wasn’t enough; we both needed more, so much more. His fingers gripped my thighs, pulling me higher, closer, and with one hard thrust he was in me, filling me deeply, feeding the ache that was becoming more and more unbearable with every thrust that pounded into me.

  His mouth moved to my neck and then my breasts as he sucked hard and hungrily. He was everything I had imagined and more. I was addicted, and I needed his fix, yet I don’t think it could ever ease the craving.

  Our bodies became slick with sweat as we ground hard against each other. “You’re so tight,” he growled. “So fucking tight, you feel amazing.” He panted roughly against my neck. I could feel myself building, every pump of his cock taking me further and further towards orgasm. “Fuck, Jo … ah fuck yes.”

  His words sent me spiraling over the edge. I gripped him tight around his neck as the first wave of my orgasm hit, screaming his name over and over as my body exploded with pure pleasure. “Jo,” he panted, “we need to stop … I can’t … I can’t hold on.” I wrapped my legs tighter around his waist and pulled his further into me. “Jo … please, I’m gonna come … Ah … Jo!” Two more thrusts and Blake began filling into me, the warmth from his come pumping over and over again inside me. “Fuck! Ah!”

  Wow.

  I had never experienced anything like it in my life. I had also never wanted sex again straight after an orgasm, until now. I needed to feel him again, his long, hard cock inside me; I needed it.

  We stood pressed against the wall, still wrapped around each other panting hard. Blake trailed slow kisses across my throat, his hot breath slowing steadily as we came back down to earth from what was, for me, the best sex I had ever had.

  Finally his eyes lifted to mine and he smiled. “Hi.”

  “Hi,” I replied shyly.

  “About what just happened …” he started.

  I knew exactly what he was about to say.

  “I’m on the pill,” I replied, slightly embarrassed.

  Blake smirked. “Thank God.”

  With his cock still rock hard, I felt him move inside me. “That was …”

  “Unexpected,” I panted.

  “Amazing,” he answered.

  “Very,” I whispered as I reached up and ran my fingers across his short stubble.

  “And knowing that I can do that again to you with no consequences is just making me harder and harder.” He took one of my
breasts in his mouth, sucking hard as his hand kneaded and teased it.

  “Take me to bed,” I panted.

  Blake’s tired eyes looked up at me through his long lashes. “I couldn’t resist that offer even if I tried.”

  I released my legs from his waist and took his hand. We raced to my room with urgency. I turned to face Blake just as he grabbed my waist and flung me onto the bed. Climbing over me, he whispered in my ear, “I hope you have plenty of energy; this is going to be one very long night.”

  Oh my.

  Where sex with Blake was concerned, I had energy boxed up and ready to go. This was one night that I never wanted to end.

  I woke to a soothing voice singing along to the radio in the kitchen. I smiled instantly. It hadn’t all been a dream; Blake really was here, in my apartment, singing in my kitchen.

  I heard a crash, and then Blake cursed at something. Giggling to myself, I stretched my body, making me aware of exactly how long the night had been and how amazing he had made me feel.

  Blake awoke every sense in my body the night before. He did things to me that I had only read about in books. I never thought it was possible to orgasm as many times as I had; each one more powerful and satisfying than the last.

  My robe was hung on the back of my bedroom door when I got up out of bed. It had been sprawled on the kitchen floor during the night, and Blake had obviously brought it back in for me for when I woke.

  Wrapping it around me, I headed to the kitchen to find the most beautiful sight possible. Blake stood at the stove, cooking in just his boxers. I leaned against the door frame, drinking in the sight of him. He was beautiful, and he was mine. Finally, the man who I had fallen so hard for was mine. Realizing I was drooling, I pulled myself out of my fantasy and walked over to where he stood, wrapping my arms around his waist and pressing my face against his back.

  I heard Blake place a pan back on the stove before he turned to face me, wrapping me in his arms.

  “Good morning, beautiful,” he said, pressing his face to my hair.

  “You’re still here,” I said with relief. Blake shifted and lifted my chin with his fingers until our eyes met.

  “Of course I’m still here,” he said as his eyebrows pulled together in confusion. “I meant every single word that I said to you last night, Jo. I won’t be walking away from you – not now, not ever.” I forced a smile and placed my head to his chest “Well,” he said, “Apart from later – I have a meeting. But then I’m gonna come back, I’m gonna bring food, and then we’re gonna carry on where we left off.” his lips pressed against my head as I tightened my grip around his waist.

  “Can’t we carry on right now,” I asked, feeling Blake’s chest vibrate with laughter against me.

  “Breakfast first,” he said before releasing me and turning his attention back to the stove.

  I gasped as I hopped up onto a breakfast stool. I was aching in places that I didn’t know existed, but it was a good feeling. It reminded me of everything that Blake and I had done the previous night, the places that he had touched me first with his fingers, then with his lips, his tongue. I crossed my legs, trying desperately to ease the ache that was constantly present around Blake.

  Everything felt too surreal. Blake stood almost naked in my kitchen cooking me breakfast after what had been the most amazing night of my life. I was convinced that at any moment I was about to wake up and realize that the whole thing had been a dream – a damn good one too. But after finally allowing myself to feel happy came the fear that something would soon come along and tear that happiness away from me.

  My mind wandered briefly to Sara. I wondered how she would react if she knew that Blake and I had spent the night together. Part of me didn’t want to care, but after what had happened four years ago, I felt I needed to care – more for Sara than myself. But for now I just wanted to create a bubble around the two of us and completely block out the outside world and everything that came with it.

  “Coffee?” Blake asked, pulling me from my daydream.

  “Do you know how to make tea?” I asked.

  “Nope.”

  “Then coffee is fine,” I smiled.

  Blake placed two plates next to each other on the breakfast bar along with two cups of coffee and two glasses of fresh orange juice, before placing a lingering kiss on my lips and sitting down next to me.

  “This looks incredible,” I said, lifting my fork. “I don’t really do breakfast, though – you know, for future reference.”

  “How can you not eat breakfast?” he replied, shocked. “It’s the most important meal of the day.”

  His reaction mirrored someone who had just been told that breakfast was to be banned under some new law.

  “I only eat when I’m hungry.” I shrugged, poking at my breakfast with the fork.

  “Well, if you’re not hungry this morning,” he said huskily as he leaned into my ear, “there’s something that I didn’t do right last night.” He smiled before placing a forkful of scrambled eggs into his mouth. “Are you feeling sore?”

  “A little,” I admitted. “It’s been a while.”

  “How long?”

  “Four years.” I nodded, keeping my eyes on my breakfast. “Maybe four and a half.” I added.

  “What!” Blake replied. “How is that even possible?”

  Turning my head towards him, I felt my face glow with embarrassment. “Oh, it’s possible; believe me.”

  “What I mean is” – he placed his fork down and rubbed his stubble frantically – “you’re stunning. I mean look at you.”

  “You don’t sleep with people just because they look good, Blake.” My eyes widened. “Do you?”

  “What? No!” he replied. “I just find it hard to believe that you haven’t met anyone in that amount of time, that’s all.”

  “I came out of a bad relationship,” I said quickly. “Something happened, and it frightened me so much that I decided I would never date again. Before that relationship, every single man I had ever dated cheated on me, every single one. So relationships were already doomed for me, and then four years ago, not only did I get cheated on—” I stopped, realizing I was about to spill my entire history to Blake already. I wasn’t ready for that just yet. “—let’s just say that over the years I discovered a theory that I am yet to have proved wrong.”

  “And that theory is?” Blake asked carefully.

  Turning to face him, I said, “There is no such thing as happiness without pain.”

  “That’s deep,” he said quietly.

  “It’s also true,” I said, standing and heading over to the bin with my breakfast.

  “Have I upset you?” Blake asked carefully.

  “No,” I said, turning back to Blake. “I just try not to let myself feel too happy, because as soon as I do, something happens to take that happiness away.”

  “Well, I will make it my mission to prove you wrong,” he said, as though it were the easiest thing in the world.

  “It’s already happened twice since I met you, Blake,” I admitted.

  Blake stood and walked over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. “When?”

  “At the party,” I said. “I was so happy when you asked me out to dinner, but then I got the phone call from my mum, happiness and then pain.” Blake attempted to speak, but I cut him off. “And then when I came back from London and you were standing right there” – I nodded to the hallway – “I was so, so happy. Then your phone rang and I found out about Sara happiness, followed by pain again. Do you see?”

  “I can see how you would associate the two, yes,” he admitted.

  “I’m petrified, Blake, because right now I am happy – happier than I have been in a long time. I’m on tenterhooks, just waiting for the pain.”

  Blake pulled my mouth to his and kissed me gently, slowly stroking his tongue against mine over and over before pulling away and looking deep into my eyes.

  “How about if I make you the promise that I will make s
ure you get that happiness and there will be no pain.”

  I smiled. “You want to prove my theory wrong?”

  “I will prove your theory wrong,” he said, placing his lips to my nose.

  “I hope so,” I replied quietly.

  My audition had managed to slip my mind. With Blake gone for a few hours, I ran through my lines again but found it impossible to think of anything other than Blake. So, giving up, I decided to call Mum.

  Without divulging too much information about how we had spent our night, I told Mum that Blake and I were now together. She understood that I felt nervous but assured me that Blake could help me feel complete again.

  It made me smile; she didn’t even know him.

  I then tried to call Cooper. He hadn’t been jogging all week; nor had he returned any of my calls or messages. He had obviously only been acting polite to me when he said our kiss would cause no awkwardness between us. That was one mistake I needed to rectify at some point.

  Blake arrived back at the apartment at eight o’clock carrying a brown bag filled with French food. I didn’t tell him that I had never tried French cuisine before. I had always been put off by the type of food they ate – frogs’ legs and snails had never appealed to me – so I had always steered well clear of anything French.

  We sat facing each other, cross-legged on the rug in the middle of the living room. The food was actually delicious. I wasn’t sure what it was, but it didn’t look like it had anything to do with frogs and snails – at least I hoped it didn’t anyway. I hadn’t actually noticed just how hungry I was until the first mouthful made my mouth water for even more.

  Ellie Goulding sang in the background with only candlelight around us. It felt perfect. It felt like a dream, it was so damn perfect. I just hoped that I would never wake up.

  Blake talked excitedly about his new season and how they were going to be filming some scenes in Miami in a few weeks’ time. We had decided that as long as my schedule didn’t interrupt, I would join him there for the duration. It would be our first vacation, as he called it. I didn’t care where we were, as long as we were together. The thought of him being there without me brought out a little of my jealous streak, so yes, being with him would be the best option.