Beautifully Unbroken

by D. M. Brittle

  My eyes filled with tears both happy and sad.

  “I know that your past relationship had a more dramatic ending, and if I hadn’t known, I could never have guessed. You do a good job of hiding your emotions, which is why I know you’re hiding them now too. But I know that Blake would never, ever, do anything to hurt you. Not only that, but he loves you with every single bone in his body, Jo. I have never seen him like this. He needs you, and I believe that you need him too. And if he had killed Cooper last week, I don’t think he would have cared what the consequences were, as long as he knew that you were safe.”

  I sucked in a deep breath. “I’m so scared, Alex.”

  “I know,” he said, softly placing his hands on my knees.

  “But you have to face your fears head-on if you are ever going to get over that hurdle that has been taking away your happiness for so long.”

  “Do you still think I’m a bitch?” I joked as I wiped my tears.

  He smiled. “No, I just needed to get you to listen to me. I think you feel alone, vulnerable, and very afraid. Let him help you get over those hurdles, Jo. Just like Casey helped me. Go tell him how much you love him, please.” With that said, he stood and walked out of the apartment, leaving me alone to think about what I needed to do next.

  I had been standing outside Blake’s apartment for over thirty minutes. I knew he was in there; I had heard movement more than once. All I needed to do was knock at the door. Just knock at the door. But my hands felt weighed down by my sides. No matter how much my brain tried to tell me to lift them, they wouldn’t budge; they wouldn’t move even one inch. What if I knocked at the door and Blake slammed it in my face? What if he had got so fed up of my stupid running that he didn’t even want me anymore? But what if I walked away and none of that was true?

  “Just knock at the damn door, Jo,” I repeated over and over to myself. “Stop being such a baby and knock at the damn door.”

  I knocked. Four sharp raps on the door. I waited. My heart rate picked up at the thought of seeing him again. Suddenly I realized that I hadn’t thought about what I was going to say to him. Would I say hi, or would I just throw myself into his arms? I suppose I would know as soon as he was stood in front of me. It was time to let fate decide what the right thing to do was.

  The door opened slowly, and standing in front of me was not who I expected.

  “Hi, can I help you?” A blonde, maybe in her early thirties, stood in front of me with a smile plastered widely across her face. She was stunning. Her hair was cut into a short bob, and she had the most amazing jawline – it rivalled Blake’s. She stared back at me with her big blue eyes, waiting for me to speak.

  I looked down the hallway. There were no other doors; this was definitely Blake’s apartment.

  “I’m looking for Blake,” I said. “This is his apartment, isn’t it?”

  “It is, yes,” she said, her smile not faltering.

  “Is he here?” What sort of stupid question was that? Of course he was here, and standing in front of me was the woman I had told him to go out and find; someone who could love him, look after him, and care for him. And judging by the fact that little Miss Blondie with her stupid smile stood in front of me wearing an apron with the smell of cooking floating from the kitchen, that’s exactly what he had gone and done. “He’s due back any minute; do you want to come in?” She held the door open for me to enter, her smile still stuck widely on her face.

  She was offering me in? Did she even know who I was to Blake?

  “No,” I said in defeat. “No, it’s okay, I’m gonna … I’m going to just go,” I said as I stumbled backwards towards the lift.

  “Shall I tell him who called?” she called out.

  “No” was my only reply as I entered the lift and fell to the floor in tears. He had moved on; I was too late. Me and my stupid fear of getting close to someone had now caused me even more heartache than I was already experiencing. I couldn’t be mad with Blake; he deserved to be happy. He deserved to be with someone who could give him everything that I couldn’t, and little Miss Blondie seemed to fit the criteria perfectly. This time I had well and truly messed up, and there was nothing that I could possibly do about it.

  I walked the long distance back to the apartment in a daze.

  The rain was lashing down hard, bouncing on the pavements. Thunder angrily rumbled above as the sky would light up with each flash of lightning, but I didn’t care. None of it mattered. My clothes clung to me, soaked right through, but it didn’t matter. None of it mattered any more.

  I couldn’t remember crossing a single road or even looking where I was going. Maybe the pain would ease if I got hit by a car; that would at least take the focus off the feeling of the last piece of my heart breaking.

  What now? What was I possibly going to do now? I had told Blake to forget me, and he had; he had moved on. I should have felt some sort of relief from seeing her standing there making him happy, cooking for him and caring for him, but I didn’t. All I felt was hurt, and the crushing pain that had been slowly killing me for the past three weeks was back, only now it felt as if the lightning had struck and was slowly zapping everything out of me that I had left.

  It served me right. I had pushed and pushed and pushed at him until I could push no more. I had run every time things got tough. I ran from him, and now I was paying for my mistake.

  He was going to be happy now; I needed to accept that. It was what I had wanted. It was exactly what I had told him to do, and he had gone along and done it. I should have felt happy that he had finally moved on. But I didn’t, and I didn’t think I ever would.

  By the time I arrived home, every inch of me was drenched with rain. After stripping off, I stood under the hot shower and let the water run off me as I cried the last tears that I would for Blake.

  It was time to move on. New York had been good, but I couldn’t stay here without Blake by my side.

  I sat on my bed dressed in fresh, clean clothes and called the airline. My flight would leave in four hours. That would be the end of my time here in New York.

  “I’m sorry, Daddy; I tried. I tried my hardest, but I have to go. I hope you can forgive me. I know you wanted me to stay, but there’s only so many knocks I can take before I fall so hard that I’m incapable of getting back up.” I smiled sadly before placing the photo of us both in my bag.

  I was grateful that Casey wasn’t home; I wanted to go without the hassle of anyone trying to stop me. I was weak, and I wanted to go. I was an emotional wreck, and I loved Casey like a sister; I couldn’t stand hearing her begging me to stay for fear that I would cave.

  I wrote her a letter along with one for Marcus and left them both on the coffee table.

  Calling my mum was the last thing I needed to do before leaving for the airport. It was early evening, and I knew that Mum didn’t sleep all that well; I didn’t want to wake her, but I needed to hear her voice.

  “Hi, Mum,” I said quietly.

  “Josephine, what is it? Are you okay?” The sound of her voice felt like such a comfort to me, and even though she sounded concerned, her voice soothed me immensely.

  “I just needed to hear your voice, Mum,” I said shakily as I scrunched my eyes shut in preparation.

  “What is it, darling? What’s happened?” Her voice was etched with concern.

  “I’m coming home.”

  I heard my mum exhale a short laugh. “Don’t be ridiculous, darling; you have your show coming up in a few weeks. You can’t just up and leave now; what on earth will they think?”

  “I need to come home, Mum; I don’t care any more about work. I don’t care about New York or anything that came with it. I’ve had enough; my life here is over. I miss you, and you’re the only person who I need.” I sucked in a deep breath. “Blake has moved on; he’s met someone else.” I swallowed hard, trying not to waste another tear. “I went over there to tell him that I love him. I never even told him that I loved him.” I heard Mum sniff; was she c
rying? A single tear fell onto my bed. “She’s beautiful, Mum. She’s everything that he needs, and I can’t stay here and see him with her. It’s tearing me apart, and I hate myself for letting it happen. I need to come home.”

  “I’m so sorry, darling. But are you sure that she was his girlfriend? I can’t imagine he moved on that quickly; he loved you.”

  “She answered the door.” I wiped my tears on my sleeve. “He wasn’t there, but she was cooking for him. They have been together two minutes, and she was cooking his dinner. I never even did that for him,” I sobbed.

  “So she introduced herself as his girlfriend?”

  “She didn’t have to; I know what I saw. God, Mum, it hurts so much.”

  The line went silent. Mum was all out of words.

  “My flight leaves in ninety minutes, Mum. I need to get to the airport.”

  “Are you sure that you are doing the right thing?”

  I nodded even though she couldn’t see me. “I’ll see you in about nine hours, Mum. I love you.”

  I turned off my phone and left it next to the letters that I had left for Casey and Marcus before writing my third and final letter, this one for Blake. I explained how sorry I was that I had waited this long to realize how much I loved him and that I would never forget him no matter how hard I tried. I took one last look around the apartment and placed my keys on the breakfast bar.

  I took a deep breath and stepped out of the apartment.

  “Jo.”

  My attention was immediately pulled to Cooper, who had just stepped out of the lift. Panicking, I stepped back into the apartment, but Cooper was there holding the door open before I had a chance to shut him out.

  “Move,” I said through gritted teeth.

  “We need to talk,” he said desperately.

  “I have nothing to say to you. You either move right now or I call the police.”

  “Jo, please, let me explain. I didn’t know what I had given you; I didn’t know what would happen to you after taking it. Please, you have to listen to me,” he pleaded.

  “You look a mess,” I said, observing the numerous cuts and bruises that graced his face.

  “Yeah, well, I deserved worse; I got off lightly.”

  “How far would you have gone if Blake hadn’t shown up?”

  “I never meant to hurt you, Jo; you have to believe me. I would never, ever hurt you. Please can we talk?”

  “How far?” I asked again firmly.

  “I don’t know what happened, Jo; I got lost in the moment. You were there grinding your ass against me; I just … I just lost it. Look, I just need to know that we’re okay. Please, Jo.”

  It felt appropriate that as I was leaving New York I could get some closure with Cooper before I left. I opened the door and allowed him to step in.

  “One move, Cooper, and I will call the police,” I said as he stepped past me and headed to the kitchen.

  “I don’t want you to be afraid of me, Jo; I’m not going to hurt you.”

  “You placed a drug in my drink, Cooper. You then dragged me outside and pinned me to a wall, so don’t you dare stand there and tell me that you wouldn’t hurt me,” I said shakily. “That hurt; believe me.”

  “I didn’t know what it would do to you, Jo! You told me you wanted to relax, to forget about Blake. I wanted to help you to do that!”

  “So what happened when you took me outside!” I yelled.

  “I don’t know,” Cooper said sadly as he sank down onto a stool. “I really don’t know. I’m so, so sorry, Jo. I am truly very sorry.” I could see the pain in Cooper’s eyes; I could see how sorry he was. It didn’t make any of this any better, but it did help to know that he genuinely was sorry.

  “Where did you get the drugs from?” I asked calmly. “Please don’t tell me that you got them from someone at the club?”

  “They’re mine. I take them sometimes when things get a little crazy.” He said this so quietly that I could barely hear him.

  “You take drugs?” I asked, sitting next to him.

  “Sometimes.”

  “Why?”

  Cooper shrugged. “Sometimes I just need to forget. Forget all of the shit that surrounds me.”

  “What are you talking about?” I laughed once. “What shit?”

  “Things that I can’t tell you about,” he said, meeting my eyes. “I can’t believe that I almost killed you, Jo,” he said, rubbing his hands over his face. “You didn’t deserve that. You don’t ever deserve to get hurt, not by anyone. Will you forgive me?”

  I took a deep breath in as Cooper’s eyes wandered to my suitcase. “Are you going somewhere?”

  “I’m going home,” I said simply.

  “To London?” he asked, turning back to me.

  “To London.”

  “How long for?”

  I smiled slightly at Cooper before standing. “My plane leaves in just over an hour; I need to get to the airport.” I stood from the stool and took the handle in my hand.

  “Is this because of what I did?” he asked as his hand wrapped around my arm gently.

  “No,” I sighed, turning back to him, “it’s not because of you.” I smiled. “My life here is over. There’s nothing to keep me here anymore, plus I miss my mum, so I’m going home.”

  “I’ll miss you,” Cooper said.

  “I’ll miss you too,” I replied honestly. “Stay out of trouble, okay,” I said smiling through the tears that were still very present.

  “I will,” he promised. “I wish things could have been different between the two of us, Jo,” he sighed.

  “Another place, another time, maybe there could have been another us,” I admitted.

  Cooper smiled slightly as he held my gaze. “Take care, Jo.”

  “You too.”

  I climbed into my last yellow cab and asked him to take me straight to the airport. Cooper had offered, but I wanted my last ride in New York to be one that I could enjoy in silence. As I watched New York pass me by, I took in every good memory that I had been lucky enough to experience.

  I paid the cab driver and headed into terminal seven at JFK airport without looking back.

  There were still passengers checking in their baggage for the flight, so I headed to a kiosk to check in and print off my boarding pass. Once done I placed myself into the steadily moving queue and took my passport from my bag.

  I took a moment to look around at the people that surrounded me. There were businessmen, couples, and families. Everyone had a different story to tell, yet everyone looked happy, content even. I wondered whether I looked the same, whether we all hid behind a mask of some sort of heartache that we held sheltered from those looking in.

  A few minutes of waiting and it was my time to check in my bag.

  I stepped forward and was greeted by an overly friendly airline worker who seemed too happy for someone who was working a late shift at an airport during the weekend. She asked me the usual questions regarding my luggage, and I placed my case onto the conveyor belt before handing her my passport and boarding pass.

  “Jo!” Just that one word caused me body to freeze as it echoed around the entire terminal. “Jo, stop; don’t do this!”

  The familiar hustle and bustle that came as standard in an airport had fallen to a dull roar with the occasional gasp and fingers pointing; following the stares from fellow passengers, I turned to see Blake running through the terminal and heading straight for me.

  My mouth fell open in shock, unable to form words. I just watched as he came to an abrupt stop at the desk without making any form of eye contact with me. He reached around and removed my suitcase from the belt.

  “I’m sorry,” he panted to the check-in girl, “she won’t be flying anywhere today.”

  “Blake what are you … Why are you … how?” I found it impossible to string one simple sentence together.

  He was breathing hard as he captured my eyes with his, trying desperately to calm his erratic breathing.

  “
Don’t go,” he managed to say. “Please don’t get on that plane.”

  “How do you even know?” I asked, completely dazed by the fact that he was standing right in front of me.

  “That’s not important right now. Getting you to stay is all that matters.”

  “There’s nothing here for me now, Blake; I need to go.”

  “The girl,” he breathed out. “It’s not what you think.”

  I rolled my eyes and turned back to the check-in girl, whose mouth was so wide open I’m sure there was dribble trickling out of the corners.

  “I’m sorry about this,” I said, feeling slightly embarrassed. “I’d like to check my case please.” I placed my hands around the handle, only for Blake to place his around mine.

  The familiar pull was back; electricity sparked as our hands barely touched.

  “No, she’s not going anywhere,” he said, taking my case back.

  “Blake, stop this,” I whispered. “You are causing a scene; everyone is looking at us,” I said, trying not to look up as I felt every single set of eyes burning into us both.

  “I don’t care,” he whispered.

  “It’s too late, Blake; it’s over. Now will you please step aside and let me check my case? There are people waiting, and they are all going to end up missing their flight because of you.”

  Blake released my hand and stepped back slowly before turning to the watching crowd. “Hey everyone,” he said loudly as he climbed upon the next available desk.

  “Blake, what are you doing!” I said in a harsh whisper which he chose to ignore.

  “Most of you probably know who I am,” he said loudly.

  I shook my head with complete humiliation before mumbling sorry to those who stood around me, but no one’s attention was on me; everyone was focusing solely on Blake.

  “What you don’t know, however,” he continued, “is that this young lady here, Miss Josephine Summers, is the woman who I am completely, utterly, and helplessly in love with.”