“I’m okay,” I panted. “I don’t want you to see me like this, Blake. Please, I’m okay.”
“I’m not leaving you,” he said gently as he held my hair in one hand and dampened a washcloth with the other. Gently he held the washcloth against my already drenched skin and soothed me.
“It’s okay,” he continued to say over and over to me. “I’m here.”
Once my stomach was empty and the heaving stopped, I took the cloth from Blake and stood shakily. Blake took my elbow and guided me to the sink, where I cleaned myself up.
“Did you have a nightmare?” Blake asked carefully. I nodded.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I shook my head and refused to look up at him although I could see him watching me through the bathroom mirror. I took my toothbrush from the cupboard, squirted it with toothpaste, and started brushing my teeth.
Tears stung my eyes as the nightmare replayed over and over in my mind. Seeing my dad there had felt nice until I realized it was a nightmare. It hurt so much. I had been thinking about my dad a lot recently, about how happy he would be to see me being loved so much by someone whom I could see my future with.
I had wanted to dream about my dad so much since he left us, to know that he was okay and that we were all going to be okay too. I had desperately wanted him to tell me so. Why did he have to be in one dream that I wanted to forget desperately?
I put my toothbrush back into the cup and wiped my mouth clean. Holding the towel against my face, I allowed a small sob to escape – a tiny bit of release from the first nightmare I had experienced since six months after Imogen had been found dead. Blake was at my side instantly, holding me, once more telling me over and over that everything was going to be okay.
“Come back to bed,” he said smoothly. “I will hold you; I will make sure that it doesn’t happen again.”
“No.” I shook my head. “I can’t face going back to bed yet.” I stepped past Blake and walked through to the lounge. I then sat on the sofa, pulling my knees to my chest, gently rocking as the thoughts of the nightmare played over and over in my mind.
Blake returned moments later with pillows and blankets and laid me down, making sure I was as comfortable as I could be. After making sure I was okay, Blake turned on the TV and started scanning the channels. After finding nothing that suited, he then opened the TV unit and began looking through the DVDs. He emerged a couple of moments later holding up his choice. “Grown Ups?” he suggested.
I nodded, watching how much he loved caring for me. He didn’t deserve any secrets to be kept from him. “Blake?” I said through the tears.
“What is it?” He paused the DVD and sat next to me.
“If I tell you something, will you promise me – and I mean really promise me – that you won’t fly off the handle and start shouting?”
“What’s happened?” he asked without making any promises.
“I saw Cooper today.” I swallowed hard.
“What? Where?”
“I was on my way to meet Casey, and he caught me up in the street.”
“Did he touch you, hurt you? What did he do?” Blake asked frantically.
“Nothing,” I wept. “He just said he wanted to know that I was okay and to watch my step, whatever that means.”
“What!” Blake adjusted in his seat and turned to face me.
“Then, tonight, I found this. It was pushed under the door before you got here.” I took the note from my pocket and showed it to Blake.
“‘Slut’?” he said, confused. “Well they’re obviously not talking about you, are they?”
“Do you think it has something to do with Cooper?”
Blake studied the note intently. “I’m not sure. Were you too afraid to tell me because of the other night?” His eyes lifted from the note to me.
“Yes. I’m sorry. I just … I don’t want you to go after him. Not because I want to protect him, because I don’t, but I just don’t want this, any of it.”
Blake sighed. “Come here.”
I shuffled over into his arms while he comforted me. “Don’t do anything stupid, Blake, okay?”
“I won’t.” He placed his lips to my head. “Did Cooper in any way threaten you?”
“No,” I said quickly. “He was friendly; the letter may just be a coincidence.”
“Maybe,” he said. “Don’t keep anything like this to yourself again, Jo. I know you want to be strong, but I need to know you’re safe. That means telling me everything, okay?”
“Okay,” I replied.
Blake made us both a cup of tea before we started the DVD, hoping to wipe the nightmare from my mind. I could tell he was thinking about Cooper and the letter, and I hoped that he wouldn’t do anything irrational until we knew whether the note was even connected.
Watching him as he sat gently rubbing the soles of my feet, I imagined that my nightmare could one day become reality, losing everyone that I have ever loved and having no one to pick up my pieces when I fall apart. It frightened me so much. Blake had no idea what my nightmare was even about, but he was caring for me, helping me to overcome whatever demons were present at that time. I needed this. I needed him and his balance of calm to tackle my fear. I realized at that moment that not only did I love Blake unconditionally, but that I also really couldn’t imagine my life without him in it.
When I woke, the sun was shining through the apartment. I felt much calmer and happier than I had only a few hours before. I had drifted off at some point during the film, while Blake had moved his attention from my feet and legs up to my head and neck. I felt surprisingly refreshed as I stood and went to look for him.
I found him in the kitchen, making breakfast. His back was to me, and he was talking quietly to someone on the phone.
“It’s important to me that you do this and you do it right, do you understand?” I heard him say.
I slowly retreated so I could listen to Blake without him knowing that I was there.
“I don’t know how you plan on doing it, but you make it as discreet as possible. I need her safe while I’m away, but I do not want you mentioning any of this to her or anything that you are doing for me, do you understand?” Blake said firmly. “I don’t want Jo finding out about this until I have to tell her. She’s under a lot of stress at the moment, and with me going away on Monday she’s pretending that she is going to be fine, but I know her, and I know that underneath she really isn’t okay.”
I didn’t know what he was doing, but I did know that whatever it was, he was doing it to protect me while he wasn’t able to.
The floor beneath me creaked, and the noise vibrated through the apartment.
“Look, I gotta go,” Blake said quietly. “Send me the details when you have them, okay? And make it quick.”
I rounded the corner and stepped into the kitchen as though I hadn’t just heard everything that had been said. Blake looked breathtaking, but seeing him standing there making me breakfast only brought back the memories of the nightmare that I had experienced the previous night.
“Good morning, beautiful.” Blake placed the hot pan back onto the stove before walking over to me and wrapping me in the warmth of his arms.
“Hi,” I managed to say.
“How are you feeling?”
“Okay.”
“Do you want me to call my parents and rearrange?”
“No,” I said quickly. “No. We need this; I need this. Is that okay?” I snuggled up to him.
“Of course.” I felt him smile. “I was gonna make these wraps to go,” he said, gesturing to the stove. “I didn’t know how you would be feeling about food this morning.”
“I feel hungry,” I said, surprised by myself. One time I was never hungry was breakfast time.
“You’re hungry for breakfast?” Blake asked, shocked. “Sit yourself down, then; I’ll plate it up and bring you some tea. I am not gonna miss this opportunity.” As he left me, my eyes welled and tears starting streaming do
wn my face. I let out a small sob.
“Hey.” Blake was back by my side within seconds, comforting me. “It’s okay; it was just a bad dream, that’s all. Whatever it was is never going to happen, I promise you,” he said, kissing me gently on my head.
“You were dead.” I said this so quietly I wasn’t sure whether Blake heard me. “It had started off so nice, a really nice dream. We had children; they were playing in the garden. We were happy; everyone was so happy. Even my mum and dad were there. I remember feeling happy, standing there watching everyone feeling so much happiness.” I sobbed as my voice rose with the panic. “Then a storm came, a real violent storm, but only I seemed to notice it. Then everyone disappeared, everyone except for me and you, but then you fell. You fell, and you were bleeding, and I couldn’t get to you because I was being held back,” I cried.
“He wouldn’t lose me. He kept on telling me that it was all my fault; that because I ran from him I deserved all of it. I tried to get to you, I really did, but he held me so hard that I couldn’t move,” I sobbed.
“Shh, it’s okay, come on.” Blake’s smooth voice was barely audible through the loud sobs that just kept on coming. I couldn’t stop; nothing Blake said could help me stop.
“I can’t live without you, Blake, I can’t,” I sobbed. “If something happens to you …”
“Hey.” Blake placed his fingers under my chin and lifted my face to meet his gaze. “Nothing”, he said, “is going to happen to either me or you; how many times do I have to tell you that we are going to grow old together?” A small smile met his lips before he placed his lips to mine, his kiss lingering as my tears slowly subsided and calmness overcame me.
“I love you so much,” I said.
“We are going to get through this next two weeks just fine. It’s going to be hard on the both of us, but we’re gonna be okay,” he said firmly.
“Blake?” I asked quietly.
“Hm?” Blake replied as he gently wiped the remaining tears away from my face.
“Can I move in with you when you get back from Miami?”
Relief flooded Blake’s face instantly. “There is nothing that I want any more than for you to come live with me; you know that.” He smiled before kissing me so hard it took my breath away. “Thank you.”
15
The drive to Blake’s parents took just under two and a half hours.
As soon as the madness of New York was behind us, I finally felt myself begin to relax.
It had been only three weeks since Blake had stopped me from getting on the plane to London, and in that three weeks I had felt my life change considerably. I was happy that Blake had turned up, and when I thought about it now, had I got on that plane, my life would be so different now; different and miserable and worthless. In two weeks I was going to be moving in with Blake, and we would be starting a new life together. I had everything to look forward to, and with Blake by my side, I was finally beginning to believe that I could be happy without the pain.
“You’re quiet over there,” Blake said as we entered the small village that was home to Blake’s parents.
“Just thinking.” I smiled as I turned to face him.
“You nervous?” he asked.
“A little,” I admitted. “I’m just glad to be out of New York. I feel relaxed already.”
“Good,” he said, reaching over and squeezing my knee. “This is it.” Blake nodded to the house as we approached from the long driveway.
“It’s beautiful,” I said in awe. It reminded me a lot of the house that I had grown up in. It was very traditional and oozed family and love, and that was just what I could see from the outside. The garden at the front was surrounded by majestic white pines and every seasonal flower that was imaginable; I imagined that Blake’s parents would spend a lot of time out here keeping it just perfect.
Julia and Marti were standing at the doorway waiting for us as we climbed out of Blake’s Range Rover.
“Here they are,” Julia said with a huge smile as she walked down the steps to greet us. Bypassing Blake, she headed straight for me and wrapped me into her arms tightly. “It’s so good to finally meet you, Jo,” she said, releasing me and holding me at arm’s length. “We’ve heard so much about you.”
“It’s lovely to meet you too, MRS Mackenzie.”
“Please,” she said, “you call me Julia. I can’t be doing with being called missus; makes me feel old.” She winked.
“Okay.” I nodded nervously. “It’s nice to meet you, Julia.”
“And this is Marti,” she said, gesturing to Blake’s dad. “Isn’t she beautiful, Marti?” Julia grinned.
“Stunning,” he said in his gravelly voice. “Good to meet ya.” He took my hand before pulling me in for a bear hug.
Marti was exactly how I imagined Blake would look in thirty years. He had aged well, and he still looked like he kept in shape. His hair was glossy and silver, which made his blue eyes shine out just as Blake’s always did.
Julia was very glamorous; her blonde hair sat in an immaculate bob, and she wore her make-up subtly. Her clothes were modern, and I could see that she spent a lot of time looking after her appearance. Her eyes were a deep brown, and they were big, just like Blake’s. I could also see that he had inherited his dazzling smile from his mum.
“Okay, Dad, don’t suffocate the guest,” Blake teased.
“Protective of the girlfriend,” Marti said, releasing me, “I like that.” He winked.
“Let’s get you both inside,” Julia said excitedly. “Follow me, Jo.” She started walking, and I followed quickly behind. “Marti, help Blake with the bags,” she yelled back as she led me up the steps and into the house.
“Yes, boss,” Marti teased, giving Julia a small salute as he headed to the boot with Blake to retrieve our bags.
I loved them both already; they were exactly as I had imagined, and I could tell that we were going to get along just fine. I could see why Blake was such a loving, caring person; it oozed from every single pore on Julia and Marti’s bodies.
Julia and I entered the large foyer first; I took a moment to take in my surroundings. The staircase sat in the middle of the room with the first floor visible above us. It was like something out of a film; it was breathtaking. The floors were solid oak and very well looked after. The walls were filled with hundreds of photos and portraits of each family member, as well as people I was yet to meet but were obviously related to Blake, as they all had that same look – piercing blue eyes and a jawline to die for.
“I have a pot roast cooking for dinner.” Julia smiled, but her smile turned to a frown as she realized something. “You’re not a vegetarian, are you, dear?” she asked in horror.
I smiled. “No. I’m not a vegetarian, and pot roast sounds perfect.”
“Jo actually cooked us one a few weeks back,” Blake teased as he entered the house carrying the bags with Marti close behind, “didn’t you, Jo?” He set the bags down and placed his arm around me, kissing my cheek.
“Lets’ just say I had a go.” I smiled as I turned my head and threw Blake a death stare.
“Well that’s a relief,” she sighed with a smile. “I never even thought to ask whether or not you eat meat,” she said, shaking her head at herself. “Now,” she said, smiling again, “why don’t you both go get freshened up, and then we can enjoy a drink out in the sunshine before dinner is ready, and we can really get to know this lovely young lady.”
Blake’s bedroom wasn’t anything that I had imagined it to be. There were no sports posters or topless women gracing the walls, just bumper-to-bumper film posters – horror films, thrillers, and action films filled every inch, along with a life-size cardboard cut-out of Arnold Schwarzenegger as the Terminator which sat in the corner of the room.
“So you always knew you wouldn’t follow your dad’s footsteps then,” I said, nodding to the walls as Blake placed our bags down onto the bed and sat next to them.
Blake laughed as he recalled. “I w
as hopeless at baseball – all sports, in fact. My dad was horrified when I told him I wanted to go to drama school.” He shook his head, amused. “He sat me down one day not long after and actually asked me if I was gay.”
I couldn’t help the laughter that erupted from me. “You couldn’t be any less gay,” I admitted.
“I know, right?” He laughed. “He knew I was hopeless at sports, but once he knew what I wanted to do, he made it his mission to train me. I was a hopeless cause, yet he would have me out in that yard every second of every day teaching me, but I just couldn’t hit a ball. Catch? No problem. But hitting the damn thing – I just couldn’t do it. Finally he gave up, so I got my way and started studying drama. That’s where I met Marcus. He was as driven as me, really wanted to be a successful actor. We spent a lot of time together, became really close friends. Then, when I told him who my father was, he would ask me every weekend if he could come home with me and meet the legend that was Marti Mackenzie. You know where this is going, right?”
“Marcus is gay,” I stated, shaking my head.
“I couldn’t help myself,” he said, amused. “I brought Marcus here to meet Mom and Dad. You should have seen Dad’s face.”
“That’s cruel,” I said, shaking my head.
“Obviously, Marcus being as gay as he is, it was too easy to resist,” Blake said defensively.
“Poor Marcus.” I shook my head but couldn’t help being amused as I started unloading the bags. “And your poor dad, too.”
“Yeah well, it taught him a lesson,” he laughed.
I started to unpack the bags as Blake sat and watched every move I made.
“You doing okay?” Blake asked.
I nodded. “Yes.”
“Sure?”
“I’m fine. Now get up and start helping me with these things.”
“In a minute,” he said huskily. “Come here.” He tugged at my arm, and my body fell on top of his. “Blake, no,” I said, trying to release myself from his grip. “Your parents could walk in at any moment,” I scolded.
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