Keep me warm

by Jude Ouvrard

  I’d been nervous, like I was on a job interview. Mason’s broad shoulders, dishevelled hair, and five o’clock shadow had left me speechless and giddy.

  “What were you doing?” he asks stretching his arms over his head.

  Is he showing off his rather fit biceps? I muse before answering, “Nothing interesting. I did my dishes, prepared my lunch for work tomorrow, and now I’m going to bed. I had an exhausting weekend.” Crooking my eyebrow, I’m pretty certain he’ll get the innuendo.

  Mason chortles. “I had a shower. It’s pretty late here so I’m going to bed, too.” My lover smiles. “I guess I wanted to see you before I fall asleep. You know, to make sure I have sweet dreams.”

  His flirting knows no limit.

  Blushing twenty shades of red, I rub my hands over my face. “I’m glad you did.” I chuckle but flirt back. “Look at you, though; not such a bad sight either. What kind of dream am I going to have?”

  “Oh, please. I think you know, sweetheart. Look at you. I like your hair like that.”

  Tossed on top of my head in a messy bun, my hair has known better days, but I’m glad he likes it.

  “You have a beautiful neck, too, one I would love to kiss.”

  “I would love that. Just the thought of it has my skin covered in goosebumps.”

  “Oh, sweetheart. Only few more days before we see each other again.”

  Sensual and rusty, his voice does great things to me, like this grin which is refusing to stop growing, and the pull in my lower belly. “I can’t wait.”

  “You should come with me some time. I’m pretty sure you would love it. New York is a great city.”

  Of course I would love to go. Unable to hide the excitement in my voice I reply, “Yes, I think I could manage a trip to New York if I know in advance.”

  “Seriously, Adele, do you think work is going to stop you? You’ll have time off and your expenses will be taken care of. Don’t worry about it.”

  So bossy. I groan and rub my temple. He’s laughing at me, almost too loud for my ears through the amplified speakers. I could turn the volume down, but I don’t. A warm loving feeling triggers each time he laughs. My chest expands, blooming with happiness. “That’s very nice of you, but I would prefer taking care of that myself.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous.” Rolling his eyes at me and laughing some more, he makes my heart melt for him. This man found the gold ticket to my heart, and he’s not wasting any time claiming his prize. “Look, sweetheart, we’ll talk about it when I get back, but right now I’m beat and my bed is calling.”

  “Mine too. Talk to you soon.”

  “Tomorrow, it’s a date.” He winks. “Good night, sweetheart.”

  “Good night, handsome.” There is only one thing missing now, a kiss.

  The line dies and the video screen goes black. I hate this part.

  I love when he calls me sweetheart. I’m someone’s sweetheart; I’m starting to believe it’s real. What a weekend this has been. Mason’s beautiful spirit and generous heart are breaking down the walls I’d built for the life I’d planned for myself. Instead, life is giving me strong wings to fly through endless possibilities.

  My cell phone buzzes making it dance on the coffee table while letting me know a message has come in. Eager and reaching for it, I know who it is without doubt.

  Sorry, sweetheart, I won’t be able to call you tonight. Stuck in a meeting with architects and engineers. I miss your voice and can’t wait to talk to you tomorrow. X

  Oh, no. I waited all day for our video chat.

  I won’t lie, I miss you, too. Tomorrow will be the longest day ever.

  I press send before typing in my kiss. So I send him another one, adding two kisses. Butterflies run wild in my stomach while I hold the phone too tight against my heart. I think it says a lot that this is scaring and exciting me at the same time.

  ★★★

  Waking up in the middle of the night in the same position I was after sending my last text, I get up from the couch to move to my bed, but not without checking my phone.

  Good night, sweetheart. xx

  It came in three hours ago. I hate I missed replying, so I send him a good morning. It must be early morning for him. He might be up already. Not that I wait for his reply. I’m exhausted and morning will be here way too soon if I don’t fall back asleep.

  Tuesday rolls in like any other normal day. I wake up, go to work, and then head home to my quiet apartment. Not like a normal day, tonight I’m looking forward to my video chat with Mason. The one joy of my life at the moment, which I’ve been waiting all day for. I’m so impatient to hear and see him again.

  My phone goes off and I hurry to read the message.

  Girl, I’m coming over. We need to talk.

  What about giving me more details, Vanessa? I think. That way I wouldn’t be here freaking out, worrying something terrible has happened.

  Okay, what’s up?

  I wait for a reply, but she doesn’t text back. She shows up at my door ten minutes later, however.

  “Girl, we need to talk,” she says again.

  “What’s happening? You’re making me nervous.”

  Taking her iPad from her purse, she sits at my kitchen table then takes a deep breath.

  “What is it? Are you going to tell me?” Sitting next to her with my stomach in knots, my already shaking fingers drag up and down my thighs.

  “How well do you know Mason, Adele?”

  Where is she going with this? “He told me a little about his past, oh, and that he’s getting a new house. I don’t know what you want me to tell you. I’m getting to know him now. There are probably many things I don’t know.”

  Vanessa nods and tosses her hair off her shoulder. “Did you tell him about Gabe and Brock?”

  Her question catches me off guard, like a slap in the face. “He knows.”

  “That’s what I thought. So, you opened up to him, but he didn’t return the favor.”

  “What?”

  She unlocks her iPad and taps a few things in the search bar then turns the tablet toward me. “Take a look at this.”

  Fatal Accident Kills Unborn Child and Causes 3 Serious Injuries

  An accident occurred on Interstate 93 in Boston, injuring three adults. One of the victims, an eight month pregnant woman, was airlifted to the closest hospital. Mason Wilcher from the Wilcher Hotel was one of the drivers. It appears his car was hit by another oncoming car. Speed could be the cause of the accident...

  “He has a baby,” I choke out, not finishing the article.

  “He had. I’ve read more articles about the accident. The baby died, the mother didn’t. The driver of the other car also died.” She’s talking about the death of people with such ease it makes my heart stop.

  Death is horrible, it destroys everything.

  “He hasn’t said anything about it.” Drifting my attention to the date of the article, numbers pop into my head. “That was five years ago.” I can’t tell if I’m frustrated, hurt, sad—or all of them at the same time. “He should have told me. I told him everything about Gabe and Brock. He’s had more than one occasion to open up with me. Why wouldn’t he have told me?”

  “I don’t know. That’s why I’m here, Ade. I told you I’d check his Facebook and Google him. That’s what I found.”

  “I’m hurt, Vanessa. It feels like he lied, or hid the truth.” Why hadn’t he felt this was an important enough detail to share? It wasn’t inconsequential.

  “Take the time you need. Besides, he isn’t coming back here for another two days, right?”

  Until now I have been counting each hour since he left, and the ones left until his return. Hopeless. “Right. Things were going great between us. Fast, but pretty damn good. I have butterflies and all that when we talk, and I miss him... a lot.”

  “He’s a good man, Adele, and he cares about you. That much is clear. That night at the club, Mason couldn’t take his eyes off you.”

  “
But..?”

  “But he didn’t tell you about a part of his past that is similar to yours. Maybe I shouldn’t have told you, but then I would be a liar for keeping the knowledge to myself. The only positive out of this is that, to some degree, he must understand your pain.”

  I don’t want to think about pain right now. Pain brings too many memories. Every part of me is aching, so I close my eyes and give into the darkness. Taking control, I wash it away, shake off the disturbing aching in my bones.

  “What about his Facebook?” The echo of my rusty, tight-throated voice is unfamiliar.

  Vanessa laughs, unaware of what I just fought in my mind. “He’s on the quiet side. Not too many selfies or food pictures. Most of the pictures are landscape from his trips.”

  I nod. “That makes sense, he said he travels a lot.”

  “Are you okay, Ade?”

  Though her hand runs against my forearm trying to comfort me, I’m cold. Shivering. Am I okay? I don’t know. “A cold shower, that’s what this discovery is.” The words somehow break free.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. I can’t let myself fall into a relationship if we aren’t being honest with each other. Even Mason mentioned that, and yet, he’s the one keeping secrets.” He seemed so real, so honest. This doesn’t make any sense. Something must be up. Van is right, he couldn’t take his eyes off me or stop himself from kissing me, once I let him start. That has to stand for something.

  “Talk to him. The sooner, the better.”

  “I need to decide if I really want to do this first.”

  “Giving you time to think is the best thing I can do right now, okay? I know you enough to know you need to do this on your own, but don’t let him go just yet. Hear him out,” she pauses, and adds, “Okay?”

  “Of course,” I tell her, but deep down I don’t know what to do. The last three days have turned my life upside down and twisted it round like a tornado. My quiet life had been under control until I painted my nails red, went out to a club, and kissed a man I didn’t know.

  I still crave those kisses.

  “I’ll call you tomorrow, but if you need me before, you call no matter the time.” Vanessa packs her things into her bag.

  “Thank you.” The tablet no longer under my eyes, I lift them to see her staring down at me. “Don’t worry, I’ve been through worse.”

  “I know, hon, but this is the happiest you’ve been in a long while.”

  “Tomorrow will be better. I just need to process everything, you know?”

  “Come here.” She opens her arms wide like she knows how bad I need this hug right now.

  “I can’t believe you stalked him.” I half-laugh and tighten my arms around her. “Thanks for telling me, though.” It sucks, but it’s the truth.

  “Like I said, I wasn’t sure whether to tell you or not, but figured you knowing the facts was the right thing.” She kisses my cheeks. “I don’t hate the man, but I’d ask for some kind of explanation.”

  “Will do, but not today.”

  Just like that I’m left with my sad and anxious self. Lost in a mountain of questions, I have to take this moment to think about everything. Am I ready for a relationship? A serious one? Is Mason the man I should invest myself in? We’re different in more than one way, but we get along great.

  Fidgeting with my heart and brain, the ring of my phone startles me. Mason is calling for our everyday video chat, but I ignore it this time. Vanessa’s revelation has put everything on ice. The best way for me to get through this is to think about me first.

  Do I like him? Yes.

  The first time I ever saw him, I cried in his arms, already feeling a connection. The comfort he gave me, soothed me. He gives me something which I don’t even think he controls.

  A minute later my phone buzzes again. The text message I brave reading.

  Sweetheart, I’ll try again later. I miss you.

  The tip of my fingers burn with temptation, but replying to him now would go against everything I’ve just told myself to do. Stay away for a day. Twenty-four hours.

  Chapter TEN

  I keep re-reading his last message. Not answering Mason is killing me. He doesn’t deserve to be worried when he’s so far away and unable to reach me in any other way. I should send him at least one message, so that he knows I’m alive.

  Mason, I can’t talk tonight. Good night.

  Nothing more. No kiss. No, ‘I miss you.’ Of course, he isn’t going to leave it at that. I expect a call or a series of texts to follow. Deep down I know I should talk to him, ask him what happened, but I need space to think. If being with him is something I want, his past will be an issue I’ll have to deal with. He seems okay with mine.

  Are you okay?

  Why don’t you answer my call? I just want a minute of your time. I need to know you’re okay.

  Holding my phone with both hands like it contains my last breath, I expect it to come alive with his call any second now. I want to hear that husky voice which makes my heart live. My phone does ring again, making my stomach and heart twist in discomfort. I can’t stop staring at it; it’s a pure torture. I push the green icon. “Mason, don’t worry. I’m okay, but I know about the accident and I’m not sure how to deal with it. I need some distance, though.”

  “Ade—”

  I hang up, ending the call on him. At least now he knows. The phone rings again, but this time I decline and turn it off.

  Needing some fresh air to clear my thoughts, I dress and go outside for a small walk. It’s windy and dark already. Soon my toes are numb, along with the tips of my fingers and nose. My arms crossed tight against my chest, I fight to keep the little amount of warmth left in me. My teeth are to the point of chattering, but it doesn’t matter. I need to get away from my comfort zone.

  Why am I hurting right now? Because I like him and his million dollar smile. The accident and the loss of an unborn child, that’s not nothing. I don’t understand why he never mentioned it, when he had numerous occasions open up.

  I groan and stomp my foot. If only I could have a sign from above. Am I meant to be with him forever, or am I meant to be heartbroken again? Am I even ready to move on? If only I knew. I think this is the type of thing where you have to go with your heart and cross your fingers while hoping it won’t be hurt.

  I’ve been walking for what seems like a long time when I find myself standing before my old apartment building. Entirely rebuilt, there is no more trace of the fire that destroyed so much. A couple with a young boy are walking inside, where my apartment was once located. They smile and giggle. I see myself, Gabe, and Brock in them, and can’t help but sob at the sight. What I wouldn’t do to spend one night with them again, but that’s impossible. The little boy kisses his mother’s belly. That’s when I notice the small baby bump.

  Crying in silence, my entire body trembles, much like a leaf about to detach from a tree. I have to let go of my past, just like the leaf, and allow myself to float into the future until I find a place I’m happy with.

  The small boy turns to me before entering the apartment, his head crooked to one side as if wondering who I might be. He waves at me. I wave back. In a second he is gone, and I stand outside in the cold staring at an empty space. Brushing away cold tears from under my eyes, I wonder what has just happened. Was it real or was it my imagination?

  One thing I know, I need to move forward or I’ll be alone all my life. Nobody wants to die alone.

  Exhausted and freezing, I find my way home in a haze I don’t quite understand. I wanted a sign, I got served. That little boy waving goodbye at me, it had to mean something.

  “Goodbye, Brock. I’ll see you soon,” I whisper with my eyes pointed toward the sky. More tears make their way down to my chin.

  When I enter my building, it’s quiet. All the neighbors must be asleep. I have no idea what time it is; I lost track the minute Vanessa came rushing to my place.

  What a day! is all I can say.

&n
bsp; ★★★

  The following days are quiet. Too quiet.

  Sunday he’d said he would be back in town Thursday night. That was yesterday. Mason has texted once since I last talked to him.

  This is not what you think it is. If you want time, I’ll give it to you. See you soon.

  I’m still unsure if he was mad, but he hasn’t tried to contact me since. I like that, and hate it at the same time. One thing I have learned: I can’t stop thinking about him. I know we need to talk, but also know I want to be involved with him. If he still wants me, that is.

  There are a few more rooms to take care of before I can go home. My muscles are stiff and my insides are in knots. Mason is here, somewhere, but I haven’t seen him yet. The waiting is taking its toll on me. It might be because I had three cups of coffee this morning. I had a hard time falling asleep last night which has made my morning deplorable, and my day endless.

  When I enter the last room on my assignment for the day to clean, a masculine cologne I know all too well lingers in the air. This is his room. “Mason?” Unable to hide the excitement in my voice, I call out then bite my bottom lip in hopes of hearing his voice respond.

  Nothing. He isn’t here.

  I proceed with my chores drunk on the smell of him. First replacing the sheets, followed by the clean thick towels in the bathroom. As I’m folding the clothes he left on a chair, I hear the beep from the door warning me someone unlocked it with a key card.

  He’s here.

  The rate of my heartbeat doubles in a second while I tuck my loose hair behind my ears, trying to make myself presentable. I gasp when he crosses the door frame with a large bouquet of daisies in hand.

  “Adele, you can take all the time you need to pull each petal to find out if I love you or not, but I’m here standing before you. I gave you time because you asked for it, but now that’s over. As you know, I was involved in a car accident where my then-girlfriend’s baby died. The journalists failed to mention that it wasn’t mine. She was trying to trap me in her lies because the father had bailed. So, I would love if you didn’t let that story darken what we have.”