‘It was a figure of speech, BELLA,’ she smacked my arm to reiterate her point.
‘Yeah, yeah, me thinks the lady doth protest too much.’ I ran away from her and out of their bedroom door. It was good to be back.
The beach was a definite positive of living in what had to be a multi-million-dollar dream house. Every day at some point, in between the very minimal wedding preparations, I would find myself there in some way or another. Sometimes in my bikini, laid out on the warm sand watching the tall grasses blowing in the breeze whilst I sunbathed, other times simply chatting to Frankie as we walked. It was both healing and relaxing.
We were two days away from the wedding, when I finally heard the noise I had been hoping for, but also absolutely dreading. As luck would have it, I had no music playing that afternoon, otherwise I would have been totally unaware of his arrival… but then again maybe not, as I felt his proximity deep down in every cell of my body. It was the vibration of the motorbike I felt first, deep within me, as I lay face down on the comforting warmth of the sand, on the small private beach owned by the Blackmores. The very place Frankie and Alex would get married in a couple of days’ time.
Although I had never heard a Harley before, or at least had no recollection of it if I had, I knew that was the sound I was hearing now and without a doubt it would be Nathan astride the beast of a machine. It had a particular deep, throaty roar that was somehow almost… erotic.
That was probably because I knew who was riding it?
Listening to the sound, of what could only be Nathan arriving on his bike, took me back to one of our happier times together. Last November we had spent Thanksgiving weekend in a beautiful cabin in the Catskills, with only Alex and Frankie for company. The whole weekend away had been a complete revelation for me, it was when I had first realised that Nathan was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We had started as fuck buddies, an arrangement that had suited us both, but I quickly came to see that my best days were when I had been with him. Whether it was waking up in his bed, with him wrapped around me like I was the most precious thing on earth, and it had been so long since I had felt like that, or just being in his company, because he made me feel warm and needed. His sense of humour and playfulness were catching and were a breath of fresh air in my anally planned existence, an existence I had created to ward away the bad memories in my life, an existence that allowed me the control. Control was not something I relinquished easily. Nathan had quickly shown me that allowing him control made me more relaxed and more like the Bella I used to be. This had frightened the hell out of me and mesmerised me at the same time. We had been playing truth or dare when his Harley Davidson had first been mentioned.
We had sat down together on the floor surrounded by copious amounts of comfy pillows and blankets, and we had definitely downed more than a few shots and beers together. The mood was relaxed as we played truth or dare. Yes, I was a bit pissed when I asked that final question to Alex, “What’s the most effective piece of equipment you have used, in your role as a dominant lover?”
When Alex had answered, I directed the same question at Nathan stating that I already knew some of the answers. “Well, darlin…yeah you do, but the best piece of equipment I like to use is my Harley Davidson.” I fell into the cheeky smile on his face and the sparkle in his eyes, I had bent down to kiss and nip playfully at his ear. He was laid out on the floor resting his bad leg on a cushion, he pulled me down to him and we spent the most emotionally charged night of my life in front of the huge log burner, making love over and over again. He knew my body inside and out, in more ways than one, and he could read my every moan, gasp and whimper. This was no longer fuck buddies, we were so, so much more. I wanted to say the words to him, several times I had to forcibly bite down on my bottom lip to stop the words spilling out, the words that swirled around my mouth over and over as he showed me with every breath he took, just how much I meant to him. Our night together was more than I ever dreamt it would be. We slept there that night, as if we were both too scared to break the spell that had wrapped itself around us.
I broke into my thoughts.
What a dilemma to be in?
I glanced down briefly at myself after pushing my body slightly up and away from the sand. Of course, I had two bikinis with me and typically, today I was wearing the skimpiest one, an emerald jewelled thing that basically consisted of three triangles, tied together in four places. It was barely decent, but as Alex and Frankie had gone to the airport to pick up her aunt and uncle, I’d thought I had a bit more privacy.
So do I get up now and make a bolt for my room? Or hide out here?
Knowing I wasn’t swimming today, all I had with me was a see-through white sarong, my iPhone and earbuds.
‘Great decision, Bella… one of your best,’ I muttered out loud.
So to do a runner from here, or not?
I decided to go with the first, and picking up the few items around me, I stood up from the cover of the clump of long grass I had been laying down behind. With my belongings clasped closely to my chest I began to quickly head back towards the patio and swimming pool, and the safety of the steps leading up to my balcony and room, in Frankie and Alex’s wing. My heart was beating so fast in my chest at the thought of being caught, ridiculous really but I didn't want to face Nathan like this, I wanted to be immaculate, with my makeup on and properly dressed, call it my shield, my protective layer.
Whatever you called it, I wanted it all in place before we faced each other for the first time since I had fled his apartment back in NYC.
I realised, suddenly starting to panic, that the loud vibrating noise had just stopped over on the other side of the house, and that could only mean one thing. The engine had been turned off and he was now off his bike and probably entering the front of his family home. I started to move even faster.
‘Shit…shit,’ I exclaimed out loud, as my bare feet suddenly came into contact with the extremely hot patio for the first time. The heat radiating from the stone into the balls of my feet, made me move quickly from one foot to the other, so fast that my knees almost came up to my chest. I must have looked even more ridiculous than I felt, like I was dancing, as I tried so hard not to have any contact with the stone that wasn’t absolutely necessary.
‘Ouch…ouch!’ I exclaimed with every step.
The sense of relief I felt when I grasped the wooden handle for the first time was overwhelming, relief for my poor feet and relief at having made it there safely without being caught. I let out a deep breath.
‘Running seems to be a goddamn habit of yours, Bella,’ a deep, rough voice stated.
My nails gripped the handrail as my feet froze in place and my head spun around so quickly I almost cricked my neck. I looked towards the broad expanse of French doors and I could just make out the shadow of a tall man behind the blowing nets. Slowly a large, very obviously male hand pulled the net curtain away to reveal himself… he didn’t need to, I knew it was him. Only Nathan made my whole being feel like it was standing on the edge of a huge precipice, but equally like I was right where I belonged.
As the wispy fabric was slowly drawn away my eyes took him in, from the feet upwards, heavy black biker boots, old dirty, ripped blue jeans and a battered looking black leather jacket that was pushed slightly up his forearms, exposing his leather wrist cuffs, heavily tattooed forearms and new silver heavy cuffs and chain. My eyes eventually made it to his face and I could see with remorse the young carefree man I had once known was no longer there. The mask he had slipped on previously was still in place.
How could six months make such a difference?
Gone was the shoulder-length, dirty-blond hair that I had so loved to pull on as we made love. It had been shaved up the back and sides, only leaving the top with any length and it was mussed up after he had probably, knowing him, run his hands through it after removing his bike helmet, which was now clasped in his left hand. His face somehow looked older and more worn, und
er the layer of stubble. I couldn’t yet meet his eyes, so I stupidly stared at his exposed neck instead, concentrating rather too long on his Adam’s apple as it moved up and down, stirring up longings within me that I would rather he didn’t see, but in my skimpy bikini I knew my body was screaming it out loud. My gaze lifted slightly to see him run his tongue unconsciously over his teeth and lips. I knew just what that bloody mouth could do, in speech and in action. The whole of my body was covered in goose bumps, even though the day was hot, just from that one simple involuntary movement.
I fought to move my gaze once again. Nathan had always had a lot of tattoos on his torso and down his arms, but I could see new ones peeking out of the top of an old tatty-edged white T-shirt, climbing up various parts of his neck. I summoned up the courage to lift my gaze and our eyes met. I almost gasped out loud, the beautiful, playful and carefree hazel eyes were so much darker than I remembered. It was as if the light had gone from his soul and had left behind only a wounded and damaged human being.
Surely this couldn’t all be on me?
I couldn’t have caused that.
‘I’d ask if you like what ya staring at… but there’s no need, as I can see you damn well do.’ The deep voice that I had missed so much reverberated over my sensitive, bare skin.
Nathan shifted his leather-clad body to lean against the doorframe and I felt his eyes sweep over my exposed body as he suddenly propelled himself forwards… towards me. My nails dug further into the handrail as I froze, awaiting his arrival. When finally, he stopped at the bottom of the steps, he inhaled deeply.
‘Your nipples are pointing at me… and your cunt is practically salivating… for me.’
He wasn’t wrong and we both knew it, I wanted him to touch me desperately…I wanted Nathan to connect with me… but the tall, dangerous, raw, unemotional man that stood so close to me now I hardly recognised, even if my unfaithful body did. I watched as he lifted his hand and traced my collarbone with his index finger, as though he wanted to feel me, but wouldn’t allow himself to. An involuntary groan left my slightly opened mouth. His hand dropped and fisted at his side.
Without even touching me, he turned and made his way back through the open French doors. As soon as I recovered, I quickly placed one foot in front of the other and started making my way back to my room… only pausing when I heard in the distance, a deep rumbling engine coming to life once again. In my hurry to get to the comfort and solitude of my room, I slipped and grazed my right shin down the sand-like edging of the step, ironic really, as it was supposed to help with grip. The pain was intense and I glanced down at my bleeding and stinging leg.
I fell face down on my bed and fought back the tears that threatened to fall. I tried to convince myself it was from my painful leg that I had just abraded, but I knew it was from seeing the man I loved, broken by my own hand.
What the hell had I done?
NATHAN
What the fuck was I doing here?
‘Nate,’ I heard my brother, Scotty’s voice from behind me, as I stepped through the house on my way to the front door. Without even turning around I threw him a wave, just desperate to get to my Harley and out on the road, out on the road where I could place everything into perspective and control the feelings that were welling up inside of me.
Fucking feelings!
When I’d fought so hard not to feel.
I moved as fast as my gait would allow. My right leg had been badly injured last year in a race, that’s when Frankie and her best friend Bella had come into our lives. Frankie had been the physio that Alex had employed to get me back racing. Between her and the surgeon, they had done a fucking awesome job. My leg was almost perfect… almost. Most days you wouldn’t be able to tell the fucking accident had ever happened…most days. Like most goddamn days you wouldn’t know that the babe in the green bikini, that I had almost just fucking touched, had ripped out my heart with her bare hands and ground it deep into the soil, using the spike from her high heels.
Most days! But obviously today wasn’t most fucking days!
I swung my leg over the leather seat, finally feeling my hurt and anger start to disperse. I ran my hand through my hair, threw an Altoid into my mouth and replaced my lid, letting my body relax into the bike. I started the engine and the roar and vibration soothed me, and I let out an audible exhale. I took off out of the long gravel drive, dropping my bag there for when I had to return later. I needed to blast away the feelings she had conjured up inside me and the Harley was only really meant for cruising… but fast cruising would have to fucking do for now. The bag and its extra weight was definitely not required.
I didn’t know where I was going, I just followed the roads back to the highway, so I could let her rip.
Brock, my race team manager and my go to dude, was right and I knew it!
My addictions were getting out of control… My life had always led me to need adrenalin, I needed it like my next fix.
The team had started to say that I was taking too many risks, but it centred me. It gave me the strength to carry on… without her.
I relaxed into my bike and revved the throttle just a little more, feeling the tenseness fall off me in waves.
I knew I had to go back later, but a different fucking Nathan would return.
BELLA
The water felt refreshing in the shower and I stood under it for what seemed like forever. You could cry in the shower and no one could see… I could even fool myself that it wasn’t really happening. My shin was stinging like bloody crazy, thank God my bridesmaid dress was long and would cover up the red streak. I realised that Nathan wouldn’t be the only one at the wedding with a scar going from knee to ankle… how absurd.
That is if he came back. I had been standing in the shower listening out to hear the deep throaty roar return, but it hadn’t.
‘Bella?’ I heard the voice outside my bathroom accompanied by a light finger tap on the door.
For a split second my heart flew into my mouth at the tone in the voice. Absentmindedly my hand came up to cover my mouth. It couldn’t be?
‘Bella, it’s Scotty. Don't worry I’m not coming in… I just saw the back of Nate leaving and wondered if you were OK?’
My shoulders had instantly relaxed at the statement.
‘I’m fine, Scott. Thanks for asking, it was just a bit of a shock seeing him again, that’s all.’ I turned off the shower and made a grab for the deep blue towel that was hung nearest to me on the wall.
‘Do you have a robe in there with you? Can I wait for you in your room?’ He asked.
He was a really gentle, caring man and I had enjoyed getting to know him over the last few days. He had married their stepsister, Ruby and they were the very proud parents of a beautiful baby daughter, Eloise. He was an artist and a stay at home parent. Ruby was now the CEO of Blackmore Industries. Scott wasn’t without his problems, having battled depression for many years, but he seemed to be on the up at the moment and that was quite simply amazing. His illness seemed to have given him an extra sensory perception, when it came to recognising pain in others.
The only thing I was struggling to deal with was the fact he and Nathan were identical twins, facing him daily had been more than difficult. He in turn, recognised that and had almost broken me in gently, appearing in my daily routine slowly at first and then with increased vigour. They couldn’t have been more different, yet more the same if they tried.
They were the same few inches over 6ft to start with. Scott’s hair was the same colour but when loose, it came down to the middle of his back, and he sported a small goatee beard… classic creative person garb. He also hadn’t a tattoo on his body. Reflecting on this turned my thoughts back to Nathan again and I wondered why the hell he was sporting a much more severe haircut. It was their eyes though that struck the biggest contrast, Nathan’s a bright hazel or at least they used to be, whereas Scott had one hazel eye and the other was a deep green like Alex’s.
‘Bella, is
that OK?’
‘Sorry, Scott… I was just thinking and yeah sure that’ll be fine. I’ll be out in a minute.’
I rubbed myself down quickly, avoiding my painful shin where I just dabbed pathetically. With as much haste as I could muster, my hairbrush flew through my long thick hair and I ran my fingers through it afterwards, shaking it out as I went. I wasn’t going to dry it today; I would just leave it to dry naturally. I placed my arms into my dressing gown, wrapped it tightly around me and taking a deep breath I entered my bedroom, to find a smiling Scott sitting on my floor cross-legged, like he was meditating. He looked up at me.
‘He hasn’t returned yet… I know that was going to be your first question. But don't worry he will. He wouldn’t miss Al’s wedding, that’s for sure… whether he knows it or not though, the magnet pulling him back most strongly, will be the pull of you being here.’ I didn't think Scott had ever spoken so many words to me in one go before.
‘I’m not so sure… he’s changed. Frankie was right, it’s not just the physical changes but mentally he seems harder, more closed off.’ I plonked myself down on the large metal framed bed, clasping my dressing gown over my exposed limbs, sighing with the awareness of it all.
Just then our little chat was broken by the booming voice of Alex, having quite obviously returned from the airport with Frankie, Aunty Jean and Uncle Robert. I needed an aunty hug that was for sure. Scott and I made our way out of my room and down the nearest set of stairs. They were a sight for sore eyes and holding my dressing gown tighter to me I practically flew across the foyer, to where they stood in amongst their cases. I leapt into Aunty Jean’s arms and held on tight. She wasn’t my aunt of course, but Frankie’s, but I had known her since I was eleven and she was as good as.
‘Bella, how lovely… what a welcome, we can’t believe we’re here, in such a beautiful place too. I seriously need you girls to show me around, please.’ Aunty Jean placed her hands through mine and Frankie’s arms and started to lead us back up the stairs, not having a clue where she was going, but obviously wanting a girly chat.
Inevitable Page 3