Dishonour

by Jacqui Rose

  Baz looked down at his ring. He rubbed it before stepping on to the train, three carriages down from an unaware Tariq. The bitch was in London and his brother-in-law would lead him straight to her.

  Pulling up in New Bond Street, Freddie parked Tasha’s Bentley on the double yellow lines. He was happy to pay the one hundred and fifty pound parking fine to Westminster council if it meant being able to park directly outside Bvlgari jewellers, plus the car was registered to one of his associates. Even though he was wearing a hat and glasses he still needed to be careful, there were cameras everywhere. Like Eddie, he looked a muppet, but apart from having something more permanent done to his face there was little he could do to disguise the real him apart from go around looking like a plank in a hat and dark glasses.

  It was only just ten o’clock so Freddie was pleased to see it was open. He was ready to spend some serious money.

  After the busy sounds of the West End outside, the Bvlgari shop held an almost-religious hush.

  ‘May I help you sir?’

  ‘Yeah, I want something for me missus. Something which says, you’re all right.’

  ‘All right?’

  ‘Yeah, you know.’ Freddie stared at the well-manicured shop assistant from behind his glasses. Even with the dark shades on he could see the man’s face was more or less orange in colour. Dragging his eyes away from the man’s face, Freddie went to the cabinet.

  ‘Do you mean you want the piece of jewellery to say, I love you?’

  ‘That’s what I’ve just said haven’t I?’

  ‘Of course you did, sir. Maybe sir would like the parentesi pendant with chain in 18-Carat gold with pave diamonds.’ The man pulled out a tray of beautiful necklaces from the cabinet.

  ‘I don’t want her thinking I’m a cheapskate mate. Show me something proper.’

  ‘Certainly sir. How about the parentesi lock chain necklace? This time it’s in white gold with full pave diamonds. It’s based on one of our most renowned designs, originally inspired by the joints of Roman pavements.’

  ‘How much?’

  ‘Twenty-eight thousand.’

  ‘Twenty-eight thousand for a design of a pavement. Fuck me,’ Freddie whistled.

  ‘Sir?’

  ‘I’ll take it. Wrap it up.’

  ‘And will sir be paying by Amex, credit or debit card?’

  ‘Cash. I’ll be paying in cash.’

  ‘For me?’ Tasha’s grin was a mixture of surprise and delight.

  ‘You like it?’

  ‘Of course I bleeding do. It’s beautiful.’

  ‘Listen, I know you were upset but I’ve got some good news. Ray-Ray asked to see that tom again.’

  Tasha’s face lit up. ‘You’re ribbing me?’

  ‘No. I was as shocked as you are, but he came right out with it. Johno said she was a bit of all right.’

  ‘Is this what the present’s for?’

  ‘Yeah, that and other things. Anyhow, I’ll see you later. Maybe you and me can do something nice this evening.’

  ‘You and me?’

  ‘Don’t look so shocked, I’m not a complete dinosaur.’

  Freddie kissed Tasha lightly on her cheek, and for the first time in a long time she didn’t flinch. She smiled as he walked out of the kitchen, surprised how she was looking forward to tonight.

  Her phone rang. It was Eddie and his tone was cold.

  ‘It’s me.’

  ‘I know.’

  ‘We need to talk, but not on the phone. Meet me.’

  Tasha was puzzled by the conversation; usually Eddie was warm and friendly. Perhaps he was just having a bad day. ‘When?’

  ‘Tonight.’

  ‘Eddie, I can’t …’

  The hostility in Eddie’s voice hit Tasha down the phone. ‘Tash, tonight.’

  The phone went dead. Tasha scowled, surprised Eddie had put the phone down on her. Still, she had more important things to worry about, like what she was going to wear tonight when she went out with Freddie. It’d been so long since she’d wanted to do anything with him, but his suggestion of doing something nice this evening had excited her. Perhaps things were going to turn out all right after all.

  Johno watched Laila from the door. From where he was standing he had a nice sight of her arse. Round and pert. Giving that Pippa Middleton more than a run for her money. What she was doing he wasn’t quite sure, and why she was on her knees on a dirty old mat he didn’t know the answer to. However, if it meant her cocking her backside in the air, he was happy with whatever it was she was doing.

  ‘Janie?’

  Laila turned round, startled. She looked nervous. The last time she’d seen him, he’d been so angry with her.

  ‘All right babe? Where’s Yvonne?’

  ‘I’m not sure, but she did ask me to tell you it’s all sorted. She said you’d know what it meant.’

  Johno frowned. He wasn’t into cryptic clues, but he hoped it meant Yvonne had the money for him. Funny how a little pressure went a long way with whores.

  ‘So, after the disaster of what happened, for some strange reason he wants to see you again.’

  ‘Who?’

  ‘The flipping prime minister. Who do you think? The guy I took you to; he wants to see you again. Looks like you’ve had a squeeze.’

  ‘When does he want to see me again?’

  ‘Tonight.’

  39

  Ray-Ray smiled at his mother. He could see her face all lit up and girly-looking, and even though he was brimming over with anger and anxiety he was pleased for her. She was happier than he’d seen her in a long time. ‘I see me dad’s started the charm offensive.’

  Tasha sniffed the large bunch of red and white roses.

  ‘Hey, leave him alone. It’s been a while since he’s sent me flowers.’

  ‘What does the card say?’

  ‘Oh I never saw that.’ Tasha pulled out the card from the flowers and opened the tiny envelope. She smiled, her eyes twinkling. Ray-Ray leaned in to see. ‘Come on, spill the beans.’

  ‘Keep your beak out.’ Tasha laughed as she twizzled away, stopping her son from reading the card. With lightning speed, Ray-Ray reached over his mum’s shoulder and snatched it out of her hand. Tasha squealed as he stretched his arm high up in the air so she couldn’t reach it. ‘Give me that.’

  ‘Not unless you let me see what it says.’ Tasha tried to jump up, pulling on Ray-Ray to bring his arm down but she was laughing so much her attempts were fruitless.

  ‘Tell me I’m the best son in the world and I might give it you back.’

  ‘You’re the best son in the whole entire world. Now hand it here.’

  ‘Tell me I’m just the greatest.’

  Tasha stopped laughing. A soft warmth washed over her face as she held Ray-Ray’s gaze. ‘Yes babe, you are the greatest. I just wish you could see that yourself.’ Ray-Ray turned his head away, embarrassed by the intensity of the moment. He gave his mum back the card, not wanting her to get heavy on him. He listened as Tasha read the card.

  ‘Forgive me.’

  ‘Is that it? Dad’s a man of few words ain’t he?’

  ‘Hold on.’ Tasha turned the card over; it had an address on the back. ‘Looks like he wants me to go on a date.’ She giggled shyly.

  ‘Well are you?’

  ‘Going on the date tonight? Of course.’

  ‘No, I meant are you going to forgive him?’

  ‘It’s not as simple as that.’

  ‘It never is with you guys. I’d like you to. It’s been a long time coming. What do they always say? His heart’s in the right place.’

  ‘I’ll try, Ray-Ray.’

  ‘I’d like you to; after all, you ain’t always been the doting wife.’

  Tasha squirmed slightly. This was the first time Ray-Ray had ever referred to the situation with Arnie directly. ‘Okay, I promise. Happy now?’

  ‘Happy.’

  Wanting to ease the moment, Tasha pulled out the Bvlgari necklace from
under the neck of her top. ‘Did you see this? Your Dad gave it to me this morning; bleeding gorgeous. Your Auntie Linda was salivating over it when she saw it.’

  Ray-Ray laughed, making Tasha smile. ‘It’s good to see you happy son.’ Tentatively she added, ‘I hear you’re going to see the tom again. I’m pleased for you mate.’

  Tasha could see Ray-Ray shutting down the minute she said it. The relaxed light-hearted exterior disappeared, and in its place, she could see the tension seep back into her son’s body. The next moment, he was gone. She heard the front door slam and once again, Tasha felt she’d lost him.

  ‘He’ll see you now, and remember; you fuck up this time darling, and it ain’t you who’ll get it, it’s your mouthy friend, Yvonne. Think about it. How would you live with yourself, knowing you could have stopped her getting cut up? So don’t think about trying to keep your legs crossed babe. Do what you’re paid to do.’ Johno spoke gruffly, pushing Laila through to the lounge section of the hotel suite she’d been brought to.

  The dress Johno had given her to wear was exquisite. Long and gold, with sequins, cut beautifully to her body. Laila could feel the silk lines of the dress moving to the sway of her walk.

  From the already dim bedroom, Laila walked into near darkness. The curtains were drawn and the only light was the one coming from underneath the door in the corner.

  She turned her head as Johno walked out, closing the double doors behind her, before the further distant sound of the hotel room door banging shut.

  Standing, trying to adjust her eyes to the dark, Laila sensed someone else was in the room. ‘Hello?’ Her voice sounded timid and no reply came. She moved slightly forward, but immediately her foot hit something sharp. ‘Hello? Is anyone there?’ She could almost feel her heart beginning to race faster. She suddenly started to feel afraid, the darkness feeling as if it was closing in on her. She had to tell herself she was being silly.

  ‘Hello? Please, if you’re there, talk to me.’ Her voice sounded higher this time. Again, there was no answer. It was frightening her now. She didn’t want to be there and she turned to leave, running back towards the double doors. As she put her hands on the large brass handles, she jumped to hear the room fill with music. It was a song she knew well. A song she used to play. Never Tear Us Apart.

  Memories came flooding back, overwhelming her, and as she stood there listening to the chorus of the song, Laila couldn’t move. All she could see were rolling images in her head which wouldn’t stop.

  The music turned off and the lamp in the corner came on. Laila quickly spun around. The person was sat behind the lamp, making it impossible for her to see his face. His voice sounded calm.

  ‘Did you like the music?’

  Laila’s body trembled, as did her voice. ‘Yes, yes it was fine.’

  ‘You sound upset. Should I have played something else?’

  ‘No, it’s just I used to listen to that song. It brings back memories.’

  ‘Happy ones I hope?’

  Laila didn’t say anything even though she could sense the man’s voice wanting her to answer. The room fell quiet, until through the dark, Laila spoke. ‘What … what would you like me to do?’

  ‘What would I like? For a whore you ask stupid questions.’

  Laila flinched. His voice was harsh and cruel and from nowhere Laila’s eyes began to fill up with tears. She wiped them away quickly.

  ‘Tell me about yourself Janie.’

  ‘There’s nothing to tell.’

  ‘Ain’t there always a sob story behind you lot? Daddy didn’t love you enough, Mummy ran away?’

  ‘I … I … don’t know.’

  ‘Don’t know or don’t want to tell? Where are you from, Janie?’

  ‘Why are you asking me all these questions?’

  ‘Would you rather not talk? Would you rather just fuck? Is that it? Come on then, let’s fuck.’

  ‘Please … I can’t even see you.’

  ‘Oh you want to see me do you?’ Ray-Ray stood up, walking round from the brightness of the light towards Laila. His tall frame towered over her. ‘There. How do I look? Beautiful ain’t it?’

  Laila pulled back, not from his face but from his hostility. She stared at him, taking in his scars on half of his face, tracing them down with her eyes to his neck and to his chest which showed beneath the black open shirt he wore. The other half of his face was hidden by a half mask.

  ‘Do I disgust you Janie?’

  ‘No, of course not.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘No, you don’t.’

  ‘Prove it.’

  Laila blinked, baffled by this man.

  ‘Touch my face Janie.’

  ‘Sorry?’

  Ray-Ray raised his voice, startling Laila. ‘I said, touch my face!’

  Laila stepped back even more. She didn’t know what he wanted from her and why he was doing this.

  He grabbed her hands, pulling them towards his face.

  ‘Touch it. Touch it.’

  He brought her hands up to his face. She closed her eyes, stopping her tears. Her fingertips could feel the roughness of the heavy lines of the scars; the rise of the scar tissue like mountain ranges, in contrast to the taut smoothness of the other parts of his face.

  She could feel him stop moving her hands but she could hear his breathing, she could feel it. She opened her eyes wide, to see him staring intently at her.

  He dropped her hands and walked away. With his back to her, Ray-Ray spoke quietly. ‘Take your clothes off.’ Laila didn’t move to undress, her body tensed up.

  ‘I said, take them off.’

  It was a moment before Laila moved. Keeping her eyes on the floor, she pulled at her dress. Her voice was small and quiet. ‘I can’t get it off.’

  Ray-Ray walked over to Laila. Standing behind her, he saw his hands shaking as he moved her hair out of the way. His fingers brushed at her skin as he began to undo her zip. He hesitated, bending his head towards the back of hers. He closed his eyes, smelling her perfume, smelling the fresh scent of newly washed hair, the scent of everything pure. Flicking his head back he jolted himself out of the moment, remembering why he was here and what she was. He pulled himself up straight, pulling the zip down with force.

  The dress fell to the floor, folding away from Laila’s skin with ease. Ray-Ray glanced at her, but found himself unable to look at her for any longer. He walked over to the double doors, opening them wide, and went into the bedroom.

  ‘Come here.’

  Laila stood in the doorway of the bedroom. Her mind was racing as she watched Ray-Ray begin to unbutton his shirt, exposing his strong, well-built chest. The scars were on one side of his body, disappearing completely at his rib cage. He walked towards her slowly, never taking his eyes off her.

  ‘Put your arms down.’ Put your arms down. Echoes from her past hit Laila as she watched the drops of her tears splash to the ground. Almost inaudibly, she whispered, ‘I can’t. Please.’

  Ray-Ray bent down to her ear and whispered back, just as quietly. ‘Put your arms down.’ Put your arms down. Laila squeezed her eyes shut, dropping her arms at the same time. A few moments passed until she found the strength to open her eyes. He wasn’t in front of her as she thought he was. He was sitting on the end of the bed, his head bent down low.

  ‘Get on the bed Janie.’

  She wanted to run, but remembered the words of Johno, threatening to hurt Yvonne. She had to try. What other choice did she have? Slowly she walked across to him, lowering herself on to the bed. Her body was filled with so much tension it made it almost impossible for her to lower herself down to sit next to him. She could feel his body next to hers, just as tense. Just as rigid as hers.

  ‘Lie down.’

  ‘I …’

  ‘Don’t say anything; just do it.’ He spat out his words.

  Laila fell back on the bed, feeling the softness of the mattress catch her body. She lay staring at the ceiling, blinking at nothing, closing h
er mind off to what was happening to her.

  Ray-Ray threw himself down next to her, but the instant his body hit the bed, Laila jumped up, running towards her clothes which lay abandoned on the floor.

  ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I can’t do this. I thought I could.’ She pulled on her dress, struggling to do the zip up. Giving up, she picked up her shoes, wiping her running eyes and nose on the silk sleeve of her dress. ‘I’m sorry I have to go.’ Ray-Ray stood, blocking her way.

  ‘Please, let me go.’

  He sneered at her. ‘What’s the matter Janie?’

  ‘I don’t do this.’

  ‘You don’t do what?’

  ‘This … I don’t do this.’

  ‘What? Not enough money for you? Is that it? You want more money?’ Ray-Ray stormed over to his jacket pocket, pulling out wads of fifty-pound notes. ‘Here. Is this enough money for you? Is this what you want?’ He started to throw it at her, screwing up the notes, firing them at her face.

  ‘No, no I don’t want your money.’

  His voice was strained, holding back the anger. ‘Isn’t my money good enough for you … or is it me? You can’t bear to sleep with someone like me.’

  ‘No, stop, please it hasn’t anything to do with you.’

  ‘You’re a whore aren’t you? Am I so bad even a whore wouldn’t touch me?’

  ‘No, no, please.’

  ‘Then why? Why not me?’

  Laila’s tears were heavy and her voice tried to reach out to him. ‘You don’t understand. This isn’t what I do … I’ve never done it.’

  He bit down on his lip and watched her walk towards the door. She was going. Leaving. But he couldn’t tell her. He needed her to see. Desperate, he rushed over to the music controls, switching the song on again.

  Laila stopped. He watched her breathe. Turn around. Please turn around. He wanted to reach out and touch her. Her voice was warm when she spoke. Her back still facing him.

  ‘I need you to know, this isn’t anything to do with what you look like.’