On the return trip I was listening to another new song he’d given me, Shut up and Dance With Me by Walk the Moon. He had taken me dancing during the trip, and while he wasn’t perfect, I fell harder for him and the effort he’d made for me. As the song ended my phone beeped and I assumed it was Anne, begging for information about the trip. I gasped when I saw it was James, and that he’d sent a picture of a grocery store tabloid that read, “Rhys Finds Love in Paris.” We were on the cover, his arm around my waist and were looking at each other near Champs-Élysées. The photo was quite nice actually, but it was his message that tore me up.
James: Sorry I’m not rich or famous enough for you.
I became quiet, putting my phone away and staring out the window for a while. Rhys noticed and grabbed my hand to gain my attention. “Sad to go home?”
“Yes, but that’s not it. I got a text from James.”
Rhys’ mouth grew tight and his eyes filled with curiosity to see what could upset me, and what James, a man that cared for me, wanted. It was the first time I had seen Rhys overprotective for me with another man, something he’d never displayed towards Aaron. Rather than tell him, I just showed him.
“I can’t blame him for being mad. I take it you didn’t tell him about us?”
“No, there wasn’t an us at the time.”
“Ellie, there was always an us.”
“Well,” I sighed, “I wasn’t sure.”
Rhys’ expression chided me. “It’s a shame he couldn’t be more mature about it.”
“He’s slowly ruining our friendship. Years of history down the toilet because he can’t be an adult. Should I call him or leave it be?”
“I’m not sure,” he shook his head. “Perhaps Anne could offer a better perspective?”
“Yeah, I’ll call her later this week, she’s dying to hear about our trip.” I paused for a moment, before adding, “I guess I’ll be in magazines now, huh?”
“Yeah, but you just have to ignore them.”
“I don’t mind the photo. I just don’t want them investigating me, or Aaron and his parents.”
“It may happen. We’ll take it a day at a time.”
I told Rhys I wanted to nap for a bit, so I turned to face the window and closed my eyes. I wasn’t really tired, I just needed a moment to myself and wasn’t sure how to say that without being rude. James was hurting, I knew that and understood, but he also knew me better than to assume it was about money or fame. In fact, James had been my only hesitation to take Rhys home for Thanksgiving. I didn’t want to parade around my famous boyfriend and rub it in his face, though I truthfully wanted to take him.
Now that the world and my family and friends knew, including James, it seemed stupid not to invite him. I wanted him to meet my parents, to see Max and Julie too, and Anne. I wanted to share that part of myself with him because he gave himself so willingly to me.
I turned in my seat and said, “I want to ask you something.”
“I thought you were sleeping,” he looked over with a knowing smile.
I waved him off. “You aren’t obligated to say yes or no, but…”
“Darling, just ask me,” he shoved.
“Well… I’m not sure if you already have plans, or if there’s something you can’t get out of, but I was wondering if I decide to go home for Thanksgiving, would you like to join me?” I looked down immediately because I had told him he could deny the invitation, but I prayed he wouldn’t. And then I couldn’t shut up.
“You could stay at my parents’ house if you like. I know that may seem juvenile, but it’s more comfortable and you’ll have privacy as opposed to a hotel. I’m seriously considering it because I went for Christmas last year, but I usually alternate.” I peaked up at him and he was smiling a tight-lipped smirk and I wasn’t sure if he was internally laughing or judging me. He remained quiet.
“Anyways, I know you don’t celebrate in England, so I figured it would be okay with the show ending November 15th, but if you—”
Rhys placed his hand on mine and cut me off. Then he scooted closer to me and smiled. “Ellie, I’d love join you for your American holiday.”
“Really?” I peeked up at him.
“Yes, I love that you want to take me home.”
“Why did you let me ramble then?”
“I was rather curious how long you’d try selling the idea,” he laughed.
I shook my head at him. “Thanks a lot.”
∞
Once we had returned to my flat we each took a shower and got ready for bed, surprisingly tired from the train. I came out to see Rhys already tucked into my flower-print duvet, and seeing that gorgeous, muscular man in my bed was ridiculous. It was pornographic really, and it didn’t matter that he had clothes on.
He read to me in English that night, a new tradition I invoked because his voice was beautiful and it helped me relax. But after just a few pages he put the book down on his side and looked down at me.
“Ellie, would you want to meet my mum?” he said, as if it were a normal question. “She’s been asking about you, but I was avoiding overwhelming you. I figure since I’m meeting your parents…”
“Of course,” I nodded, truthfully relieved to hear he wanted to introduce me. “I thought you were hiding me away.”
“Never,” he winked.
Later in the week I became inundated with papers I’d assigned during my time off. Reluctantly, Rhys agreed with me that we should postpone seeing each other until the end of my week so I could catch up. He wasn’t exactly thrilled, having quickly grown comfortable with sleeping next to me after being denied for so long, but he was practical enough. We had been staying up late every night, and in the end I considered it reasonable to gain some space from each other.
I was growing a little dependent on him for my happiness, but I still had to function on my own in case I ever needed to. I was happy, yet still retained just enough fear in my heart to keep me from fully letting go. Rhys suspected as much, but he didn’t press the matter. By Wednesday, though, I grew lonely and became bored, too tired to go running or grade papers, and I really wanted to see him. I didn’t want to go back on my idea of distance, worried he would think I was stupid for pushing him away, only to reel him back in. He’d think I was playing games, and I wasn’t. I was just playing goalie with my heart.
We kept in touch via phone calls and constant text messages, but nothing compared to the warmth of his mouth or skin against mine, and there was no substitute for him in my bed. In an effort to stick to my word, I video-called Anne and told her all about our trip. We chatted for twenty minutes about Paris and all the spectacular places Rhys took me. I told her that he took me dancing and read to me in French. She vicariously lived through each moment I recounted, but then she asked about the apartment and I told her I slept in his bed.
She opened her eyes widely and looked at her watch. “Twenty minutes?” She looked back up. “We’ve been on the phone for twenty freaking minutes…and you’re just telling me this now. What kind of friend are you?”
I laughed, “The best kind?”
“No,” she pointed at me. “You’re definitely not! I can’t believe you didn’t start with that.”
She was overly dramatic, rolling her eyes and sighing at me, but then she grew serious. I thought maybe I had hurt her feelings, only to see sympathy dwelling in her eyes. “How was it?” she asked, without a hint of suggestion or joke in her tone.
“It was scary, and sad… but then when I finally let myself enjoy him, let him hold me, it was really remarkable. We slept in the same bed all week.”
“And you’re okay?” she questioned, eyes tearing up with concern.
“Yeah,” I nodded. “I’m good. It’s better than I thought it would be, probably because he didn’t pressure me.”
“He’s been great. Who would have thought, huh? A celebrity of all people. I just can’t believe you did it after two quick months.”
“Yeah, but it’s differe
nt with him. Dating at this age is so unique to what I know. It’s weird because parts of our relationship have been really slow, but the nature of it, how easily we became close, it was fast, unreal really. He won me over in three quick weeks after I’d shut out the world for two years. And it’s because he understood me, just as naturally as he breathes. And then he fought for me, Anne. Not to be in a relationship, but just to know me and help me.”
“You sound like you’ve really fallen for him.”
“I have. There’s no turning back…which scares me.”
“I know…” she paused and leaned in close to the camera. “I’ve got to ask, did you sleep together?” And then she winked.
“Anne,” I rolled my eyes. “No.”
Anne raised her hands nonchalantly. “Hey, I’m just asking.”
“I’d tell you.”
“Well, I wasn’t sure if you were waiting another twenty minutes to drop that bomb on me.”
“No, smart ass. No more bombs. Though I should tell you I’m coming home for Thanksgiving, and he’s coming too.”
“What?” she shouted. “That’s totally another bomb, Ellie!”
I laughed incessantly at her and raised my hands, mocking her, just as she’d done seconds before. “Sorry, I just had to tell you.”
“Holy shit. If I weren’t always invited to your parents, you can bet that I’d have invited myself this year. I can’t friggin’ wait!”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
We had been back from Paris for a few days and I was supposed to spend Thursday night with Rhys. I assumed he only wanted me there one night or two, but that morning on my way to work Rhys surprised me.
Rhys: Can we please go back? I miss impressing you with my French and having you to myself.
Me: I know, but at least you’ll have me tonight.
Rhys: Tonight? Don’t you mean all weekend?
Me: You want me there all weekend?
Rhys: Of course I do. Do you not want to?
Me: No, I do. I just didn’t want to assume. I’ll stay till Monday :)
No matter how many times I looked at the clock, time wouldn’t oblige my desire for it to go faster. I went home to pack my bag for the weekend, and Rhys picked me up immediately after the show. When he came through the door he kissed me hard and rough, pushing my back into the wall. It startled me a bit, but I more than willingly gave into his demanding kisses. They were aggressive, but full of passion, and I’d missed his mouth after four days. When we were apart, I hated that I’d asked for distance, but it had revealed this new side to him, a side that needed me, a side that was eager.
Rhys looked at me. “I know you needed space, I know why too,” he nodded. “But after six days together, this week was terrible. I didn’t sleep the same without you. I performed poorly; Michael gave me shit over it tonight.”
“Really?”
“Really,” he concurred. “Please don’t do that again. I can do two days, tops.”
“What happens when you have to travel?” I asked, looking at him speculatively.
He looked away for a beat. “We’ll deal with it when we have to. That’s all the more reason to be close now.”
I hadn’t even thought of that, but he was right. His lips were still lingering against mine as he mouthed the words and left my heart racing. He kissed me one last time and then asked, “Ready to go?”
Once in the car, it seemed Rhys had relaxed just by being around me. I liked that we had that effect on each other, that we soothed one another’s hearts just by mere presence. He had done it to me since day one, but seeing that I could affect him in such a manner revealed just how attached we were becoming.
In his foyer, Rhys played with my fingers in his hand and though he was serene, he was buoyant knowing I was staying there. He asked me if I was hungry, but we had both eaten beforehand and opted to go upstairs instead. After carrying my bag up, he mentioned that he needed to shower, and we walked into his room I had only seen once. Even after all the times we’d stayed in, I only ever saw his bedroom that first time. It was exactly the same, but there was a difference in the air and my nerves.
I stared at his bed and it was odd knowing I was going to sleep in it. My boyfriend’s bed. My boyfriend, Rhys Edwards. He’d slept in mine, and I’d shared his in Paris, but this was the space he regularly inhabited. It made things seem serious, and they were, but this was intimate. At least it was for me. Rhys noticed me staring at the bed and brought me out of my internal panic.
“Do you need to use the bathroom? I’m going to shower.”
“No, I can change out here.”
“Okay,” he smirked. “I’ll be right out.”
Rhys disappeared and once I heard the water running I deemed it safe to change in his room. I did it quickly, slipping on my camisole and shorts, and despite that I knew he wasn’t coming out, I grew shy undressing in his room. It reminded me of my first sleepover with Aaron. It was innocent, having just arrived at NYU and gaining our own spaces, we were excited because we didn’t have to leave each other at the end of the night. We’d done things in cars and our parents’ homes, but there was something different about actually sleeping together. We kissed and held each other all evening, waking up in the middle of the night to make love, but what we valued was not having to get dressed and rush before our parents got home. We just stayed in each other’s arms.
I was brought back to the present by the sound of the water shutting off. Rhys and I wouldn’t be having sex, but we would be having another first that night. I had a long way to go and was proud that I had at least come that far, especially considering I had planned quite the opposite. My sense of security with Aaron was gone and now I found myself clumsily maneuvering through all these firsts with Rhys. As scary as they were, they were also exciting, and they made my heart float whenever things went well.
The bathroom door opened and Rhys emerged wrapped in only a tight, white towel around his waist. His bare chest was toned and glistening from his shower, revealing the six-pack I’d imagined, along with his strong biceps and sharp collarbone. I immediately flushed and steered my eyes away, and anyone would have assumed he wasn’t my boyfriend and I was a nun.
Rhys chuckled, “Ellie, am I making you uncomfortable?”
“Um, a little, but not in a bad way,” I stumbled, and could see Rhys smirking in the corner of my eye. “ I’m just going to get some water,” I said, rushing out of the room.
He tried calling me, but I ignored him and proceeded to the kitchen to chug a huge glass of ice water. His large room felt too small when he looked like that, like a man, one I desired but was keeping at arm’s length. I prayed that he would have his shirt on by the time I got upstairs, and with each step up, I took a deep breath.
Back in his bedroom, Rhys was nowhere to be found. The bathroom door was open, so I slowly approached it with my toothbrush and found him before the mirror, completely dressed. He had on his usual pajama pants and a skintight V-neck shirt, and it was harder seeing him dressed now that the image of what was underneath was so clear in my mind. He smirked again while applying lotion to his face and asked, “Are you okay? It’s just my chest, you could see that easily at the pool or beach.”
The jerk was making fun of me. “That’s easy for you to say, you look at yourself all the time. We aren’t at the beach either…how would you react if I whipped out my chest right now?”
He smiled devilishly and then caught himself, quickly becoming contemplative. “Okay,” he nodded. “Fair enough. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, darling.” I started brushing my teeth to help distract myself. “Are you upset?”
“No…maybe. I don’t know,” I shrugged. “You look amazing, and I’ve been wondering to be honest, but I didn’t expect that, or how much I would like it. And then I felt rude for liking it.” Rhys’ grin grew and I gave him a stern look. “I’m sorry. I’m rather complicated.”
“I like complicated,” he winked. “I won’t do it again, though, so don
’t worry.” He looked down and grabbed his own toothbrush when I answered back quickly.
“Eh, I wouldn’t go so far as to avoid repeating it.”
Rhys’ neck turned rapidly to look over at me to see that I was unabashedly smiling. He shook his head at my bluntness and I met his gaze.
“It’s just all new. All these firsts are more extreme for me because I’ve only been through this once, and it was in high school. I didn’t think I’d be at square one again, and while it’s great with you, it’s also intense. Does that make sense?”
I began searching for reassurance in his eyes, proof that he didn’t believe me to be ridiculous, and he gave it. He nodded at me seriously, with a sweet smile and said, “So, no more shirtless views? I just want to make sure.”
“No way. Now that I know what’s under that,” I gestured with my toothbrush, “bring it on.”
He laughed from deep within his throat and bit his tongue playfully. It was the sexiest sound and became infectious after he pressed a small kiss on my mouth and pushed the sound into my mouth. We started brushing our teeth when he looked at me in the mirror.
“You know, this is a first for me too?”
“Huh?” I mumbled back.
“I’ve never had anyone stay here. You’re the first, Ellie.”
“Really?” I looked at him beside me, not through the mirror, and he met my gaze.
“Really. My last serious relationship was before I bought this house.”
For a beat it bothered me that Rhys was ever in a relationship serious enough to warrant sleepovers, but I was being hypocritical. After all, I’d been engaged, and living with someone, and that didn’t seem to bother him. The thought that I was going to be the first girl in his bed warmed my heart, but then I remembered beds aren’t only for sleeping.
“Have you had anyone in your bed…in any capacity?” I blurted out and then winced. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that.”
For Both Are Infinite (Hearts in London Book 1) Page 21