Ricochet

by Jessica Wilde

  "I can wait, Jack."

  "No, you can't. Doctor's orders."

  He reached for my shirt. It wasn't like I could really fight him at the moment and it was too painful to even try. Half of my shirt was ripped so he finished it off with a tug and moved the tattered pieces away. I was wearing a sports bra so there wasn't really anything for him to gawk at. He avoided looking at my chest and started roaming over my stomach until he got to my side. I could feel the very second he saw it. The cold fury rolling off of him.

  "Ari."

  Just my name in his broken voice was enough to make my eyes sting with tears. Jake knew the extent of my injuries when I was in the hospital months ago. I don't know how much he told Jack - probably everything or nothing - but neither one of them knew that it wasn't the first time I had ended up in the hospital near death.

  Roger didn't need to use his fists or his feet to hurt me. He had found other ways.

  "Don't tell Jake. Please."

  "How?"

  "How do you think?"

  Jack shut his eyes and dropped his head. "I'm going to kill him."

  The scar on my side looked worse than the actual injury was. That was because the knife Roger had used to maim my body was serrated.

  A flash of a memory tried to take over in that moment and I immediately squeezed my eyes shut and pushed it away. I refused to go back to that day. I couldn't. Not ever.

  I heard a growl before Jack's warm fingers touched down on the raised skin over my ribs. His touch sent an unexpected shiver through my body. I didn't want it to feel good, but it did, even with all the pain shooting back and forth with each movement.

  The scar ran from my lower back, over my hip and up my side. Roger had been drunk that time, too, and had a hard time staying in a straight line. It ended directly over my shoulder blade. He had meant to cut through my breast, but I started fighting harder at that point and pulled away at the last second.

  No. I can't go back. I won't go back to that.

  "The two of you won't be doing anything," I said firmly. "Roger can do more than beat up a woman half his size. I don't want you guys any deeper than you already are."

  "Ari."

  "No, Jack. Please. Just keep your mouth shut about this or Jake will go apeshit. You and I both know that he is already straddling the line. One push and it's back to all the shit you left us with."

  He flinched. I knew he would before the words came out of my mouth, but the bitter hatred in me for the years of turmoil my brother went through at the hands of people I had never met ran too deep. I was hurting so I needed to hurt.

  His fingers never left my skin but the warmth I had felt was slowly cooling.

  "There's a lot you still don't know, Ari. The reasons I left… they aren't -"

  "I don't care anymore, Jack. I'd rather know nothing about it. Knowing hurts too much and I'm tired of knowing things a woman like me shouldn't. I'm not strong enough for it."

  There was a moment of silence between us that was anything but empty. I hadn't meant to admit how insignificant I truly felt, I didn't want him to see that weakness, but there you have it. I could feel the burn of his gaze on my bruised and swollen face. I heard the deep breath he took and the tug in my chest as his fingers left my skin. I felt naked and stifled at the same time.

  "You are strong, Ari. You're stronger than I ever gave you credit for and I hate that you have to be."

  The rustle of his clothes as he sat back on his heels snapped me out of the suffocating moment I always ended up experiencing around him.

  "Another thing we can't control so let's move on." I shifted a little, hoping that Amanda would have some kind of pain medication on hand. "I don't think there is anything serious going on, but I can't move without feeling like my body is being ripped apart."

  Jack let me change his focus and he quickly looked over my torso. "Shit, you have a lot of bruising, but I don't think there is anything too serious either. Amanda will make sure."

  I nodded as he moved down to my legs and removed my shoes while I cringed quietly.

  "Jesus, your ankle is really swollen."

  He snatched up the ice pack that Jake had left on the coffee table and gently set it on top of my ankle. When it was secure, he stood and walked into the kitchen, making another pack to hopefully put on my face.

  "Where is he?" Jack called from the kitchen. I didn't need to clarify who he was asking about. The sudden anger in his voice was clear enough.

  "No idea. He took off, probably looking for me, but I was hidden."

  "Good girl," he grunted when he returned and placed the makeshift ice pack on my eye.

  I hissed from the cold feel of it on my heated skin, but it felt divine.

  "We'll find him, Ari. He won't get away with this anymore. Hell, I don't know how he got away with it before."

  "Because I let him," I snapped.

  He flinched back, but more in confusion than anything else. I decided right then and there that I was a bitch. He was only trying to help, only trying to fix things like he and my brother always wanted to do for me. The years that Jake hadn't heard from me must have been torture if I knew my brother, and I knew my brother. I knew Jack, too. Any minute now and he will be plotting out ways to keep me in the dark while he and Jake took care of things.

  Things I needed to take care of by myself if I was going to escape the memory of the last few years.

  "You didn't let him do anything, Ari."

  "I did. No question about it."

  A knock at the door distracted him enough not to ask anymore. I didn't want to explain myself, didn't need to. Not when I still wasn't sure what had happened. Not when I wanted to wallow in my bitterness for a few more minutes so I wouldn't feel the blinding pain I knew was coming.

  Jack opened the door after checking the peep hole. His shoulders sagged with relief when Amanda walked in. She was still as beautiful as ever, still glowing like she was always known for. Her long brown hair hung flawlessly down her back in loose curls and her face was the perfect female version of Jack. Strong jaw, sharp nose, all seeing eyes, but soft in all the ways that mattered. I remembered how close we used to be, how silly we always acted around the boys. She had always had a crush on my brother, but Jake was always too busy with his own life to notice her. I wondered what the situation was now that she was even more gorgeous than she had been when we were teenagers and around Jake a lot more.

  Amanda Garrett had always been smart and cautious when it came to people. She never really dated when we were in school, never showed interest in anyone, only her school work and me and my family. She didn't let herself get too distracted, didn't let herself take risks that were too dangerous. Not like I had.

  Looking at her now, years later, I could see that those years had been kind to her. Very kind. She was also fulfilling her lifelong goal of becoming a doctor like her father. I knew without a doubt that she was the best, too, and I felt a spark of pride in the dark pit in my chest.

  She smiled warily at Jack who shut the door behind her and looked like he had been through the wringer. When her blue eyes found my pathetic existence lying helplessly on the couch, that already sad smile dropped off of her face completely.

  "Arianna! Oh my God!"

  I closed my eyes, not wishing to see the pity I knew would be on her pretty face. I didn't want to drag anyone else into my mess, but if I was honest, I really did need a doctor.

  "Amanda."

  "Shit, it's so much worse than I was prepared for. I'm sorry for my reaction, I just… God to finally see you after all these years and…" Her words trailed off and I couldn't blame her for rambling. I would be just as shocked, but my desensitized mind didn't let me speak kindly. I wanted to criticize any tiny amount of ignorance she might have had and snowball it.

  "Yeah, I really fucked myself up. If you're done, I'd like to get this over with."

  I hated myself for those words. Hated how much hate I actually felt. This wasn't me. This wasn't the Ari Wes
t these people used to know. But she was gone, probably forever, and there was no use giving them any hope that she would be coming back.

  Jack frowned and shoved his hands in his pockets, but he didn't cut in, which was another surprise. Amanda had always been able to hold her own, but Jack never let anyone get away with being rude to his little sister.

  Amanda scoffed without missing a beat. "I see that spark is still there, even if it is a little bitchy."

  I hadn't been expecting that and my reaction said as much.

  "Don't worry, Ari. I know you're in a bad place right now and you just want to take it out on someone, but don't let my preceding reputation fool you. We've all walked through some type of shit and came out stinking on the other side. Doesn't mean we can't clean ourselves up after we're done complaining about the smell." Her smile widened as her words penetrated my thick skull and Jack looked like he wanted to bolt.

  It was no use holding them back any longer. The tears I had thought were long gone came streaming down my face with a force all their own.

  "I'm so sorry," I breathed out, the lump in my throat not allowing any volume to my shaky voice. I may not want anyone to see me like this, but they already had. I was just glad it was the people that had meant the most to me in my life.

  Amanda slowly made her way over to the couch and crouched down until she was so close, I could smell the sunshine and daisies wafting off of her hair. Her hand found mine and the comforting weight of it brought on a new set of tears. "Don't ever be sorry, Ari. Not when you have so much to be angry about. Just don't push the people who love you most out of the way when we want so much to stand between you and the stinky shit. Got it?"

  I nodded and welcomed her embrace. She pressed her cheek to mine before she whispered, "Ari's home now."

  A phone ringing pulled me out of the fog of hot tears and Amanda smiled at me. I smiled back.

  "I'm in a shitload of pain," I mumbled.

  She let out a short laugh. "Well, that would be Jake calling to find out what to get for your pain. Let's get you into the bathroom and clean you up. You'll feel much better and I can take a better look at what is going on."

  The raise of her eyebrow wasn't amusement. It had been years, but I still knew the signs of her fear. She was scared of something even worse than the bruises on my face and ribs.

  Amanda quickly instructed Jack to help me while she answered my brother's call and spouted off more instructions. It was good to see her so confident in what she loved. The cautious girl I had grown up with was still there, but the caution wasn't unnecessary. I knew without asking that she had seen things that a lesser woman wouldn't be able to carry.

  I held my breath as Jack approached the couch and I tried to sit up enough to be of some assistance as he lifted me into his arms.

  "I can try to walk."

  He shook his head and pressed his lips together before stating, "Not necessary."

  He walked carefully, turning slightly in the small hallway so I wouldn't bump my head on the wall. Again, it didn't seem to take any effort for him to carry me and that only made the awkwardness I was feeling even more awkward. He was a lot stronger than I remembered, quieter.

  He set me down on the closed toilet and held onto my shoulders as I steadied myself. Once I could hold myself up he moved to the tub and twisted the handles until a steady stream of water flowed out. Once the temperature was to his satisfaction, he turned back and our gazes locked.

  "I'm sorry that I've been a bitch," I said, my eyes never leaving his and I hoped he could see how sincere I was.

  "You haven't been a bitch. In fact, you're just as sweet as I remember, with some rougher edges," he smirked. "Doesn't change…" he looked away and raked a hand through his hair. I noticed a tiny glimpse of ink under his sleeve on the inside of his bicep and felt an inner pout when it disappeared.

  "Change what?" I asked, the steam from the hot water filling the tub swirling up between us.

  His blue green eyes found mine again and he sighed after a brief moment of hesitation. "Anything. It doesn't change anything."

  Amanda turned the corner, "Jake's on his way back. Jack, would you mind setting up the sofa bed for Ari. It will be more comfortable for her while I check her over better."

  His eyes still hadn't let mine go when he nodded, "No problem." Then he was gone and Amanda was shutting the door. She didn't say a word as she helped me with my clothes. She raised her eyebrows at the scar on my side and I just said, "Part of my bitchiness."

  "I see. Well whoever stitched it up did a shitty job."

  I scoffed, "That's because Roger was too busy scaring the shit out of him while he was stitching. Kept threatening the doctor about patient doctor confidentiality and what not. Did it on purpose, I think."

  Amanda nodded stiffly, anger in her expression. Not the pity I had been expecting.

  "I, um," I began, hoping she would see how serious I was about what I was about to ask of her. "I would really appreciate it if you didn't say anything to my brother about it. He doesn't know and doesn't need to know."

  She nodded in agreement and her lips flattened into a thin line. "The asshole will get what he deserves. I assure you," she said calmly.

  I didn't respond because I didn't believe her. He wouldn't get what he deserved unless I gave it to him. I knew that now. And what could I do at this point? I couldn't even defend myself against him long enough to stay conscious.

  "He will, Ari. Whether it's from you or someone else."

  She helped me with my pants and gasped quietly when she saw the bruises I already knew were there. Roger was anything if not thorough. This time I had been lucky, however.

  "Ari," she breathed. Her eyes started to fill with tears and her brow scrunched up like I remembered it used to whenever she was sad. I didn't want to see that right now. I didn't want to break right now. "Did… did he?"

  I shook my head. "No, Amanda. He got distracted I think."

  "Are you sure? Because those look -"

  "I'm sure," I bit out. And I was. Not for any other reason than the fact that I knew what would be different if he had. It was something I already experienced and I was sure that this time, he hadn't.

  "Okay. I just want to make sure we don't need to do another type of exam," she said cautiously, her eyes staying locked on mine and her expression pleading with me to tell her the truth.

  "I'm not lying, Amanda. I have no reason to lie to you. It's fine. I'm okay except for what you can actually see."

  "Okay," she nodded and turned to the bath tub.

  She turned off the water while I stumbled to the side of the tub. When I was in - with more of her help than I would like to admit - she turned to the door and took a deep breath.

  "Just holler if you need me, but relax for now. I need to get everything ready. Do you need me to send one of the guys -"

  "No! Please don't send either in. I'll be okay, I promise."

  She nodded and walked out, quietly shutting the door behind her. I sunk into the soothing water and let my aching muscles soak in the heat. It was only a few seconds before I heard the muffled sound of Jake's voice. I hadn't heard him return, but I knew what he was asking her.

  What I hadn't expected was the sound of a sob. A feminine sob.

  It was obvious to me that Amanda was telling them what she had seen and from the sounds of it, Jake was furious.

  I stayed in that tub as long as I could, until my fingers and toes were wrinkled and the water started to feel like it was cooling me more than it was warming me. I had avoided facing them long enough and it was time to get this over with.

  Jake never told me that Jack was around. Never even hinted that there was any chance I would ever see Jack again. He of all people knew how I felt about his best friend. Before and after he left us so many years ago.

  So why now? Why, when I needed him most, was he not there and now, when I didn't need him…

  Why wouldn't Jake tell me that Jack Garrett, the love of my life a
nd the only person who ever truly knew me, was back in our lives?

  Chapter Three

  "'Til all my sleeves are stained red

  From all the truth that I've said"

  One Republic 'Secrets'

  Secrets

  Waking up screaming wasn't unusual for me. Waking up screaming from pain, was.

  Nightmares had haunted me all night long. Flashes of my life with Roger made sleep pointless, but I still tried. It was better to sleep than lie awake staring at the ceiling thinking about it.

  The pain medication that Amanda gave me was strong. It forced me to close my eyes, but it didn't keep them closed and the drugs wore off too quickly..

  My heart raced as I shot up straight. The pain in my ribs dropped me back down with a moan. It didn't stop the pounding ache in my chest or the strong flood of adrenaline in my blood. Everything came swarming back to me and I shut my eyes to avoid facing my reality, my fears.

  "Ari, I'm here, sis."

  Jake appeared at my side looking exhausted but fully alert. That's when I felt the sweat drenching my body, the throb from my injuries, and the shame at not trusting him when all he had wanted to do was see his sister.

  "I'm sorry I woke you," I gasped, my breaths still coming in quick.

  Jake sat on the edge of the mattress and rubbed a hand down his face. "No worries. I wasn't sleeping very well anyway."

  He smiled down at me sheepishly and my racing heart finally started to calm down. The images still flashing in my mind were too hard to repress on my own and I wanted to refuse to shut my eyes ever again, then refuse to open them. I was a mess.

  "Hey. I'm here. You're safe, Ari."

  I blinked away the tears and nodded. "I know. It's just still so fresh."

  "It will always be fresh," he replied softly. "But we'll help make it more bearable."

  We. Not I. Who the hell was "we"?

  "I don't want to bear it. I want to end it."

  He sighed, then shifted his weight and slipped his arms beneath me to move me over on the mattress. I had refused to take one of their rooms even when they tried to force me. The pull out wasn't that uncomfortable and it wouldn't matter where I slept, I wouldn't get very much rest.