She was frowning, however, and I got the vibe that she wanted to do anything but touch me.
"Arianna? This is Arianna? This is her?"
Jack dropped his hand away and took a step back. The distance only made my already confused brain even more muddled.
"I'm sorry. Who?" I asked, my head going back and forth from Julia to Jack.
God, even their names matched.
"Jules, not now," Jack said roughly.
"But... come on, Jack. You can't expect me to just smile and walk away. This is her?"
"Who?" I demanded, my frustration turning into anger.
"Yes," Jack said and his hand came back to my shoulder. "This is her. Now will you please -"
"Who?" This time I practically yelled it.
Julia was staring at me, the perfect color on her perfect face fading quickly before her eyes dropped to the floor. As if she was intimidated by me.
"I'm sorry, Arianna. It was just a shock to finally meet the woman Jack never shut up about when we were together."
If she had meant for it to be one of those painful slaps to the face, it worked.
Jack had dated this woman. Had been with her, probably in every way possible.
"Um..."
"Julia, don't," Jack snapped as he gently pulled me away from her.
She didn't look malicious. Not enough to deserve whatever cruelty Jack was about to dish out by the look on his face. She just looked surprised and hurt, possibly more of the latter.
"I'm so sorry," Julia said and reached for my hand. "I apologize for my reaction. I have nothing against you, I just, well, I wasn't expecting you."
I shook her hand and tried to smile. I was still extremely confused. Why she would react that way to meeting Jake's little sister, I had no idea. Unless Jack had told her something about me that he shouldn't have. Her returning smile was genuine and if she had been with Jack at some point and lost him, I could very closely imagine what she might be feeling. That made me like her more than not.
"No worries," I replied. "It was really nice to meet you, Julia and ignore Jack. He is moody."
Jack opened his mouth to argue and I elbowed him in the ribs, making him bend down with an "oof!"
Julia's pretty blue eyes widened and her lips curled up into a devious smile. "I understand now, Jack. Completely."
She let go of my hand and stepped away with a small wave and I spun around to face Jack head on.
"What the hell was that about?"
He rubbed his ribs with a pained expression and shook his head. "I'm injured, Ari."
"No you aren't!" I smacked his shoulder and he backed away with his hands in the air in a sign of surrender.
"Okay, okay. Just stop hitting me. You have pointy elbows. Damn!" he chuckled.
I couldn't stop the giggle that bubbled out of me and without another word, Jack put his hand on the small of my back and walked me out the door. He kept his hand there the whole way to his truck, as if he didn't want me to run away and he was just making sure I stayed close. After helping me up into the seat and making sure I buckled up. He made his way around the front of the truck and slid in gracefully.
His scent filled the cab and my eyes nearly rolled back into my head. The arousal I had felt earlier wasn't gone by a long shot and if I didn't hurry and get away from him, I might end up knocking him to the ground and ravishing him.
Yeah, because that is exactly what you need right now. A rejection.
First, I needed some answers.
"You and Molly Barker friends?" Jack asked, breaking the deathly silence in the truck and effectively beating me to the punch.
"Um, yeah. I guess you could say that. I like her a lot and we talk at work, but I haven't hung out with her or anything."
He turned onto our street and glanced over at me with a smirk. "Well, you should. Going out with Molly would be good for you. She's crazy."
I laughed, knowing very well what he was talking about. "She is, but I think that's what I like about her."
"Me too. She is a good person and the best woman in town to be friends with aside from Amanda."
"Why is that?"
"Because she is probably the only woman close to our age who doesn't start out being completely fake just to win people over."
Truth. Molly was the realest person I had ever met and you didn't have to wonder what she thought about anything because she always told you exactly what she thought.
"And what about Jules," I asked, emphasizing his nickname for the beautiful woman he had dated.
Jack shifted in his seat and refused to look over at me while I stared him down. "What about her?"
"How long ago were you with her?"
"Couple years. We are still friends, but it just didn't work out."
"Why not?" I sounded desperate, but my curiosity was at its peak and if I didn't find out what the hell had happened back at McCall's, I was going to think about it all night long.
"It just didn't."
I rolled my eyes because I thought I was the pro at giving vague answers. "What was she talking about in there, Jack?"
He sighed and rubbed a hand down his face, the scratching sound of his scruff letting me know it had been a while since he had shaved, yet it didn't look like it.
"Jake and I always talk about you. She didn't know you were in town, I guess. She was just surprised."
I folded my arms across my chest and waited for more because I knew, deep down, that wasn't the real reason. When Jack didn't add anymore, I let it go. Julia was nice enough and I had no reason to pry into their past relationship anymore than I already had. Jack had his life, I had mine. End of story.
If I wasn't going to tell him more about mine, I couldn't expect him to tell me anything about his.
"Molly is coming to the class with me tomorrow night," I changed the subject and smiled, suddenly even more excited about the coming class.
Jack's fingers tightened around the steering wheel as he pulled into the lot of Jake's shop. The lights weren't on in the apartment so I knew Jake still hadn't made it home yet.
"That's good," he mumbled and quickly shut off the truck and climbed out without another word.
I wanted to roll my eyes. Moody butthead. In a way, I understood why he would be annoyed with me. I had been begging him to train me over and over since that night he stayed with me in my bed. I had used every explanation I could come up with to try to get him to understand why I needed it so badly and he had still refused.
"I don't want you getting hurt, Ari," he had stated firmly, his eyes hard and final. "If you get hurt, I would never forgive myself. And neither would Jake," he added, almost as an afterthought.
"But -"
"Please. Stop asking me. Jake doesn't want it and he only does what is best for you. Trust him with this. Trust me with this. Take the self defense class. Take it a million times over, but please don't ask me to help put you in a situation that could take you away from me... us. Away from us."
I promised not to ask again and he looked relieved.
Didn't mean I wasn't going to search elsewhere. The gym - his gym - where the class was held was going to have lots of people that could help me. I just had to find the right one.
I was feeling more and more anxious about it the more I planned it out in my head. I would take the classes, maybe speak with the instructor and see if he could give me some extra training. If that didn't work, I would take the next step and start calling phone numbers. At first, the need to learn was just a supplement to my need for control. Now, it was consuming my thoughts.
Jack kept his hand on the small of my back as we climbed the steps to the apartment. Why he had to touch me all the time, I had no idea, but I wasn't about to protest. Not when it was taking everything I had to keep myself together. His touch grounded me somehow and in the back of my mind I knew that he knew it.
"Jake just texted me and said he will be home in a couple hours," Jack informed me while scrolling through his phone after
we entered the apartment.
I sat on the couch and took off my shoes. My feet hurt and if for only a few moments, it took my mind off the pain that was still in my ribs. The class would be rough, but I was willing to push my body if I needed to.
Jack sat next to me and clicked on the television before leaning back against the cushions. We sat there together, watching the mindless entertainment and not saying a word until he turned to me and smiled.
"You need me to move?"
"No, why?" I asked, confused once more. Had my mind not been back at the pub again and the way he had looked at me, I probably would have known what he was asking.
"The bed. You need me to pull out the bed?"
I shook my head, "Not yet. I'm good right now."
"You know, you could sleep in the bed I've been using. I don't know why you always refuse, but it would be more comfortable. I can sleep out here tonight."
"Thank you, Jack, but I would rather be out here."
"Why?"
"Why not," I shrugged. "It's not that bad."
Jack shook his head and turned back to the television. My mind wandered to the first week I had been in town, before I knew he was still around. I had felt my independence for the first time in a long time and I wanted that back. I had been in my own place with my own things and no one else to really rely on.
I wanted that back so badly, but I was also afraid of it all crashing down again. I wasn't prepared to face Roger in any capacity and for now, I just needed to suck it up and rely on my brother and Jack.
"What are you thinking about that has your face so serious?" Jack was studying me warily and had apparently muted the TV because the room was silent.
"Um, just thinking about getting a place of my own again."
He sat up straight and shook his head, "I think it would be wise to stick around for a while. At least until we know you'll be safe."
"Yeah, I know. I just want that alone time back."
"You want me to leave for a little bit?" he offered.
"No. It's not really alone time I want, it's just..."
I didn't know what the hell I wanted. Independence, control, my own life. None of it really mattered if I was dead, if I was so afraid that every time I stepped outside, he would be waiting for me.
"You want your life back. The life before. Before everything happened." He didn't need to pose it as a question. He knew what I needed. He had always known what I needed.
"Yeah."
Jack leaned back and stared at the ceiling for a few minutes while I pretended not to watch him. I couldn't get a grasp on anything running through my head so I didn't even try. I felt like a crazy person at that exact moment because I wanted to jump on him, hit him, and leave him all at once while screaming about how unfair life was.
"Why don't you rent out the apartment here?" he asked.
"This one?"
"No, the one on the other side of the building. It's a mirror of this one and the entrance is on the other side. It's empty right now. You would have your own space, your privacy, but you would be close enough to Jake to give him peace of mind and you wouldn't have to worry about being alone."
"I'm sure it's too expensive for me and I'm not going to take another dime from Jake."
"He doesn't own the building, but I know who does. I can talk to him for you," he suggested, an amused grin on his face.
It wasn't charity and it wasn't taking money from my brother. I could deal with that as long as it meant I could move on.
"Okay, thank you."
"No problem. They will probably have to get it cleaned out and you should stick around here for a while anyway, but I have no doubt it would be yours whenever you wanted it, for a good price, too."
We watched another half hour of TV before I couldn't fight the yawn any longer. I was exhausted from work and trying so hard to forget the pain in my body. Jack hadn't moved and I instantly remembered that it was Friday night and he was stuck here with me.
"You don't have to stay. Jake will be home soon and I'm just going to go to sleep. You can go out if you want."
Jack shook his head, "I don't want to go out. I'm good here. Come on. Get ready for bed and I'll set this bed up for you." Jack gave my shoulder a gentle shove and stood.
I didn't take long to get ready. Brushed my teeth, washed my face, stared in the mirror for a few minutes wondering what the hell my life had become and why the hell Jack was staying in with me when he could be out with a beautiful woman like Julia.
By the time I was back out in the living room, Jack had made up the sofa bed and popped a bowl of popcorn.
When I quirked an eyebrow in question, he chuckled. "Let's start a movie and you can just fall asleep or watch. Whatever. I'm just not ready to go to bed yet."
"What movie?"
He raised his hand and held up the DVD case he was holding.
I smiled and nodded enthusiastically. It was an old favorite of ours. Better Off Dead. Something we used to watch all the time during summer break while we stuffed our faces with junk food and quoted every line. Jake had always been right there with us and those were some of the best days of my life. I never felt like a burden and never once worried that Jake and Jack didn't want me there. That was just how close we were.
"Do you know how long it has been since I've watched a movie with someone?" I laughed and clapped my hands with excitement before jumping onto the mattress.
"Probably as long as it has been for me. I swear I haven't done this for years," he smiled.
So we sat on my bed, eating popcorn and watching the movie that had brought us together so many years ago and I suddenly found myself unable to sleep. I didn't want to miss a minute of this time. A night of nothing but giggling at the stupid show and lying next to the man that had not only been like a brother to me, but my best friend. The brother part was only because he treated me like he did Amanda, never anything more. It had always disappointed me but I would have taken him any way I could get him back then.
I didn't want to miss these few moments where Roger wasn't tainting my life.
The movie was only halfway through when my mind started to wander again. It didn't take much these days.
I don't know how long I had been staring at the wall above the television, but I could feel the moment Jack's eyes landed on me. My cheeks filled with heat and my belly fluttered, but I didn't dare look at him.
Apparently, I didn't need to.
"How are you doing, Ari?"
I sighed and looked down at my hands. "I'm doing."
He reached out and covered my hands with one of his and squeezed. "You don't have to fake it with us. You don't have to pretend to be okay."
"I'm not pretending."
"You are," he insisted.
I couldn't help but argue. I knew he was right. I had been faking every single moment until tonight and the realization made me so upset, so bitter at the idea that no matter what I did, Roger was there ruining any light in my life. He had changed me.
I had changed me.
"How would you know? You don't know me anymore, Jack."
"I know you, Arianna," he assured me gently. "If there is anyone that knows you, it's me. Don't fool yourself into thinking otherwise."
"I'm fine, Jack. No need for you to worry about me. Jake will be back and you can move on and not get yourself involved in my shit anymore."
I turned my attention back to the movie with a scowl on my face. Jack pulled his hand away and paused the show before carefully taking my chin between his fingers and making me look at him.
"You think I don't want to be involved. I get it. I screwed up, Ari. I left knowing the consequences and I have regretted it ever since, but you need to trust me when I say it was necessary. It was necessary for Jake and it was necessary for you. You think I wanted to leave my best friends behind? You think I wanted to leave the one person who knew everything about me behind to go on without me in her life?"
His voice never rose, never reflected
any anger. It was gentle, tender and his touch was even more so. He moved his thumb over my chin and barely grazed my bottom lip, making my breath hitch.
"I'm right where I want to be. I'm involved and I'm not going anywhere this time."
My lips parted, trying to accommodate the sudden loss of breath and his gaze dropped down to his thumb that was now caressing the line just under my bottom lip.
Kiss me, I pleaded in my mind. Kiss me and make it all go away.
He leaned forward slowly. So damn slowly that holding my breath wasn't an option if I didn't want to pass out. His blue green eyes were dark and heated and they moved back up to look into my brown ones.
"Ari?" he whispered, as if he was asking permission or asking me to stop him. His breath tasted like the popcorn we had been eating and the warmth slid over my chin because he was so close.
The rattle of the doorknob broke through the moment and both of us jumped back away from each other before Jake pushed into the apartment dragging his bags behind him.
"Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late. How's it going, sis?" Jake said with a big smile. He looked at me like I was one of the most important people in his world and it hit me deep.
My heart was pounding and my breath was choppy, but it didn't stop me from flying over to Jake and hugging him fiercely.
"I'm good, Jake. Really good," I said into his chest as his strong arms wrapped around me and lifted me off the ground. The pain in my ribs was only a dull ache, but his hug was soothing.
"Good. I missed your face."
I giggled and pushed the moment just before he had walked in out of my mind. I couldn't be upset that Jake showing up had stopped something I had been so desperate for most of my life. Jake was the very reason why I was here.
He pulled back and set me on my feet. "Let me have a look at you," he mumbled and held my face in his hands. "Looks better. You still in pain?"
I shrugged, "Just my ribs."
My brother's eyes darkened and I felt a chill in my spine. He was still angry as he should be, but he was trying to keep that anger back so I could heal without worrying about him.
"You take it easy, Ari. Let's get you better."
I nodded and stepped away so he could greet Jack who had been standing off to the side, watching us carefully.
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